


Roses after Rain

by MachineWired



Series: ways of the world [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Canon Universe, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Omegaverse, wolfau
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2018-11-16 01:36:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 105,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11243604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MachineWired/pseuds/MachineWired
Summary: At age twelve, Junmyeon's biology ruined everything. At age sixteen, Junmyeon began to pretend it did not exist. At age twenty-six, everything came back to bite him.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! 
> 
> This is my first work on this account, so I really hope it's okay! I'd love to hear anything you have to say on this book - Be it advice, constructive criticism or general comments.  
> All I ask is that you don't flame. I understand that omegaverse is not everyone's cup of tea, and that's totally fine! Just don't take it out on the works of that genre, please?
> 
> I tagged this as canon complacent. By that, I mean that this is set in the idol universe and contains some elements and allusions towards real events. It does _not_ mean that this is a work that is meant to conform to any time lines, or anything like that.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this! There's more to come, so stay posted :)
> 
> \- MachineWired
> 
> Another note: I don't have any association with EXO or other mentioned groups and people! I don't think this is real and I don't claim for it to be, either. This is all a work of fiction that I am writing for enjoyment. :)  
>   
>  **22-04-18 update!:** For anyone who's interested in reading more in the universe (both Krisho, EXO, other pairings and other groups) please subscribe to the series that I've put this fic into ^.^)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big shoutout to an anon who beta'd this for me! She's absolutely brilliant and has done an amazing job. :))

Junmyeon sat down and pressed his back against the wall of the backstage. The countdown was on and pre-performance nerves were thundering through his body in bursts of jittery movement. Tensions were high and the scents in the air were strong. Junmyeon looked around the wing, surveying the surroundings. Minseok looked uncomfortable and Junmyeon immediately felt bad. He knew that the beta had a very strong sensitivity to scents.

Junmyeon's guilt increased as he watched Minseok squirming on his seat, discreetly trying to cover his nose. He knew that he should have done something, or at least have made Minseok use the cream that blocked out the scents that hung heavily, but Junmyeon could not encourage himself to move. His body ached and he fought to simply remain alert and ready for their upcoming performance.

Maybe the nerves of the people surrounding Junmyeon were a catalyst. 

If Junmyeon was honest with himself, though, he would admit that he had been feeling sick for a while. It was no surprise, really. As a suppressed omega, it was a daily occurrence for him. Over ten years on a heavy heat suppressant and scent blocker combination, and even longer suppressants alone, was enough to seriously mess up any omega's body. 

The combination of suppressants and blockers was not foolproof, but it did a very good job. In the eyes of the public, of his group, and of his company, Junmyeon was a beta. He always had been and always would be. Junmyeon never corrected them, and he did not intend to. He was perfectly happy for people to make an assumption. It made his life much easier, after all. 

Someone snapped their fingers in front of Junmyeon's face. He looked up, startled, and met Yixing's worried eyes. "You zoned out again," Yixing said quietly. "Are you sure you're alright? You've been out of it a lot recently... Even more so than usual." 

Junmyeon nodded and forced a dry laugh. "I'm fine, Yixing." He gave the alpha the most commandingly warning look he could muster. It did not have the desired effect, but Yixing understood its meaning. "We've been over this, okay? Everyone's tired, it's normal." 

Yixing winced and looked away, but nodded submissively. Despite his alpha sub-gender, Yixing was ever soft-spoken, quiet, and affectionate. His oriental, spice-like scent filled the room with warmth, and usually, Junmyeon basked in its homely aroma. However, at that moment, it made his eyes smart and his knees threaten to buckle. 

Junmyeon bit the inside of his cheek and pushed himself off the wall. For a second, he thought he was going to topple over and fall. His legs were unsteady beneath him. Chanyeol, an alpha like Yixing, came up behind Junmyeon and threw an arm around him. 

Chanyeol's campfire scent enveloped him and made Junmyeon shake even more. He shifted out of Chanyeol's embrace and grinned in an attempt to come across as playful. Chanyeol pouted childishly, but then offered a laugh in return, apparently convinced by Junmyeon's act. 

A stagehand, with an earpiece and microphone taped to his face, tapped Junmyeon's shoulder and nodded towards the stage, then held up two fingers. Junmyeon bowed his head in acknowledgement and peeked out from the wings. The current group - composed of nine, fresh-faced rookies - was on their final song and about to begin their goodbyes.  

Then, it would be EXO's turn. 

Junmyeon turned away and went to stand in the centre of the darkened off-stage. "Come on. Group gathering," he said quietly, beckoning for the rest of EXO to come join him. Slowly, the eight other members gathered in a small circle, summoned like moths to a light. All nine of them were pressed close, shoulder to shoulder and heads bent low. 

Junmyeon breathed out slowly and evenly, directing the others in their customary pre-performance routine. "Two minutes," he said. "Two minutes and then we're on. I know we're tired, I know this week has been full on, but hold out for another hour or two, and then we have two days before our next programme." He looked each person in the eyes. "Have fun, alright? Do your best." 

"Same goes to you," Baekhyun replied. His eyes were bright and outlined in heavy eyeliner that made them shine even more. Considering his heat had ended only two days previously, he was surprisingly alert. Junmyeon tried not to consider that enviously as he briefly thought back to his own heats when he was young. Then again, Baekhyun had an astoundingly fast bounce-back time from his heats. Jongdae did, too. 

Most idol omegas did. It was necessary if they wanted to be able to keep up with everything that they inevitably missed over the duration of their heats. Even alpha idols were generally quick back on their feet following their annual rut.

Junmyeon coughed awkwardly and jolted himself back to the present. "Yeah, well..." He shook his head and looked at the ground. "Just give it your all for this performance, okay? Then, we're finished and we can go back home. I know we're all done in, but let's nail it one more time." 

"Aw, that's sweet," Baekhyun crooned. "Best motivational speeches, I swear." 

Junmyeon raised his eyebrows and pulled a face in Baekhyun's direction. "Thanks," he said dryly before he turned back to the group. "Ready?" 

The others nodded and Junmyeon smiled at them. He tried to pour the last of his motivation and energy into it, convincing himself as much as the others that everything would be okay. "Let's do this! EXO, fighting!" 

A slightly subdued chorus echoed back and the circle dispersed. Junmyeon stood, anxiously scuffing his shoe against the linoleum floor and watching as the music died down and the group finished their final goodbyes. Like an army, they trooped off the stage and Junmyeon turned to the stage director to await their cue. 

The man nodded and gestured towards the stage. Junmyeon gave a thumbs up, mouthed a thank you and slightly bowed his head. He regretted it when his head began to pound even more. He pushed the throbbing to the back of his mind, even though it seemed counterproductive, as he turned to the members of EXO. Junmyeon pointed towards the stage and waited until he had each person's attention before he led them into the lights.

Junmyeon forced everything, except the performance, somewhere where it would not disturb. His thoughts screeched around his head, irritating and noisy like traffic on a busy road when he was trying to sleep. Junmyeon had other things to worry about, though, and he could not afford to let himself get distracted. _No_. This took much higher priority than his own, personal grievances. 

Junmyeon manoeuvred himself into the starting formation of their first song, and then it began. Lights flashed, music blared and before they reached the first chorus, Junmyeon's body began to threaten to give out on him. Beneath layers of makeup, dark bags hung under Junmyeon's eyes. His thighs trembled with each jump and his arms began cramping too quickly to be normal. 

Movements stiff and muscles taught, Junmyeon battled to complete the choreography. Every step pounded through his body like a ripple effect and it made him quiver. His eyes pricked and Junmyeon nearly missed half of his cues. The only thing keeping his head above water was the memory of the dances, so deeply ingrained into Junmyeon's mind that he was not sure he could forget them if he tried.

In one, fleeting moment, Junmyeon caught Kyungsoo giving him a worried look. The gentle beta was extremely perceptive and good at picking up on pain; Junmyeon appeared to be no exception to his senses. He gave Kyungsoo a tight-lipped smile and wordlessly communicated that he was fine. The dance continued and Kyungsoo disappeared from Junmyeon's line of vision into a different, more confusing formation.

The music concert was their last schedule for two days. The group had been running almost constantly for almost three weeks straight (with the exception of Sehun who had started his two-day-long rut at the end of the first week, and Baekhyun, who had finished his heat just two days prior to their current show).

Junmyeon knew that he only had to get through the performance - three songs in total - and then he was free to sleep. Although he tried, he could not help but let his mind drift. He resigned himself with a humongous effort. Finishing the routine suddenly seemed a lot harder in practice than it had in theory. 

The first song drew to an end and Junmyeon was fighting against collapsing onto the stage then and there. Everything ached and he wanted to close his eyes and ignore the spotlights centred on them. There was an insatiable itch in the back of his mind, and even though he had minimal parts in the previous song, his throat felt raw and red, like he had been screaming for hours.

In the thirty seconds they had between songs, Kyungsoo dashed past him with a questioning expression and his thumbs skewed down. Junmyeon shook his head and flipped Kyungsoo's gesture, sending him a thumbs up, instead. Kyungsoo scowled and Junmyeon let it go. 

During the second song, it got worse. Junmyeon's stomach turned into jelly. His notes shook in his parts. His eyes would not stay open. His back exploded in pain. 

Junmyeon stumbled through his part and did not miss the weighty looks his received from his fellow members. The entertainment industry was ruthless. If there was one thing that Junmyeon knew, it was that regardless of what happened, the show would go on. 

Going to faint? Don't. Feeling sick? Suck it up. Injured? Don't let the audience know. _And just keep smiling_. Junmyeon knew that as well as anyone else in the industry. He probably knew it better than most of his fellow members. He could not afford to slip up. First stage, last stage, anywhere-in-between-stage, there was no room for error or mistakes in the eyes of the public, or their supervisors. 

The final song was agony personified and that was all Junmyeon could remember afterwards. Someone grabbed his arm after the final beat had fallen and the applause had ceased. They escorted him off the stage. Junmyeon was too dizzy to protest. 

As soon as he was back in the wings and suitably out of the view of the audience, Junmyeon was rounded on by Minseok fretting over him. The older beta pressed his hand against Junmyeon's forehead and then against Jongin's, who was standing to the side.

"You're burning up!" Minseok exclaimed. Junmyeon groaned deliriously and tried to press his head into Minseok's cool hand. "You should've told someone if you were sick," Minseok continued. "You know that." He scoffed under his breath and shooed away someone who had tried to start a conversation. 

Junmyeon shrugged deliriously. His vision was blurry and he could not focus on Minseok's concerned face. He wondered for a second if his contacts had slipped out of place. "Felt fine before," he slurred. 

"That's a lie and we both know it," Minseok brusquely replied. "If you're going to lie, at least do a good job of it." He turned to Sehun and Jongin who were standing close. "Can you get a manager?" 

Sehun nodded and dragged Jongin away with him. Meanwhile, Baekhyun moved closer towards Minseok and Junmyeon.

"What's happening?" Baekhyun pressed. His eyes darted between Junmyeon and Minseok as if he was unable to decide which person he wanted to hear from more.

"I don't know yet," Minseok said patiently. He kept one hand pressed against Junmyeon's forehead, the other reassuringly combing through his hair. "The managers will know what to do better than what we do. Hopefully."

Yixing sidled up to them. "In that case, can we get back to the dressing room? We're drawing attention..." Junmyeon hazily looked around and saw people staring. His stomach curdled. Out of the corner of his eye, Junmyeon saw Minseok nodding. 

Before he could say a word, Junmyeon had been swept off his feet and someone - Chanyeol; the air suddenly smelt of smoke - carried him into the changing room. Junmyeon's head span as the scent covered and obscured his senses like a thick blanket. It made his throat close up and he began to cough harshly into Chanyeol's shoulder.

Chanyeol's grip on Junmyeon slackened, but he did not let go. When they made it to the room, Chanyeol placed Junmyeon onto the couch in the corner. He then stood back. Junmyeon writhed on the couch. His skin felt like it was on fire. It was like the first suppressed heat he had been through, but so much worse. 

While suppressants were used to stop an omega's heats, sometimes, for no particular reason, they could fail and cause a suppressed heat. More often than not, it was because the omega's natural heat cycle had crossed over with an omega that had just gone into heat, or an alpha into rut. A suppressed heat was painful and lasted for the duration of a natural heat. The only thing it stopped was the slick and the sexual desires.

Junmyeon had been nineteen when he had suffered through his first suppressed heat. He had taken the week off school and training in the name of being sick, while his mother watched over him, hysterically muttering to herself that she should have checked how strong the doctor's prescription was. Junmyeon had never told his parents that he had switched, against all medical advice, to constant suppressants and blockers.

It made Junmyeon feel bad when he thought about it. His mother had always tried to act in his best interest, even when it pained her to do so. And even so, he had gone behind her back and caused himself to go into a suppressed heat which she blamed herself for. 

"The hell," Junmyeon heard someone, maybe Jongdae, mutter. 

Minseok ran his hand through Junmyeon's hair and tried to calm him down. He made Kyungsoo join him a minute later. Perhaps their theory was that fellow members of the beta dynamic would help. Jongin was missing in that case, but two betas should have been enough. 

If Junmyeon had been a beta, maybe it would have been enough. His masquerade as a beta was convincing enough, but when it came to the biological aspects, Junmyeon simply had to fumble his way through and hope for the best. There was no way to fake biology, and Junmyeon knew that. He knew it all too well.

The door to the room thundered open and a manager rushed inside, face grim and phone clutched in his hand. Jongin rushed over to join the other betas while Sehun stood to the side with Yixing and Chanyeol, looking lost and worried. Junmyeon was in too much pain to take any notice of it.

"The on-site paramedics are coming," the manager said. He caught a sight of Junmyeon and his expression turned to concern. "What happened?" 

Minseok shrugged hopelessly and turned to Yixing, who copied the action. It rebounded around the room and everyone appeared just as confused as everyone else. Junmyeon squirmed and hissed as spasms exploded like fireworks in his back. Jongdae held his hand and stroked it gently, trying to comfort him. 

Jongdae's omegean scent of freshly mown grass was clean and comforting. Junmyeon thrashed to get closer it. Jongdae obliged without complaint, eyes wide with surprise. 

"Omega presence is said to be comforting. That's why they historically take the role of the children's caretaker and comforter," Yixing said quietly. He turned to Baekhyun questioningly. Baekhyun nodded and joined Jongdae. The betas still stood close, but they allowed the omegas to take over. 

Sehun sighed and looked away. 

The group was silenced again when the door opened to allow a paramedic in. The strong scent of an alpha permeated the air and everyone turned at once.

The doctor bowed politely. "I was asked to attend to this dressing room..." she said slowly. Her eyes shifted to Junmyeon and her lips promptly tightened. Junmyeon felt dread rising inside him and Minseok coughed, gave Junmyeon a strange look and began breathing through his mouth, trying to avoid the scent.  

"Ah, yes," the manager agreed uncertainly. He turned hopelessly towards Junmyeon and floundered over his words. "We're not really sure what happened. But, uh-"

The doctor smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry, it's fine. I need a name and a sub gender, and I can work from there." 

"Kim Junmyeon, beta," the manager replied firmly. "Is there anything else we can do?"

Shaking her head, the doctor spoke again. "Can I ask you to leave the room? I am obliged to observe patient-doctor confidentiality, so I cannot begin until we are alone." 

Junmyeon breathed out heavily and rolled onto his side. "Just go," he wheezed when Jongdae gave him a concerned look. "I'll be fine." Against his will, Junmyeon pulled his hand free of Jongdae's and propelled himself into a sitting position. Hair mused and makeup smudged, Junmyeon was well aware that he looked like a mess but the pain was far too intense for him to care.

The burning had not disappeared and he just wanted to get back to the dorm. This quicker he could get past the doctor, the quicker he could go back home, swallow some painkillers and try to sleep this - whatever it was - off under the pretence of exhaustion. 

He had never experienced pain this intense and overwhelming before. Even so, Junmyeon knew what it felt like to hurt. With enough determination and painkillers, he could always fake being okay for as long as it took for him to believe his own lie. 

When the room was empty sans Junmyeon and the doctor, she walked over, her medical kit clutched in a small hand. "Well," she said quietly. She placed the bag down on the ground and knelt next to it, pulling out various bottles and syringes. "I think we both know what the problem is here, yes?" 

Junmyeon looked down at his knees and remained silent. 

"I'm a trained doctor," she said softly, filling a needle with a clear liquid she drew from a glass bottle. "Omegean suppression isn't common, but the signs are very obvious when you know what you're looking for." She took Junmyeon's arm with careful hands and rolled up his sleeve until she could reach his upper arm. 

"I'm a beta," Junmyeon whispered. His voice caught in his throat as he said it and his eyes watered traitorously, threatening to spill over. 

"Dilated pupils, muted natural scent, strong chemical aura, fever, usually mistaken as a quick-onset illness, type beta or alpha, I could go on. Everything shows very clearly when you reach this stage," the doctor said. She sterilised Junmyeon's arm and pressed the syringe into his skin. "This is going to stop the fever, okay?" 

Junmyeon shook his head stubbornly. "I'm a beta," he repeated, voice even quieter.

The doctor shook her head. "You're not, Junmyeon." 

Junmyeon choked on a sob. 

"What you're going through is, creatively, called Breaking Point," the doctor said softly. She stuck a plaster over the injection site and began fishing around in her bag for something else. "All field doctors are trained to recognise it because it's so dangerous. Omegas who take suppressants and scent blockers year round are completely shutting off their hormone production, which eventually causes, well, a breaking point where their bodies begin to give up." 

"I'm fine," Junmyeon murmured. 

"You've been feeling sick for a while, right?" The doctor found a bottle of pills and put two into Junmyeon's hand. Then, she passed him a small bottle of water. "This is for the pain, by the way." 

She watched carefully as Junmyeon swallowed the pills. "You're definitely not okay. At this point, your body is on the verge of giving up. You've blocked your hormones for too long. You have to stop using heat suppressants and scent blockers, or else you're not going to live for much longer. Your body is shutting itself down." She waited in silence for Junmyeon's reply.

"I'm on them for health reasons, though," Junmyeon said eventually. It sounded more like a question than a statement. 

"What do you mean?" The doctor said, looking up. 

"I got sick a lot as a kid, which ended up being a catalyst for me presenting when I was twelve." Junmyeon paused for a moment to gather his thoughts. "My heats ended up being irregular, really long and really intense, so I was put onto suppressants."

The doctor sighed and sat back on her ankles. "So, you presented four years early... Well, that's certainly not going to help," she muttered under her breath. "When were you put on heat suppressants, because I take it that no sane doctor would put you on scent blockers, as well?"

"Only suppressants," Junmyeon confirmed, stretching the truth as much as he could afford. "I was fifteen."

"Did you come off them over holidays, though? Your doctor surely wouldn't put you on them year-round. They're highly monitored and a doctor can't legally prescribe them for more than six months at a time without a two-week break."

Junmyeon reluctantly nodded. "I came off over holidays. I was meant to have three heats per year. My doctor didn't want to put me on them for any longer than that because I was so young at the time. " 

The doctor exhaled heavily and ran a hand over her neatly smoothed-back hair. "When did you start taking them year-round, then?" 

For a long time, Junmyeon did not reply. "Just after I was scouted," he said eventually. "I didn't have time to deal with my heat schedule. It's so irregular and unpredictable... It's not like I have three days every three months that I can block out like clockwork. I have at least a week, sometimes every month, sometimes every six months, or anywhere in between. Suppressants let me control it so that I didn't have to worry about random heats that I had no way of predicting." 

The doctor seemed to genuinely want to understand as she continued to press for answers. "Why did you go year-round, though? Surely, one heat every six months would have been alright. And why scent blockers?"

Junmyeon thought about his answers. "It was just easier to block them out altogether, I guess... No funny questions or stares: I was free to live without people chasing after me as an object. And everyone tries to ignore it, but there's still massive amounts of stigma against omegas, especially in this industry. Unless you're extremely talented, that is," Junmyeon added, mind flashing to Jongdae and Baekhyun, "but I wasn't when I auditioned. Even though I was street cast, I probably would have been dropped the second I had to do the follow-up audition once I sang and the realised I was an omega."

If the doctor had any thoughts on that, she made no comment on the structure of society. 

"Where did you acquire the extra medications from, then? Scent blockers are in pharmacies, but heat suppressants are rare and heavily controlled." 

Junmyeon shrugged. "I asked my doctor to put me on the six-month cycle instead, which meant I only needed an extra two weeks of suppressants over six months. And, well...”

The doctor clucked her tongue. "They're not so hard to come across when you know where to look, right?" 

Nodding, Junmyeon looked away. His stomach was churning with a mixture of shame, guilt, and embarrassment. 

"Well, it's definitely Breaking Point," the doctor sighed. "This isn't a suppressed heat. You'll be vulnerable to them at the moment, though, so do try to stay away from omegas in heat." She looked thoughtful for a moment. "And alphas in rut," she added as if it was an afterthought.

Junmyeon nodded, feeling empty and achy. 

"Regardless, you need to stop using this combination," the doctor said. "Breaking Point means you need to clear your system out. At a minimum, a year without blockers or suppressants should do it, and then with a doctor's permission you could go to a properly monitored six-month cycle if you really feel that you must regulate your cycle."

"I can't do that," Junmyeon immediately said. "I lead a group. I can't afford to be out of commission for so long." 

The doctor sighed. "Heats don't last forever. They don't make a person weak. You have omegas in your group, don't you? You should be well aware that they're extremely resilient for a sub-gender that society once judged as useless." 

"I don't think omegas are weak," Junmyeon said defensively. "I never said that. I know that sub-gender doesn't define a person. But, most omegas have a normal cycle and their heats aren't completely debilitating."

The doctor looked like she felt sorry for Junmyeon, but she shook her head resolutely. "You don't have a choice. I'm sorry, but there is no other way to say it: you are putting your life in danger, here. The blocker-suppressant combination kills and inflicts permanent damage mentally and physically before that. Breaking Point is about your last chance to get off the combination before the worst inevitable happens."

Junmyeon winced.

"Suppressants and blockers both shut down hormone groups in your body. Alone, they're usually not so bad. Combined, they cut off every hormone in your body that defines a person as an omega and break down the immune system until it's almost non-existant."

"I know..." Junmyeon refused to meet her eyes. 

"How did you even get this past your doctor," she said, rubbing a hand down her face. "They should have realized something was going on and done something." 

Junmyeon swallowed and his cheeks flushed. "I have two different doctors. One from my company, and the other from before I joined SM. As far as my company doctor is concerned, I'm a beta. My home doctor knows that I'm an omega, and prescribes my suppressants. But, I barely see him, and he trusts the company doctor to be making sure I'm following recommendations and healthy practices." 

"So, you're deceiving your doctors, basically," the paramedic summarized, face hard and mouth set in a harsh line.

Looking away, Junmyeon could not help but notice the pain had decreased significantly. 

The doctor shook her head. "It's not my place to comment, okay? But, what you're doing is highly dangerous. I don't know how many times I can say it. Your body will give up soon. Breaking Point usually marks a month. Maybe a little more. You can't go on like this. It will kill you. Is that really what you want?"

Again, Junmyeon was silent. 

Two pills were pressed into Junmyeon's hand. "These are to neutralise the current toxins from the scent blocker and heat suppressant combination. It will get you back on to your feet for the next hour if you're lucky, but I can't give you more than that." 

Junmyeon took them and leant back onto the armrest of the couch. 

"That's all I can do for you," the doctor said, zipping up her bag. "Go back to your dorm, sleep for tonight, and see a doctor, okay? You need to break this cycle and have a heat, Junmyeon. If they are _that_ dangerous for you, your doctor can organize something."

"I..." Junmyeon stuttered. 

"As a doctor, I can find your identification number and hence, your personal doctor. By law, I'm required to inform him what happened. Neither he, nor I can stop you using suppressants, but I've told you what's going to happen, he'll tell you the same thing. It's up to you, okay?" 

Junmyeon nodded and suddenly, he felt sick again. Did he want to die? But what were the alternatives... Facing his true biology after ten years was equally terrifying. The mere thought of admitting to being an omega, or ever having to deal with a heat, the scent, the looks and the stigma almost made him consider death as preferential. Junmyeon shuddered and tried to push the idea away. 

The doctor stood up and walked to the door. "Consider it, okay?" She left the room and Junmyeon was alone with his thoughts. 

It was only for a moment, though, because his members instantly poured back in again. Their relief was palatable when they saw Junmyeon sitting up and not crumbling in on himself in pain. 

"I'll be okay," Junmyeon lied through his teeth. 

 

When they got back to the dorm, no one said anything when Junmyeon barricaded himself in the bathroom. If anyone mentioned the retching that echoed through the wooden door, Junmyeon did not hear it. 

Later that night, when Junmyeon had finally stopped vomiting into the toilet, Minseok urged him into a shower and then dragged him to bed. Someone had already put the dorm's designated, navy, sick-bucket next to it. Junmyeon collapsed onto his duvet and fell asleep shortly. 

The painkillers that the doctor had given him had already ceased being effective. His body protested as he curled himself into a ball. 

The morning was no better. If anything, it was worse. Maybe Sehun had vacated the room for the night because when Junmyeon woke up, he was alone. He quickly rolled over and vomited over the side of his bed into the bucket. 

Kyungsoo rushed into the room as if summoned by the retching noises. He quietly stroked Junmyeon's back as he continued to splutter over the bucket. When he had finished, Junmyeon slumped back onto his bed. 

"Do you want some water?" Kyungsoo asked softly. Junmyeon shook his head pathetically and closed his eyes, wriggling further under the bedcovers. "Hyung, you should know that your doctor - your personal one, I mean - called. Um, when we said that you wouldn't be able to go into his office, he decided to come around here himself. He sounded pretty worried... Anyway, he's due in a few hours, I think." 

Junmyeon groaned but nodded. "Thanks, Soo," he croaked. 

Kyungsoo sighed and sat down on the edge of Junmyeon's bed. "You're not alright, are you?" 

"I'll be fine," Junmyeon said after a moment of silence. "You need to stop worrying." 

Kyungsoo scowled. "Yeah, because that's going to happen when you've been vomiting all night after you half collapsed on stage." 

Junmyeon sighed and tried to give Kyungsoo a soothing expression. "Really, though. I'll be fine in a few days." 

"You're just saying that," Kyungsoo said. He sighed and stood up, picking up the bucket. "Get some more sleep, hyung. The doctor will be here soon." 

Junmyeon nodded and turned over. His stomach turned over as he did so and his head throbbed resentfully. 

When Junmyeon next woke up with enough consciousness to string two words together, Minseok was standing by his bed and carefully shaking him. His doctor stood behind him, face grim and eyes tired. 

Junmyeon tried to turn away, but Minseok held him firmly. "I'm going to leave you, okay?" he said, quietly. "Call if you need anything." Junmyeon nodded. He could not make himself sit up to welcome his doctor. 

The doctor only spoke when Minseok had disappeared and closed the door behind him. "I think we have a lot to talk about."


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Here's the next chapter :))
> 
> Thank you everyone for such a wonderful response to the last chapter! I was completely blown away, and I'm honestly still completely amazed. I did not expect this at all, and I'm so touched that so many people are enjoying this ^.^
> 
> I hope this chapter is okay and that you enjoy it! The next chapter is already in the editing process, so it shouldn't be too long until I get it up! 
> 
> Happy early birthday, from me, to you :)
> 
> -o-
> 
> A massive shoutout to hy_ddy for beta-ering this for me! (I'm sorry - I don't actually know how you make that into a verb haha~) She's absolutely amazing and really, really lovely, too! Go check her out :)

It took four days, but eventually, Junmyeon got back on to his feet, albeit heavily dosed up on nausea and pain medications. Having been limited to his bed for four days, Junmyeon was simply glad to be walking around again. He was beyond tired of lying in bed, too pained to do anything else.

Junmyeon sighed and rolled four pills around in the palm of his hand. Nausea, pain, suppressant, blocker. After the doctor had visited, Junmyeon had officially been taken off his prescription heat suppressants.

Half a bottle of the pills remained which Junmyeon had scrounged as an emergency ration. He hoped they would last him until his next chance to restock. Already, though, he was losing hope. The pills dwindled with each day and scent blockers, even though he could buy them in abundance at corner-shop pharmacies, alone would do nothing once a suppressed heat hit.

Furtively, Junmyeon looked into the rooms adjoining to the kitchen, searching for people who could be watching him taking the extra pills. When he saw no one, Junmyeon quickly downed the tablets and washed them down with a glass of water.

A minute later, Jongdae came into the room. His fresh, grass scent was cloying to the point of being overbearing. Junmyeon knew why, though; Jongdae's heat was due to start in four days. At the current rate, Junmyeon thought that it was likely to be even earlier.

It was a stark contrast to Baekhyun's heat cycle which had ended up three days later than normal. Such fluctuation in either Jongdae or Baekhyun's heat cycle was nearly unheard of. It was unusual for most omegas, in fact. Usually, they had a fixed cycle and their bodies stuck to it, regardless of the conditions. It was not usually perfectly to the day, but for most omegas, it was good enough that they could guess the days their next heat would take place end up and no more than a few days out. 

The last time their cycles had gone out of sync was when Zitao, the former and only other omega in EXO, had left

Junmyeon worried for the two omegas. The two weeks that usually separated their cycles was being cut down to one. Something was wrong and Junmyeon knew it, but he was trying to find the time and energy needed to actively look into it.

Junmyeon had an underlying fear that it was his fault, but he tried to push that aside.  
  
Despite Jongdae's oncoming heat, his eyes were as bright as ever and he gave Junmyeon a cheery smile. "We should probably try to get out soon," he said quietly, leaning against the fridge casually. "The manager looks really angry and I don't really want to get on his bad side today."

Junmyeon raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?" He took another sip from his glass and watched Jongdae thoughtfully.

"He's scowling and, I swear, I can see the smoke coming out of his ears. Anyway, it doesn't really matter. We should just get to practice soon so that we don't make him late," Jongdae said. He poked his head out of the door as if looking for someone.

"I'll take your word for it," Junmyeon agreed. "Do you know if the others are ready?"

Jongdae shrugged. "Last I saw, Sehun was putting his shoes on."

Junmyeon nodded solemnly. "Okay, let's get out of here." He deposited his glass in the sink, next to the rest of the unwashed dishes.

Jongdae frowned at the action, but Junmyeon waved him away. They could deal with the dishes later.

Following Jongdae, Junmyeon left the room and headed towards the front door. He collected his bag on the way and to his immense relief, found nearly everyone already waiting.

"Let's go," Junmyeon called. The final people appeared in various states of disarray, but at least all ready to walk to the van.

Junmyeon carefully looked at the manager and immediately judged Jongdae's words as correct. The manager was red in the face and typing furiously into his phone. Junmyeon's lips tightened. He continued to watch the manager and when he looked at the manager, their gazes met.

Angrily, the manager stalked out of the flat. Junmyeon shrugged when the members looked at him and did a headcount as they filed out of the door. Finally, he shut the door behind himself and followed everyone into the lift and then to the vans waiting outside.

When the group arrived at SM, they immediately split up. The manager went one way, cursing and muttering darkly under his breath the entire way while EXO stared after him, bewildered. Junmyeon sighed under his breath, wondering what was happening and how it was going to affect them.

Junmyeon led the members to an empty practice room and grimaced as he caught a sight of himself in the mirror opposite them. His hair was neatly brushed back, but his eyes, heavy with bags, told another story.

Shuddering, Junmyeon looked away. He walked over to the sound system and plugged in the music that they needed. In dutiful silence, he flicked through playlists until he found the correct set list for their upcoming schedules.

Meanwhile, the others were putting their bags away and changing into dance shoes. Junmyeon joined them a moment later and tugged on his own pair. There were old and discoloured but they did the job and that was all Junmyeon needed of them. Replacing them seemed like more of a hassle than he could be bothered to go to. 

"Ready to go?" Junmyeon asked, looking around slowly. There were half-hearted nods and murmurs of agreement, so Junmyeon went ahead and scrolled through the list of songs that they had to run. He knew the setlists for their upcoming performances and he knew where their weaknesses lay in each. Junmyeon stared at the eight others and waited for them to stand up. "Let's start," he repeated impatiently. "Otherwise, we'll get nothing done."

Minseok stood up and stretched out his back, before turning to the others and pulling them up. "We have to do _something_ ," he said, echoing Junmyeon's words. "The quicker we get through the setlists, the quicker we can get back to the dorm."

Everyone knew that Minseok's words were a lie. It never mattered what time they began; they always finished just before the first person began falling asleep where they were standing. The training system was relentless and sometimes, Junmyeon wanted nothing more than for it to end.

Today was one of those days. As soon as they began, as if pushed by Jongdae's overpowering scent, Junmyeon's head began to pound. It was the first time he had attempted anything more strenuous than walking since the last, disastrous stage. It was probably a more drastic step than he should have taken, but Junmyeon was eager to get back to work before he missed anything more. 

Junmyeon cast his thoughts aside but the pain increased, hard to ignore as their sets carried on, song after song after song with scarcely a break. Junmyeon's head was surely going to implode. There was a throbbing in the back of his mind, so rhythmic that it could have an atomic clock. It was slowly driving him insane.

Minseok and Yixing had quickly taken over the leadership of the practice and for that, Junmyeon was grateful. He did not think that he would have been able to manage to keep everyone under control on top of everything else. Being the leader was scarcely fun, but when he was sick, Junmyeon regretted agreeing to the position even more than usual.

"Got it?" Yixing asked, having been quietly re-teaching Jongdae a particularly difficult step for the past five minutes.

Jongdae nodded and sighed, rubbing a hand down his face tiredly. "Yeah, I think I've got it," he said softly.

Yixing smiled at him reassuring and turned back to the rest of them. "Let's get back to it," he called as he turned the music on. Soon, everyone has immersed themselves in practice again. Junmyeon's throat was tight as he methodically followed the movements, but he did not dare stop. There was no time to be skipping out on practice.

Junmyeon's throat grew steadily rawer and his stomach ached more and more. There was a jump in the choreography and Junmyeon gasped sharply as he landed incorrectly. A stabbing sensation ran up his leg and Junmyeon stomach suddenly cramped so badly that he thought he must - surely - be having knives thrust into his stomach.

Junmyeon whimpered as he sunk to the ground. The burning under his skin had returned and he was unexplainable sweaty and feverish.

Minseok, nearly always the second in charge after Junmyeon, rushed forwards. He dropped to his knees and began skimming cool and gentle fingers across Junmyeon's flushed skin in soothing circles. "What's wrong?" he asked, face drawn.

Somewhere in the background, the music turned off. Then, Junmyeon could hear the muttering from the other members who stood around, confused and worried. His mind, fuzzy as it was, struggled to comprehend anything. Jongin swam into Junmyeon's vision. He crouched down, opposite to Minseok. "Hyung? Are you okay? What do you need?"

Junmyeon bit his lip as hard as he could, trying to redirect his own focus. "My bag," he gasped. His breath was tight in his throat and he felt like he was fighting for every breath.

Chanyeol passed Junmyeon's backpack and then backed away. He looked scared.

"Okay, get out!" Minseok said. He waved at the others in the room and jabbed his finger at the door.

"But-" Sehun started. He made a motion forwards, as if to join Minseok, but froze midway through as Minseok cut him off.

"Everyone out," Minseok repeated. His tone was suddenly commanding and authoritative. Junmyeon felt sicker just hearing it.

Obediently, there was a shuffling of feet and everyone left. Jongin lingered for a second but eventually relented. He gave Junmyeon's hand a reassuring squeeze and left the room without complaint.

Junmyeon was not an idiot, though. He knew that like all practice rooms, the door was glass. On a practical level, it allowed for people to watch from the outside without disrupting practising idols and trainees. On a more sinister level, it was convenient for making sure that there could be no messing around of any nature in the practice rooms and punishments could be delivered accordingly.

Junmyeon ignored the fact that everyone was leaving and subsequently, he could not bring himself to care that they were still watching. Instead, his unsteady fingers fumbled with the zip on his backpack. Eventually, he managed to pull his packet of pills out of the front pocket. Painkillers, even if they weren't going to do much for Junmyeon's physical state, would at least take the edge off the pain, or so his doctor said.

Shakily, Junmyeon swallowed the pills with a swing of water. Minseok watched on worriedly, his eyebrows drawing closer and closer together with each passing second. "Do you want me to get the doctor?" he asked, voice, once again, soft and warm.

Already, the heat under Junmyeon's skin was dispersing. Slowly, so as not to aggravate his headache any further, he shook his head. "I'm fine," he said. His voice was unexplainably hoarse and dry.

Minseok frowned. "Your leg, though... I thought you landed weirdly? Wasn't that why you fell?" 

Junmyeon blinked blankly. Then, he remembered. "Oh, yeah... It's okay - I'll just strap it. I'm sure it's not that bad." He looked at his ankle and grimaced when he noticed the swollen skin. "Those were painkillers, anyway. I won't even be able to feel it in ten minutes," he said, overly optimistic.

"Wait... I thought you fell because of your ankle?" Minseok said. He looked as confused as Junmyeon felt.

"I did," Junmyeon agreed. "I just... It just hurt, okay? Backlash from earlier." He shrugged and tried to pass it off.

Minseok's face flushed to an ugly colour as he tried to put the information together. "You mean, this is what your doctor is warning us about?" He groaned and rubbed his temples with his fingers. "Patient-doctor confidentiality and all the rest, but he told us that if you ever got random flushes, or if you were in random, short lasting, severe pain, that we had to give you space."

"Um, yeah, that," Junmyeon said hesitantly. "It's fine. It was just a shock and must have triggered it, or something."

"What the hell gets triggered by falling down?" Minseok muttered under his breath. "Whatever, whatever," he continued. "Myeonnie, you just have to understand... We know nothing, except for the fact that your doctor is worried and you've just collapsed again, after having been in bed for three days straight."

Slowly, Junmyeon crossed his legs beneath him and looked furtively towards the door. Six faces were pressed against it. Junmyeon looked away again, bubbling with embarrassment. "It will be fine. I've got medication... I... I can deal with it."

The blatant lie made Junmyeon feel awful, but it was better than the truth. With no intention of ceasing his current pill pattern, it was all Junmyeon could do to stay on his feet with large doses of strong painkillers keeping him upright.

Minseok let out a frustrated sigh. "Okay, then. Fine. Can you get up, yet?"

Nodding, Junmyeon stumbled to his feet. He felt like a bow-legged deer taking its first steps. "I might just sit out of practice for a bit," he said apologetically. His ankle throbbed uneasily and he bent down to rub at it.

Minseok scoffed. "No way in hell are you rejoining practice today. I'd take you directly to the doctor, except I've been told that it won't make a difference after you've taken painkillers. Strap your ankle if that's what you're going to do and then just go back to the dorm, okay?"

Junmyeon shook his head resolutely. "No, I at least have to be here. I can't afford to be slacking off now."

"It's not slacking off if you're sick!" Minseok said, exasperated.

Junmyeon shrugged but did not elaborate. He zipped his bag up and swung it over his shoulder.

Minseok sighed and he stood up next to Junmyeon. "You and Jongdae can go and sit together somewhere. He's struggling with keeping up when he's so close to his heat. And this way, at least neither of you are alone," he said. "We'll continue with practice in the meantime, and we'll find you in a few hours."

Unable to protest, Junmyeon nodded and left the room. His steps were unsteady and he limped on every left step.

"Oh, for God's sake," Minseok muttered. "I'm taking you to a chair, I'll send someone to get Jongdae. You can't even walk properly - You need to get this checked out by a doctor!"

"I've had worse," Junmyeon said, but he did not protest Minseok's steadying arm. "And I've got lots of strapping tape in my bag."

Minseok gave Junmyeon a long-suffering look and remained silent as he guided Junmyeon out of the practice room. As they left, the others were surprisingly considerate. They stood back, looking concerned, but did not press forwards as Junmyeon had feared they would. Jongdae had disappeared from the scene already. 

"Plan of action?" Yixing asked.

"Where's Jongdae?" Minseok asked abruptly. 

Yixing frowned but pointed down the hallway. "He went to the bathroom."

Minseok nodded towards Jongin, hands otherwise occupied. "Can you find him, then? Take him to the empty meeting room near the bathrooms, okay? We'll meet you there." Jongin nodded and scampered away.

"Junmyeonnie is going to sit out of practice for a bit," Minseok explained as Junmyeon bowed his head in embarrassment. "He and Jongdae can do something together and we'll meet up again in a few hours and reassess."

"Sure," Yixing said. "We'll see you back here?"

Minseok paused for a moment. "Yeah, sounds good. Just get on with practice. I'll be back in a few minutes."

Junmyeon felt like a small child being led around, but at least he could see clearly again. The blurriness had all but gone - It reminded him vaguely of when he was not wearing his contact lenses or his glasses. Minseok helped him into the lift and soon, they arrived in the small room. Jongdae and Jongin were already sitting around a table.

Jongdae's pre-heat smell had intensified, but he seemed much more comfortable than he had before. Junmyeon limped towards them and tumbled into a chair. Minseok stood by the door and surveyed the scene. Jongdae looked at them questioningly.

"Our fearless leader here managed to twist his ankle," Minseok said dryly as an explanation. He loosely gestured towards Junmyeon, who was rustling through his bag, searching for his strapping tape. Miraculously, he located it and pulled it out. It was white and gauzy and a pain to remove and a pain to put on.

Dutifully, Junmyeon pulled off his shoe and began to wind it around his ankle. Minseok huffed. "Jongin, we have to get back to practice."

"I'm fine to come back, too," Jongdae offered.

Minseok shook his head. "Keep Junmyeonnie company." He beckoned to Jongin, and with brief goodbyes and promises of reunions by lunchtime, they left.

Junmyeon sighed and continued to wrap the tape around his leg. Jongdae watched with mild interest but did not offer to help - Not that Junmyeon had been expecting or wanting otherwise. Then, Jongdae laid his head on the table and exhaled heavily. "What on earth did you manage to do this time?" he asked. His tone was curious, but Junmyeon felt slightly bitten by it.

"I fell," Junmyeon said shortly. "It doesn't matter, anyway. I'll be fine, soon. I've taken medication and stuff."

"Don't we have a stage soon, though?" Jongdae asked as he lifted his head back off the table. "I mean, shouldn't you get it checked by a doctor?"

Junmyeon bristled. "I know how to strap an ankle," he said. "Besides, a doctor wouldn't be able to do any more than this. There's no point."

"Yeah, but will you be okay for the stage?" Jongdae asked. He looked worried and it pulled on Junmyeon's heart to see Jongdae so apathetic. He was usually fiery and unable to perturbed by such matters. Junmyeon smiled at him reassuringly.

"I'll be fine," Junmyeon said softly. "Don't worry about me." He finished the taping and ripped the end free of the roll. Then, he put it back in his bag and zipped it up. For a long time following that, neither of them spoke.

The manager came in after about an hour of disjointed and directionless conversation. "Junmyeon, can I speak to you?" he said, face taught. He did not look as angry as he had in the morning, but he still looked grim and unimpressed.

A flare of dread shot through Junmyeon and ricocheted around him, growing more and more and more obtrusive. Oh, God, what if they knew he was an omega? What if his doctor had told the company? What if they were getting rid of him?

After the events of the past week, Junmyeon was even more paranoid than usual. Forcing himself to nod in response to the manager, Junmyeon stood up and hobbled out of the room. Jongdae's bright, worried eyes followed him.

The manager led Junmyeon into a smaller room and sat down in the chair. He gestured for Junmyeon to do the same. Without missing a beat, the manager began. "Your schedules have changed again."

Relief washed over Junmyeon as he also let his jaw drop open so he was left gaping. "Again? But... What? When? I thought there were set in stone after the last rescheduling?"

"They were," the manager scowled. "However, once again, that has been changed. You're going to China next week."

Junmyeon's face turned to the picture of horror. "But, why?"

"Last minute nomination for an award, I believe. So, the higher-ups have decided that you're going, like it or not," the manager said. "So, I suppose a congratulation is in order."

"Um," Junmyeon said, unsure of where to proceed. "But, I mean, Jongdae... His heat is scheduled to start soon."

The manager nodded. "And don't even get me started on your situation," he added. "A heat and another member who's under doctor observation and god only knows how many medications-"

"Only two," Junmyeon interjected in a small voice.

"-And you're being sent to China." The manager scowled. The, he flattened his expression and simply sighed, rubbing a hand through his combed hair. "Anyway, I was told to let you know that ahead. Don't worry about telling the rest of your members, though. There will be a small meeting in about an hour where you'll be told officially. We just have to get started on paperwork and go over the new timetable before then."

Junmyeon sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Right, then. How much stuff do we have to cover today?"

Grimacing, the manager dropped a folder onto the desk between them. It was thick with paper and documents. "Only this," he said sarcastically. He pushed a few pieces of stapled paper towards Junmyeon. "This is the new schedule."

Junmyeon consulted it for a few minutes and already, he could feel his stomach sagging. It was fully packed and the awards show that they were going to was a prestigious one. That meant heavy makeup, stiff dress codes and immaculate performances. It meant effort that Junmyeon was not sure he was able to give. "Can I take the paperwork back to the dorm and do it there?" Junmyeon asked softly.

The manager shrugged. "You may as well - It won't make any difference as long as it's done with enough time that you can get it to the higher-ups before you leave."

Pulling the folder towards him, Junmyeon shuffled through the documents looking for the ones labelled with his name. When he found them, he pulled it out and sighed at the sheer amount of time that he was inevitably going to spend on completing all of it.

Junmyeon stashed it under his new schedule. Then, he looked through the timetable again. "Do we have to go through this now?" Junmyeon asked, waving it around.

"We should," the manager sighed. "But, if you understand it, then it'll be fine."

Junmyeon flipped through it once more and then closed it. "Yeah, I'll be fine," he said. "That's all, then?"

The manager nodded. "That's all," he agreed. "I'm going to start on this stuff, but you seem eager to get back to Jongdae, so I'll let you go. We'll meet in the room in an hour or two and I'll bring the rest of the members with me."

Junmyeon nodded and excused himself from the room politely. He made his slow way back to Jongdae and once in the room, sunk into his previously deserted chair, defeated.

Jongdae looked up with interest. "What's happened?" he asked attentively. He took in Junmyeon's slumped figure and the stack of documents in his hands.

"China," Junmyeon sighed. "We're going to China."

A range of emotions crossed Jongdae's face, but he finally settled on embarrassment. "When? My... I have my-"

"Your heat," Junmyeon said empathetically. "Yeah, I know. I said the same thing." He exhaled heavily and dumped the files onto the table and sat back in his chair, absentmindedly rocking it. "We were invited to this big award show. Apparently, it's more important than our schedule here, because they completely cancelled it and moved everything around to fit it in."

Jongdae put his head in his hands and suddenly looked very sorry for himself. Junmyeon did not blame him. "What if I'm still in heat?" Jongdae said, voice very small and almost inaudible. He seemed humiliated and Junmyeon was reminded that Jongdae was always very private about his heats. Where Baekhyun was much more open with discussions about them, Jongdae found it awkward and intrusive. 

"I'm working on it," Junmyeon said. "But, I don't think it should be an issue. We leave in just under two weeks. You heat should have come and gone by them." Jongdae at least seemed happy enough with that and they left it there.

In the absence of conversation, Junmyeon found himself starting on the paperwork with a pen that he had scavenged from the bottom of his bag. The silence dragged on as Junmyeon continued scribbling down notes and Jongdae flicked through something on his phone.

The members trailed in a few hours later, closely followed by their manager and the CEO. Silently, they all took seats around the table. On one side of Junmyeon, Kyungsoo had sat down, while on his other, the manager still stood without paying notice to the chair in front of him. He gave Junmyeon a praising look as he saw the endless paperwork sprawled in front of him.

"I'm sure you're wondering why I've called you here," the CEO said gravely. Yixing moved his head, as if to nod but appeared to changed his mind at the last minute. Kim Yungmin continued. "Your schedules have been changed. You're going to China."

Yixing's mouth dropped open, much in the way that Junmyeon's had. "But... I thought our schedules were set in stone?" He looked frantically around the room. Jongdae and Junmyeon were the only ones who had not reacted.

Yungmin nodded thoughtfully. "Well, they were. But, there is a nomination for EXO from an awards show, and it's important to keep your Chinese fan numbers up, as well. So, we decided that it will be beneficial for the group if you go."

"When is it?" Sehun asked a minute later, face carefully blank.

"Twelve days," Junmyeon supplied, checking his own sheets carefully so he made no mistake. Yungmin nodded in confirmation.

Kyungsoo immediately protested. "But, Jongdae-hyung and Junmyeon-hyung! He's about to start his heat and he's sick," he said, jabbing his finger towards each of them respectively. His words were met with enthusiastic agreements from those who sat around the table.

Junmyeon flushed. "I'm fine," he said in a small voice, but his words were easily drowned out.

Yungmin raised a thick eyebrow. "I knew about Jongdae and acted accordingly. What's this about Junmyeon being sick?" He turned to the manager, who recoiled under the weighty glare.

"I'm fine," Junmyeon repeated, this time louder. "Or at least, I will be by the time we leave." He cast a warning look at anyone who looked like they were about to protest.

As the tension grew, the pheromones in the air became stronger, too. Minseok looked vaguely nauseated, which mirrored how Junmyeon felt. He was becoming more and more sensitive to the scents of his members; a strong projection was enough to make him light headed and dizzy.

"That's fine, then," Yungmin dismissed. He turned back to the group. "I expect a polished performance. I don't want to hear of any silly scandals or idiotic acts." His tone was even, but Junmyeon did not have to stretch his imagination to see the underlying threat. He shivered in his seat and waited out the rest of the meeting in relative silence.

When it finished and the manager and the CEO had left, the eight others in the room rounded on Junmyeon.

"You knew? Why didn't you say anything?" Baekhyun whined. "You said that the company wasn't going to shuffle any more stuff around after the last time they stuffed up."

Junmyeon shrugged. "I only found out about two hours before you did," he said softly. "I thought that they weren't going to change it anymore, either." He shifted and leant further back in his chair.

Kyungsoo scowled and punched Junmyeon's shoulder. "Even if Jongdae's heat does finish before we go, you're still under doctor observation! Why doesn't he know?"

"Kyungsoo, stop," Junmyeon said. "I'll be absolutely fine. We should get back practice, okay?"

Minseok glared at him. "We'll get back to practice. You're going to watch. You know the dance, anyway, and it'd be more beneficial for everyone if you're still able to walk when we get to China."

Junmyeon held his hands up in a sign of surrender and gathered up the paperwork, still scattered across the table. Then, he followed Minseok down to the practice room.


	3. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!! 
> 
> Again - Thank you so much to everyone who has commented, left kudos, bookmarked or simply read this! It means so much to me! 
> 
> I hope this chapter is okay! I do want to mention this: It may seem like a bit of a filler chapter, but it becomes more significant in future plot points, okay? If you're willing to, stick it out and the plot will start to pick up a bit in the next chapter! In this chapter, there's just some important references and stuff that I needed to set up. 
> 
> Cool? Cool! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it :)
> 
> \- MachineWired

"Hyung!" Baekhyun called. There was a brief second of quiet before he called again. "Junmyeon-hyung! Can you come?"

Junmyeon pulled himself away from his coffee and made his way to where Baekhyun was waiting. He stood skittishly by the door and Junmyeon did not need him to say anything to know what was happening. The scent of an omega in heat was strong and unmissable. It was smothering and made his throat close up, like when he was at a petrol station.

"Can you just keep the alphas away?" Baekhyun said softly.

Junmyeon nodded and looked up and down the hallway. "Where's Minseok? Don't you usually call him first? Anyway, sympathetic heats and all - will you be okay?"

Baekhyun huffed and crossed his arms, rolling his eyes all the while. "I'll be fine. My heat was a week ago, so it's not anywhere near close enough to trigger one. I'll take first heat watch, too." He leant against the door and seemed completely unaffected by the cloying smell and muffled noises passing through the thick wood.

The heat room - or rut room, as it was sometimes called, when it was convenient - was built to be impenetrable to the strong scents of heats and ruts. Despite this, it was years old now and had been used throughout many cycles. The two-way lock was still functional, but the scent reducing and noise muffling qualities had long since started to become defunct.

Junmyeon smiled at Baekhyun and disappeared back to where the heat scent had not yet reached. Junmyeon's mind flashed to the doctor's warning about staying well away from omegas in heat for fears of sympathetic, suppressed heats. Shuddering as he thought of them, Junmyeon located the alphas and herded them into the living room.

"Jongdae's in heat," Junmyeon said briskly. "No ruts coming up that I'm unaware of?" Immediately, all three of the alphas squirmed. They were as uncomfortable discussing their ruts as Jongdae was with his heats.

Ruts occurred once a year for two days, give or take, and luckily in the case of the EXO members, the alphas of the group all had ruts spaced fairly evenly apart. It made avoiding sympathetic ruts much easier. Formerly, Yifan and Sehun's ruts had been disconcertingly close together, which had never been fun to deal with. Luhan's rut had been positioned evenly between Yixing and Chanyeol's.

Even now, with two fewer alphas in their midst, some cycles could sometimes fall a little too close for comfort. Ruts and heats syncing up were not uncommon, but it was dreaded. It meant that there were hormones in excess and usually chaos to go along with it.

"No," Sehun muttered lowly. "Mine was almost a month ago, Yixing-hyung's isn't meant to be for, like, three months and Chanyeol-hyung still has the majority of the year to go." He looked away, face ablaze and Junmyeon tried to appear sympathetic to their discomfort. Yixing and Chanyeol looked just as agitated.

"Okay, that's fine, then," Junmyeon said. He sighed and rubbed a hand on the back of his neck. "Baekhyun's taking the first watch, by the way. The rest of us will head out soon." Junmyeon looked critically at Sehun's state of half-dress and Chanyeol's unbuttoned shirt. "You should probably get ready," he added. Sehun sputtered and flew from the room, almost tripping over his own feet in doing so. 

Junmyeon went into the kitchen and began stacking dishes in the sink. Heats were something of a normality and they rarely threw a spanner in the works where Junmyeon was concerned. As long as he avoided heat watch over the next few days, Junmyeon would be fine. He was sure of it.

Minseok wandered into the room a minute later, hair still damp from the shower. "Jongdae's in heat," he said to Junmyeon.

"I know," Junmyeon replied. He ran the tap and began washing the dishes and placing them into rows inside of the dishwasher. "Baekhyun, Yixing, Chanyeol and Sehun are all fine, so we should just get out of the house before anything goes downhill. Baekhyun's on heat watch."

Heat watch was a necessity where unmated omegas were concerned. Because of the nature of heats and the backwards mentality that it often put omegas into, SM had ruled that when in heat, omegas were always to have someone nearby to make sure that they weren't endangering themselves or others.

The person on duty usually sat within listening distance of the room. It was very unusual to be in the room; most omegas, even in their state of heat-induced delirium preferred the privacy. (It was one of the reasons why Jongdae was so easily embarrassed - When he had his first heat at age 17, his mother had insisted upon sitting in the room with him to make sure nothing went wrong. He had close to refused to see another person while in a heat since).

The job fell to the betas and omegas in the pack. Although most alphas exercised control over themselves, there were always a few who struggled to restrain themselves from acting upon their animalistic instincts rather than their common sense. Hence, SM had long since overruled alphas assisting with heat watch.

Occasionally, being in close proximity to an omega in heat could cause omegas to go into sympathetic heats. It was prevalent when they were close to beginning their next cycle. Despite this, as long as they were well clear of their heat, they were debatably the best people on heat watch because they properly understood heats, having experienced them themselves.

Alphas were also known to go into rut, however, with SM having prohibited alphas being within close proximity to omegas in heat, and visa versa, it was rare. 

EXO was lucky that Baekhyun and Jongdae's heats were usually far enough apart that they could cover heat watch for each other. While there were three actual betas and one pseudo-beta, it was always easier with a fellow omega. That was why Jongdae and Baekhyun usually took the first watch for each other.

It was also why Junmyeon regularly volunteered. While he refused to outwardly present as an omega, Junmyeon was at least willing to help the other omegas where he could.

Junmyeon drew himself back to paying attention to Minseok. "We'll leave soon," Junmyeon continued decisively. He squirted some dishwashing liquid into the sink and swirled the hot water around, drawing bubbles to the top. "Maybe in an hour, or so. I have to finish this and everyone else has got to get ready, but I figure that we may as well get out as quickly as possible, or Yixing, Chanyeol and Sehun are going to be avoiding the hallways like the plague, and that gets tiresome for them."

Minseok nodded and he began to brew himself a coffee. "That sounds like a good plan. Should one of us stay back here to help Baekhyun? Or, at least, to keep him company? What are we doing, anyway? I did see that we have a clear schedule today. Did you clear it?"

"There was only interview practice, and I had a feeling that Jongdae's heat was earlier than usual..." Junmyeon shrugged. "But, anyway, I thought we could just go down to the practice rooms and run everything a few times, maybe go out for lunch or something." 

Junmyeon sighed heavily and Minseok nodded understandingly. "Sounds like a good idea," Minseok said. 

Giving him a grateful smile, Junmyeon continued. "We're flexible. We should just stay out of the dorm for Jongdae's sake as much as any of ours." He paused for a few moments as he shifted a pile of plates into the warm, soapy water. "You're right, though. Some of us can stay back with Baekhyun. I'll talk to the others about it, but I don't mind staying back." Internally, Junmyeon wilted at the idea of having to stay for the neater day. "You can take everyone else down to practice. Go from there, you know?"

Minseok scoffed and shook his head. "No way am I taking charge of them if there's any choice. They're catalysts for anarchy, and you know it." He laughed and his eyes turned into crescents. "I don't know how you do it most of the time!"

Junmyeon giggled with him and continued scrubbing dutifully at the dishes. Soon, Kyungsoo and Jongin joined them in the kitchen. They both looked unruffled by Jongdae's heat, despite the fact that there was no way that they were unaware it was occurring. The scent was steadily spreading throughout the dorm. Junmyeon was strongly tempted to throw open some windows to start ventilating the rooms.

"Baekhyun-hyung asked for coffee," Kyungsoo said, directing his words more to Minseok than to Junmyeon. "Also, will we be leaving soon? Yixing-hyung seems really on edge."

Junmyeon nodded absently. "Will he be okay? Or, should we hurry it along?"

Kyungsoo shrugged. "He'll be fine - He's the best at controlling himself, but we probably shouldn't be hanging around." He took the cup of coffee that Minseok had been making and left the room again. A minute later, he returned. Jongdae's scent clung to him like a second skin, not that Kyungsoo appeared to notice or mind.

"One or two of us should stay back," Junmyeon said. "So that Baekhyun isn't on heat watch for the whole day. We're only going down to the company to do some dance practice, so there's nothing important that we'd be missing out on." He began rinsing mugs and placing them on the drying rack. Absently, he could not help but wonder how many cups of coffee and tea it was possible to go through in the space of a few hours.

Kyungsoo shrugged. "I'll stay back. I have some stuff that I want to do, and I haven't spoken to my family in ages..."

"Yeah, me, too," Jongin said softly. "It's been really hard to find time in promotions, so I've just been texting my parents. I really want to speak to them, though, and if I'm here, I'll have time to do that."

Junmyeon smiled at both of them. "Do you think Baekhyun would want to come with us, then? I know he's on heat watch, now... But, if you both wanted to stay, he'd be free to come with us."

"I think he's fine," Kyungsoo said. "He said that he wanted to stay behind, anyway."

Junmyeon nodded thoughtfully and then beamed. "Brilliant. That sorts that out." He turned to Minseok, who was sipping at another cup of coffee. "We should get going, then." Junmyeon pulled the plug out of the sink and watched as the water drained in spirals. "If Yixing is agitated, then the sooner we can get out of here, the better."

Minseok muttered in agreement. Minseok and Junmyeon left Jongin and Kyungsoo and walked into the entranceway of their dorm. Their manager was not there and there would be no van to drive them to the company building, but they were walking distance anyway. Chanyeol already stood there, bag in hand, earphones plugged in and eyes lightly shut. He was muttering something to himself under his breath, but his words were obscured by the black face mask he wore. 

Yixing and Sehun barrelled into the hallway a second later, joining the three already standing there. They were layered in hats, masks and thick jackets in a hope to not be recognised on their journey to the building. They looked just as pleased to be leaving the house as Junmyeon felt. His suppressors and blockers were officially and scarily low, and today, Jongdae's heat scent was off-putting. Junmyeon did not blame Jongdae for it, but he was not sure how much more exposure he would be able to handle without triggering a suppressed heat.

"Let's head out," Junmyeon said, yanking the front door open. He waited for everyone else to file out before shoulder his bag that had never made it any further than the door from the previous day. He called out to the people remaining in the house. "We're leaving now! Text if anything happens, okay? We'll be back sometime this afternoon - I'll phone you!"

Jongin called back with something akin to acknowledgement and Junmyeon shut the door behind himself. Idly, he followed the rest of the members down the stairs and out of the building. Conversation cheery and determinedly avoiding mention of biology and Jongdae, they began their walk to SM's main building.

As soon as they arrived, Junmyeon realised something was wrong. Not just with himself, but with the whole atmosphere of the building. While the outside, everything looked normal enough and the tinted glass allowed little understanding of what was actually happening inside, there was a distinctive and overpowering scent of anxiety-pheromones that had Minseok covering his nose and mouth.

The back entrance into the entertainment building meant that they could be less conspicuous, so Junmyeon took that route. Upon entering the doors, he found Heechul clamouring around him and then drawing back, looking apologetic.

In fact, there were several Super Junior members standing around. They all looked skittish and Junmyeon's stomach fluttered with nerves even though he had no idea what was going on.  
Heechul sighed in an over-exaggerated manner. "I'm sorry," he lamented. "I thought you were Changmin."

"Changmin?" Junmyeon said blankly. His mind flicked to Changmin and came up with nothing that seemed directly relevant to the situation. Junmyeon absently shepherded his members in front of him and out of the entranceway. "Why are you waiting for him?"

Again, Heechul sighed. "I called him and told him to come, but he's taking _ages_." He huffed and sat down in a chair. Junmyeon looked around and noticed that everyone was acting on nervous ticks. Biting their lip, or picking at their fingers. There were only four Super Junior members there: Heechul, Ryeowook, Hyukjae and Donghae.

"What happened?" Junmyeon asked. Minseok was not-so-subtly holding his jumper-covered hand over his mouth in an effort to filter out the pheromones in the foyer. Tentatively, Junmyeon sniffed at the air, trying to be discrete while doing so. As soon as he put his mind to it, Junmyeon could detect the sweet smell of an omega in heat. 

Junmyeon groaned internally. Of course, it would be just his luck to have left the dorm to escape a heat and run directly into another one. 

"Yunho-hyung went into heat," Ryeowook said. His voice was soft and he bit at his lips agitatedly. "It's kind of been a waiting game this week, but he's really bad at telling when he's in pre-heat and sometimes, his scent is really muted, so no one else can tell until it actually hits."

"Wait, Yunho-hyung is an omega?" Chanyeol said. Ever a loose cannon in his words, Junmyeon wanted nothing more than to make Chanyeol shut up before he said something that would get him in trouble. "Whoa, I mean - I thought he was a beta, or something!" 

In the world of idols, it was rare to know which person was of which dynamic unless you knew them personally. It enforced a degree of privacy from the prying eyes of fans and also allowed an idol to receive less stigma related to their sub-gender. When a person belonged to a pack, it was even more common for their dynamic to appear ambiguous to the wider public. 

TVXQ was something of a legendary group amongst those who knew them. Originally five members which had shrunk to two after a nasty legal battle in 2009, Yunho and Changmin were now the sole remainders. Regardless of that, they had stuck together for all the years since. 

It was common knowledge around SM - and most idols in general, or so it seemed - that they were a bonded pair. They had done so some time around the split. Even though everyone in the industry seemed to know about their relationship, their relationship never seemed to be clear-cut. No one seemed to know what dynamics they were or how their relationship functioned. They had never joined a pack or formed one of their own. They were a solitary duo, even though they were by no means alone.

They had their own friends. For all intents and purposes, they were close enough to the members of the Super Junior pack that it acted as theirs when they desperately needed it. 

Packs were more significant in days gone by, but even so, most people still belonged to one. Most people were born into a pack that they could leave when they turned twenty in their Korean age. Alternatively, they could remain with their pack until they chose to move to another one, formed their own pack or left for any other reason. The most common reason for exit was moving to another pack to be with a mate. Packs were an ingrained feature of most people's lives once they joined one. 

Junmyeon had left his childhood pack when he turned twenty. Cutting ties made it easier to keep his secrets. In a sad way, Junmyeon knew that he had also been holding out hope that one day, EXO might have formed a pack of their own. 

It was common for groups to form their own packs. Of course, not every group did. Conversely, some packs ended nastily after disbandments or the formation of a pack led to issues that caused the disillusionment. However, promoting groups often ended up so close with each other that forming a pack together was simply a logical progression. 

Amongst the EXO members, nearly half of them were packless. The others were all still a part of their childhood pack. Forming their own was a topic that scarcely entered the conversation. Junmyeon could not help but feel that everyone had become scared of the topic after seeing three of their number leave. 

Joining a pack was an unrealistic hope for Junmyeon, anyway. He was dying, apparently, and too proud to correct his own ways. He would be dead by the time they even got to discussions at the rate they were going. The thought made Junmyeon's face twist into a cruel smile while his stomach contracted painfully.

In any case, Junmyeon was too far in to form a pack. His pretence of being a beta would never hold up once a pack bond had been established. He felt worse at the thought of being uncovered as having hidden his dynamic. Junmyeon could envision the betrayal and anger the others would feel. 

No, Junmyeon was destined for a packless life, like Yunho and Changmin. Only, not like them, because he would never have someone to share half smiles and jokes in the way that they did. 

Yunho and Changmin's relationship always seemed so simple that it made Junmyeon feel like a chainsaw had been taken to his torso and was lopping his apart. It hurt to know that he would never be able to have something like they did. 

 

Ryeowook bristled at Chanyeol's question and his expression turned to stone. "What does it matter what sub-gender Yunho-hyung is?" he asked, voice colder than ice. Chanyeol opened his mouth to answer, but Ryeowook cut him off before he could start. "Sub-gender is completely irrelevant to how well a person can lead a group or how they appear or smell."

Chanyeol backed away, abashed. "I never said anything like that!" he said quickly, jumping to his own defence. 

"No, but you were thinking it," Ryeowook replied quickly. "Everyone does when they hear that Yunho-hyung's an omega." He looked sad for a moment and then bounced back. "It should make no difference, though."

Junmyeon listened raptly. He had never known of a group with an omega leader, other than EXO themselves. To be fair, he knew the dynamics of very few people in the industry. Even within SM, his knowledge of sub-gender was very limited. Since he had first joined SM, Junmyeon had been taught that unless one was with their group members and closest friends, their sub-genders should be kept secret.

Even though each person had an individual scent, it was extremely difficult to gleam a dynamic from it. Although there were ideals of the perfect scent bracket for each dynamic, the reality was that very few people really fitted into those categories. 

Hence, aside from being directly told, it was often very difficult to learn of someone's dynamic. Scents were rarely as straightforward as people tried to make them out to be and trying to guess based on appearance was even more disastrous. 

Minseok was the only person who Junmyeon knew who was usually adept at detecting dynamics from scents. His abnormally strong sense of smell was sometimes irritating and caused him pain, but just by smelling the air, he often knew a lot more about a situation than Junmyeon did.

Chanyeol twisted the strap of his bag in his hands. "I don't care about a peron's sub-gender," he said firmly. "Hyung's a beta," he gestured towards Junmyeon, "And, I don't care about that. If he was an omega, I wouldn't care about that, either. He's a good leader, regardless of his dynamic."

Heechul nodded approvingly and Junmyeon felt himself flushing a bright red. He covered his face with his hands and smiled into them so no one could see.

"Yeah, well, duh," Heechul said. "Sub-gender is irrelevant to what a person can or can't do."

Junmyeon looked away from his hands, face still an ugly pink. Meanwhile, Yixing finally spoke. "Why are you waiting for Changmin-hyung, then?" he asked. "I though..." He trailed off, seeming unsure about what he actually did think.

"We were hanging out with Yunho, and he went into heat. We're making sure that he'll get back to his pack safely: that's all," Hyukjae said firmly.

Donghae started to speak again, revealing unnecessary information that Junmyeon grasped for like a cat to a laser pointer. 

"Yunho presented really late-"

Heechul scoffed and cut across him. "Forget late," he said. "He presented at age twenty, and - do you remember? - in the middle of a their concert! He randomly started heat, didn't actually recognise it and so, everyone else is just confused by the smell of a presenting omega, and he doesn't have a clue what's actually going on."

Ryeowook laughed under his breath. "Yeah, I remember... He practically collapsed when he got off stage and because TVXQ had an alpha manager at the time, and we were backstage, a bunch of us had to escort him back to the hotel and lock him in there because there wasn't a heat room. He was so confused..."

"Sorry, did you say _twenty_?" Minseok asked. His eyes were wide and disbelieving. "But, aren't you meant to present by the time you're eighteen at least, and even that's considered late? He was two _years_ later than late?"

Donghae shrugged. "I mean, yes? After he finished his heat a doctor checked him out. Apparently, it was due to being late anyway and also a childhood trauma that kind of made him so scared of being an omega that he actually managed to force his body into delaying its own presentation."

Sehun's expression was one of pure horror as his mouth dropped open in open dismay. It matched what Junmyeon felt perfectly. "What could possibly be that bad?" Sehun muttered. "How do you scare yourself into delaying your own presentation?"

Donghae grimaced, apparently having heard Sehun's words. "Believe me, we all asked the same questions. And, you really don't need - or want - to know. Either way, it doesn't really matter now."

"Yep," Heechul agreed. "He presented, there are no awful, lasting things because of how late he was, the group of them eventually ended up in a pack, anyway and everything's all good."

"Oh," Chanyeol said slowly, comprehension dawning on him. "So, is Changmin-hyung their pack alpha?" He looked like he had come to a world-altering realisation and Junmyeon wanted to giggle at the expression on his face. "Wait, no. He's the youngest one, isn't he?" 

Donghae sighed and Ryeowook smiled pityingly. "No, Chanyeol. They don't have a pack, remember. Once Yunho presented, he and Changmin imprinted on each other. Not everything is about who is the top dog."

"Yeah, and even after imprinting, it took them half a year to get their shit together," Heechul said. His tone was harsh but his face was sympathetic and Junmyeon could see that he was missing something important that they knew and he did not. He did not have to wonder for long, though, as Donghae answered the unasked question.

"It's not really his fault," Donghae said. "The higher ups were awful - They tried to get hyung to stand down from leader and all sorts after his presentation. I mean, they weren't even subtle about it. They gave up eventually when they couldn't get Jaejoong-hyung to take the position."

Ryeowook paused them. "I'm going to interject here and add in that Changmin was only eighteen, and Yunho was twenty at the time. Sure, management was bad, but they were also only young. They had every right to be apprehensive."

"Yeah, but Yunho and Changmin took their heads out of their asses, started dating, bonded whenever and then they formed a pack later that year," Heechul said dismissively.

Yixing scowled. "Did the higher ups really do that?" he asked. Hyukjae nodded in reply. "That's really nasty, through. No one can help their sub-gender, and poor Yunho-hyung; that can't have done any good for him after presenting..."

Ryeowook nodded. "It was awful," he said. "They were battling the company for months. Yunho was really insecure about it for ages."

"SM have kind of given up, now, though," said Heechul, shrugging. "I mean, you have to realise: this happened almost ten years ago. The system isn't perfect now, but the stigma has gone down a lot. The company, and the fans to a lesser extent, don't give as much shit to people who present as an omegas like they did before... I mean, how many omega leaders are there in this company, now?"

"A few," Minseok said quietly. He snorted. "Actually, no. Just more than you would expect. Yunho-hyung, apparently and NCT's Dream unit, but he only presented last month... I think maybe Shinee's Jinki-hyung, too-"

Junmyeon cut Minseok off with a quick shake of his head. "No, Jinki-hyung isn't an omega," he said quickly. "I can vouch for that." 

Minseok gave Junmyeon a slightly questioning look, but did not protest. "Well, either way, that's two, not counting subunits. Almost a fifth of all recording groups under SM. Unfair, yes, but more than anyone would probably guess there to be. Outside of the company, there are so many more though, but I suppose that's neither here nor there."

Junmyeon realised his mouth had dropped open and made himself shut it. He had never realised that there were other omega leaders in the company. It made him feel stupid for not realising it and slightly embarrassed, as well. To be fair, Jinki was the only leader who he knew the dynamic of prior to the conversation. 

Having spent many years together in pre-debut, Junmyeon had come to be very familiar with Jinki's beta nature. His freshly baked cookie-like smell led many people to believe he was an omega. Jinki had never been ashamed of his scent, or so he said.

Junmyeon admired him deeply for it as he could not say the same for himself. There were good reasons why he had hidden his scent using blockers. His scent raised far too many eyebrows and had him sectioned into boxes before he could even open his mouth. 

In all honesty, Junmyeon would not have minded being open with his dynamic had he been a _normal_ omega. He was not ashamed of who he was. However, he hated his biological processes and how messed up they were. It was simply easier to close everything off and pretend to be a beta. That way, he could stop his cycles and scent from ruining his life like they had when he was a child.

Donghae nodded. "Yeah, see - SM have had to become better at accepting omegas as leaders. Besides, if they didn't adjust, they would be hated by anyone who was even partially progressive... Their ideas used to be so traditional..."

There was silence for a moment and Heechul checked his phone again. He sighed and Junmyeon took that as a sign that Changmin was not going to be arriving for a while. That suddenly drew his mind back to Yunho, who was still somewhere in the building.

"Where is Yunho-hyung?" Junmyeon asked, eyes darting around the room as if he could have been hiding somewhere in the enclosed lobby.

Donghae pointed vaguely in the direction of a corridor leading out of the foyer. "We shut him in a practice room somewhere down there and put Kyuhyun on heat watch."

"You still have heat watch?" Chanyeol asked. He sounded disbelieving, almost as if he could not understand why a heat watch system was necessary, despite having had it explained to him numerous times. Junmyeon resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

" _Duh_ ; every person under SM does," Heechul said. "If someone isn't mated, with their mate, or a partner, _of course_  there's still heat watch. We're the reason that SM imposed it as compulsory in the first place." He gestured towards Ryeowook with a graceful hand. "In one of the first heats Ryeowook had after debut, he managed to claw at his skin to the point that there was blood covering the floor by the time it finished."

Ryeowook blushed and looked away, embarrassed.

A ringing rang through the air and everyone turned to Heechul. He accepted the phone call, held his phone to his ear and began angrily conversing with someone. Junmyeon guessed that it was Changmin. Heechul hung up and scowled. "He's stuck in traffic," he said, dropping his phone back onto his lap.

Donghae sighed and leant back against a wall, chewing anxiously on the inside of his cheek. Hyukjae copied him a second later.

Junmyeon suddenly became aware that they must have been standing there for at least twenty minutes and that they had not done a single thing that they were meant to. He could not bring himself to lead the others away, though. Yunho was the first omega leader that Junmyeon had come to know of and it gave him a sense of security. It made him feel relieved and he wanted to wallow in the all of the information he could gleam.

The mere thought that there were other, omega leaders there was comforting. Junmyeon was not on supressents purely for fear of what others would do when they realised he was an omega, but it certainly played a part. It was nice to know that there were people who did not care for the sub-gender of their leader. It was even nicer to know that there were people in his group who agreed with that sentiment.

Junmyeon smiled and then quickly averted his gaze, fearing coming across as insensitive. Hyukjae gave him a strange look and Sehun scuffed his shoes awkwardly. The foyer was all but silent and slowly becoming more and more tense.

A minute later, Changmin thundered in through the back door. His face was red and he looked flustered, like he had been running.

"Fucking finally," Heechul growled, standing up. His beta nature was undermined by the agression that seemed to be radiating off his slight figure. He pointed down the hall. "Our old practice room. Kyuhyun's outside. Trust me, you won't be able to miss it."

Changmin nodded and raced away. Heechul sighed and ran a hand down his face, suddenly looking exhausted. He pointed commandingly at Hyukjae. "I'd recommend you get out of here before SM whips your arse." Then, he turned to Junmyeon. "Any alphas with you? Get them out of here, or else any higher ups will crack it when they see them here."

Junmyeon nodded and faced the three alphas. They looked vaguely abashed, but followed Hyukjae out of the room. Junmyeon guessed that the group of four were going to a nearby room to wait for Yunho to leave. Apparently even in the case of close friends, no one was willing to risk the wrath of SM should they find out about the proximity of omegas-in-heat and alphas. 

Heechul exhaled heavily as he watched the group leave and Ryeowook looked somewhat mournful. Junmyeon looked back to Heechul. "Can we help at all?" he asked, gesturing vaguely towards himself and Minseok.

Shrugging, Heechul exchanged looks with his own group members. "I mean, you may as well stick around here. Your friends are with ours and they'll only reappear once Yunho's left, so unless you want to start practice with two people, you may as well keep us company."

Donghae nodded. "Hyukjae should be able to smell when Yunho's left, and I'm sure he'll bring back your alphas with him. They're probably keeping him company. Yunho... Well, his heats can be unstable - Either practically nonexistent or with a really, really strong smell. And, trust me - this is one of the latter times."

Junmyeon looked up, interested. "His heats are unstable?"

"Well, to an extent," Heechul replied. "It took five years to get to the point of a fairly normal heat schedule following his presentation and even now, there are random spells where everything is just a bit off." He narrowed his eyes and his gaze pierced Junmyeon like a dagger. "Why?"

"I'm curious," Junmyeon said, voice suddenly shy and insignificant. Heechul frowned but did not press the point. There was an uneasy silence in the room, only permeated by Minseok's heavy breathing through his mouth. Junmyeon glanced to him and took pity when he saw Minseok's dazed expression. The scent was strong, but Junmyeon could pretend that it was not impacting him as much as it really was.

Just as Junmyeon was about to send Minseok to somewhere where the scents weren't so strong, Changmin reappeared.

Changmin's arm was around Yunho's waist, guiding him towards the back door. The pair stunk of heat and it made Junmyeon nauseous. _So much for escaping the dorm to get away from the heat smell_. Junmyeon's knees threatened to buckle and his stomach contracted violently. Bile rose in the back of his throat.

Yunho's dark hair stuck to the side of his face and his expression was one of pain. Junmyeon could remember the agonising days of his own heats and he shuddered. Yunho was too out of it to notice what was going on.

Soft pants were wrenched from Yunho as he battled against the oppressing and unsatable heat of the cycle. His eyes were lazy, but blown wide, and it took no genius to notice the arousal that was wracking his body. Yunho simply clung to Changmin as he was helped out of the foyer and into what Junmyeon supposed was Changmin's car.

Changmin had come and gone within the space of ten minutes but Junmyeon felt like he had been in their presence for hours. The heat scent was thick and it refused to clear from the air. Junmyeon stumbled back to lean against the wall, his head throbbing and his throat closing up in protest. Minseok looked only a little more in control. Across the room from them, Heechul, Donghae and Ryeowook all looked relatively unfazed.

Junmyeon guessed that it because they had known him for years. Aside from a pack bond, there were few other ways except through time and exposure that someone could become so well adjusted to another's scent. Junmyeon shuddered again and tried to stop himself from breathing through his nose. The scent was so permeating that Junmyeon considered leaving the area. That would be rude, though, so he resisted.

Kyuhyun rounded the corner a minute later, face slightly warm but looking remarkably in control of himself. Yunho's scent clung to him like a blanket, but his own, clean washing-like smell was still prominent. He appeared surprised to see Junmyeon and Minseok, but he still waved politely.

Having been close with Kyuhyun, particularly in the months prior to Kyuhyun's introduction to Super Junior, Junmyeon knew the beta well. Despite that, Junmyeon made no effort to be sociable. His vision was blurry, even as he gave Kyuhyun a smile in return while trying to echo his enthusiasm. Junmyeon struggled to match it and he saw the waver in Kyuhyun's greeting as he faltered.

Kyuhyun turned to his packmates. "Yunho-hyung will be fine - Changmin said that they'll be at their apartment if we need them."

Heechul nodded thoughtfully. "Great. Well, then. Let's get out of here then. If we don't have to hide from the public and keep pretending that we weren't skyping Junsu, then there's no point in staying here." He looked around expectantly and on cue, the alphas appeared from a doorway. Hyukjae looked completely unperturbed, but Sehun choked on his breath and Chanyeol and Yixing's pupils dilated to resemble black holes.

Ryeowook waved a farewell and absentmindedly wandered out of the door, following Yunho and Changmin's path from before. Heechul, Hyukjae, and Donghae followed a few second later, but Kyuhyun hung around for a minutes longer. He took in Minseok and Junmyeon's faces and looked at them apologetically.

"I'm sorry for whatever they said," Kyuhyun said lightly. "They can be pretty full on, I guess. And, Heechul-hyung can be pretty open about disclosing random information, even if not everyone else is happy for him to do so."

Junmyeon made himself shake his head - immediately regretting as soon as it made his world swim into a mess of fuzzy lines and colours - and tried to smile. It must have come across as a grimace because Kyuhyun's expression faltered. "It's fine," Junmyeon said breathlessly. "Really - It was nice to talk to them again. It's been a long time."

Kyuhyun nodded looking embarrassed. "We've been doing our own stuff, I guess..." He waved his arms around in the direction of the door. "Anyway, I should go before anyone catches on and tries to get around the back. Good luck with your... Practice?" He smiled as Junmyeon nodded. "Practice, then. Anyway, bye! I'll see you around, Junmyeon." He waved enthusiastically and departed. 

Junmyeon's head swum. He looked to his own members who all looked as confused as him. "Let's just get to the practice room," Junmyeon said after clearing his throat. He lead the way and finally, almost an hour behind schedule, they began to get ready for practice.

After dumping his stuff in a corner, Junmyeon took more pain medication out of his bag and swallowed it dry. Minseok scowled behind him and parroted statistics about pain medications becoming redundant from overuse. Junmyeon was fairly certain that most of them were unfounded. He turned away and called attention to himself.

Practice began, and Junmyeon forced everything else to the back of his mind. He would get to that later - At that moment, they had something to focus on and Junmyeon was fully invested in an effort to not fall on his face.


	4. IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! 
> 
> Thanks for holding out with the last chapter ^^  
> Hopefully, this one a little more interesting... I don't know - We'll see, I guess :) 
> 
> I'm sorry that this chapter is kind of short. I could have dragged it out, but I thought that would just make it awful to read, so I left it at this length. 
> 
> Thank you, once again, to everyone who's still reading this! It means a lot to me, and I'm so happy to know that there are so many people who are enjoying it. 
> 
> Hope to see you next chapter :)
> 
> \- MachineWired

Jongdae's heat passed without further issues. Junmyeon survived without a suppressed heat and everything seemed to be going well. Even the practices for the upcoming awards show had gone without problems. Although there was no new choreography that they had to learn, Junmyeon knew that it no less stressful. It was the first, foreign awards show that EXO had been invited to in over a year.

Even though everyone knew the mandarin lyrics and at least had minimal conversational skills, everything seemed radically different. When EXO had been twelve members, Junmyeon could pretend that China was like a second home to him. He - even as a member of the Korean unit - spent enough time there, after all.

But, since Yifan had left, it had always felt strange. The warm atmosphere dulled and Junmyeon felt more distanced. By the time Zitao left, China felt cold and cut off. It was Yixing's home, Junmyeon knew, and a country that he himself had lived in for several months during his training period, but it felt completely foreign. Whenever Junmyeon returned to the country, he felt like he was meeting an old friend who he had parted on bad terms with and not spoken to for years.

Junmyeon wrenched himself out of his thoughts as the low rumbling from the aeroplane engine grew louder. He looked around and his eyes settled on Jongin who sat diagonally in front of him, across the aisle from Junmyeon. Already, Jongin had earphones plugged in and appeared dead to the world. Junmyeon envied him. While Jongin had always been exceptionally good at falling asleep on aeroplanes, Junmyeon had never shared that talent. Instead, he tossed and turned, shuddered at turbulence and received dirty looks from whoever he was sitting next to.

On this particular flight, Junmyeon had found himself sitting next to a jittery girl. She appeared about sixteen and Junmyeon was simply thankful that she had neither reacted when he sat down nor, in fact, appeared to recognise him at all. Junmyeon's face mask obscured most of his face, which probably helped his case. In any case, the girl appeared too distracted to really care. She spoke to her father quiet in mandarin. Junmyeon was too exhausted to even think about following their conversation.

Minseok, who sat in the seat behind Junmyeon, tapped his shoulder. Junmyeon swung around and saw Minseok holding out his palm, painkillers and a jelly sweet on it. He took them with a small smile. Immediately, Junmyeon swallowed the tablets and then waited a few minutes longer for the aeroplane to properly begin takeoff. Then, he put the red sweet in his mouth and sucked on it, waiting for ears to pop.

"Myeonnie," Minseok hissed from behind him. Junmyeon turned to face again. "Get some sleep, alright? You've been off for the past few days." Minseok wrinkled his nose and frowned.

Junmyeon rolled his eyes fondly. "Hyung, you know I don't sleep on aeroplanes." He refrained from mentioning that even if he did have the ability to sleep on flights, the girl next to him was wriggling so much that he was certain it would not have been possible. Instead, Junmyeon looked meaningfully at the girl, still squirming, and then back at Minseok. Minseok's eyes widened slightly and he looked between Junmyeon and the girl uneasily.

Minseok bit his lip. "Watch out for a presentation heat," he muttered a minute later. His voice was so quiet that Junmyeon would have missed it if he had not been watching Minseok. Junmyeon swung around, suddenly horrified. When he put his mind to it, he could recognise a very weak pre-heat smell. Junmyeon's stomach flipped uneasily and he shrunk into his seat. Even if the girl herself did not know what was going on, her father  _was_  looking stressed.

Junmyeon breathed deeply through his nose. This was the last thing he needed.  _Today of all days. Now of all times_. Fate must have been against him, because,  _surely_ , Junmyeon had been through enough already. The entirety of the past two weeks seemed like a nightmare brought to reality. 

The flight was three hours long and they were less than ten minutes in. Junmyeon gritted his teeth and turned his music on, blaring it as loudly as he dared. If he could not escape the situation, he could at least pretend it did not exist.

By the time that the flight was three-quarters through, Junmyeon was hopeful that they would be able to finish without further incident. Unfortunately, things never did seem to work in Junmyeon's favour. The girl - Junmyeon still did not know her name - whimpered and it was like a bomb had been detonated in the small cabin.

Pheromones were everywhere. Junmyeon leant forwards in his seat and hacked at the sudden influx of scents, while Minseok appeared pale and wan behind him. The girl's father quickly signalled for a flight attendant, and in the space of a few minutes, the girl had been whisked away, her father following her quickly. 

While the girl herself disappeared, the scent did not. Junmyeon felt sweat beading on his forehead, sticky and carving rifts into the light makeup he had applied in the morning. The thick smell of heat hung in the air, reluctant to diffuse.

Vomit rose in Junmyeon's throat and in a blind and dazed flurry of movement, he scrambled out of his seat and hurtled down the narrow passage. He found himself kneeling on the floor of the tiny aeroplane bathroom, retching and gagging over the plastic bowl. It was humiliating; tears of frustration pricked at the corners of his eyes.

Junmyeon's throat was red raw and his eyes stung bitterly. The burning under his skin was growing and growing _and growing_ and becoming unbearable. Junmyeon wanted it to end - He wanted to sleep. He wanted to escape. He wanted his mum to hug him and tell him everything would be okay. He just wanted out of there.

No one came, though. Junmyeon was in the bathroom, alone, and throwing up into the toilet. He did not know how long he was in there, but eventually, someone knocked on the door. "Hyung, are you okay?" Chanyeol's low voice rumbled. "Minseok-hyung asked me to check on you. He's kind of out of it, too, but he was really worried."

Junmyeon crouched on his toes and cradled his head. It pounded with renewed vigour. "Just give me a minute," he choked. He flushed the toilet and winced at the loud suction noise it made and then washed his hands quickly. He splashed water on his face, trying to rub away the smell and taste that would not dissipate.

Junmyeon glanced around the room, searching for anything that would get rid of the smell. Vomit and distress was not a pleasant combination and Junmyeon was sure it rolled off him liberally.

Junmyeon stumbled out of the cubical and immediately tumbled onto Chanyeol. His muscled arms closed around Junmyeon and pulled him upright. Junmyeon sagged against the wall.

"You look really clammy and you smell," Chanyeol said unapologetically, wrinkling his nose. "You were sitting next to that girl, weren't you? The one that went into heat." He looked back up the deserted aisle. "They've already aired out the area, though. I didn't even know that there were such quick-acting systems in aeroplanes!"

Junmyeon resisted the urge to point out that Chanyeol had never been the most apt with his sense of smell. Instead, he nodded and rubbed his eyes with balled hands. Chanyeol tried his hardest, but he had never been the most capable person of being able to tell when the air was clear.

Sighing, Junmyeon crossed his arms over his chest. "Is the girl alright?"

Chanyeol shrugged. "Don't really know. They took her up the back of the plane." He looked at Junmyeon strangely. "You should know, shouldn't you? You were sitting next to her." His tone was cautious but concerned and Junmyeon did his best to deflect it.

"Doesn't matter," Junmyeon muttered. "I wasn't really paying attention, anyway." The neckline of Junmyeon's shirt suddenly felt much too warm. "I'm going to sit down."

Understandingly, Chanyeol nodded. "Probably a good idea," he said. He suddenly began rummaging through his pockets and withdrew something. Victoriously, he held out his hand, item clutched within it, looking like he had been burnt. "I almost forgot! Minseok-hyung gave me these to give to you."

A tube of cream sat in his hand, labelled with monochromatic colours and the standard, hard-to-read lettering.

Junmyeon recognised it instantly. The cream had a strong eucalyptus scent. Minseok often used it when the scents in an area were intense or overbearing. While it did not fully obscure the smells, the cream was extremely potent and when rubbed just under the nose, it completely blocked everything out.

The only thing that remained was the powerful and unforgiving eucalyptus odour.

Junmyeon took the cream from Chanyeol thankfully. He squeezed a small dollop onto his hand and smeared it under his nose. Everything was made indistinct and ambiguous in the face of the eucalyptus.

Junmyeon exhaled as his headache, miraculously, began to disappear into a blissful nothing. A dull, drilling like throbbing was still present, but it was so much better than what it had been before that Junmyeon forgot about it easily.

Capping the small tube again, Junmyeon tried to hand the cream back to Chanyeol. He held up his hands and refused to accept it. "Minseok told me to tell you to keep it," Chanyeol explained as he continued to dodge Junmyeon’s attempts to shove it into his hands. "Besides, you're sitting in front of him, anyway, so if you really want to give it back it's not hard."

Junmyeon stared blankly at Chanyeol. Chanyeol himself sat directly next to Minseok.

Junmyeon shook his head, giving up on his battle, and pocketed it. The weight was almost comforting, like a physiological measure of encouragement.

Feeling better than he had done since the plane trip had begun, Junmyeon almost pranced back to his seat, sated even if empty-stomached. Minseok already appeared to have used the cream; he looked much more alert than he had before. His eyes were flashing as he met Junmyeon's gaze and Junmyeon looked away, uneasily. His stomach churned uneasily, even though there was nothing left in it except for acid.

Minseok unbuckled his seatbelt once Junmyeon had sat down and leant forward to hiss in his ear. "Don't think we're not talking about this," he spat dangerously. "You're obviously not okay, and I _will_ get to the bottom of this."

Junmyeon turned around, suddenly harried at the prospect of a proper, sit down discussion. Minseok was scowling and even Chanyeol, who had resumed his seat, was shrinking into his seat in an effort to get away from Minseok.

Junmyeon collapsed back into his seat and was suddenly very grateful that he could not smell anything. He was certain that Minseok's distinctive anger pheromones would be heavy in the air. Junmyeon was not ready to deal with that. In fact, he was not really sure he was ready to deal with anything. He wanted a timeout; an hour to recoup himself and clear his mind properly.

The world spun and Junmyeon was suddenly exhausted. He wanted to sleep for the next million years. Unfortunately, for the final half hour of the flight, he was only able to toss and turn. If Minseok was still watching him, Junmyeon cast a blind eye towards it. 

Eucalyptus was all he could smell, but Junmyeon’s muscles had tightened without him realising. He was no longer relaxed. His heart was racing in his chest and Junmyeon groaned, twisting in his seat. Everything was aching and hard to move, once again.

The cream may have stopped the scents, but it had not stopped the effects of the pheromones. That much was obvious.

When the flight landed, Junmyeon moved as if possessed. He did not know what he was doing or where he was going, but instead blindly followed the person ahead of him. He allowed the guiding arm around his shoulders to lead him forwards. Kyungsoo's soft voice was cooing into his ear. Somewhere behind them, Yixing was guiding Jongdae with a familiar strength.

At some point, they ended up in the company van. The burning under his skin had not gone away but Junmyeon determinedly ignored it. It was too familiar and Junmyeon did not what to think about it. He did not want to go back to that morning when he had reached his last heat suppressant and his final three scent blockers. 

It had been too late to go for a last minute, slightly illegal hunt for suppressants. He had not even had enough time to run down to the local chemist to buy more scent blockers to last him the duration of the schedule.

Junmyeon was on his last lifeline. He was praying he would be able to find something in Shenzhen. He was willing to take anything that would get him through. At the very least, he wanted something to last him until he could acquire more of his prescription medication. 

His hopes were not high, though. He knew that blockers and suppressants were even more tightly controlled in China than they were in South Korea. It would be near impossible to acquire anything that could serve him for a week.

Junmyeon was solely relying on luck and his body holding out for a week and a bit. High risk though it may have been, it was his only option left. Junmyeon felt ill as soon as he thought about it.

Junmyeon fell asleep, head pillowed on Sehun's shoulder before he could put any more thought into it. 

As he woke, Junmyeon heard voices and he dazedly registered the jerky motion of the van. He was comfortable and did not move, and maybe that was a good thing because he quickly realised that he was the subject of the conversation.

Sehun was almost completely motionless in an effort to not wake him, but his voice rattled in his chest and Junmyeon could feel the vibrations. 

"-Okay?" Sehun's chest pulsed beneath Junmyeon's head. 

Junmyeon had not heard what Sehun had said, but Minseok sounded weary as he replied. "Sehunnie, it'll be fine." 

Fine. _Fine_. Junmyeon wondered how many times that lie had been told. _How many times he had told that lie._ It seemed to the ever-growing fib that he could not back out of. He was trapped in a cycle of 'okay' and he was only just beginning to realise how deeply he had been wound into it.  

"It's not though!" Sehun said. His voice reverberated in his chest and Junmyeon could feel every individual syllable, punctuated and emphasised by Sehun's frustration. "It's been leading up to this for months. Hell, it's been leading up to this for years!" 

Chanyeol murmured his agreement. "Hyung, can't you just tell us what's going on? Junmyeon-hyung hasn't got any better at all." Junmyeon could feel the gazes of people on him. He fought against the need to squirm out of them. "We could at least help if we knew the basics!" 

Minseok sighed, obviously irked. "I'd tell you if I could," he said. "I don't know anything aside from the obvious stuff, though. Overly sensitive to scents, vomiting, headaches, too many medications to count, personal doctor worried, company doctor clueless." He sounded like he was checking items off a list. It made Junmyeon internally cringe to hear the growing tally of things he had not covered carefully enough. 

Yixing's familiar voice joined the conversation. "What's up with his pheromones?" he asked, the question obviously directed towards Minseok. 

"I don't know," Minseok said, aghast. "His scent has always been really weird - kind of subdued, you know that - and he barely ever emits pheromones, anyway. Lately, it's been literally non-existent." He sighed heavily and shuffled around in his seat. Junmyeon's heart skipped a beat at the mention of his scent. 

Junmyeon had not smelt his own, true, uninhibited scent in over ten years. He planned to keep it like that, too. At least until his scent blockers ran out. A distant memory of roses after rain swam into his head and he pushed it back.

At thirteen years old, along with his presentation, Junmyeon's scent had become easily distinguishable. He clearly remembered being horrified at the permeating smell. Roses, washed clean and fresh by light rains – How stereotypically omega. He hated it. _He hated everything about it_.

Junmyeon's scent had been one of the first things he had covered. His parents had agreed that it was for the best - He was twelve years old and he had no business smelling like he was sexually mature. At fourteen, when he had first been put onto heavily controlled heat suppressants, he had come off scent blockers. It was less than two years until he was back on them, however this time, without regulation or permission. 

As a result, Junmyeon barely even knew his own scent. The blockers hid and mutilated it until he had no particular smell. He was just there. No one seemed to be able to put a name to his smell. Not even Junmyeon himself. (Minseok had been most distressed when they had first met, many years ago). 

Baekhyun spoke, tearing Junmyeon from his thoughts. "Why is his scent so weak? Have you ever asked? I haven't, but I've always wanted to." 

Nearly everyone in the van simultaneously groaned. Junmyeon fought the urge to laugh. Baekhyun swung wildly between displaying the emotional empathy of a two-year-old, and playing the aged soul who had unlimited knowledge and endless advice. 

"If you're so curious, how have you gone, what, five-ish years without asking that?" Jongin sighed. 

Junmyeon could envision Baekhyun shrugging with a sheepish smile. "It's rude to ask, isn't it?" His muttered something under his breath quietly and Jongdae laughed at whatever it was. Kyungsoo elbowed him a second later. 

"Sickness when he was younger, or something," Minseok replied offhandedly. Junmyeon remembered that; he had told Minseok that during their trainee years at two in the morning. He had argued with himself for months. Technically, it had not been a lie.

Sickness _had_ triggered Junmyeon’s early presentation, which, in turn, had contributed to his sentence of blockers.

Hiding his dynamic had just come along with it. Junmyeon was in too deep to let go of his secret, now. 

Sehun seemed surprised at the answer, despite Junmyeon having told him the exact same story a few years later. "How do you know that?" 

Minseok did not reply immediately. "Junmyeon told me when we were still trainees. I asked because I didn't know his dynamic for ages - I thought he was still unpresented." 

"Yeah..." Jongin said quietly. "When did he present? I only joined a year after him, but he had practically no scent - I still can't smell him half the time, to be honest - and I thought that it must have been after that... But, it can't have been."

Kyungsoo shook his head. "He presented early," he said. "I don't know the details or anything, but it was a bit before he was scouted, I think. At least, that's what I heard." 

"From who?" Jongdae asked, suddenly sounding intrigued. 

"Ryeowook-hyung, who heard from Kyuhyun-hyung," Kyungsoo said. "It was years back, now. I never wanted to ask Junmyeon-hyung, though. I guess it just seemed too personal." 

Sehun sighed. "I should probably be more concerned than I am that you've all apparently been stalking Junmyeon-hyung." Junmyeon agreed heartily. A part of him was almost affronted at how easily the rest of the members talked about him when they thought he was asleep. He wondered how regular it was, or if they had ever done this before. 

"Well, whatever," Jongdae said dismissively. "It could be worse. We could have stalked his internet history or something." 

Wrinkling his nose and snorted, Sehun shifted slightly and Junmyeon allowed his head to fall forwards slightly, hoping that it looked vaguely like he was still asleep. "That's just downright creepy," Sehun said. "I don't think anyone deserves to have their internet history stalked." 

"Keep telling yourself that," Jongdae said, laughing maliciously. "I'll remember it for next time I need revenge on you." 

"Ugh," Sehun groaned, rolling his eyes. "Stop it, hyung."

Jongdae must have winked because Sehun jolted in his seat, as though reaching forwards to playfully slap someone. "Too afraid we'll find your porn stash?" Jongdae giggled. "Whatever, whatever, I'll shut up." 

Minseok pulled an unimpressed face. "You'd better," he warned. He turned to the manager who sat in the front and apparent had been oblivious to their conversation. Minseok nodded and faced the members in the van again.

"We're about five minutes away, so Sehun, wake up Junmyeonnie. Our wonderful manager here," Minseok said, gesturing overenthusiastically to their manager for the two weeks they would be spending in China, "has already phoned back for further advice on Junmyeon. Apparently, they're looking into a doctor for a check-up. They asked if you wanted one, too, Jongdae." 

"I'm fine, thanks," Jongdae said, frowning forlornly. “The smell was just really strong where I was sitting and I guess it was backlash or something. Trust me – I really do not want to spend any more time with doctors." 

Minseok forewent words and hummed mildly in response. Meanwhile, Sehun began gently tapping on Junmyeon's shoulder and pulling him forwards and backwards. Junmyeon attempted to fake waking up. If anyone had noticed, no one commented. 

"We're nearly at the hotel," Sehun said as Junmyeon blinked sullenly. He gave Junmyeon a tight smile that betrayed no hint of the prior conversation. Junmyeon was impressed, but equally, pained. He wondered how many times this sort of conversation had occurred and how many times he had been completely clueless towards it. Junmyeon pushed the thought away, reluctant to dwell on it.

When they arrived, Junmyeon followed the manager into the reception. He straightened his back and took measured steps, dragging his bag behind him and praying that he appeared at least somewhat natural. Junmyeon noticed the eyes flicker towards him and recognised the doubt in them. His act was not fooling anyone, but Junmyeon refused to let it go. 

Keep faking it until there was no other option. That was Junmyeon’s only job to finish.

In a blur of noisy chatter and boisterous scrabbles for room keys, Junmyeon found himself alongside Jongin as they headed towards their room. The tiny lift, which took them up to the fifth floor, was fully packed with not only them but also Yixing and Chanyeol who had ended up on the same floor.

The enclosed space felt overwhelmingly tiny and Junmyeon wanted to melt into a puddle on the floor. His stomach was doing flips and his heart, high jump. 

It seemed like it took much too long, but finally, Junmyeon and Jongin made it to their room. Jongin flopped onto the bed with an over-exaggerated sigh. He pulled out his phone and began flicking through various notifications and feeds.

Junmyeon dropped his small case by the foot of his bed and joined Jongin in collapsing onto his own bed. 

A minute later, too agitated to remain still for long, Junmyeon was back on his feet and pacing the room. Jongin looked up from his phone and rolled his eyes. "If you carry on, you're going to wear out the floor, hyung." He turned his phone off and sat up. "Take a shower or something if you can't sit still." 

"Yes, yes," Junmyeon said, distracted. "I'll do that." 

Jongin raised an eyebrow and looked thoroughly unimpressed. "Were you even listening? Do what?" 

Junmyeon sighed. "Whatever you said - Yes." 

"Take a shower, hyung," Jongin said. His voice was suddenly soft like he was speaking to a young child who was not fully capable of understanding his words. "It might clear your head." 

Having properly listened that time, Junmyeon nodded. He undid the lock on his bag and pulled out some fresh clothes and his wash bag. "Yell if you need me to hurry up," he said, walking into the bathroom. The white, shiny tiles were thrown into blinding relief as Junmyeon turned the light on. 

"I will," Jongin replied, lying down again and flicking his phone back on. 

Junmyeon shut the door behind himself and dropped his stuff onto the counter next to the sink. He pulled a fluffy towel off the rack and put the bathmat down and then turned the shower on. Warm steam filled the room in an opaque fog. Junmyeon basked in it as he stripped and climbed into the shower.

Junmyeon allowed the water to pour onto his head and pound onto his tense shoulders and back. He could feel the knots working themselves out and he relaxed into the blissful warmth.

A day’s worth of grit was washed away from his lithe form. Junmyeon sighed with relief at the feeling of cleanliness. It was refreshing and mind-clearing. His thoughts drifted and his worries dissolved.

The shower shut off a minute later and Junmyeon stepped out, wrapping the thick towel around himself. He was immediately hit by an overload of smells. The cream that Minseok had given him had washed away in the warm water. There was no scent in the bathroom that Junmyeon should have been overly sensitive to, yet the world swam before his eyes.

Frantically, Junmyeon scrambled for his wash bag, searching for his remaining scent blockers and painkillers. He was not sure what he was expecting them to do - Neither of them worked to prevent his own sense of smell, but in his dazed frenzy, Junmyeon ignored this. He downed two tablets and then scrabbled around for his dirty trousers.

Minseok's cream was still in the pocket. 

Junmyeon smeared some below his nose and sighed in relief as everything was once again covered by the overpowering smell of eucalyptus.

Subdued, Junmyeon dressed and folded his dirty clothes. He wandered out of the bathroom and dropped everything in a messy pile. Junmyeon then resumed his previous position, lying on the bed. His phone was where he had left it – next to him, abandoned on the duvet.

Junmyeon's prior exhaustion returned and he closed his eyes. Everything drifted into a state of half being. He hung on the edge of sleep like he was clinging to the cliff of a chasm.

Jongin asked him something that Junmyeon did not fully catch. He mumbled something incomprehensible in return and turned around onto his side, curling his legs up and turning himself into a ball.

Before he knew it, Junmyeon had drifted back to sleep, once again perfectly oblivious and enveloped inside his own world. 


	5. V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! 
> 
> Here's a new chapter. I hope you enjoy it ^^  
> Tell me what you think :)
> 
> \- MachineWired
> 
>  
> 
> Also: Can I just say Xuimin and Mark's song - Young and Free - killed me??? Go and check it out if you haven't already :))

The awards show crept up on Junmyeon without him noticing. In fact, all of their schedules did. Following their arrival in Guangzhou, Junmyeon had felt completely out of control of everything.

Unaware and unresponsive, Junmyeon was floating in his own mind, completely lost, most of the time. It was showing, too.

Junmyeon had not checked their schedules for each day, let alone memorised them like he usually did. His disorganisation was so prevalent that he was formally reprimanded by the manager who was present. Junmyeon had hardly been able to bring himself to pay attention, though. 

Junmyeon could not make himself focus. He was in a state of nervous tension; too agitated to sit still and think everything through properly.

It felt like Junmyeon had been put onto a never-ending merry-go-round. The world kept spinning and Junmyeon was becoming dizzier and dizzier. He was not sure for how much longer he would be able to keep walking in straight lines without stumbling over his own feet.

Each day that Junmyeon had to continue walking onwards as if nothing was wrong was becoming more taxing.

Breaking Point was an apt name, Junmyeon contemplated. The cracks in his façade were becoming more obvious and Junmyeon was struggling to hide them. He was too deep into it to hide it, though.

The awards show fell on the day after Junmyeon's scent blockers officially ran out. He had spent exactly five days without heat suppressants and he was feeling the affects. The prickling under his skin was distinct and uncomfortable.

Junmyeon's scent blockers running out marked his downfall. His scent - _the damned roses_ \- was impossible to pin directly to an omega, but it was an easy jump to make. Junmyeon's scent was so cliched for an omega that he had no question that his group mates would make the connection.

Should Junmyeon's scent change, it would be obvious and jarring. There would be nowhere to hide. His fellow members had never known anything but his token, almost absent smell. Even Chanyeol, notoriously bad at distinguishing scents, would notice the difference.

Even with scent blockers still working, Junmyeon's imminent heat drew closer and closer. He had no idea when it would come, but once it did, if he could not acquire more heat suppressants, he would official meet his dead end.

Despite the fact that his world was falling apart, Junmyeon pressed onwards. If he was going down, he was going to go down fighting. 

"Last run though," Yixing called, pacing up and down the stage. He shuffled the members into their correct positions and discussed arrangements with the show staff in quiet Mandarin. It flew over Junmyeon's head. He was complacent as he followed the instructions when they were dished out to him. He had no reason, or energy, to protest, even if he had wanted to.

Junmyeon did question why these run-throughs were necessary, though. Their dance performance was conditional on them winning the award and Junmyeon did not have his hopes set high.

Yixing signalled the cue to the music technicians and the heavy beats began. People blurred into colours and Junmyeon's world span into a mess of footwork. He found himself flying through the choreography.

It was so well nailed into his mind that Junmyeon was sure he could do it backwards with a blindfold. His feet were still sluggish, though, and Junmyeon could feel Yixing's critical eye burning into his back.

The final note reverberated to a end. The echo continued for an abnormally long time, ringing around the empty concert hall. It was hard to believe that in a mere few hours, the room would be filled with thousands of people.

The staff applauded politely and EXO was quickly shoved off stage to allow the next group to rehearse. Junmyeon wobbled precariously as he followed the staff members into the wings.

Yixing gathered them all in a circle and then lead the way to a small dressing room. A group of makeup artists and stylists were already ready and waiting. It was four hours until the show began, but the practice run-throughs had been going on for hours.

The amount of coordination required in running a show never ceased to amaze Junmyeon. He was not sure it ever would. The sheer amount of people was intimidating.

Junmyeon sighed as he collapsed onto a lumpy chair. His skin was scorching and although he wanted to believe it was exertion from the dance, he could not make himself do so. It was all too familiar for Junmyeon to bare.

In the corner of the room, Baekhyun and Chanyeol were crowding around the running sheet.

Someone had kindly translated a copy into Korean. It hung innocently from a mirror, pasted with liberal amounts of sticky tape. Junmyeon had not looked at it, although, he suddenly asked himself whether he should have.

Chanyeol let out a whoop and laughed hysterically. He drew his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it with a few deft jabs of his thumb. He continued to smirk as searched something up.

Baekhyun snorted and beckoned for Jongdae to join them. He pointed at a name and Jongdae, too, giggled. 

"What's so funny?" Jongin asked as he took a seat on a battered couch. 

Baekhyun roared with laughed and doubled over, unable to answer, so Chanyeol took over for him.

"Look at the sheet," Chanyeol guffawed. "Zitao, Yifan-hyung and Luhan-hyung are all here!" He pointed at the three different names on the paper and waved his phone about. "Taotao is here for his music and Yifan-hyung and Luhan-hyung are here for their recent movies." 

Jongin stood up abruptly and joined Sehun in jostling around the paper, competing for a chance to look at the list. Kyungsoo and Minseok looked on cooly and Yixing had already disappeared with the staff to discuss something else. 

Baekhyun rubbed his eyes. " _God_ , SM is _so_ petty."

An abyss opened up beneath Junmyeon's feet and he was certain it had nothing to do with the biological chaos inside him. It had been years since Junmyeon had last made contact with Yifan or Luhan.

Even though it was again SM's wishes, Junmyeon had done his best to keep contact with Zitao and make sure he was doing well. Having lost two members of his pseudo-family, Junmyeon was not prepared to loose a third.

At one stage, Junmyeon had made a half-hearted attempt to regain contact with Luhan. It had quickly been overridden by some higher-ups who had found out. Junmyeon had not tried again since and had remained decidedly silent about Tao's number, saved under an unassuming pseudonym.

Yifan was another story, though. His departure had been abrupt and painful. Junmyeon had done his best to block the memories out of his mind, but it was harder than it should have been.

The weeks phased into months and then into years and yet, the alpha's book-ish smell would never leave. It hung around, like a lingering, ever-present memory. Junmyeon drowned in it in the depths of the night and no matter how much he begged for it to go away, it never did. 

The secondhand book stores that Junmyeon used to love pottering through became enemies; the smell was too similar to Yifan's. The distinct smell had always been comforting, until he had left and Junmyeon felt like a rug had been pulled out from under his feet.

Someone tapped Junmyeon on the shoulder. He jolted around and met Minseok's wide eyes.  
"Are you alright?" he asked, refusing to let go of Junmyeon's arm. "You zoned out again... You've been doing that a lot lately." He gently prodded Junmyeon's forehead, right between his eyes and winkled his nose. "And, you smell, too. Who have you been hanging around?" 

Junmyeon shrugged and forced a smile. The remnants of the scent blockers were wearing off quicker than he had hoped they would. "I guess it's what happens at an awards show," he said softly. "It doesn't matter. It'll fade soon, when we're not so surrounded by people."

The lie slipped out before Junmyeon could stop it. He knew that the scent would not disappear. Not until he could get his hands on more scent blockers. It was not looking like it would be possible to acquire any while he was in China, either.

The strict monitoring on them made it very hard for Junmyeon to find any, even though he had looked in as many places as he could think of. The medications were prescription only, and Junmyeon knew that, but he searched hopelessly, anyway, passing it off as various trips for toothpaste and deodorant.

Minseok looked at Junmyeon doubtfully, but did not press the matter. "You've heard that Yifan, Luhan and Zitao are here, then?" he asked, casually. He pointed over to the hysterical group crowing around the mirror and chuckled as he saw Kyungsoo elbowing Chanyeol with all his might. 

"Hmm," Junmyeon agreed. He shuffled his chair closer to the small table, covered in makeup supplies and endless stacks of schedules and forms. Minseok joined him, pulling another seat closer to Junmyeon's.

"What's the bet that we were sent to these awards just because those three are here?" Minseok scoffed.

Kyungsoo sat down at the table, apparently having finished with injuring Chanyeol and sighed heavily. "I don't think anyone is dumb enough to take you up on that offer," he said, pulling a face. "Literally, if there is an opportunity to assert dominance over all three of them at once, of course SM isn't going to miss the chance. They're as frivolous as anything, particular where the lawsuits are concerned." He sneered unpleasantly and then frowned. "It's not fair on them, and it's not fair on us." He cast a sidewards look at Junmyeon. 

Junmyeon ignored it purposefully and tried to smile. "Whether or not we're here because of that, it's still our duty to do our best." 

"Don't play honourable leader," Kyungsoo said gently. "We all know that you're as frustrated as we are." In truth, Junmyeon was not. In fact, frustration was not even on the list of emotions that he could place in that moment. Confusion and longing were ranked much higher and they obscured everything else very effectively. 

Kyungsoo continued quietly. "I don't think we'll probably meet Zitao. Solo artists are being presented way after us. But, actors and movie awards are just before musical groups. I think Luhan-hyung and Yifan-hyung are both under the same award. If we're lucky, we might even end up seeing both of them just before or after our nomination." 

Junmyeon's mouth tightened into a stiff line. "We'll see," he said quietly. "We'll see..." 

Minseok shifted in his seat and lean forwards to rest his arms on the table. "What do you think? Do you even want to see them? I guess it could get messy..."

Kyungsoo shook his head. "No one is stupid enough to stir up trouble here," he said logically. "I'd like to meet Yifan-hyung and Luhan-hyung again at some point. I don't know of anyone still in contact with either of them."

Twisting his fingers into weird positions, Minseok sighed heavily. "How many of us still keep up with Tao, then?"

Junmyeon shrugged. "Most, I think." He looked around furtively, but their manager was nowhere to be seen. Usually, the topic of their old members remained untouched. No one was gutsy enough to bring it up where they might be overheard by the staff. The threat of consequences was too harsh.

It meant, though, that they never really knew who was talking to who, even amongst themselves. Kyungsoo was right; Junmyeon had no idea if anyone was talking to Luhan or Yifan. Zitao, he knew, had many correspondents within the nine that remained. He had been one too many for anyone to leave without a form of contact.

Kyungsoo lay his head on the table. "I wonder how they've been doing..." he pondered quietly. Junmyeon wondered, too.

The following hours were spent in a flurry of rehearsals, interviews and stylist chairs.

Junmyeon felt completely awful. He remembered studying exponential relationships in school, and that was how he wanted to compare his state of being. With each hour that passed, Junmyeon felt the churning in his stomach double, triple, quadruple. The numbness in his brain intensified and so did the fuzziness in his vision.

Everything was deteriorating. Junmyeon was hoping for a miracle to get through the awards show without issues. 

It seems increasingly unlikely, though. Junmyeon knew that. _Everyone knew that_. They were all walking around him on tiptoes and avoiding asking him to exert himself at all. Junmyeon was thankful, but he was frustrated, too. The isolation only highlighted what a poor job he had done at hiding his ailments. 

Junmyeon had undertaken an acting course in university. If he could not pretend that everything was okay when it was not, Junmyeon was in serious doubt as to what he actually could do. He was a leader - It was his job to worry over everyone else. It was definitely not their job to worry over him.

"Fifteen minute call," Yixing announced, translating quickly for a stagehand who had appeared in their doorway. "They want us stage-right in five minutes." He closed the door behind the staff member and gestured for the members to form a circle. Excitement pheromones were errant in the air and the thick layers of makeup that everyone had on obscured their real expressions.

Junmyeon tried not to be too disconcerted by it. 

"Everyone knows what's happening?" Yixing asked, raising a dramatic eyebrow. "Let's go over it, okay? Enter stage-right, wait for award presentation, speech and dance if necessary, exit stage-right." He rattled the order off with innate accuracy. There were nods of agreement and Yixing left it at that.

Minseok cleared his throat. "If we win, that's great. If we don't, that's fine, too. Let's just make sure that we're behaving well, yeah? Do our best and no one can shun us for that." He smiled warmly and then turned a sharp eye towards the younger members of the group in particular. "I know that Yifan, Luhan and Zitao are here. Don't bait them, okay? We'll suffer for it when we get back to the company if you do."

Baekhyun gravely dipped his head. A mischievous grin crossed his face. "Let's do this! EXO, fighting!" The echo in returned was mellow at best, but Baekhyun did not appear deterred. He energetically led the group to the wing.

As they approached, Junmyeon felt his legs growing heavier and his movements becoming clumsier. A weight was settling on him. Baekhyun gave everyone bright smiles and encouraging words as they gathered among the other nominee groups.

Junmyeon recognised most of them and on a better day, he might have been more talkative with them. His throat was itching, his eyes were swollen and all he wanted was to sleep. Being friendly to others was important to Junmyeon, but he was willing to overlook it as he stood, half leaning on Jongin.

The name of the award had completely escaped Junmyeon. His head pounded wickedly and he winced as he stood there. Even Minseok's cream was wearing off. The scents of the nominees and staff members were pressing in from all sides.

It was completely overwhelming. Junmyeon's windpipe was enclosing in on itself. He was suffocating. His ribs were constricting him. His lungs could not expand. There was no air. Everything was woozy.

Minseok reflexively took a tight hold on Junmyeon's elbow and helped him remain upright. Junmyeon gasped as felt air rush into his lungs again. Jongin had put his arm around Junmyeon's waist and grasped it protectively.

A minute passed while Junmyeon regained control over his breathing. Neither Jongin, nor Minseok let go of him and Junmyeon was thankful for it. He thought he might have fallen over if they had not been supporting him.

"Okay, let go," Junmyeon whispered a minute later. " _Please_ ," he said more urgently when he saw Jongin hesitating. "I'm fine - we need to go on a minute."

"Hyung," Jongin hissed back, "you can't go on if you can't breathe. Stay back here in the wings and we can explain it afterwards to management when they ask."

Junmyeon shook his head resolutely. "Absolutely not," he muttered back. "It's fine. We're only out there for a few minutes, anyway." He took a deep, reassuring breath. "Jongin, let go of me. Thank you very much, but I'm fine now."

Reluctantly, Jongin withdrew his arm and stepped away. For a moment, Junmyeon teetered on the balls of his feet and Minseok's eyes flashed with worry. Junmyeon waved him off quickly and turned to the stage hand.

"EXO, you're on," the stage hand said, holding down a button on his headset. Junmyeon plastered a huge, fake smile onto his face, rubbed a hand over his sweaty forehead and walked with manufactured confidence onto the stage.

The stage lights blared and it was like it was Junmyeon's first time on stage again. The faceless audience and spotlights from every direction made him feel like an intimidated child. It was his first day at school, his audition for SM, his interview for university. It was suddenly more terrifying that standing on a stage had ever been.

Junmyeon felt like he had just before his first presentation. He felt sick. Junmyeon blanched and bent forwards, fighting the urge to vomit. Minseok looked almost as nauseated as Junmyeon felt. 

The expression on Minseok's face was one of pure, but disguised horror as he finally seemed to understand what was happening. What had been happing for years. It was too late to do anything.

The burning under Junmyeon's skin and the screaming of the audience assured him of that. 

There was an explosion of applause and polite clapping on stage. People were patting Junmyeon on the back and smiling politely, exchanging pleasantries. Junmyeon had no idea of what was going on.

It was like looking through at the world through a kaleidoscope. Everything was there, but it was scrambled and in the wrong order. Junmyeon stared desperately around the stage, searching for a sign to tell him what was going on. 

Junmyeon caught sight of Kyungsoo, clutching an award, looking stunned, and Yixing, speaking into a microphone, smiling broadly. Their eyes were bright and sparkling under the spotlights.

Junmyeon straightened his back and beamed along with them. Anything to get through the next five minutes without the impending collapse. Junmyeon was shaking like a leaf in an autumnal breeze.

The stage emptied and Junmyeon was coerced into his starting position before he could do anything about it. Minseok looked distressed where he stood, but did not attempt to protest.

The encore began. Music was once again blaring and Junmyeon fell easily into the well practiced dance. That was the one thing he felt confident he would be able to do. Even on trembling legs, Junmyeon had been taught how to pretend that nothing was wrong.

Junmyeon stumbled on a jump, but quickly regained his footing. He caught someone's eyes, flashing in the stage wings and his heart plummeted. Someone else had noticed.

Then, it all became so much worse. A trickle of slick dribbled out of Junmyeon. His smell infused into the surrounding air. The burning under his skin was a raging fire. Junmyeon's face was ashen and his stomach flipped.

Minseok caught his eye from the opposite end of the choreography line and looked utterly terrified. Junmyeon did not know what to make of that. He was bordering delirium and he knew it.

Yunho and his presentation flashed across Junmyeon's mind and he would have laughed if he had been in an appropriate situation. Only, this was not appropriate. There was never going to be an appropriate situation, really.

Junmyeon was ten years into his secret. Was there ever going to be a good time to reveal it? Junmyeon doubted it, but it did not matter what his opinions were on the matter. Everything he had ever worked to hide was being undone in front of his eyes. It was being undone on a televised stage.

Another trail of slick dripped down Junmyeon's inner thigh, warm and sticky. Junmyeon was thankful that his trousers was dark; the colour was his only line of defence against the audience.

Junmyeon's scent was not the most pressing issue in terms of the audience. There was no way to prove it came from him. All he needed was someone to prove he was in heat, though, and he would be in a right mess. Well, if his situation could get any messier than what it already was.

The song ended and Junmyeon slumped forwards. Kyungsoo caught his arm and Baekhyun dashed forwards to support his other side. Everything was a blur as Junmyeon was escorted off the stage.

In the wings, there was chaos.

The sudden dispersal of his scent had not gone unnoticed. Immediately, there were questions from every directions, people pressing closer, other people trying to regain control over everything and not let the audience become aware of what was happening.

Minseok had pulled away and was standing on the edge of the group, looking mildly green. Baekhyun and Jongdae had taken control of Junmyeon and were trying to direct him somewhere out of the stage wings.

Junmyeon's limbs felt like concrete and, god, it burned. Junmyeon wanted to scream but his tongue was limp and jaw locked. Slick dripped down his leg. Everything hurt and Junmyeon knew it was only going to get worse.

Junmyeon's stomach began churning. He bent forwards and dry wretched. Baekhyun winced and recoiled in disgust, but his grip on Junmyeon's shoulder did not loosen. Heaving and sputtering, Junmyeon choked on air and tears splashed down his cheeks.

Yixing was talking in furiously fast mandarin and then, he was yelling at Kyungsoo, who in turn gestured to Jongdae and Baekhyun to follow him. Feet dragging on the floor behind him, Junmyeon allowed himself to be dragged down a corridor like a rag doll.

Suddenly, Junmyeon's vision was obscured by a tall, well built figure. Like he was drunk, Junmyeon staggered to support himself on his own two feet. Neither Jongdae, nor Baekhyun let go of Junmyeon, though.

"Yifan," Kyungsoo said quietly. Having apparently been scouting for a nearby room that they could close the door to, he had returned and frozen in his tracks at the sight before him. Kyungsoo had dropped honourifics, not that Yifan appeared to notice.

In all of his six-foot-tall glory, Yifan stood in front of them looking confused. Comprehension dawned on his face as Junmyeon's heat smell seeped into the air. Then, he went rock solid, rooted to the group. His jaw tightened and his fists clenched.

For a moment, Junmyeon thought he was going to punch someone. Yifan did not move, though. He remained motionless, like he was frozen in time.

The smell of second-hand bookshops was everywhere. Junmyeon's eyes dilated and he gagged.

Junmyeon felt like his whole body had imploded. His vision was swinging wildly between monochrome and colours that Junmyeon could not put a name to. His body had been set on fire and he was melting. His stomach turned inside out.

Slick rushed down his trembling thighs. It ran thickly, like melted chocolate. The thought made Junmyeon want to vomit again.

"Oh, _for fuck's sake_ ," Kyungsoo muttered under his breath. "Now of all times - Are you kidding?" He roughly shoved Yifan aside and kicked Baekhyun's calf, jolting him back to reality.

Jongdae shook his head and with one hand, rubbed vigorously at his eyes. "Right," Jongdae said, looking to Kyungsoo. His eyes were distant, even though his words were attentive. "Which way are we going?" 

Kyungsoo pointed down the hallway. "There's a room down there. Lights off, deserted - You won't miss it." He cast a dark look at Yifan, who was still standing deadlocked and staring at nothing. "I'll deal with him until someone else gets here." He spat the words as through they were distasteful. Somewhere - very, very deep within himself - Junmyeon felt it grate.

Junmyeon's dazed mind was too preoccupied to say anything about it. To even make noises at all was a battle he was loosing. Junmyeon let out an embarrassing whimper as he was pushed into a dark room.

Jondae flicked the lights on while Baekhyun helped Junmyeon onto the couch and forced him to lie down. 

Someone was cooing into Junmyeon's ear. All he could comprehend was pain. So much pain. It was a scalding sensation, like someone was showering him in boiling water. It was worse than that, though. His skin broiled but his insides were scorching.

Junmyeon never remembered heats being pleased, but he had not recalled them to be this agonising. The agony was never ending and whatever sexual drive he was meant to have was non-existent. Junmyeon wanted an end, not a knot.

"Hyung, you have to calm down," Jongdae gently. He refrained from touching Junmyeon. "You're in heat and it's only going to be worse if you're panicking." Junmyeon moaned pitifully and writhed on the couch. 

Baekhyun crouched down next to Jongdae. "It's okay, hyung. Do you know what's happening? We..." He looked desperately at Jongdae. "We'll get you out of here, yeah?" Junmyeon's eyes were screwed closed and he did not see how distressed Jondae and Baekhyun appeared. 

There was a knocking at the door. Baekhyun hesitantly answered it and slipped outside when he saw Minseok. Junmyeon and Jongdae were left alone. A sob escaped Junmyeon and he twisted relentlessly on the couch. There was an obvious wet patch on his trousers now and to his horror, Junmyeon could finally feel his arousal growing. It did nothing to stop the pain. Instead, it added to the already overwhelming mess of feelings in his body. 

Jongdae must have noticed because he blushed and stood up, backing away slightly to stand by the door. A minute later, Baekhyun knocked on the door softly and entered. He muttered  
quietly to Jongdae, who promptly disappeared out of the room.

Baekhyun squatted next to Junmyeon. "Someone is one their way to pick you up now," he said softly. The harshly smudged makeup around his eyes did not match the sympathetic look on his face. "We can find... Some toys and things for you. And, someone can stay with you, if you want." 

That was possibly the last thing Junmyeon wanted and he tried to shake his head. Baekhyun tutted softly and sat cross-legged by the couch. "Heats are natural, hyung... It's not your fault that this happened now. At least, I don't think it is." 

Baekhyun slowly ran his hands through Junmyeon's hair. It did nothing to calm his erratic heart. "Is this your first heat, hyung? I promise, it's not as bad as it seems, really. I mean, if this is your presentation, then I guess this might be really new, but it's nothing to be scared of. If you were unpresented and pretended to be a beta, that's okay, hyung. You'll be fine."

Junmyeon began crying even more than he had been before. Did Baekhyun not understand? It was entirely his fault that he had ended up in this mess. This disaster had been ten-years in the making, and it fell onto his shoulders like the weight of the world.

Junmyeon's whole body shook with sobs, writhed in pain and flushed with simulation. 

Baekhyun backtracked quickly. As he did so, the door burst open again. Minseok - apparently armed with his cream - and Jongdae rushed into the small room. "Van's outside," Jongdae said. "The others cleared the hallway. We've got a clear route out of the place and we can go straight to the hotel." 

Minseok nodded. "The staff are assisting us, too. Everyone in the show is going to be sworn to secrecy and the audience is unaware of everything." His eyes flickered to Junmyeon, still squirming futilely. He helped pull Junmyeon into a sitting position. "Myeonnie, can you walk, or do you want someone to carry you?" 

Junmyeon's mouth would not work and he uselessly mouthed gibberish. Minseok winced. "Right, a lift it is," Minseok said gravely. Easily, he scooped Junmyeon up and carried him to the van. Jongdae walked two steps ahead and Baekhyun two steps behind, like a bizarre guard of honour. 

It was blurry after that, but eventually, Junmyeon knew he ended up back in the hotel, Jongdae and Baekhyun once again crowding him. Everyone else was presumably in their own rooms. Junmyeon was past the point of caring, if he was honest with himself. 

Having successfully made Junmyeon change into clean underwear and a thin t-shirt, Jondae and Baekhyun went on to encourage Junmyeon into a slummed position on his bed. "Let's establish some things," Baekhyun said softly. 

"I'm sorry," Junmyeon whimpered. "I'm sorry - I'm sorry. I'm so, _so_ sorry." 

"Sorry for what?" Jongdae asked. "It doesn't matter now, hyung. We can deal with this after your heat, okay? We just need to know what you want us to do." 

Junmyeon's voice caught in his throat, so he waited for someone to continue. Eventually, Baekhyun did. "Is this your first heat?" 

Like a robot, Junmyeon made himself shake his head. 

Confusion flashed across Jongdae's face, but he made no comment. "Okay, then. You know what's happening, right?" Jongdae waited for Junmyeon's nod before he continued. "Do you want one of us in here, then? We can find some toys or something for you." 

"I'm fine," Junmyeon said. "I can deal with it." 

Baekhyun frowned. "Well, obviously not if you're at this point." He winced and apologised when he saw Junmyeon's appalled expression. "That was rude - Sorry. But, seriously... Whatever you choose, there will obviously still be a heat watch roster."

Junmyeon pulled a face. He had forgotten about that. At least, he had rather hoped that he would be able to get away without having to deal with it. Apparently luck was not on his side. It had not been for the last month, though.

"I'll be fine," Junmyeon said, voice cracking. "Just leave me alone." His body trembled in a combination of torment and overstimulation. The underwear that he was wearing was already soaked through with slick and the sheets on the bed were beginning suffer, too.

Jongdae's face was grim. "We'll do what we usually do, then. Heat watch from the outside of the room. Shout if you need anything, okay? We'll be in every four or so hours to make sure you're drinking and stuff." He pulled Baekhyun to the door. "We'll find some toys or something, because - well, you probably know as well as us - it sucks to go through heat with only your hands."

The door slammed shut behind them and Junmyeon was left blushing at the connotations of Jongdae's words. 

Junmyeon turned over and screamed into the pillow. His body and finally betrayed him and now, Junmyeon would pay the price. 


	6. VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow??? 150 kudos?? That's incredible! Thank you so much, everyone! 
> 
> Hopefully you all enjoy this chapter! I'm sorry it took a bit longer than it should have to get up - I haven't had wifi for the duration of the time I was away. 
> 
> On another note - Are you hyped for The War? I'm certainly starting the countdown! 
> 
> \- MachineWired

The days passed slowly. More slowly than Junmyeon would have liked to believe time was able to move. The hours whiled away, swinging wildly between periods of burning hot, thigh-trembling arousal and shivering, aching agony.

Everything drifted into half-formed images. He could not comprehend was was occurring around him, except for occasional people floating around his bedside and pushing food into his dry mouth.

It was a time warp and Junmyeon was trapped in it. He had no idea for how long his heat went on, except for measuring it by waves. Even that, though, was difficult to do. Junmyeon quickly lost track of what was passing.

In his daze, Junmyeon fell very easily into a pattern of fucking himself with the toys he had been given. The head aids - embarrassing as it had been to receive them - had been of more help than he was willing to admit. They gave him nowhere near the level of satisfaction he knew a real person would, but he was well beyond caring.

Eventually, the heat passed. With it, a disgust in himself began. Junmyeon blinked and allowed his eyes to drift in and out of focus as he stared at the celling. The grey surface was dusty and spiderwebs hung from it artistically, like tinsel draped on a Christmas tree.

The awful fever was almost gone. Junmyeon could feel it, the last remnants simmering beneath his skin. Ever so slowly, it was growing weaker. His arousal had died and Junmyeon had already hidden all of the toys, unable to look at them without feeling embarrassment bubble in his stomach..

The sight of the objects – a repulsive, bright rainbow of colours – was humiliating. Junmyeon would have refused to use them if he been in control of the willpower to do so. He was not, though. He had been completely incapacitated by the heat was coursed through his body.

Junmyeon lay on top of the sheets. They were vile; stiff with sweat and slick and who knew what other fluids. Between the most severe waves, Jongdae, Baekhyun and occasionally a few of the betas, had dropped food into his room.

When it became apparent that Junmyeon was not eating, they snuck in and began to forcefully feed him themselves.

More of the food ended up on the floor or in the covers than in Junmyeon. What he did eat made him feel sick. He survived the week on saltine crackers, dry toast and titbits of fruit.

With his heat drawing to an end, Junmyeon's stomach rolled uncomfortably. He was still certain that he would be sick if he was made to eat anything. It was almost over, though, and that was the sole thing Junmyeon clung onto.

A single, unopened bottle of water lay on the bedside table as a reminder of what was left. Junmyeon pulled it towards himself and opened it. Taking a sip, Junmyeon let the water soothe his raw throat.

The last traces of the heat began to disappear from his system. He could feel himself growing cold, wearing nothing and covered in his own dried slick and semen.

It grew too much and Junmyeon shivered. He forced his aching body into a seated position. His back groaned in protest and he threw a hand to it, gently massaging up and down his spinal column. The bony structure was easy to feel through his skin.

Junmyeon pulled himself out of the bed and wrapped one of the dirty blankets around himself. Everyone in EXO had seen each other naked at one point or another and Junmyeon had by default lost all dignity through the duration of his heat, but that did not mean he was willing to walk around nude.

Somewhere in the back of his fuzzy mind, Junmyeon hoped someone had removed his contacts. His eyes would never forgive him if had worn them for the duration of his heat.

Junmyeon could not feel the telltale scratchiness, though, so he supposed someone must have done it. He rubbed at his eyes. The image was fuzzy, but that was perfect normal when he did not have his glasses on.

On shaking knees, Junmyeon approached the door. He quietly knocked on it and waited for someone to answer.

Almost immediately, Kyungsoo stuck his head around the corner. “Junmyeon-hyung?” he said, looking almost surprised. “It’s over?”

Junmyeon nodded. Exhaustion was already rushing through his body, much quicker than it should have been. He was battling to keep his eyes open and to face Kyungsoo without falling against the wall.

“Take a shower, hyung,” Kyungsoo said, pushing Junmyeon into the small bathroom. “I’ll air out the room and stuff. Jongin’s close by, too, so I’ll call him over.” He gave Junmyeon a reassuring smile. "It's perfectly fine, hyung."

Junmyeon shook his head. “I can clean up,” he said, voice cracking into a higher register than he had ever wanted to hear. “It’s gross.”

Kyungsoo shrugged. “It’s literally no different to when Jongdae or Baekhyun have their heats, or when Tao had his. We still helped them clean up, didn’t we? No reason why we wouldn’t do the same for you.” He tried to close the door behind Junmyeon, but Junmyeon held it open with a slender hand.

“Clothes,” Junmyeon said, gesturing vaguely to his sheet-covered body.

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. “Go take a shower, hyung. I’ll bring you some.” Then, he did fully shut the door. Junmyeon did not lock it from his side, too afraid of collapsing in the shower where he stood.

True to his word, Kyungsoo came back a minute later and dropped a pile of fresh clothes in the corner, just inside the door. His glasses case sat on top and Junmyeon could have kissed Kyungsoo. He didn't. Instead, Junmyeon hid behind the shower curtain and avoided looking at him.

The warm water poured over him like an extremely pleasant storm. It worked away at the knots in his stiff muscles and stripped away the mess on his skin. Junmyeon rubbed a hand through his hair and felt the sweat-stiff hairstyle gradually give way to the relentless water.

It was so nice. Junmyeon closed his eyes and stood placidly under the stream, perfectly content to remain there forever. The warmth was reassuring and the steam obscured his sight.

Junmyeon did not have to see himself in the foggy mirror. He knew that there were probably dark bags under his eyes and his skin was sickly and clammy. It would not be a pleasant sight. He did not want to have to see that, and he pitied Kyungsoo who had been on the forefront of it.

Junmyeon felt even more sorry for anyone who had been made to look after him during his heat. His mother had held badly disguised distaste for the job when he had been younger, so Junmyeon could only imagine what his friends’ opinions on the matter were. He would rather not know at all.

“Hyung, are you almost done?” Kyungsoo asked, knocking on the door. “Jongin’s here and I think Minseok-hyung and Yixing-hyung are bringing the others.”

Junmyeon recoiled at the thought of so many people, but he knew better than to protest. “Yeah,” he croaked in reply. “Almost done.”

“Okay, then,” Kyungsoo called back, retreating from the door.

Junmyeon clambered ungracefully out of the shower and pulled a towel around himself. The fluffy fabric was smooth on his sensitive skin and amazing painless on the liquid-chaffed areas of his thighs and stomach.

The clothes that Kyungsoo had given him were obviously not Junmyeon’s own. They were too big to be his, so Junmyeon could only assume that someone else had donated their clothes for him to wear. He pulled them on regardless and huffed, irritated, as the sleeves of the jumper fell past his finger tips and the hem line dropped close to his knees.

Junmyeon turned the fan and lights off and left the bathroom, dirty clothes clutched in his hands. Kyungsoo was stripping the bed while Jongin pulled the curtains of the dark room and threw the windows open. It was dark outside and a sparse scattering of stars decorated the inky black. Junmyeon assumed that it was more for fresh air than light.

Walking into the room again, Junmyeon could smell his own scent. It hit him like a punch in the face. It was no longer fresh, though. It smelt wilted and half dead. It made Junmyeon gag and nearly drop the laundry he held in his arms.

Kyungsoo appeared to be putting on a strong face but Junmyeon noticed that Jongin was standing by the window for much longer than he could argue as normal.

Junmyeon cleared his throat, still holding the bundle of clothes wrapped in the dirty blanket. Kyungsoo turned and gave him a smile. He pointed at the pile of sheets in the corner and threw another cover in the direction, himself.

“I put your – uh –  _heat_ _aids_  in the bag over there,” Jongin said awkwardly, gesturing towards the corner when an innocent shopping bag sat. Junmyeon paled. Apparently he had not done a good enough job a hiding them.

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” Kyungsoo said softly. “Most omegas need them to get through heats…”

“Yeah, speaking of which, we’ve got a lot to talk about…” Jongin said. Junmyeon winced. He had been waiting for the words, but that made it no easier to face. He wanted to escape from the inevitable talk, but that was obviously not an option.

Junmyeon began to tidy in his own corner, avoiding answering Jongin. The room was silent for ten minutes, until Minseok appeared. His strode into the room with quick steps and Baekhyun and Jongdae followed him.

“Over?” Minseok asked, looking around the room. He must have already used some of his cream – maybe from a backup stash, because Junmyeon still had the tube from the aeroplane – as he did not flinch at the overpowering smell in the room.

Baekhyun and Jongdae had spent too much time in the room with Junmyeon over the past week for it to bother them.

“Yeah, it’s over,” Junmyeon said quietly.

Minseok swung around to face Junmyeon. “Glad to see you’re up and about… It’s been – what, a week? A bit more?”

“Eight days,” Jongdae said, speaking for the first time. “Nearly three times as long as a normal heat.”

Minseok’s face twisted into something unreadable. “We’ve sure got a lot to talk about, Junmyeon.” He turned to the others in the room. “Should we relocate to another room? I’m not sure it’s a good idea to hold a meeting in here…”

Baekhyun nodded. “Yeah, not in here. The scent is still pretty strong. We obviously need to do this sooner rather than later.”

“I’m sorry,” Junmyeon said quickly. He bowed his head regretfully. “I’m really, really sorry. I-“

“Junmyeon, stop,” Minseok said, dropping his hand onto Junmyeon’s shoulder. “We can go through it in a bit, but it’s not fair to keep the alphas out of the loop. They've been pretty much helpless for the entire week because of SM's regulations. Anyway, they’re waiting in another room. Let’s find them, first.”

Junmyeon nodded. The exhaustion from before was all but gone. Maybe it was adrenaline, maybe it was fear, but it was certainly not a state that Junmyeon could even imagine going to sleep in.

Baekhyun took Junmyeon’s arm and steered him out of the room, down a maze of corridors and into another room. Junmyeon fell onto the bed with a flop and the others poured into the room after them, crowding around, taking their positions on various chairs and parts of the bed.

All eight of them were in the room, scattered about, and there were suddenly eyes from every direction staring at Junmyeon. They were grave and thoughtful and worried and happy all at the same time, and it was terrifying. Junmyeon curled himself into a defensive ball.

For the first time in years, Junmyeon’s scent was free in the air. It still smelt of decay. However, it was a smell of decay that everyone could tell his emotions from. Junmyeon was defenceless in their eyes, unable to hide his thoughts or feelings anymore.

“Well,” Minseok started. “Where should we start?”

“With an apology,” Junmyeon said quietly. His voice shook as he spoke. “You didn’t deserve the shit I gave you… I lied for years… I’m sorry.” Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. “I’m so, so  _fucking_  sorry.”

Jongin looked at him, eyes wide. “You’ve always been an omega? I thought you presented at the awards show and just lied about being a beta because you didn’t want people to know you were unpresented.”

“Uh, yeah, not quite,” Junmyeon whispered. “I presented when I was twelve.” He took a shuddering breath and braced himself. He could not hide anymore and it would not be fair. Junmyeon was terrified but he could not keep these secrets to himself for any longer.

“Twelve?” Yixing gasped. “ _Twelve_? I know Minseok said you were young… But, twelve is just ridiculous.”

Sehun shook his head sadly. “How long does that mean you’ve been on suppressants for…?”

Junmyeon fiddled with the sleeves of the overlong jumper and avoided everyone’s eyes. “I was on scent blockers from the day I presented until I turned thirteen, and then I switched to heat suppressants and when I was scouted, I started using a commination of both.”

Jongdae rubbed at his temples. “But, surely your doctor told you that it’s a really dangerous combination for an omega to be on. Heat suppressants and scent blockers completely stuff up your biology when they’re used together.”

“That’s why I switched when I was fourteen,” Junmyeon said. “My doctor decided it was more important to stop the heats than the scent. He would never allow me to use them together. He gave an  _extremely_  in depth explanation for it, trust me.”

Junmyeon looked to Jongdae and saw him run a hand through his hair. Most of the others in the room looked confused. Baekhyun took control before Junmyeon or Jongdae could say anything else.

“Basically,” Baekhyun explained, “when an omega presents, they have to get checked out the doctor and whatever, just like when any other dynamic presents. But, we’re taught about all of the stuff that will mess us up, including the notorious blocker and suppressant combination.”

Jongdae took over. “The blockers and suppressants together stop enough elements of hormone production that they completely shut down an omega’s biology.”

“Fucking hell, hyung,” Chanyeol muttered. “Why would you ever do that to yourself?”

Junmyeon bit his lip. He knew that it was going to be here where he could suffer for his actions more than anywhere else. He ignored Chanyeol's question. “I never  _completely_  lied,” Junmyeon said slowly. “When I was young, I really did get sick a lot, and when I was twelve, I got this really bad illness.”

“What does this have to do with anything?” Jongin complained.

Kyungsoo elbowed him. “Shut up, Jongin.”

“Anyway,” Junmyeon continued. “It triggered a stupidly early presentation. I was way too young. It completely messed me up. I’ve never had a normal cycle.”

Yixing chewed on his tongue. “What do you mean?”

“Exactly what I said.” Junmyeon scratched at the bed covers absently. “My heats started, well, when I was twelve and there were immediately problems. They were irregular. Sometimes I would have them every few weeks, sometimes there would be gaps of six months between them.”

Jongdae whistled. “That’s rough.”

“Yeah, well,” Junmyeon shrugged. “That wasn’t even the biggest problem, really. I have no pre-heat, or at least, no proper pre-heat, so I could never tell what was going on. I’d randomly go into heat in the middle of maths class, or while playing with my friends. And, I was twelve, or thirteen. That’s just not okay.”

“Not really,” Sehun empathised.

“But, why blockers and suppressants?” Minseok finally asked. “You were so young… Doesn’t it mess you up?”

Junmyeon nodded. “Of course it did. I went onto scent blockers first, because at least that hid my dynamic most of the time and stopped people from acting weirdly when they found out my age.”

“Suppressants?” Jongin prompted.

“My heats were as unusual as my cycle.” Junmyeon sighed and looked out of the window. It was still dark. It made him realise that he had no idea what time it was. “More often than not, they were exceptionally long and completely debilitating. I couldn’t eat or drink by myself; I couldn’t do anything. I would get sick after them from lack of self care, no matter how hard my mum tried to look after me.”

No one spoke, so Junmyeon went on. “I missed heaps of days at school, my grades fell, my friends thought I was weird, I hated my life, myself and my dynamic, so my doctor and parents decided to switch blockers for suppressants. Sure, my scent was strong and completely stereotypical omega, but it was so much better than having to go through heats.”

“God, Junmyeon, I don’t even know what to say,” Minseok sighed. He scratched the back of his neck. There was silence in the room.

“But, you still haven’t explained why you went onto the double combination," Kyungsoo interjected. His voice was small and he looked sad andguilty, like he believed everything was his fault, even though it could not have been further from the truth. Junmyeon wanted to hug him, but he held himself back.

“I was scouted,” Junmyeon answered. “SM found me on the street, asked me to audition and I agreed. I got in.” He looked towards the other omegas. “You know SM. They’re tyrannical in making sure that they have heat schedules blocked out so that they can schedule stuff around it. It was 2006, too, just after all that stuff with Yunho-hyung, even though I didn't know it at the time. There was no way they would have accepted me if they knew of my irregular heats, even though I did use suppressants.”

Junmyeon looked around. "SM wants their artists at peak health and suppressants pose a liability. There are probably omegas in the company on them, probably, but with my cycle... They would never have accepted me. When I was sixteen, the idea of singing on stages and making people happy blinded me. It was all I wanted."

Yixing sighed and cradled his head in his hands, looking somewhere between tired and irritated.

Junmyeon continued when he met no interruptions. “It made more sense to me to put myself onto blockers as well, and then, I was in way too deep. There was no way I would have been able to tell the truth without being kicked out. It was just easier not having to think about being an omega and worrying about my scent and my heats.” Junmyeon exhaled and lapsed into silence

“It's dangerous, though,” Kyungsoo said, aghast. “You put your life on the line so you could enter an entertainment company. I’m sure SM wouldn’t have had a problem…”

Junmyeon shook his head. “You weren’t there, but do you remember that day we went into the company last week when Jongdae had his heat? It was around then that Yunho-hyung presented and, well, those of you who were there will remember how the others reacted talking about it. Even ten years ago, there was way too much stigma for me to be accepted.”

“Well,” Baekhyun said slowly, scuffing his bare feet on the ground, “Shit.”

“That summarises it,” Chanyeol said dryly. “But, hyung. That brings us up to 2006. What’s been going on for the past few weeks?”

Junmyeon twisted a stray cotton around his finger. “Breaking point. Basically, all that stuff about suppressants and blockers beings really dangerous together? When the hormonal suppression actually start to kill you, that’s breaking point.”

Jongin’s mouth dropped open. He gaped like a fish. “You mean to tell me that you’ve been _dying_ for the past few weeks, and you chose not to tell anyone?” His eyes flashed dangerously. Junmyeon recoiled.

“I mean, kind of?” Junmyeon whispered.

Minseok stared at him for a solid minute before bursting into a raging fury unlike what Junmyeon had ever seen before. “Kim  _fucking_  Junmyeon, you had better be joking,” he hissed.

Junmyeon looked away. He had half a mind to run from the room before the situation could get any worse, but he could not make his legs move. They had gone numb from sitting on them.

“Hyung,” Kyungsoo said softly. “Stop it – This isn’t going to get anyone anywhere.” He laid a hand on Minseok’s arm.

Minseok ducked his head. “Okay, I’m sorry,” he said a minute later. “But, really, Junmyeon? Why didn’t you tell us? It's been years, and you've been suffering for so long... We could’ve helped you. None of us care that you're an omega. We could've helped you kept it from the company."

“I was scared,” Junmyeon said. He shrunk into himself. “I was so deep into the secret that I didn’t want anyone to know the truth. It was terrifying to even think about telling people. I thought everyone would hate me.”

Sehun leant back against the wall. “We’d never hate you, hyung.”

Junmyeon sniffled. “Thanks, Sehunnie,” he murmured.

There was a silence for a long time following that. Junmyeon slumped back against bed.

“Is this why you never approached the subject of a pack bond?” Jongin said a while later. Junmyeon flushed bright red.

“No,” Junmyeon said carefully. “There a myriad of reasons why I never suggested a pack bond. This-“ he gestured to himself “-wasn’t even a significant consideration in that.”

Sehun crooked his head to the side. “Why, then?”

Junmyeon hesitated with his words, debating the best phrasing. “We’ve been unstable, wouldn’t you say?” he eventually said. “Members have left, we’ve got no bonded couples… There were other reasons besides, but…”

“Point taken,” Sehun said. He sighed propped his head up with his hand. None of them noticed Minseok averting his gaze from everyone in the group. He went oddly quiet, but it completely slipped past Junmyeon's attention.

The room became tense. Junmyeon broke the silence again. “What have you been doing for the past few days, then?”

“I’ll tell you,” Minseok said. “But first, I’m double checking. You heat. It was eight days long and you were completely out of it. And that’s  _normal?_ ”

Junmyeon shrugged. “As normal as it can be for someone who’s guessing based on their last heat, which occured when they were fourteen and a suppressed heat when they were nineteen.”

"Suppressed heat?" Jongdae moaned. "Those are awful, though. How did you manage to hide that?"

Junmyeon smiled, bittersweet. "I went home for the week. I said I was visiting my parents, but there were with my brother that week."

“Right…” Minseok said as he sighed. "You only had one suppressed heat, though?"

" _Only_?" Baekhyun repeated. "One is enough, hyung! They're awful, or so we've been told!"

Minseok backtracked. "I'm sure, Baekhyun, but over the course of ten years, I mean, if he's only had on, Jumyeon's doing well."

Junmyeon interupted before they could continue their discussion any further. "Only one," he confirmed. He shuddered remembering it. Pure misery, pain and no relief to be found anywhere. It may have been a six-day heat, but Junmyeon had been sick for almost a week follow it.

"And, Breaking Point," Minseok continued. "Recovery? What's the process for that?"

Junmyeon sighed and licked his lips. "No suppressants or blockers for a year or so, completely clear my system." He stared at the duvet and picked at his cuticles.

Baekhyun's expression tightened, no doubt thinking back to the previous week. Junmyeon felt awful.

Chanyeol breathed deeply. "Okay, hyung. Well, I don't want you to die, so if that's what you have to do, then that's what'll happen." Sehun nodded and Yixing murmured under his breath.

Although the sentiment was sweet, the alphas were not the ones who had to see how out of control Junmyeon was during his heats. Junmyeon valued their words, but it was hard not to remind them. While SM enforced their rules, they would never have to deal with washing and feeding Junmyeon when he could make coordinate his own limbs to be able to do so.

No one protested Chanyeol's words, though, and they fell back into an awkward silence. Junmyeon yawned widely and rubbed his eyes.

"We should go to bed," Kyungsoo said, giving Junmyeon a concerned look.

Junmyeon shook his head. "You said you'd tell me what's been happening. I want to hear that, first."

"In the morning, hyung," Sehun said.

Chanyeol spoke over Sehun. “We’ve just been hanging around the city,” he said. “Because Yifan-hyung, Luhan-hyung and Tao were all in the area, we’ve met up with them a fair bit. Obviously, Yifan-“

“Crap!” Kyungsoo suddenly yelped. “I forgot that.” He looked to Baekhyun and Jongin who met his gaze with a similar dread mirrored in their eyes.

Baekhyun paled. “Yeah, fuck. Um, that passed my mind...”

“What did?” Minseok said, looking cautiously at the three as they exchanged looks.

Jongdae swallowed heavily. “We, uh, need to discuss something with Junmyeon,  _privately_.”

Junmyeon’s eyes flickered between them. Jongdae grabbed Junmyeon’s hand and dragged him out of the room. In the corridor, it was still silent. It dawned on Junmyeon that he still did not know the time.

“You and Yifan-hyung,” Jongdae said without preamble, once Kyungoo and Baekhyun had rallied behind him. “You imprinted.”

Junmyeon laughed, but quickly stopped when he saw that none of them were smiling. “Wait, seriously?" He looked between them desperately. "Well, shit."

“Yeah, _shit_ ,” Kyungsoo repeated. “So, it’s up to you what you want to do with that information…”

Junmyeon crouched down and rubbed at his eyes, trying to clear his mind. “Give me some time,” he eventually said. “I’ll figure something out. Please don’t tell the others.”

Kyungsoo glanced around the hall, as if searching for spies. “We won’t,” he promised. He turned away from them and looked at the door. “Are you okay to go back in?”

Junmyeon scoffed. “Of course I am. What do you take me for? My only strength is pretending things are more okay than they actually are.” He paled. “Okay, I probably shouldn’t have said that.”

“You think?” Baekhyun said, completely unimpressed.

“We’ll talk about this later,” Jongdae promised with the undertone of a threat, before shoving Junmyeon through the door in front of him.

Minseok looked between the four of them. “All alright?” he asked.

“Yeah, fine,” Junmyeon said, resuming his seat. “Absolutely peachy.”

“Right…” Minseok trailed off. He stood up, walked over to the doorway where Junmyeon, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo were still standing and pulled them inside. He shut the door shut behind them. “It’s five in the morning,” Minseok said when he saw the confused look Junmyeon gave him. “It wouldn’t be nice to be waking up anyone else who is staying here.”

“Oh, yeah,” Junmyeon said slowly. “Probably not…”

Minseok nodded. “Yeah. Probably not,” he confirmed. He took his seat back and frowned, crossing his arms across his chest thoughtfully. “I’ll phone the manager and company,” he finally said. “Everyone else head back to bed. We’ll figure out what we’re doing in the morning.”

Chanyeol sighed. “But, hyung, there’s literally no point in going back to bed. None of us will sleep!”

Minseok fixed him with a warning gaze. Then, he let his eyes slide to Junmyeon. “Some of us will,” he said. Minseok opened the door that he had just shut and shepherded everyone out of the door. He caught Junmyeon’s arm just as he was about to leave. “You’re coming with me,” he said softly.

Junmyeon stood awkwardly in the corridor, waiting for everyone to disappear from sight. Minseok watched carefully, making sure everyone headed back to their designated rooms, before gesturing to Junmyeon to follow him. “You’re coming to my room,” he said simply. “Jongin is bunking with Baekhyun and Kyungsoo, and you’ll be with Jongdae and I.”

“Why?” Junmyeon asked, the thought of sleep completely clouding his brain.  
Minseok wrinkled his nose. “Your room still stinks of heat, and you’ve literally just spent a week cooped up in there. Surely, you’d rather stay in another room for the remainder of the night…”

“Yeah,” Junmyeon said drowsily. Suddenly, all he wanted to do was sleep. “That sounds good.”

Fiddling with something in his pocket, Minseok continued to lead Junmyeon up a flight of carpeted stairs and into his room. Jongdae was already there, sitting on the edge of his bed and flicking through his phone. It was connected to the wall by a charging cable.

“Sleep, Junmyeon,” Minseok said. He pushed Junmyeon down onto a bed – Junmyeon assumed it was Minseok’s – and pulled the covers over him. “We’ll deal with everything else in the morning, okay?”

Junmyeon nodded and rolled over. He heeded Minseok’s words and immediately fell asleep.

In the morning, probably a bit later, judging by the brightness of the light, Junmyeon awoke. He turned onto his stomach and groaned. Aches in muscles that he did not even know existed began to plague him and even the soft bed did nothing to alleviate it.

Jongdae was still sitting on his bed, but now, he rested back against the headboard. His phone had been disconnected from the charger.

“Oh, you’re awake,” Jongdae said, looking mildly surprised. He checked his phone. “And, it’s only eleven. That’s better than my guess – I thought you wouldn’t get up until at least lunchtime, which would have put a hole through our plans.”

Junmyeon moaned in response and buried his head in the pillow. After the adrenaline rush the previous night, everything was catching up with him. He burrowed under the covers and hissed softly at the sheets, twisted into knots at the bottom of the bed from his squirming while he slept.

Jongdae surveyed him critically. “Minseok-hyung’s down in the foyer at the moment. I think he’s discussing stuff with the manager. Everyone else is either eating, in their rooms or in each other’s rooms.”

“Why are you here, then?” Junmyeon rasped into Minseok's pillow.

Jongdae shrugged. “Someone had to be here when you woke up, didn’t they?” He eyes went wide. “Not like that,” he said hurriedly, “I mean, it’s no issue! We just didn’t want you to be alone when you woke up… You still smell pretty strongly of heat and, well, it wouldn’t be great if you were wondering around smelling like that...”

Junmyeon nodded understandingly and twisted onto his back. He stretched his arms above his head and sighed as he felt the muscles stretch themselves out. He continued to sit up and arch his back, trying to rid himself of the phantom pains.

“Can I take a shower?” Junmyeon asked. He felt dirty, even though he had taken a shower just over six hours ago.

Jongdae gestured towards the shower. “Go ahead. Towels are in there, and I’ll grab you a set of clothes.”

Junmyeon smiled at him and hobbled into the bathroom. He began the familiar cycle of turning the water on, stripping, climbing in, washing, climbing out and dressing again. It seemed to go quicker than the previous night and it was not nearly as refreshing.

The clothes that Jongdae had chosen were loose fitting, but closer to Junmyeon’s size than the ones from yesterday had been. He guessed that they could have been Minseok’s. They were, after all, roughly the same height. Minseok loved to tell Junmyeon he was shorter, but Junmyeon firmly believed that there was very little in it.

Minseok had returned to the room and Jongdae had disappeared by the time Junmyeon reentered from the shower. Minseok’s hair was sticking up, as if he had been running his hands through it a lot. He smiled when he saw Junmyeon.

“You’re looking better than this morning,” Minseok said pleasantly. He held back a laugh when he saw Junmyeon wearing his clothes. Then, his face tightened. “You haven’t taken suppressants or blockers, have you?” he asked.

Junmyeon stared at him. “The only reason I went into heat is because I ran out of them,” Junmyeon mumbled. “I don’t actually have any that I could taken, even if I wanted to.”

Minseok bit his lip. “Okay, then. I’m not letting this go, but we’ll have to come back to it later. We have places to be!”

Junmyeon looked at Minseok, confused. He shook his head, ignored the Minseok’s words and looked down at the clothes he had been loaned. “Where are my clothes?”

“Being washed,” Minseok replied, bending down to hunt through his suitcase. “They were in the room with you, and now everything in there smells like heat, which is perfectly normal and fine, of course, but not ideal to be doing anything in.”

Junmyeon’s stomach twisted. He had barely even thought about the consequences of his heat. He had been given little time to do so, but the point still remained. Junmyeon felt awful mulling it over in his mind.

“Don’t worry about it,” Minseok said, disrupting Junmyeon’s thoughts. “It’s better that they’re washed, anyway, because we’ve got the rest of today and tomorrow morning and afternoon before we’re able to head back home.”

Junmyeon blanched. “Sorry, what?” He stared at Minseok.

Minseok withdrew from his case, victoriously clutching a notebook. “That’s the first aeroplane management could find, apparently,” he absently said. “Look, don’t worry. There are no schedules, so we’re free to do whatever we like, as long as we’re properly covered up.”

“I think I just want so sleep,” Junmyeon muttered.

Minseok hummed. “Understandable, and you can do that, but there’s some other stuff that we’ve got to do, too.”

Junmyeon stopped himself from groaning with an effort. “What could we possibly need to do?” he asked, rubbing a hand wearily down his face.

Shrugging, Minseok flicked through the notebook. It appeared to be almost completely blank. Junmyeon wondered what it was for. “You remember how Chanyeol mentioned we were meeting up with Luhan, Yifan and Tao? They all want to see you, too.”

“Uh, no,” Junmyeon said, putting his foot down. “No. I am not doing that.”

Minseok raised an eyebrow and fixed Junmyeon with a fearsome glare. “You will be doing that, leader status be damned. And there are several members who are very intent that you meet up with Yifan before we leave.”

Junmyeon was going to kill Kyungsoo, Baekhyun and Jongdae later. They were going to suffer and he would make sure of it.

“Can I not just refuse?” Junmyeon said, horrified. He stared pleadingly at Minseok. “Won’t the company kill us if they find out, anyway?”

Minseok cleared his throat and averted his eyes. “The company doesn’t entirely know. Our manager here doesn’t care, though. He’s just irritated that the company has been so slow in its response.” He shuffled nervously and then stamped his foot, looking back to Junmyeon. “And, no – you absolutely cannot refuse. We will drag you there if we have to.”

“You can try,” Junmyeon scoffed, crossing his eyes. His resolve was weak, though, and Minseok easily dragged him out of the room, shoeless and all. Seeing Junmyeon’s bare feet, Minseok sighed, grabbed a pair of socks and trainers and shoved them at him.

“Watch me,” Minseok bit back. He waited as Junmyeon pulled the shoes and then pulled him into the entrance foyer. Everyone was there. Junmyeon pondered how long they had been standing there for. Chanyeol looked impatient, but he was never one to stand around waiting.

“Let’s go,” Yixing called, seeing Minseok and Junmyeon approaching. Junmyeon felt overwhelming underdressed. In a mismatched, slightly-too-large outfit that was not his own, he felt out of place in Guangzhou, a city dressed for business.

Junmyeon followed everyone else, trailing slightly behind. His mind was delayed, partly in horror, partly in confusion and partly in dread. He could not see this meeting as being anything better than a disaster.

Sehun stepped back to match his pace. “Are you okay, hyung?” he asked, twisting his fingers together nervously.

Junmyeon forced a laugh, but his face cracked. “Not really, Sehun. Not now. But, give it some time…” He looked to the skyline and tried to imagine himself floating away to it, never to face the problems that he was going to battle as soon as he arrived back in South Korea.

“We’ll help you. You know that, right, hyung?” Sehun said, following Junmyeon’s gaze. “We want to support you, too. Yixing-hyung, Chanyeol-hyung and I… We weren’t much help at all, but we don’t want to be left out of this. We want to help you as much as everyone else.”

Junmyeon took Sehun’s hand and squeezed it tightly. “Yeah, Sehunnie. I know. Thank you.”  


	7. VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! Yay! 
> 
> Finally meeting Yifan! It's only taken seven chapters to get here, but, hey, who's counting? 
> 
> In other notes: What did you think about the comeback? It's different to what they've done before, but I definitely enjoyed it! Of course, it was a shame that Yixing wasn't able to participate, although I do understand the reasons behind that. 
> 
> I also have a question for all readers who are willing to answer - Would you like to see other idols outside of EXO? Or, would you rather I just stuck to the EXO members wherever possible? I'm currently debating my options for a chapter a few ahead of this one, so I thought I'd ask to see what people would rather to help me in making my decision. 
> 
> Well, anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter! Haha, I agonised over much of the dialogue and I'm still not fully happy with all of it, but I decided that I needed to get something before the weekend ended, because otherwise it likely would have ended up being another week! 
> 
> Please send a comment if you've got stuff to talk about, and, once again, thank you all very much for reading this!
> 
> \- MachineWired

They ended up in a small restaurant, located down a narrow side street. It was tiny and Junmyeon would not have noticed it if he had not had it pointed out to him. He guessed that it was Yifan’s suggestion; He was the one person who knew the city better than anyone else. He had lived there for ten years before he moved to Canada, after all.  
  
Inside of the building, the decor was gaudy and rundown, but it had an overwhelming sense of familiarity. Junmyeon could not place it, but it made him vaguely uncomfortable. He was jittery and he crossed one arm across himself in a half hug. 

There was a long table in the corner of the restaurant, set for twelve. Junmyeon's stomach sunk through the floor like it was stuck in quicksand. Three, very familiar figures sat around, talking quietly amongst themselves. The broadest form had to be Yifan. 

Just like Junmyeon remembered, Yifan’s strong shoulders and tall stature made him hard to miss. He could not remember much from the night of the awards show; it felt like he was meeting Yifan for the first time again.

An unnameable aura hung in the air as thickly as whipped cream. It was anxiety ridden and Junmyeon could feel it affecting him. He quivered where he stood, even when Sehun laid a hand on his back to steady him. 

Sehun pushed Junmyeon forwards. Already, Chanyeol and Baekhyun were advancing towards the table and Minseok had sat next to Luhan and was talking animatedly. One by one, the current members of EXO drifted towards the table and sat down. Junmyeon and Sehun remained in the doorway, Sehun pushing Junmyeon and Junmyeon unable to coordinate himself so he could walk forwards.

Sehun stood by Junmyeon, trying to make him move forwards. Junmyeon was routed in his spot. His legs had turned to stone, as frozen in motion as that of a statue. His stomach was doing flips and he wanted to be sick.

“Where’s the bathroom?” Junmyeon murmured, clutching at his tummy.

Sehun ignored him and roughly pulled him towards the table. There were two empty spaces; one next to Yifan in the corner and the other between Jongin and Kyungsoo. Junmyeon tried to aim for the second spot, but Sehun beat him to it.

It felt like Junmyeon was walking the plank as he rounded the table to sit next to Yifan. There was nervous tittering from the seated people, as if everyone had suddenly latched onto Junmyeon’s situation. He flushed a stark pink and his glasses slipped down his nose as he pulled out the chair and lowered himself into it.

Yifan hesitated for a moment, before turning to face Junmyeon. He swallowed and his prominent Adam's apple bobbed. “Junmyeon,” he said, voice gravelly yet pleasing to listen to, just as Junmyeon had always remembered it. “I’m glad to see you’re… up on your feet.” His words were as stiff as Junmyeon was in his seat.

Junmyeon's knuckles went white as he clenched the edges of his chair. “Thank you, Yifan,” he said. There were no honourifics. Junmyeon had never used honourifics with Yifan and he was not about to start. Honourifics had always felt awkward and forced when he spoke with Yifan. Within six months of their first meeting, they had stopped using them with each other.

 _Had they really imprinted?_ Were imprinted couples meant to be this awkward around each other? Junmyeon could hardly believe that he and Yifan had done such a thing. Their interactions were so forced that it felt like there were distanced by a thousand figurative miles. 

Over an exchange of no more than fifteen words, they were already more uncomfortable around each other than Junmyeon could ever remember. Icy silence stretched out between them. Neither made a motion to end it.

Everyone else around the table was chattering admirably and eventually, Yifan turned to his other side and joined into Zitao, Jongin and Sehun’s conversation.

 _The maknae line reunited._ Junmyeon was certain there would be chaos at some point over the coming few hours if they remained together.

Junmyeon slumped backwards in his chair until his eye level was almost level with the table. He tried to tune everything out, but it was impossible. There were people speaking everywhere. Down the table from him, Luhan and Minseok were still happily talking, completely absorbed in their own world.

Yifan’s scent was so strong. Old books completely overpowered Junmyeon's senses and he was a slave to it. Junmyeon had an unusual degree of understanding over what Yifan was feeling. He could _sense_ the frustration, _taste_ the bitterness, _see_ the regret. It was like a niggling voice in the back of his head; unescapable and impossible to shut off.

Junmyeon wondered if Yifan could tell the same things about him.

Any doubts he had held about the imprinting had quickly disappeared. Junmyeon could sense Yifan to a degree that he was not sure he had ever wanted to. He had been perfectly happy with their friendship, when it had lasted, and he was not sure that he wanted it to change so drastically.

Junmyeon hated himself, but a part of his heart soared with the thought of a partner. He had never thought of Yifan in such a way and the thought immediately horrified him. He blocked out the idea immediately, tacking it down to post-heat pheromones.

Yifan and Junmyeon may have imprinted upon each other, but the ten minutes that they had spent in each other's company had said enough. Their relationship was going to take time to heal and even longer to reach a point of a bonded couple, if they even choose to follow that path.

Junmyeon wondered how Yunho had managed to make ends meet when he had presented. A leader, an omega, an imprinted and bonded couple. Junmyeon was struggling less than twenty-four hours into the mess.

A waitress turned up and distributed menus to each person. Junmyeon took his thankfully and hid his face behind it, trying to conceal himself from anyone else’s view.

Opposite him, Chanyeol kicked him. Junmyeon looked up at him. Chanyeol rolled his eyes and gestured towards Yifan, waving his hands frantically to tell Junmyeon that they should be speaking.

As if Junmyeon needed to be told. He knew exactly what he should have been doing, but he could not bring himself to do so. There was too much pressure and it made his chest burst with any number of emotions that he could not – _would not_ – name.

Luhan looked diagonally across the table to Junmyeon and gave him a large smile. Junmyeon cautiously returned it and Luhan began talking at a thousand miles a minute in Korean that seemed to have retained itself surprisingly well for having moved from South Korea.

Junmyeon did his best to keep up, but a lot of it went directly over his head. He was still half in a daze following his heat, and already, the need to sleep was creeping up behind him like an ever-looming presence. Junmyeon brushed it away to the best of his ability, but it continued to advance. His fatigue was a pendulum; swinging one way in one moment and the opposite way the next.

After they had ordered, Yifan sighed heavily and reclined. “Junmyeon,” he said quietly. “I think we need to talk.”

Junmyeon bit his lip and remained silent. “Yeah,” he whispered eventually. “I think you’re right.” 

“After this, okay? Get through the meal, and then we’ll take a walk.” Yifan smiled at him reassuringly. 

The idea was so _Yifan-like_ that Junmyeon had to fight the urge to laugh. Whenever there had been items to discuss in meetings between just the two of them, Yifan had always suggested that they went to a park or the river to talk. Junmyeon had to admit, it made the conversations much more bearable.

Maybe it was the affect of the fresh air and wind in through the leaves. 

The rest of the lunch passed in an unbearable time warp. Everything moved at a snail’s pace. Junmyeon picked at his food. He was neither hungry, not in the mood for eating.

Minseok shoved a side plate of plain rice towards him and fixed him with a warning look. Submissively, Junmyeon took it and nibbled at some of it. Chanyeol sniggered across the table, and Junmyeon returned the favour of kicking him.

“How have you been?” Luhan chattered, attempting conversation again. He smiled at Junmyeon through a mouth full of noodles. “It’s been ages since we talked – I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve miss you, too, hyung,” Junmyeon said woodenly. He wrung his fingers beneath the table and battled with himself to not make rash remarks. Luhan had _wanted_ to see him. He was being kind and welcoming – Junmyeon would be an arsehole if he did not accept it.

Luhan picked up some more noodles with his chopsticks and ate them quickly. “What have you been doing?”

The small talk was obvious and Junmyeon hated it. It felt so wrong that he was this uptight with people who used to be like his non-blood related brothers. Junmyeon cleared his throat. “Uh, you know… Promotions and stuff… What about you?”

Shrugging, Luhan turned to Minseok, as if begging for help. “Released some stuff, did some acting…” He trailed off, appearing to have completely run out of things to say.

Junmyeon returned to gazing at the table. There were gnarls in the pale wood that branched out like fireworks. Junmyeon counted the number of lines surrounding the discoloured patches and tried to distract himself from the uneasy atmosphere that had fallen around him.

 The meal concluded in colourful talk down one end of the table and steely silence up the other. Junmyeon had not spoken a word following the exchange with Luhan and he was suddenly regretting agreeing to talk with Yifan afterwards.

“Let’s go,” Yifan muttered, once the meal had been paid for. He grabbed Junmyeon’s hand and pulled him up. They left the restaurant, Junmyeon quietly muttering into Minseok’s ear as they did so.

Yifan lead Junmyeon to a park. Green leaves splattered the trees with dashes of colour, and oranges and reds acted as their contrast. Autumn was coming, but it was not there, yet.

The weather seemed to be in that mindset, too. It was blustery, but mild and Junmyeon did not mind that he was without a coat. Yifan, though, was bundled up in one, with a scarf wrapped around his neck for good measure.

If it was for disguise, Junmyeon could not understand why. The area was completely deserted, perhaps as a result of the working week being in full swing.

Junmyeon saw a park bench and headed in that direction. It overlooked a small lake, glittering in the feeble sunlight. Ducks swam on top of it, tiny ripples following their small movements. _Pretty_ …

Yifan sat next to Junmyeon. Neither of them spoke. Only the rustle of the trees losing their leaves disrupted the perfect silence. Junmyeon breathed in deeply, expanding his lungs with the grotty air. It felt refreshing.

Ironically, it was probably much more polluted than the air in Seoul, but it felt so nice to have in his lungs. Junmyeon exhaled.

“So,” Yifan started. “Imprinting, huh? I didn’t even know you were an omega…”

“You don’t have to be an omega and alpha to imprint,” Junmyeon chastised immediately on impulse. “Any dynamics can imprint on each other, people of the same dynamic can imprint on each other, multiple people can imprint on each other. It’s not like there are rules. “

Yifan sighed and rubbed his hands against his closed eyes. “I know, Junmyeon,” he sighed. “I was just starting conversation.”

Junmyeon swallowed heavily. “It’s just… God, I don’t even know anymore. I'm-”

“Let’s skip the dynamics for a minute,” Yifan said, interrupting Junmyeon. “Can we just look at this as people? You and me? Not an alpha and an omega, or any of that shit.”

Junmyeon nodded. “Yes. I think that would be for the best.” He scuffed his shoes against the ground and then turned to Yifan. Junmyeon did not smile. Rather, his face was drawn into a frown. “Where do we even start?” Junmyeon asked, leaning back. “We’re such a mess…”

Yifan laughed. The tension shattered into a million pieces and Junmyeon could suddenly see the person he had missed for so many years coming back.

The departure of Yifan had shot holes in Junmyeon's heart. Abrupt and painful, the lawsuit and following tensions had been hard to ignore. No one kept in contact with him and it wore at Junmyeon like a rough rope around his neck and wrists, binding and chafing him at once.

The time that Junmyeon had spent without Yifan had been hard at first. Long nights had gone without sleep and he had gagged at the idea of food. The weeks drew out, though, and while Yifan did fade from the forefront of Junmyeon's mind, he never quite made it as far back as to fade away.

Yifan's scent lingered in Junmyeon's nose and his face flickered in Junmyeon's eyes, but he learnt to shut it away. It had taken months for Junmyeon to eat a full meal again but he got on with life. The entertainment business did not wait for those who fell behind.

Despite the pain that Junmyeon had agonised over for years, he could never bring himself to hate Yifan or even hold it against him. Yifan had always been special to Junmyeon, as a fellow leader and a friend. To even consider hatred had been painful for Junmyeon. 

“You can certainly say that again,” Yifan chortled, crossing his hands in his lap. “Gosh, I don’t think we could honestly get much worse.”

Junmyeon bopped his head thoughtfully and played along to Yifan’s words, just like they had when they were still in the same group. Just like they had when they were still happy together, not whatever chaos they had worked themselves into. “Well, I don’t know. We could’ve ended up as Romeo and Juliet, I guess?”

“And we aren’t already?” Yifan continued to snicker. “Our representatives are half at war with each other. I guess there's a lot to be said for the sword fighting.” He paused. “At least our friends aren’t on each other’s backs.”

“That’s true,” Junmyeon remarked quickly, slipping easily into the memories and style of conversations they had once shared. “I thought that there was going to be more tension, to be honest. I was prepared for all out battle at lunch today. At least, once Minseok had explained where we were going.”

Yifan shrugged. “Well, I don’t know about war, but there were certainly daggers coming from your eyes half of the time.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Junmyeon said, rolling his eyes. His heart fluttered.

Junmyeon sighed deeply. "You know, Yifan, I don’t hate you – I’ve _never_ hated you, or Luhan or Tao when they left, but it’s just, hard, you know? I was told I was a failure for months after you all left. I still get the backlash. I was scared because more than anything else, I thought that you’d all hate me. I never wanted to see you because I was scared that I would end up saying things I regretted and we would end up with last words that I never wanted to hear.”

“Why would we hate you?” Yifan asked, appearing genuinely confused. The atmosphere had solidified again as quickly as it had melted.

Junmyeon looked out at the lake. “Well, I am the overall leader. I guess I thought you all blamed me for not noticing what you were going through and not doing anything about it.”

“I don’t think you could have done anything even if you had tried. We were done for the moment we signed and, really, it was just a matter of time,” Yifan said gently. He let the silence drift for a few minutes. “Why were you so awkward during lunch?”

Junmyeon groaned snd his mind flashed to the still air in the restaurant. “Minseok’s going to kill me when I get back,” he lamented. “I’m going to be hung, drawn and quartered. He warned me about acting like that.”

Yifan shook his head fondly. “I think you’ll be fine. Luhan will save you, at any rate. He would never shut up about wanting to meet you all again. I am begging you; for the love of God give him your phone number, because I’m going to be driven insane if I have to go through another week – let alone another few years – of him complaining that he’s only able to speak to Minseok.”

“Minseok-hyung?” Junmyeon looked to Yifan. “Minseok-hyung had contact with Luhan?” Junmyeon could not honestly say he was completely surprised… If anyone was still in contact with Luhan, of course it would have been Minseok

“Yeah,” Yifan said earnestly. “Did you seriously not know? They’ve been dating for years at this point. Probably imprinted, too, but I don’t really know. Not all couples imprint, anyway, I guess…”

Junmyeon flopped back in his chair. How on earth had he missed that? “Bonded?” he finally said.

Yifan shook his head. “Nah, not yet. If we can keep contact up after today and they can find ways too see each other without having to keep everything a secret, then, yeah, maybe. They probably will at some point.” He smiled bitterly. “They wanted to, but Luhan left the company, and they’ve been on completely different schedules. There was no way they could have supported a proper bond when they hadn’t even met in person for years.”

“I feel so terrible, now,” Junmyeon cried. “If I had know…”

“You still couldn’t have done anything,” Yifan said. “Entertainment is a harsh industry, Myeonnie. If we’re not in complete cooperation, there is no way to make anything work. And… Well, we’re really not in complete cooperation, to say the least.”

Junmyeon sighed and bowed his head to rest it on his knees. “Yeah, you’re right,” he murmured. There was silence for a few minutes as they both stared out at the stagnant lake. 

“What changed in the space of an hour?” Yifan asked. “At lunch, I could have sworn you were passive-aggressively trying to murder me.”

“I missed you and I'm really awkward,” Junmyeon mumbled. “I forgot how much I missed this. Just us, being together and easy conversation.”

Yifan nodded and tucked his hands into the pockets of his coat. “Are we going to get back to the whole imprinting thing?” Yifan said, shifting to look at Junmyeon.

“What about it?” muttered Junmyeon. “There’s nothing to is, is there? The good old biology trick. People to be bonded by fate and what ever else.” Darkness filled his heart once again. “What more is there to say about it?”

“Well,” Yifan started slowly. “We don’t have to act on it, do we?. It just makes us highly sensitive to each other. Technically, there’s nothing actually sexual or romantic about it. We'll just kind of understand each other's emotions and thoughts and stuff... Right? Isn't that what it does?”

Junmyeon gave him a dry look. “How would I know? Because, sure, we won't notice it until we’re fucking,” he said flatly. “Or fucking someone else,” he added as an afterthought. “Do you not want to acknowledge it, or something?”

Junmyeon did not know how that made him feel. Part of him felt relieved. Most of him felt disappointed. Overruling everything else was confusion. He did not understand what was happening and it pained him more than anything else. He wished that everything could just appear in black and white, with easy options written out in multiple choice format on a piece of paper in front of him. 

“I never said that,” Yifan said evenly. “I simply put the idea forwards.”

“Do you, though?” Junmyeon pressed. “Not want to, I mean?”

Yifan appeared to be struggling with his words. He was silent for what felt like an eternity. “No,” he finally said. “I don’t want to ignore it.”

Relief blossomed in Junmyeon’s chest and he smiled so widely, he thought his face was going to crack. His expression was hidden by facing his lap, but maybe Yifan could tell that he was happy, anyway, because he did not being frantically retracting his statement. 

“I’m glad,” Junmyeon replied, working hard to keep his voice even. He sat up and looked around. “What now, then?”

“Well, what do people who imprint usually do?” Yifan asked awkwardly. "I know fuck all about imprinting. Never covered in social sciences or health."

Junmyeon shrugged. “I don’t really know any imprinted couples. Well, you said maybe Minseok-hyung… But, my parents never imprinted. They’re bonded, but they never imprinted on each other. Imprinting is kind of rare, anyway, isn’t it?”

Yifan appeared deep in thought. “Yeah, I suppose. My parents didn’t imprint, either. They were bonded, I suppose, but they separated, so…”

Junmyeon was quiet, unsure of how to correctly support. To distract himself, he racked his brain. “Wait – No, I do know an imprinted couple,” he said triumphantly.  “Yunho-hyung and Changmin-hyung.” He turned expectantly to Yifan. “You know? From TVXQ.”

Yifan nodded slowly. “Yeah, I know them. Since when were they together, though? I didn’t even know they ever dated, let alone imprinted and, I suppose, bonded.”

“Like, 2009 or something,” Junmyeon said earnestly. “Ages ago.” 

Yifan chuckles under his breath. “How on earth did I never notice?” he asked, more to himself than to Junmyeon.

Junmyeon laughed, too. “I never realised, either. In fact, I think the knowledge is pretty much exclusive to their pack. You remember how private everyone is with their dynamics, I suppose?”

Kris nodded grimly. “How could I forget?” he asked. “But, anyway, how did you find out? Last time I checked, you’re not in the TVXQ pack.”

“Stuff happened,” Junmyeon said, thinking back to the day carefully. “Yunho-hyung went into heat while we were in the building and Heechul-hyung is very defensive when his friends are concerned.” He shivered at the memory of Heechul’s face, drawn in protection for his pack. "I'll see if I can talk to him when I get back..." 

Yifan nodded. “Yeah, okay.” He turned away and was silent for a minute. “That's great and all, but can we just pause for a minute and go back to our first topic? What are we doing about this? About _us?_  Because we can’t pretend it didn’t happen.”

Junmyeon sighed. He had been wondering when the topic would return to this. “I don’t know,” he said. “What do you want to do?”

“Stop passing this back off to me,” Yifan flared. “Your opinion counts just as much as mine does. We’re both stuck with this and it’s not going to just be me speaking and making decisions, okay?” He ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t mean to snap – I’m sorry – but I refuse to talk this through alone.”

Junmyeon shook his head and straightened his posture. “No, your comment is fair enough,” he said, quietly. “I keep putting your questions back to you. If we want this to work, we're going to have to start off on level ground, aren't we?”

Yifan pursed his lips and nodded in a sharp motion. “Shall we get back on topic, then? What are we doing?”

Junmyeon chewed on his lip nervously. “What do imprinted people usually do? Are there rules or recommendations, or anything? It’s not like we can drop everything and leave – we’ve both got work and friends and family. We live a three hour aeroplane trip away from each other.”

Yifan looked up and gazed at Junmyeon. His eyes were oddly bright. “But, you’re saying, we’re not giving up on us?”

Flustered, Junmyeon sputtered. “We’ve imprinted. Something clearly thinks we’re supposed to be together.”

“That’s debatable,” Yifan said, “but, okay.”

Junmyeon’s patience was wearing thin and he wondered whether Yifan could tell. Fists balled and crossing his arms tightly, Junmyeon bit out a reply. “Look, Yifan, if you don’t want to this, that’s perfectly fine. We can leave this here and forget it ever happened.”

Yifan’s eyes creased softly. “Did I ever say that? Myeonnie – I told you, literally ten minutes ago, that I didn’t want to ignore this.” His voice was not angry, or even harsh. Instead, the gentle words trailed like soft caresses, soothing Junmyeon's temper.

Any lightness in their conversation had completely disappeared. Junmyeon could feel both of them growing stressed and rigid in their seats. They had returned to two strangers who scarcely knew each other anymore. The realisation hurt Junmyeon more than it should have.

Junmyeon keeled forwards, clutching at his head and pulling his own hair roughly. “How are we ever going to function?” he gasped, suddenly breathless. His lungs were being constricted by his ribs. “We can’t even get though a civil conversation and we’re always at each other’s throats. We've not spoken in years. I’ve never even thought about you in a romantic sense and now we’ve practically been told that we’re meant to be fu-“

“It’s okay,” Yifan said, firmly taking Junmyeon’s shoulders. “Myeonnie, we can work through it. We’re not perfect and we never will be, but we can get through this. If imprinting really symbolises that we’re meant to share something, then we’ll be fine.”

Junmyeon sniffled into his knees and refused to acknowledge Yifan’s perfectly logical words or look back to him. “It’s not fair, though,” Junmyeon whimpered. “It took two minutes of me being in heat for us to imprint. Was I not enough when I was on suppressants?"

Yifan pulled back, alarmed. "Wait, shit, you were on suppressants? You were hiding your dynamic? I thought you just presented and that you can't imprint when people haven't presented. I thought you were unpresented and pretending to be a beta."

"You're the second person that's said that to me today," Junmyeon sighed. He recounted an abridged version of what he had told the others earlier in a subdued voice. Yifan's face turned stonier the more he talked.

When Junmyeon finished, Yifan leant back in the seat and pressed his hands to the side of his heat. "Shit, Myeonnie. Just... Fuck. I can't believe you did that to yourself." He turned to meet Junmyeon, face as grave as Junmyoen had ever seen.

"Can you promise that you won't go on suppressants or blockers until you're properly healed?" Yifan stared into Junmyeon's eyes and Junmyeon's heart flitted like a bird in flight. "If not for me, then at least for the others and for you family and for everyone else who cares for you. I don't care about our history. I couldn't bare it if you were gone."

Stunned, Junmyeon blindly nodded. "I never realised that it affected you so much," he said in a small voice.

Yifan shook his head. "I know of a family friend who had an alpha kid. He died when he was twenty five from using rut suppressants. I don't remember it clearly - I was young - but I remember how it tore his family apart. If there was one thing I learnt as a kid, it was the effects of hormonal suppression in the different dynamics. "

Junmyeon sniffled and did not respond. His actions were ones that he had taken to help himself and later, he had convinced himself that they were helping everyone else, too. Until the doctor had told him about Breaking Point, Junmyeon had never put a second thought to how it would affect everyone if he had died.

Junmyeon's secret was in the open, now. There was no way he would be able to take suppressants or blockers with all of his friends on his case. It did not stop thoughts of death crossing his mind and tear streaked faces of people who blamed themselves.

If Junmyeon had died, it would have been entirely his fault. Even though Junmyeon acknowledged that, he did not have to stretch his mind to see the guilt-ridden hearts of everyone else. His friends and family would have blamed themselves. Junmyeon was sure of that.

"But, to return to your point," Yifan said after a long period of stillness, "Of course it wasn't because you weren't enough. Imprinting isn't something you can control. Maybe we were just waiting for a certain time, or when we had reached a certain maturity, or when you weren't in total suppression."

Junmyeon wiped his nose with the back of his hand. Yifan's words made sense. If blockers and suppressants made an omega totally cease hormone creation and secretion, then he would not have been able to imprint. Regardless of dynamics, hormones were still important for imprinting - or so he had been told by the teacher in a health class when he was fifteen.

Yifan stood up and stretched his arms out. "You want a coffee?" he asked, extending his hand towards Junmyeon.

Hesitantly, Junmyeon grasped it and stood up. "You know any good shops?"

"Plenty," Yifan responded, letting go of Junmyeon's arm and falling into a rhythmically even pace. "Americano, right? No sugar." Junmyeon nodded and Yifan wrinkled his nose. "Disgusting, really. How do you drink the stuff? It's bitter as anything!"

Junmyeon snorted. "You're one to speak. I drink coffee to keep me awake and that's about it. At least it's not a life source for me. You take a flat white, no sugar."

"Never forgot, huh?" Yifan said.

 

Junmyeon blushed. "Well, neither did you." Yifan held up his hands in surrender.

They walked in silence to another small café that Junmyeon would never have noticed existed. Yifan ordered in Mandarin and then they stood back, heading towards a newspaper rack near the back of the empty café to clear themselves out of the empty walkways.

They waited for their orders quietly. Yifan's hands curled into fists and unclenched just as quickly. He alternated between the two fluidly and Junmyeon could not help but stare.

"Yifan," the barrister called out, pushing two cups to the front of the counter. Yifan stepped forward and accepted them before handing one to Junmyeon.

Yifan gave him a meaningful look that Junmyeon could not decipher. "Let's out of here," he said, leading Junmyeon away.

The streets were busier now and Junmyeon had to walk carefully in order to avoid running into people. The grey roads blurred into monotonous corridors as they wondered and the towering buildings smudged themselves into the hazy sky. Yifan turned down a street and suddenly, everything was teeming with colour.

A rainbow of street art plastered the tall walls. Junmyeon stared around in amazement, circling to observe every hue he could see. 

Yifan leant against the graffitied wall like he knew the alley inside out. A minute later, Junmyeon copied him, trying to appear less awkward than he felt. "What is this place?" Junmyeon asked, continuing to scroll his eyes up and down. 

"It's just a street," Yifan said, shrugging. "It helps me think, though. Something about the change in atmosphere from the business of the city. Usually, I go to the park, but I thought that this place seemed nice... You've never been here and its a change when we've been sitting down for so long."

Junmyeon nodded and did not ask further questions. Although Junmyeon possessed very few artistic talents, even he could appreciate the beauty in much of the art sprayed onto the walls. Junmyeon had never been a fan of graffiti, but street art was another matter. It could be majestic and colourful and make him feel emotions even on the days he was like a rag doll being dragged around without thoughts, opinions or emotions. 

Yifan looked at his wrist and for the first time, Junmyeon noticed the watch sitting on it. Yifan sighed and took a sip from his coffee. "I don't have a lot longer. I'll have to go, soon. My manager wanted me for an afternoon filming session, today. I can't get out of it."

Junmyeon shook his head understandingly. "That's fine. I should probably head back to the hotel, too. Before Minseok-hyung comes looking for me."

"Junmyeon, I'm sorry this is such a mess," Yifan said softly. His hands turned white as they clutched at the disposable cup in his hands.

"It's not your fault," Junmyeon replied, equally quietly. "This was shoddy timing and it kind of seems like a cruel trick of fate. I guess we're both responsible - or, at least our biology is - and there's no way we're going to get out of it. We may as well learnt to deal."

Yifan learnt his head back. "True, I suppose. Either way, the-. The company hates me. I was talking with some of the other members about SM's regulations of stopping contact with Luhan, Tao and I. How will we ever work this?"

Junmyeon shrugged. "I don't know, but we'll be fine. Minseok-hyung and Luhan-hyung have managed, haven't they? And most of us still contact Tao in various ways. I'll take your number and save it saying you're my cousin or something-"

Yifan snorted. "I'm pretty sure it counts as incest to imprint on your cousin."

Junmyeon glared and Yifan and elbowed him gently. "Shut up. Anyway. You can have my number and that shouldn't be an issue, right? I can make up an email, too, as long as that can stay a secret on my end, I guess..."

Yifan nodded. "Okay, then. Give me your phone."

Junmyeon raised an eyebrow but did not protest. He unlocked it and handed the device to Yifan. Without a word, he accepted Yifan's in return. Silently, he entered in his contact details.

"I'll organise an email," Junmyeon promised, taking his phone back and twisting it in his nimble fingers. "If worst comes to worst, I'll get Minseok-hyung to relay it to Luhan-hyung who can give it you."

Yifan smiled. "Sure, then." He looked around, pitifully. "I don't think we're probably going to be able to meet up again. I'm on strict schedules tomorrow and you leave in the evening, don't you?"

"I think so," Junmyeon responded. He looked at the name Yifan had typed onto the phone. It was saved with an emoji and Junmyeon snorted.

"Well, I suppose I'll see you around," Yifan said. He pushed himself away from the wall and started down the alleyway, half finished coffee still clutched in his hand. Junmyeon hurried to catch up with him.

"I suppose I will," Junmyeon said.

It was a promise, really, not a statement, and they both knew it. It was a promise that they were going to work on it. A promise that they were going to be alright. It was going to be tough, but they would work through it even when they wanted to drop. Something was going on between then, and they were ready to fight for it.

They turned in opposite directions.


	8. VIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. New chapter? 
> 
> Hopefully it's okay? I may or may not have completely forgotten to upload this yesterday... So, I'm sorry to anyone who was expecting an update then! 
> 
> Also: We're almost at 300 kudos? Whoa! That's incredible! Thank you so much, everyone! I never expected this fic to gain anywhere near as much attention as it has... Thank you so much!! 
> 
> Ahhh~~ Now I'm really scared that the rest of this won't live up to expectations haha
> 
> Either way, I hope you enjoy this chapter! I'll strive to have the next instalment up around this time next week. (Sorry - I can't promise that, though. I've got a heap of stuff that's been piled on me this week and upcoming next week, and I'm done in trying to keep my head above water!) 
> 
> \- MachineWired

Junmyeon had predicted correctly. Minseok did indeed latch onto Junmyeon as soon as he stepped back into the foyer. Junmyeon swung around to greet him, feeling freer than he had done in weeks.

Minseok pounced on Junmyeon and took in the coffee cup, still clutched in Junmyeon’s hand, and his neutral aura. Minseok stepped back, looking satisfied. "It went alright, then?" he asked, grabbing Junmyeon's wrist and leading him to his and Jongdae's room.  
  
"Fine," Junmyeon confirmed, tripping over his feet as he struggled to keep up with Minseok’s pace. Minseok slowed down slightly to allow Junmyeon to regain his footing.

A soft smile crossed Minseok's face. "I'm glad... It's been a long time coming, I think." He looked Junmyeon up and down. The smile did not disappear. "You smell of him, you know?"

Junmyeon raised his eyebrow disbelievingly. "Do I, now?"

"Yep," Minseok said. "Just like you always did after you spent time doing leader-y stuff before-. Well, before." He walked up the stairs and Junmyeon continued to follow. His bones creaked in protest and in a depressingly grounding moment, Junmyeon was reminded of the aching in his joints.

Junmyeon reduced his speed and made his way up the stairs slower. Minseok waited for him.

Junmyeon could not bring himself to be bothered by Yifan's scent being on him. It was not uncommon, anyway. When people spent time together, their scents usually rubbed off on each other. It was nothing new and nothing that worried Junmyeon.

When Minseok and Junmyeon reached the room, they found it empty. Minseok led Junmyeon inside and gestured to the bed, freshly made with unrumpled sheets and plump pillows. Junmyeon sat down on the edge of one, tucked his feet underneath himself and crossed his hands in his lap.

"So, Luhan-hyung, huh?" Junmyeon said, once Minseok had also taken a seat.

Minseok did not even appear phased. "Yifan told you, huh? Should've expected as much, I suppose." He rested his back against the wall and grabbed a pillow, hugging it to his chest.

Junmyeon nodded. "Yeah... He said you've been dating for years. Why did you never say anything?"

"I debated telling you after he left," Minseok said delicately. "But there was never a good time. We always had people looking over our shoulders. There was no way I would've anyone other than you and you were dealing with the majority of the backlash, anyway." He shrugged. "I guess I just reached a time where I didn't think it was appropriate anymore."

Junmyeon stared at him. "So, you just never said anything?"

"I'm not sure you should be talking," Minseok said with a level head. "If I do recall, you were the one who was defending your actions with almost the exact same argument."

Junmyeon blushed and fixed his gaze out of the window. "That's a low blow, hyung," he said.

Minseok winced. "Yeah, okay. I'm sorry."

"Are you going to bond?" Junmyeon asked, having shaken Minseok's comment off, easily. He waited patiently for an answer, gazing evenly at Minseok.

Blanching, Minseok turned to gawk at Junmyeon, eyes wide. "I'm sorry? _What_? When did we move on to this?"

Junmyeon shrugged. "Well, are you?"

Minseok gave him a resentful look. It was not actually angry so Junmyeon grinned bashfully in response.

"Maybe one day," Minseok said eventually. "We were going to, but shit went down and we didn't have the time or amount of contact that's needed to make a bond work. It would have failed in no time at all if we had. Luhan and I chose to wait."

"Do you want to?" Junmyeon asked.

Minseok gave him an appraising look. "Of course I do. It's been years." He sighed and threw his pillow at Junmyeon. "We sound like twelve year olds discussing their crush!" he yelped, covering his face, mortified.

Junmyeon laughed and took the pillow, balancing it precariously on his knees.

Minseok worked his blush down before he spoke again, moving the topic swiftly away from himself. "What happened with Yifan? I don't know what when on but Baekhyun and Jongdae aren't exactly subtle. Something's occurred, hasn’t it?"

Junmyeon took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Yeah," he said slowly. "Yeah, something's going on. You could say that." He looked Minseok squarely in the eye. "We imprinted at the awards show."

Minseok was motionless. "That's what was going on? Well, that complicates things slightly..."

"What? Why?" Junmyeon's eyes flickered nervously around, waiting for Minseok's answer. His stomach fluttered like it was a bird trying to take flight.

Minseok looked at him. "You _have_ studied imprinting, haven't you?" he said, a confused lilt tinting the end of sentence. "Imprinting makes you more sensitive to each other even when you're estranged, becomes painful if you're ignoring each other, needs constant contact, all of that stuff."

"Yeah, I knew that," Junmyeon said uncertainly.

"Well, we've got a pretty tyrannical company you're going to have to get that through... SM have refused to acknowledge Yifan for years, let alone give us permission to contact him..." Minseok frowned. "Please say you've at least agreed to talk to each other. Otherwise this is going to get messy."

Junmyeon groaned and slumped backwards. "We've taken each other's phone numbers and I've got his email. I'll set up a new account when we get back home." He looked at Minseok desperately. "You'll help, won't you?"

Minseok looked at him with tender eyes. "Of course, Myeonnie. I'm not abandoning you now. We'll figure out a way to get around management. Plenty of others have done it before."

Junmyeon let out a sigh of relief. "Thanks, hyung... I don't know what I'd do without you…"

Chuckling, Minseok gently whacked Junmyeon's upper arm. "You'd suffer, I'm sure," he said jokingly.

 

The nine members arrived back in Seoul two days later, laden with suitcases and covered in masks and hats, trying to avoid the watchful eyes of their fans. They were yet to walk into the arrival lounge, but standing in emigration, Junmyeon's heart was sinking at a steady rate.

Junmyeon’s scent was heavy around him, just as it had been when he was a child. Just as it had never been to any fan’s knowledge.

Of course, fans could only guess their idol’s scents. They were never disclosed intentionally. However, when fans crowded around when they were in the airports or in the streets, there was little anyone could do to protect themselves from the intrusion.

Jongin sidled up behind Junmyeon, as if reading his mind. "Hyung, we – I was thinking... I think we should stand around you so that no one should be able to directly smell you. Your scent-"

"Is still like post-heat and pitifully omegean," Junmyeon recited, interrupting Jongin. He gave Jongin a small, bitter smile. "Thanks... I don't know whether anyone would pick up on it, but you’re right; it's probably best not to risk it at this point."

Jongin nodded enthusiastically and turned to face Sehun, who stood behind him, relaying the news.

By the time they had reached the final doorway back into South Korea, everyone was in on Jongin's plan. Although it felt demeaning, Junmyeon knew it was for the best. Many of the fans who were there had probably been there before. If anyone realised that there was different scent amongst their group, there would be trouble.

The members rallied around Junmyeon and in an unionised troop, they made their way through the hoard of people.

It was a bloodbath from the first step Junmyeon took out.

People were pressing in from all sides. The bodyguards seemed to have been swallowed by people _everywhere_.

Junmyeon could feel elbows directed to his ribs and feet stepping on his toes as they made their slow progress forwards. It was one of the worse times they had been forced to navigate airports. Even the bodyguards were having trouble keeping everyone away. They had completely disappeared, in fact.

Junmyeon tripped as someone caught the back of his shoe and he stumbled a few steps forwards. Chanyeol caught him before he could fall and pulled Junmyeon back to his feet.

"You alright?" Chanyeol murmured, crouching down to meet Junmyeon's height.

Junmyeon nodded. "Fine," he replied, rubbing his nose. "Can you see how far we are from the exit?"

Chanyeol stood to his full height again and peered over the heads of bewildered fans. "Twenty meters or so, and then we need to get into the van."

Sighing heavily, Junmyeon thanked Chanyeol and returned his focus to walking in a straight line.

Junmyeon loved the fans. He honestly did. When they were trying to return home after long schedules, though, he wished that they would just give them some peace. All he wanted was a quiet journey home without additional stress.

There was a large jolt from one side and, like dominoes, everyone staggered in synchronisation. A flare of panic rushed through Junmyeon and he did not have to meet anyone else's horrified expressions to be able to tell the damage he had just done.

Although Junmyeon's pheromones mixed into the air with everyone else's, blending into an indecipherable cloud, there was no hiding it. His stomach dropped like a rock. Roses bloomed in the air, rot still encrusting their delicate petals.

Yixing grabbed Junmyeon's upper arm and made a dash for the exit. They powered forwards. All courtesies were bypassed as they pushed for the exit. Junmyeon did not want to think about the repercussions this would have on their image. They grew graver with each passing second.

They made it to the vans, eventually. Junmyeon crumpled into the seat and buried his head in his hands, knowing but not wanting to believe his mistake.

Releasing pheromones in moments of intense emotion of panic was normal. It was perfectly justified, really. Junmyeon had done it before. That was when no one could smell him, though. No one knew. No one _could_ know.

With no scent blockers, though, it was completely out in the open. Junmyeon's scent was open to anyone who was able to smell. He dreaded to see how many people had noticed.

In Junmyeon's idealistic world, maybe no one knew any different. Junmyeon could not delude himself, though. He knew the price he would pay.

There were good reasons why celebrities kept their dynamics secret.

Part of it was for privacy. There was also a consideration of the stigma associated with each class. Most importantly it was for safety. There had been countless stories of fans abusing the knowledge of subgender to influence their idols.

It never ended nicely.

Junmyeon did not want to turn into another news front story. He did not want to be the omega taken advantage of, or the omega who was reportedly sweet-talking others to carry out their desires.

As the van rumbled back towards their dorms, though, it was all Junmyeon could see. News headlines and lengthy meetings with company boards swarmed through Junmyeon's mind.

"Hyung, don't wind yourself up," Baekhyun said softly, laying a gentle hand on Junmyeon's back. "It'll be fine. You don't need to worry."

Junmyeon sighed mournfully and looked to Baekhyun through heavily lidded eyes. "Thanks," he said apathetically.

Baekhyun pulled a face and there was silence in the van.

When they arrived at the dorm, there was organised chaos as they all tried to collect their suitcases and get into the dorm as quickly as possible. Junmyeon say a step behind, waiting for everyone else to calm down.

Night had fallen and the street was dark, despite a few streetlights standing in the frigid air.

Yixing stayed back with him, appearing slightly melancholy to have left China so soon. Junmyeon clapped him on the back. "You alright?" he asked.

Nodding, Yixing pulled his own case onto the tarmac before repeating the process with Junmyeon's. "I'll be fine," Yixing said. "It's just hard, you know? Guangzhou isn't my home, but it's so nice to go back and be able to speak the language without having to think twice. I don't need to worry about grammar or vocabulary. I can just say what I want to."

Junmyeon did not know but he could empathise. He slowly walked up to the dorm with Yixing. They talked about meaningless things, but it was nice. Junmyeon had forgotten the last time he had a proper conversation with anyone except Minseok. It seemed like it had been years.

There was a note on the kitchen table when Yixing and Junmyeon finally entered the dorm. In scrappy handwriting, Junmyeon's name was jotted on the front. Junmyeon turned it over in his hands, starting at both sides. It was a sealed letter, watermarked with the SM logo.

Kyungsoo, who stood in the room turning the lights on, looked up. "I don't know," he said as Junmyeon gave him a questioning glance. "It was shoved under the door, so I bought it in here."

"Thanks," Junmyeon mumbled, slitting it open with a graceful finger. He pulled the letter out and gazed at it for a minute before opening it. It was dated from a few days previously. He wondered if it had been sitting there for the entire time.

Junmyeon scanned down the page. The last two paragraphs stood out to him.

 

> _We request that you attend a meeting with the board to discuss these developments. Although unfortunate timing, your case as a suppressed omega cannot be ignored. The repercussions for the company and you may be grave._
> 
> _Please attend the company building at your earliest convenience and we will schedule an appointment._

Junmyeon's heart plummeted through the floor and he ran a hand through his hair. The letter dropped back onto the table. "Fucking hell," Junmyeon muttered under his breath. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and scrolled through the contact list until he found the company number.

Kyungsoo watched him, concerned and sidled up. Without saying a word, Junmyeon gave him the letter to read.

"Hello, this is SM Entertainment. How may I help you?" The familiar, scripted greeting came through the speaker almost immediately.

Junmyeon sat down at the table. Barely five minutes at home and he was already clearing up his own mess. "Yes, hello," Junmyeon repeated. "It's Kim Junmyeon, from EXO. I was sent a letter asking me to make an appointment with the board... Well, I was told to come in, but-"

"Junmyeon," the lady babbled across the phone. "Don't worry, we can do it across the phone. I've already got an appointment time written down, though... They've organised tomorrow morning."

"Okay, sure. That works fine," Junmyeon said. Why did the send him a letter if they had already decided upon a time? "What time do I need to be in?"

"Eight, I believe... Yes, eight!" The lady's voice was bright and chirpy. It did not suit Junmyeon's mood. "Is that okay? We can reschedule if it doesn’t..."

Junmyeon shook his head, even though the receptionist could not see it. "That's fine, thank you. I'll be there promptly. Thank you for your help." Junmyeon hung up and dropped his head onto the table, trying to stop himself from screaming.

Kyungsoo clucked his tongue and pushed a cup of tea towards Junmyeon. "That's rough," he said.

"You're telling me," Junmyeon complained, gratefully taking the mug. He took a long draught and dropped it to the table again. "Stupid management." He looked at his phone for the time. 11:37.

If Junmyeon went to sleep at that moment, he might have be able to scrounge together a solid seven hours of sleep. That was not going to happen, though. There were things that had to be done before Junmyeon could even think about sinking into his bed.

Junmyeon finished his tea in silence. Kyungsoo had disappeared, Baekhyun was in one shower. Sehun was in the other. As far as Junmyeon was concerned, the others were in their rooms, trying to catch up on the rest they had lost.

After taking his cup to the sink and washing it up, Junmyeon made his was into his and Sehun's room. The smell was as homely as ever to him and Junmyeon found it comforting. He basked in the familiarity for a minute.

Junmyeon then pulled his suitcase towards himself and opened it. The contents were at least freshly washed, even if they in a disorganised mess. He dug through until he found the plastic bag. Checking that Sehun had not entered the room, Junmyeon stashed it under his bed, well away from sight.

The brightly coloured objects – _heat aids_ – could remain hidden until next time. Junmyeon did not want to lay eyes upon them until then.

Junmyeon continued to unpack his case. He took advantage of the time Sehun was in the shower, knowing that he had the ability to do it slower than he would have otherwise.

Sehun returned with freshly washed hair and a makeup-devoid face. A towel hung over his bare chest and he yawned widely.

"Going to bed?" Junmyeon asked, continuing to pull things out of his bag and stashing them away accordingly.

Sehun hummed in agreement. He pulled his covers back and crawled under them, blinking sleepily. Junmyeon smiled fondly at him and stopped what he was doing. He watched as Sehun turned over and silently left the room, bringing his laptop and some clean clothes with him.

Junmyeon quickly showered and changed and then made his way to the kitchen. He poured himself another mug of tea and settled into the living room, laptop and phone balanced on a lap table in his favourite armchair.

Drowsiness pulled Junmyeon's eyelids but he refused to let them close. He had to record Yifan's details in places SM could not reach before the meeting the following day. If SM had found out about the imprinting, Junmyeon did not think there was a lot they could do, but he did not want to take any chances either way.

Junmyeon logged on and pulled open a browser page. He found a free mail server and quickly signed up, choosing a deliberately innocent username and address. He sent Yifan a short email explaining who he was and then one to himself with Yifan's number, just in case.

Closing the tab and shutting the laptop, Junmyeon yawned. He rubbed at his eyes and downed the last of his tea.

On tiptoes, Junmyeon pottered around, cleaning his cup and putting his laptop and phone away before crawling into bed, exhausted. He was so tired that his stomach was cramping in protest of his efforts to stay awake.

They were three days past his heat and Junmyeon was still struggling to equalise with his normal sleep schedule. He needed more but was barely scraping the bare minimum. Junmyeon could not work out why he was finding it so hard to fall asleep when it was the only thing he actually wanted to do.

Nonetheless, a few hours later, sleep eventually took a harness of Junmyeon.

Three hours of sleep later and another three of tossing and turning, Junmyeon woke up. He clambered out of bed without making a noise, hearing Sehun's contented snores still loud next to him.

Junmyeon changed into warm clothes and pulled a pair of slippers on before making his way into the kitchen. He made himself a coffee to force caffeine and hopefully some form of energy into his drained body.

Jongin appeared, blinking the crust out of his eyes. He took a sip of Junmyeon's coffee before setting about making his own breakfast out of whatever they had in the cupboard. Junmyeon ignored him and adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose.

With a huff, Jongin fell into the seat next to Junmyeon. A bowl of plain cereal sat in his bowl. Grouchily, Jongin spooned it into his mouth.

The clock hit seven. Junmyeon stood up and gathered his rucksack, slinging it onto his back.

"I have to go," Junmyeon said to Jongin. "Tell the others, won't you? I'll phone when I'm coming back."

Jongin looked at him, confused. "Where? I thought you were off for the rest of the week..."

"I've been called in for a meeting," Junmyeon said with a sigh. "Ask Kyungsoo if you want any more details. I'll be back!" He pulled his facemask over his mouth and nose and tugged a hat further down over his eyes.

Jongin nodded. "Okay, hyung," he said, words slurring into a yawn. "Be safe."

"I will," Junmyeon promised. He left the dorm and began the walk to the entertainment building.

The dorm was only a train journey and twenty-minute walk away, but Junmyeon wanted to be there in good time. He had avoided asking to be driven. Their manager had already spent a week longer than he wanted to in China. He deserved a sleep in.

The journey went quickly once Junmyeon had put his earphones in. Familiar voices flooded his ears, crooning sweet melodies to him and it helped the journey go much quicker.

As Junmyeon approached the building, he grew more and more nervous. The butterflies in his stomach fluttered more and more energetically. He wondered what would be discussed.

Junmyeon did not really want to think about it. All possible scenarios he had come up with ended up with some sort of painful ending.

Junmyeon entered the building with his heart in his throat. The cheery receptionist from the day before gave him a bright smile, giving him the directions to lead him into a small waiting room. Junmyeon followed her instructions, even though he did not need them.

In the room, everything suddenly seemed so much more real. His stomach churned with nerves. It got even worse when the occasional idol would pop their head around the door and give him sympathetic looks.

Junmyeon's skin crawled. _How many people had found out?_ His dynamic - even when he was publicly a beta - had always been private. _Who had told people?_

A man with a clipboard came walked into the room. "Kim Junmyeon? Come this way, please." He gestured for Junmyeon to follow him and lead him into the corridor than Junmyeon dreaded. The meeting rooms for official discussion lived down this hallway.

Junmyeon had been down here three too many times. His memories of this hallway consisded of pain, sleepless nights and crying himself to sleep when he thought no one else could hear.

The door into the room Junmyeon was going to be in was closed. The door handle, cold metal, was steely beneath Junmyeon's trembling fingers. He made himself open the door and his heart nearly stopped when he saw an actual board of people sitting there.

For all the meetings Junmyeon had been in, there had never been so many higher ups in one place. Junmyeon briefly wondered if Yunho had been through the same thing when he presented.

"Kim Junmyeon," a man greeted, face stony. "Please, take a seat." Junmyeon did not recognise him. He did not know anyone in the room, in fact. It made it much more intimidating.

Shuffling inside, Junmyeon dropped his backpack by his feet and sat down in the carpeted chair. His stomach did flips and he pushed back the sudden urge to vomit.

"We're here to discuss the recent developments of your omegean status," another person said, consulting their notes carefully. "Had reached breaking point; eight day heat; completely debilitating, according to group members..."

Junmyeon turned pink. "I, uh-"

"We contacted your personal doctor," a lady said. She fixed Junmyeon with a stern look. "There are some serious health and safety concerns that need to be discussed. To add to that, there have been articles circulating since late last night suggesting various, rather promiscuous things."

The first man continued before Junmyeon could get a word in edgeways. "We request to hear a full recount from you version of events before we go any further."

Junmyeon took a deep breath and began. He left nothing out that he could think of, except for Yifan. When he finished, he looked up with dazed eyes. "Please," he said, stumbling over his sentences, "I understand if I'm going to be punished, but please leave the others members alone!"

The lady's lips were pressed into a harsh line. "The board came to a decision that while you have gone against multiple _regulations_ , you have not gone against any _signatory points_. You're an important group leader and it would be much too suspicious to remove you from the group."

The man on the far right nodded. "Exactly. Heats we'll have to work around. We cannot allow you to go back onto suppressants or blockers, though until a doctor clears it."

Junmyeon looked around, waiting for the backlash. There had to be something else coming.

"You're going to have a full doctor’s examination," the man continued. "Once the results have come in from that, we'll choose the most appropriate actions."

Shuffling a new page to the front of her pile, the lady looked at Junmyeon with a piercing glare in her eyes. "Our current concern is the articles that have been circulating following your arrival back to Seoul. The pheromones..."

"That was me," Junmyeon whispered. "That was my fault, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, and-"

"The are several theories that are circulating: a late presentation, a bonding or, for the lack of a better term, members engaging in omegean prostitution services. The scent cannot be proven as omega, however, the accounts are all claiming that the smell is about as telling as it can get," a man said, reading off a sheet.

Another man gave Junmyeon a critical look. "From the description, I can tell it's you," he said. Self consciously, Junmyeon tried to find his scent. The decay was still there, but it had taken mere days for the scent to mostly clear into what it had been when he was a child. Junmyeon flushed an even deeper shade.

The lady nudged the man. "Either way, there is no way to pin it to you. We are going to ignore it and make no official statement unless any more serious proof comes to light. At the moment, however, your status is safe from the public."

Junmyeon cleared his throat awkward and tangled his fingers on his lap. "What about the rest of the company members and staff?"

"There was a lot of commotion, to say the least," someone said slowly, like they were bracing Junmyeon for the first possible news. "Most of the staff is aware of what has happened and many artists have found out, as well."

Junmyeon's face drained of colour. Years of hiding everything and suddenly, everyone in the company was aware of what was happening. It was not fair. Junmyeon did not dare protest, though. He had been expecting suspensions or removal from EXO. So far, he had escaped rather lightly.

"All members of the company who have been made aware have been asked to hold their silence," the lady said, for the first time acting in a reassuring manner. Junmyeon nodded stiffly and gazed at his intertwined hands.

The man on the right pulled yet another piece of paper towards himself. "The final thing we need to discuss today: Omega specific rules within the company. Obviously, there is a set for each dynamic and you've no doubt been exposed to the beta ones. The omega ones, however, have a few differences."

Junmyeon took the piece of paper offered to him and scanned it up and down without reading it. He turned back to the man.

"Obviously, some rules remain the same," the man continued, waving his hands easily. "Pack bonding are up to the individual, however, should be approved; bonding marks we cannot stop but must be hidden; imprinting will be monitored to make sure nothing becomes out of hand, particularly if the other person is outside the company."

Junmyeon opened his mouth and closed it again. Yifan would remain _his_ secret. He did not want people breathing down his back when he was trying to talk with him. Junmyeon would be lucky if he escaped with permission to continue communications.

The man leaned forwards, a glint sparkling in his dark eyes. "You haven't imprinted, have you, Junmyeon?"

Frantically, Junmyeon shook his head and nervously laughed. "Of course not," he said.

The man collapsed back in his chair. "Good, good... I'm glad to hear it... I'd hate to impose so many restrictions when you're so new to this." He grinned wickedly and Junmyeon shuddered, the piece of paper in his hands being crumpled in the corner where he grabbed it.

"I believe that's all," the first man said, looking to his left and then to his right. There were muttering around the table but no one protested. "Thank you, Junmyeon, you may go."

Junmyeon stood up, grabbed his bag and bowed before hobbling out of the door, knees shaking precariously with each step he took. Junmyeon stumbled down the hallway and made it back into the main foyer.

The clock read ten past nine in the morning and Junmyeon sighed, collapsing onto a squishy chair. It sunk under his weight. For a long time, Junmyeon sat there, shivering in his seat.

The receptionist from the morning came up to him with a notepad in her hands. "Junmyeon?" she asked politely. "I've been asked to schedule you a doctor's examination. It will be held by the company doctor, however, you are welcome to attend a personal doctor as well, if you should please."

Junmyeon stood up to greet the girl politely before pausing. "When is it possible to hold it?" he asked. It was imminent and Junmyeon would rather get it out of the way than avoid it.

"This morning would be alright, if you're free," she said, pointing to a slot in her book. "Otherwise, tomorrow... The day after... To be honest, as long as there are no serious concerns that pop up amongst any others in the company, it doesn't really matter."

Junmyeon considered his options with a thoughtful expression. "You said this morning was alright... Can I go then? Get it over and done with, and all the rest."

The receptionist smiled brightly at him. "Of course. If you'll just take a seat for a moment, I'll double check with her and then send you over there."

Junmyeon thanked her and returned to his seat, nervously twiddling his thumbs. He recalled his promise to Jongin in the morning and hastily pulled his phone out, sending him a text to let him know what was going on, before turning it off and putting it away again.

The receptionist returned, her dark hair swishing behind her. "You're free to go. She's waiting."

"Thank you," Junmyeon said. He followed the familiar route to the medical room and knocked on the door apprehensively.

Doctor Lee pulled the door open and smiled encouragingly. "Junmyeon..." She welcomed him in and showed him to the elongated seat that Junmyeon had never known whether to call a chair or a bed. "I take it we've got a lot to catch up on?"

"Probably more than we should," Junmyeon admitted, picking at his fingers.

Doctor Lee's face settled into a frown as she scrolled through the information on her laptop. "Yes... Suppressed omega... Breaking point... Eight day heat..." Her words were painfully familiar to that of the meeting before. Junmyeon wanted to block them out.

"I'm not going to reprimand you, if that's what you're worried about," the doctor said as she stood up, grabbing instruments from shelves and bringing them back. "I'm sure you've faced enough of that. I am however, required to complete a full check over."

An hour and a half passed in relative quiet. Doctor Lee asked Junmyeon to do this and that and he obliged willingly. He had no reason to make her job and more difficult than it already was. She typed notes all the while, crease marks on her forehead growing deeper and deeper.

Finally, Doctor Lee stood back. She sat down in her chair and spun around, collecting her laptop and balancing it on a tiny platform that was slightly closer to Junmyeon's bed.

"Well, that's my job for today," she said. She scrolled through her notes quickly. "I need to send off what I've collected for analytics before I can tell you what's going on in full, but I can gave you the basics."

"Please do," Junmyeon said.

Doctor Lee nodded. "Productive scent glands are working, which is great. Your hormones, though, are completely out of balance. It'll take a while for that to stabilise, most likely. Suppressants and blockers really mess up your systems, so I'm going to be blatantly honest. Don't get your hopes up for being able to return to blockers or suppressants. With a look at you now, I think that they could put your systems into a complete shutdown."

Junmyeon lowered his head solemnly. "Understood."

"That's all I can tell you for now, though. I'll send an email to you when I get the results back and we can speak properly then."

"Thank you very much," Junmyeon said, pushing himself off the bed.

Doctor Lee smiled. "Absolutely no worries. Thank you for not making things difficult. You've made my job an awful lot easier."

Junmyeon bowed and left the room. He sent another text to Jongin and began walking home, intent on sleeping for the rest of the day.


	9. IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... This ended up being slightly later than I planned for it to be... I'm really sorry! I got backlogged with a heap of school work. Then I scrapped everything that I had written for this chapter, because I really hated, so I ended completely rewriting it!
> 
> I hope you can forgive me for that... 
> 
> This chapter is also slightly rough. I've edited it, but I decided that I needed to get something up before I lose internet tomorrow and then another week ticks over. So, yes. I've edited, but I'll go over with more care within the next few days, hopefully! 
> 
> Anyway. I hope you enjoy this chapter! 
> 
> Please drop a comment through if you find stuff you think I should fix or you have any thoughts or opinions! I'd love to hear what you have to say! 
> 
> Thank you and I hope you enjoy!
> 
> \- MachineWired

Junmyeon’s room was raided five days later. Who exactly authorised it, Junmyeon could not be fully sure of. All he knew was that one minute, he was alone in his room and in the next, people had bombarded him.

Turfed out of his room, Junmyeon strode into the living room. Baekhyun was there, lounging over the sofa, with his head in Chanyeol’s lap. He jolted into a sitting position and they separated like they had been scalded.

“What’s going on?” Junmyeon stormed.

Baekhyun looked guilty. “We were… I mean-." 

“Not you,” Junmyeon amended. “I mean, why the hell was I just thrown out of my room by Yixing, Sehun, Minseok and Jongdae?” 

“Oh, that,” Chanyeol said slowly. “Well, I mean…” He hesitated. Junmyeon felt worse the longer the silence dragged out.

“Drugs bust?” Baekhyun said, but it sounded more like a question. He made eye contact with Chanyeol and wordlessly, they seemed to hold an entire conversation.

Chanyeol cleared his throat. “We were asked to by management,” he explained. “They’re checking for blockers and suppressants. We were told that we had an option: Either we did it, or some staff would instead.”

“And you didn’t think to mention it to me?” Junmyeon hissed. He knew he sounded like a little kid, angry for not having been allowed to go into a sweet shop, but he did not care to disguise it. 

Baekhyun’s calm expression faltered. “But, I mean, it would have been worse if some other people had come in, right? Because then it wouldn’t even necessarily be people that we knew.” He withered under the glare that Junmyeon gave him.

“Why the hell are you even bothering?” Junmyeon spat. “If I had any left, I would still be taking them.”

“We were told to by management,” Baekhyun restated. He either choose to ignore or had not picked up on Junmyeon's comment.  

Chanyeol shrugged. It had apparently bypassed his attention, as well. “Ordered, really. There were no options or alternatives given. This was the best possible outcome.”

Junmyeon laughed bitterly and ran a hand through his unbrushed hair. It stuck up and made him look frantic and maniacal. “This is an invasion of my privacy,” he reittereated. “Do I get no say in this?”

“Apparently not,” Chanyeol said. He winced. “I should have worded that better,” he muttered to himself.

Junmyeon groaned and stalked to the wall. He laid the crown of his head against it and took deep breaths, trying to calm himself. He was being a bad leader and setting a bad example.

It was in times like these when Junmyeon always wondered why he had been made leader. Even though he held a relatively strong handle on his temper, Junmyeon had never been the best at controlling stress and panic in the face of uncertainty.

Baekhyun stood up and pushed Junmyeon towards the couch. When he was sitting down, Baekhyun disappeared into the kitchen. Chanyeol tried to distract him with meaningless chatter and inconsequential questions.

Junmyeon stared at the wall, a storm looming inside of his head. It swirled with deep, grey clouds that thundered whenever Chanyeol was being too boisterous.

Baekhyun returned a few minutes later and pressed a cup of coffee into Junmyeon’s hands with a small, patronising smile. “You need it, hyung. You look like you’re about to drop off!”

Junmyeon took a sip of the bitter liquid and thanked Baekhyun with a small nod. They remained in silence until Jongdae stepped back into the room. His grassy scent flooded the air.

“Everything’s fine,” Jongdae said optimistically. “Management will leave us alone for a bit, now.”

“Fucking fabulous,” Junmyeon grumbled. “And will you let me into my room, now, then?”

Jongdae winced and turned around, casting Baekhyun a look that Junmyeon could not see. He could imagine it, though, and it only made the storm brew with more anger.

Jongdae finally turned back and nodded. “Yeah, you can go back in. I’m sorry, hyung… We were instructed that we had to clear out your room and-“

“Yeah,” Junmyeon muttered. “I know. Because management told you.” Jongdae visibly recoiled at the malice in Junmyeon’s tone.

Somewhere, very deep down, it made Junmyeon feel guilty. More prominently, it made him angry. Having been thrown from his room without explanation or being allowed to continue the paperwork he was trying to fill out, Junmyeon had every right to be frustrated.

Chanyeol chewed on his lip as the tension in the room reached a peak.

Junmyeon broke it as he stood up, straight backed and coffee clenched in one hand. He marched down the hall and into his room. Sehun was reclining back on his bed, fiddling with a pen and twisting the lid off and pushing it back on with audible clicks.

It grated on Junmyeon’s nerves in a way he could not explain. He wanted to yell for it to stop. To make his feelings known. To not have to care. To not have to live up to any more expectations.

Junmyeon did not have the liberty to choose, though. He had a path set out ahead of him and he was expected to conform to it. So, Junmyeon bit his lip and resisted the urge to scream as he sat down on his own bed.

Perhaps out of courtesy, nothing was noticeably out of place. The drawers and cupboard doors were all shut and the sporadic photos that decorated his walls were not even slightly out of line. Even his phone was still plugged into a charger and at a perfect right angle with the edge of the surface it was on.

Sehun looked up at him. His eyes were full of guilt, not that Junmyeon was feeling particularly lenient or sorry for him.

“I’m sorry, hyung…” Sehun said sadly. He toyed with the pen some more. “We would have asked you… But, we were told it wouldn’t count if we did and then management would come in to scour.”

Junmyeon scoffed. “Thanks. Really, thank you so much,” he spat. “I truly could not be any more grateful.”

Sehun shrunk back and pushed the pen lid back on. He pulled himself off the bed. “I’ll let you be…” he said, leaving the room. He shut the door behind him and, perhaps by habit, turned the light off.

Junmyeon was left alone in the dark. The single, small window still had the curtains drawn and Junmyeon made no move to open them. He was perfectly happy to sit in the lightless room.

Sighing deeply, Junmyeon flopped backwards. His back hit the soft mattress with a rustle of bedding and an overwhelming sense of familiarity. The soft material smelt like home. Junmyeon wanted to curl up in it and skip the rest of the day.

Instead, Junmyeon extended his arm and scrabbled about on his bedside table for his phone. His fingers connected with the cool metal and he dragged it towards himself.

Junmyeon pulled the charging cord out and dropped it over the side of the bed. His headphones dangled from the other port and Junmyeon wrenched those free, too, depositing them on the pillow next to his head.

The phone lit up with several notifications that Junmyeon ignored when he turned the phone on. He unlocked it and headed straight to the call function. Yifan’s number, still disguised and innocent, sat at the top of his call list.

Junmyeon pressed it and held the phone to his ear. The call rang out. Yifan’s voice vibrated through the speaker, informative, yet somewhat emotionless words asking for messages to be left after the tone in fluid Mandarin.

Hopelessly, Junmyeon hung up without leaving a message. _Maybe Yifan would call him back later_. Junmyeon closed his eyes and held his phone close to his chest.

Peace did not come, but eventually, sleep did. Junmyeon was relieved for it. The disturbed nights that he was suffering through were beginning to take their toll. Junmyeon’s eyes felt like they were being strung open by overly technical rope and pulley systems most of the time.

 

Kyungsoo woke Junmyeon up a few hours later with a firm shake. Junmyeon jolted up, ready to attack. Kyungsoo took a step back, defensively raising his arms. 

“Lunch is ready,” Kyungsoo said, once Junmyeon had stood down. “It’s just rice, soup and some leftovers… But, you need to eat. You didn’t have anything for breakfast.”

Junmyeon nodded dozily and ran a hand through his hair. It was tangled and greasy, so Junmyeon pulled a hoodie on over his t-shit and dragged the hood up. Stray tufts of his fringe stubbornly remained over his forehead, as if they had been gelled there.

“Thanks, Kyungsoo,” Junmyeon replied. His words were still slurred with sleep and they rolled off his tongue without diction.

Kyungsoo nodded in acknowledgement and left the room. Junmyeon followed him a few minutes later, phone thrown into his jumper pocket. Just in case.

There was a heavy silence in the kitchen when Junmyeon walked in. It was as if the air had suddenly turned still as soon as the people inside had heard Junmyeon approaching. It probably had.

Junmyeon was not oblivious to the badly disguised discussions that had been stemming inside of the dorm. They were more frequent than they perhaps should have been. Junmyeon never failed to be amused by how few people knew how to keep their voices down while they were speaking to each other.

It was entertaining at the best of times. It was hurtful at the worst. It made Junmyeon realise how freely others talked when his back was turned. He had scarcely thought about it in prior times.

“Coming to sit down?” Yixing began gruffly. He returned to his soup when Junmyeon turned a sharp eye on him.

Junmyeon obliged, however, and sat stiffly in between Minseok and Kyungsoo.

There were no designated spots at their table. More often than not, people would come and go as they pleased. It was rare that they all had time off at the same time so they could have a meal as a group, particularly at midday.

Kyungsoo, or maybe Minseok, had apparently made a drive today, though. All nine of them were around the table. Bowls of soup and rice had been distributed equally. It was reminiscent of times when they had been happily in possession of more time than they knew what to do with.

Yet, the atmosphere was completely different. It could be cut with a knife and furtive glances were being passed around in abundance. Junmyeon shuddered and tried to ignore it.

Sipping pensively at his soup and determinedly not looking at anyone, Junmyeon could feel the gazes piercing his skin. It was like thousands of miniature daggers, stabbing him, waiting for secrets to ooze out of the wounds.

Junmyeon grew sick of it quickly. He had never been one to deal with watchful and overly intrusive stares. He felt like he was being stripped back, layer by layer, and he hated it.

Finally, he dropped his bowl back to the table with more force than he needed. To his right, Kyungsoo flinched.

“Would you stop looking at me?” Junmyeon burst out. He surveyed the table and made eye contact with each person. They all recoiled.

Yixing swallowed. “It’s just…”

“This morning? The room search? Forget it. It’s fine.” Junmyeon scowled and turned back to his food. He stabbed at it without eating anything. He had lost all of his appetite.

Jongin faltered. “But-“

“Seriously,” Junmyeon said, cutting Jongin off before he could say anything. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“Well, it’s obviously not,” Minseok said gesturing at Junmyeon, still spearing at the rice. “We can see that something has you worked you up.”

Junmyeon glowered bitterly. “Drop it, hyung,” he warned. His voice was velvet soft and as venomous as an adder. Minseok sighed and left it be.

What had been a cold environment before had suddenly plunged into sub-zero temperatures. No one said anything. Icy silence fell, sans for the ticking of a clock from somewhere and the noise from outside and surrounding flats.

A sharp ringing drilled into the stillness. The phone in Junmyeon’s pocket vibrated frantically and the buzzing spiraled into meaningless loops.

Junmyeon stood up abruptly. “I’ve got to take this,” he mumbled as he left the room. It felt like the friction in the room followed him as he left.

Junmyeon pulled his phone out of his pocket and answered it without looking at the name. He did not need to look. He had set a different ringtone for Yifan so that he could avoid answering his calls or checking who was phoning if he needed to.

As he left the room Junmyeon realised that the anger had all but disappeared. Junmyeon recoiled when he realised he had lashed out on everyone because they were following what they had been told to do. Suddenly, he felt even worse than before.

“Yifan,” Junmyeon greeted sullenly. He turned into his room and closed the door behind himself. For a moment, he debated wedging it closed with a shoe, but he decided against it. It was too much work for Junmyeon to bother himself about it.

Yifan’s voice crackled to life. “Junmyeon,” he greeted in return. He sounded fairly confused. “Are you okay? You… Feel quite tense and unhappy. Something happened this morning, I take it?”

“Yeah,” Junmyeon confessed. He sniffled as everything bubbled to the surface. He had not been hiding any of his emotions particularly well. They were either overflowing or being bottled up with so much pressure that there were bound to explode at some point. Junmyeon was prolonging the latter for as long as possible.

Yifan was silent for a moment. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Maybe later…” Junmyeon said with a sigh. He moved the topic of the conversation quickly. “What were you doing today?”

The question pushed Yifan off onto a tangent about a movie director who had been particularly unforgiving and a co-star who had been fawning over him. He sounded passionate on the topic and it made Junmyeon laugh.

Yifan finished with a long moan. “They’re going to have to drag me tooth and nail to the studio if we have to go overtime on the filming.”

“I hear you,” Junmyeon giggled. He had experienced working with people who were uncooperative enough times to be sympathetic to Yifan’s gripes.

Yifan muttered under his breath. Junmyeon did not catch his words, but he got the feeling that they had not really been intended for him, anyway.

Junmyeon reclined against the wall and dragged a pillow towards himself, settling it in his lap.

“So, then, what’s up? You’re going to tell me, now?” Yifan prompted after they had sat in peace for a few minutes.

Junmyeon swallowed. “It’s nothing, really. I got worked up and I’m being unfair to everyone else. Yifan, I feel like such a jerk.” He clutched his phone to his ear with one hand and ran the other in circles on the back of his own hand.

“What happened?” Yifan asked.

“A few of them were checking my stuff for any leftover suppressants or blockers, apparently following a few meetings with the higher ups.” Junmyeon groaned. “I think I overreacted, and now everyone’s avoiding me. I’m such a horrible person, and-“

Yifan interrupted. “Junmyeon, you shouldn’t…”

Junmyeon continued as if he had not been stopped. “Yifan, I’m meant to be their leader. I’m meant to help and support them. Not make them suffer for my issues and treat them like shit because I got a little overwhelmed.”

Jumyeon could almost imagine Yifan shaking his head as he spoke soft, reassuring words into Junmyeon’s ear. “You’re only human, Jun. You’re allowed to feel things. Besides, I’m sure it wasn’t unjustified… I think anyone would be irritated if they had everything checked without their permission.”

“But, you don’t understand,” Junmyeon whispered. “I always tell them to do whatever the company says, because otherwise, we’ll just end up ten feet underground. And, I’ve yelled at them because I couldn’t control my feelings. What type of person does that?”

“A human,” Yifan said simply. He paused and Junmyeon waited for him to speak again. “It’s normal, Jun… Just apologise to them when you get a chance. They know you’re under stress and they’ve seen what it’s been doing to you.”

Junmyeon bit his lip and breathed out slowly. “Yifan, why was I made a leader? Everyone else has been attacked by these comments, too, and I’m the only one who’s cracking under them.”

“You’re dealing with more than those comments, Jun,” Yifan said gently. “You know that, and they know that, too.”

Junmyeon’s breath faltered. “I just feel… I feel weak and useless. Everyone else has presented and knows what they’re doing and how to actually cope with their bodily functions, and I’m like a teenager all over again. I don’t know anything.

Yifan hesitated before answering and when he did, his words wavered. “You are new to this, though… Most kids get used to their dynamics in their late teens. You were already pretending that you weren’t an omega, though.”

“Please don’t say that,” Junmyeon whispered. “It makes it sound like I had a problem with being an omega.”

“You don’t?” Yifan queried. He sounded mildly shocked and it made Junmyeon feel even worse. If that was what Yifan thought, then surely, it would be what everyone else thought.

Junmyeon wondered how many omegas he had already offended with however far the news had spread amongst the celebrity community.

“Of course not,” Junmyeon said. “I never minded… It’s just that the things that actually make me an omega – hormones and heats – completely messed me up. I’m proud to be an omega. I’m just not strong enough to deal with everything that goes along with it. Not like Jongdae and Baekhyun and everyone else is.”

Yifan tutted softly when he heard Junmyeon’s words catch in his throat on a rapidly growing lump. “You’re plenty strong enough. You’ve just never had the chance to prove it to yourself.”

“I’m not, though,” Junmyeon cried. “I’m not. Whenever I had to deal with heats as a kid, I just wanted to give up. My doctor put me on suppressants because I couldn’t handle them. A week ago, I wanted to quit and renounce my status because I couldn’t deal with the pain.”

Yifan hushed him with soothing noises that were crooned across the telephone line with less than perfect reception.

“You’re stronger than you know,” Yifan whispered. “Remember our second year of training? I clearly remember you comforting one of the newly presented trainees about her rut cycle. You didn’t tell her she was too weak.”

Junmyeon sniffled and wiped his nose on the back of his hand. He laughed wetly. “You saw that?”

“I was looking for you at the time, but I can’t remember why,” Yifan confessed. “By memory, I think it might have been a nice day, so I might have been looking for you so we could go for samgyetang…”

That made Junmyeon chuckle. “Of course… We should go again, sometime… The place is still open, too. You remember?”

“Of course,” Yifan said, as though affronted. Junmyeon could see Yifan rolling his eyes. “Leave through the back entrance of SM, two streets up, left turn, into the small street an then on the left.”

Junmyeon grinned. “Yeah… I haven’t been there in ages…” The ache in his stomach was lightening the more he talked and it felt amazing.

“When I next come to Seoul, then we should go,” Yifan suggested.

Junmyeon hummed in agreement. “Whenever that is…” He did not mean for it to sound as sad and full of longing as it did.

“Not too long,” Yifan promised. “I’ve got a reason to come over, now. I’m sure I can wrangle something every now and then without too much suspicion.”

Scoffing, Junmyeon shook his head. “Good luck with that. You’ll have people on your back wherever you go if you come back here.”

“I’m sure it would be worth it, though,” Yifan said lightly. “I mean, I do hope that we’re not always going to be limited to emails, texting and video and phone calls. That, I’m sure, would become fairly dull after too long.”

“Probably…” Junmyeon agreed. Despite their constricted contact, Junmyeon was grateful that they had been able to find methods that worked. He had been terrified that someone would find out and cut them apart again.

There were a little under a week in and it had been fine thus far. Junmyeon was hopeful for it remaining that way, but not willing to test his luck. He was already skating on thin ice amongst the higher ups and pushing boundaries as it was.

They drifted back into silence.

Yifan hesitantly spoke. “You’re feeling better?” he asked, tentatively.

“Yeah,” Junmyeon said quietly. “Thanks for hearing me out…”

Yifan’s voice was interlaced with tones that Junmyeon could not put names to. “It’s no problem… But, Jun, do call me when you feel like that, won’t you? I can feel everything that you feel in some form or another… Honestly? It hurts to know that you’re in pain and I can’t do anything about it.”

Junmyeon’s stomach flipped. He had forgotten that part of the bond. He had not realised it was that strong, either. “I’m sorry…” Junmyeon apologised.

“Oh, God, no, don’t apologise,” Yifan said in a rush. “It’s just… Don’t bottle it up, okay? I’ll know if you do. You’ll know if I do it too, I’d imagine.”

Junmyeon swallowed thickly. “Agreed,” he said. “You have to do the same thing, though.”

“I will,” Yifan assured him. He sighed. “Do you need to go? I’ve been on a break, but the PA for the director is calling me at the moment. Do you mind if I leave you?”

“Have I been holding you up? I’m sorry,” Junmyeon said quickly. “You absolutely should go. I’ll go and talk to the others, I think… It’s probably about time that I did that.”

Yifan’s voice took on a cheerful lilt. “Please do. I’m sure you’ll feel much better if you talk it out with them.”

“I’m going now,” Junmyeon said. “Good luck with the filming!”

“And to you, with the members,” Yifan returned. He had hung up before Junmyeon could say anything else. Junmyeon dropped his phone from the side of his face and huffed.

It was bittersweet.

It was easy to talk to Yifan. It was nice, even. Reassuring. Familiar. Junmyeon valued Yifan as someone to talk to.

Junmyeon did not understand how his feelings were supposed to correlate to love. It felt like a foreign concept. Not that Junmyeon knew what love felt like.

Throughout school, Junmyeon had never dated. He had been too awkward and confused as a teenager. When he had finished school, he had been put off dating for fear of getting too close to anyone and them figuring out his secrets. Once he had debuted, he had not had time anyway.

Junmyeon took a few, last minutes to compose himself before he pushed himself off the bed and made his way into the kitchen. It was empty, except for the dishwashing rack, which was loaded with slightly damp dishes and crockery.

Proceeding into the living room, Junmyeon found his heart jumping into his throat. He was not sure why, but nerves were suddenly bubbling up inside of him like molten lava. It blistered his insides.

Jongin was in the living room. He looked up when he heard Junmyeon approach and pulled his mobile closer to his chest, as through he was defending something from Junmyeon.

Junmyeon gave him a questioning glance. It did not take long for Jongin to crack. He stood up and froze for a few moments. He appeared to be debating whether or not to run. Junmyeon took a step closer to him in an effort to assert that he wanted to talk.

Jongin moved before Junmyeon could, though. He sidled up to Junmyeon, teetering on the balls of his feet. In his hand, he held out his phone with something already opened on the small screen.

Junmyeon made out to scroll through the article but Jongin retracted his hand before he could. It looked like he was having second thoughts.

Jongin’s voice wavered uncertainly as he spoke. “Hyung… It’s just… You might want to read this, okay? But, you know that we all love you, right? We don’t care what comes out of any of this. You matter more to us.”

Slowly, Junmyeon nodded. He was becoming wary. Growing panic was obscuring the sense of calm that Yifan had brought about.

Jongin sighed. “Okay, hyung,” he said bracingly. He passed the phone to Junmyeon as if he was handing off an already alight firecracker.

Junmyeon took the phone from Jongin with a gracious smile. It fell from his face the minute he began to flick through the article. The headline blared across the top of the screen, screaming out words that Junmyeon had never wanted to see.

 

> _Suho lied to fans for years?_

Stomach curdling, Junmyeon’s expression grew more and more sour as he read more of article. Similar, deceiving titles bordered the page he was on in  _suggested_ and  _more like this_  lists that made Junmyeon want to vomit. Bile bubbled in his stomach and he had to consciously fight to keep it down.

Junmyeon’s hands shook. The comments on the article pierced him as spears laced with poison. Disbelief, anger, frustration. They lanced Junmyeon in painful and quick stabs. Junmyeon could see it all, loud and clear, written within the internet’s criticisms.

“Hyung?” Jongin tried. He reached for the phone but slowed. Junmyeon’s knuckles were turning white and veins stuck out of the back of his hand. “Say something, please.” He was desperate and Junmyeon could hear it.

It failed to register. Thoughts swum around Junmyeon’s head, blind and directionless, colliding and causing catastrophe. He trembled where he stood.

It had been going so well. Junmyeon had been feeling good about himself and almost optimistic for the first time in as long as he could remember. There had been no allusions to Junmyeon being an omega that he had picked up since the disaster at the airport.

Of course someone was going to put it together at some point.  _Of course_. Of course he was going to be torn down from his pedestal. _Of course_.

 _Of course._ Junmyeon should have known better than to smile when the world was crashing down around him.

Junmyeon’s luck was non-existent, apparently. In the space of a few weeks, Junmyeon’s life, while not perfect, had fallen around his feet in tatters. There was nothing left except the ruins and shredded strips of what had once been structure.

“Stop it,” Jongin said. He grasped Junmyeon’s wrist and wrenched the phone out of his grip. Junmyeon had not realised how tightly he had been holding it. “You can’t do this to yourself again, hyung.”

Junmyeon sucked in a breath and pretended he did not notice when it caught in his throat.

Jongin’s expression was pinched. “Hyung, I’m sorry… I thought you might want to see, but I didn’t realise-“

Junmyeon cut him off. “Please, don’t,” he whispered. “Jongin, not now.”

“It’ll be okay, though, and I’m sure it’ll blow over in a few weeks.” Jongin’s words were empty and carried no hope.

“No, Jongin.” Something in Junmyeon snapped. He jerked his hand out of Jongin’s grip. “Stop it, okay? I don’t want to hear any more of this shit. I’m done with people pandering to my emotions and trying to make me feel better. This isn’t okay. I’m not okay. Nothing is okay. Everything has gone to shit and I can’t keep pretending otherwise!”

At some point, Junmyeon’s voice had risen to a shout. His knees finally failed him and he crumpled to the floor, balancing on the tips of his toes in a crouching position, head cradled in his hands. Jongin could not catch him.

“Don’t say that,” Jongin said softly. His voice cracked. “I’m sorry, hyung, I shouldn’t have shown you that.”

Junmyeon laughed feverishly. “And what, then? Just hide it from me forever? Why are you all treating me like I’m porcelain? I can’t get any more damaged than what I already am. Why can’t you understand that? I’m broken.”

Jongin whimpered. “Hyung, you’re not-“

“Not what? Not broken? Not a fucking mess? Not going to drag everyone else down with me because of my fuck ups? This isn’t fucking okay, Jongin. I’m ruining everything for everyone.”

Junmyeon was completely hysterical. He dissolved into tearful and maniacal laughter. Jongin’s face had turned to horror and he was a statue where he towered above Junmyeon.

The noise Junmyeon had been making had not gone unnoticed. Minseok stormed into the living room and turned to stone when he saw the sight.

“What’s going on?” Minseok paused and the blood drained from his face until he was wan and looked as sick as Junmyeon felt. “Oh, hell,” Minseok muttered under his breath.

Junmyeon clamped his hands over his ears, shutting himself out from everyone else. Everything else. Junmyeon simply wanted to escape.

Perhaps it was ironic that out of everything, _after everything_ , it was a simple article that messed Junmyeon up so badly.

Minseok shooed Jongin away after muttering something to him, and knelt next to Junmyeon. He pulled Junmyeon’s hands away from his ears and made Junmyeon raise his head to sustain eye contact. “Junmyeon,” he said levelly. “I’m going to make some tea.”

Junmyeon was pulled to his feet by Minseok and they edged slowly into the kitchen. It was deserted, just as it had been before. Out of the corner of his eye, Junmyeon saw someone's shirt whip around the corner.

Minseok pushed Junmyeon into a chair and bustled around, busying himself with teabags and the kettle. He was silent, eerily so. Junmyeon's heart beat faster and faster with the discomfort of everything.

A few minutes later, Minseok handed Junmyeon a cup. He had another mug - probably with coffee in it - in his own hands. Minseok did not sit down. He beckoned to Junmyeon to follow him and they made their way down the corridor and into Minseok's room.

Again, empty. Not that it was much surprise. Minseok was the one member who had a room to himself. Still, it was like everyone else had suddenly melted into thin air. Junmyeon had no problems with that. The optimism for speaking with everyone had dropped through the floor.

Minseok breathed heavily and closed the door behind them.

Junmyeon stood stiffly in front of him, anchored to the wooden floor.

"Well, take a seat," Minseok said, gesturing to the bed and then to a single chair that sat in a corner. The rom was immaculate. Not one thing seemed out of place. Each item had a special spot and even being in the room, Junmyeon felt like an outsider.

Junmyeon obliged and sat on the edge of the bed, teacup held carefully in his hand so that it did not spill. Minseok collapsed next to Junmyeon. His mug tilted precariously, but Minseok did not allow it to slop over the side.

"Care to say what's going on?" Minseok asked after they had spent a minute in pensive stillness.

Junmyeon swallowed a mouthful of his tea. He knew better than to lie or try to speak in riddles to Minseok. He was hollow. He could not form words or sentences and they rattled around him instead, like a rebounding ball cage.

Junmyeon rested his head against Minseok’s shoulder and sighed. Even after so many years, there was still something about Minseok that Junmyeon found comforting. It had never decreased, in fact, it had only become more and more familiar and calming for Junmyeon as time had passed. 

Minseok's lips tightened into a straight line. "Junmyeon... You have to talk at some point... You can't keep this bottled up forever, you know?"

"I can try," Junmyeon muttered under his breath. And, God, he felt like an overwhelmed teenager. His emotions were swinging with such force at such short notice that Junmyeon felt partically insane. His brain hurt when he thought about it too much.

Minseok gave Junmyeon a sharp look. "Junmyeon, stop it. You're acting like a brat."

"Everyone hates me anyway," Junmyeon protested. "Have you seen the comments? That article wants me to confess, apologise and leave the industry. And they’re not the only ones. There are so many fans that agree." He put his teacup on the ground, the dregs of the tea sitting in the bottom of the cup.

"And are you planning on doing that?" Minseok asked calmly. He waited for Junmyeon to slowly shake his head, but it never came. "Junmyeon?"

Junmyeon blurred his face between his knees so his voice was muffled when he spoke. "It would be so much easier, though, hyung... I wouldn't be dragging the rest of you down with my mistakes, I wouldn't have management up my arse all the time, I could-"

"What's happened to you?" Minseok asked. He sounded horrified. "The Junmyeon I knew would never lie down and give up in the face of comments. He would stand up and prove that he is more capable than any of them had ever believed was possible."

"Things have changed, hyung," Junmyeon said softly. "If these articles are proven, it potentially puts people in danger. It could put you - or any of the younger kids -in the face of risk. It won't take long until they're making stabs at the rest of you. I can't live with that on my concious, hyung."

Minseok tutted softly. "Junmyeonnie... The higher ups won't confirm anything, you know that. Besides, the articles... They're only articles. They can't prove anything. We've not going to abandon you, or something."

"You've read them," Junmyeon said finally, devoid of emotion. "When? How long have these been circulating without you telling me?" He pierced Minseok with a venomous glare.

Minseok squirmed. "They've been out for a few days," he eventually confessed. "Chanyeol found them and we decided not to show you. You have enough going on. But, Junmyeon, they're going in circles. They've got no proof. It's just speculation that some people had noticed a smell on you before..."

"And that's all it needs," Junmyeon burst out. "It doesn't need to be big or official. A taster is all some people need before they're on your back for the rest of your life and prying into every record they can find." He looked desperately at Minseok. "This is going to ruin everything. No fans were meant to find out."

Minseok rubbed circles onto Junmyeon's back. "Myeonnie... These articles come out all the time. Fans are always speculating on what people's dynamics are."

Junmyeon glowered. "Yeah, but they never have any proper proof," he spat.

Minseok shrugged. "Fans have ways of finding things out."

"Is this meant to be making me feel better?" Junmyeon asked, pulling a face. He sighed heavily. "Hyung, everyone wants me to leave... I shouldn't be ignoring them..."

"You haven't been on the fan café recently, have you?" Minseok asked.

Junmyeon shook his head. "Of course not. You barred me from it and threatened to steal my phone if you found me on it."

Minseok laughed under his breath. "True... But, wait a second-" He pulled his phone from his pocket and opened the page. He scrolled for a minute before finding what he wanted. He handed his phone to Junmyeon. "Read this, okay?"

Junmyeon obliged and drifted through the words. Warmth blossomed within him and he handed those phone back to Minseok.

"Not everyone wants you gone on the back of those articles," Minseok said softly. "Nothing has been proved, anyway, but those fans, they don't care if you're an omega or not. They don't want you to go."

Junmyeon rubbed his eyes wearily. "Why does everything have to stem back to omegas being the inferior group? Why does this have to be about the fact that I'm an omega, rather than the fact that, as everyone's been saying, I lied to everyone for years."

Minseok shrugged. "The world never makes sense. Omegas are just as strong as any other dynamic. If you ask me, I'd say they're a hell of a lot stronger for dealing with heats on top of all the other shit everyone throws at them."

Junmyeon giggled quietly. "Good look convincing the rest of the world about that."

"Oh, trust me," Minseok said with a grin. "If we have to, EXO will become the revolutionary group that wages war against the stereotypes and comments from fans."

“I’ll hold you to it,” Junmyeon promised.


	10. X

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!
> 
> Can you believe it? I actually made it on schedule this week! I was almost sure that I was going to miss it again... Haha... I only finished writing this half an hour ago, because I had to do a big English project that half killed me when most of it (i.e. 4000 words) deleted and I wasn't able to recover it. So, that was fun!
> 
> Anyway!! I hope you enjoy this chapter. It felt a little disjointed to me, but I didn't want to drag the scenes out any further, because otherwise it was going to get _really_ boring. So, I hope you can live with this? Let me know what I can do to improve if you have advice!
> 
> I've also reshuffled events for the next few chapters, because things weren't progressing the way I wanted them to. So, now, I have to edit some stuff and rewrite a heap of other stuff, so I'm really sorry if I miss the next update again... :(
> 
> Aside from that, I hope you all think this chapter is alright! Good luck if you have assessments this week, keep your head up if you're having a hard time, and try to find something to smile at, okay? :))
> 
> \- MachineWired

Junmyeon was asked to return to Doctor Lee's small medical room later that week. Within hours of receiving the overly formal email, Junmyeon had organised a time to go back to the company building and meet her.

True to his appointment, the next day, Junmyeon was once again seated on the exam table. He nervously laced his fingers together and picked at his cuticles as he waited for Doctor Lee to gather everything she needed. Finally, she spun around on her chair and gave Junmyeon a weak smile before she began.

"Well, I have good and bad news," Doctor Lee said after she had scrolled through the analytics on her laptop. "Let's start with the good... Your body systems are definitely moving away from Breaking Point. Already, some hormonal glands are functions are beginning to unblock themselves, like a few of your scent glands. That's excellent news, Junmyeon."

Doctor Lee paused, but did not make to continue. Junmyeon could immediately sense the downturn in the atmosphere and his hands began to feel clammy against his knees, rocking back and forth. He could tell that he had already reached the end of any positive results that the examination had yielded.

Junmyeon clenched his hands into fists, forcing them to be stationary on his lap. "And the bad news?" he asked tentatively.

Doctor Lee frowned and crossed her legs. "I'm afraid there's more bad news that good," she said pensively.

"Okay," Junmyeon mumbled. His heart was suddenly pounding in his chest.

"Let's start with hormone creation," Doctor Lee said quietly, "As I said, your productive scent glands are alright, but your sensitivity to scents is most likely going haywire, right? Your body is over reacting in an attempt to adapt."

She waited for Junmyeon's nod before she continued.

"Well, that's because your receptive scent glands have effectively been turned off. Your body shut them down but biology says you can't _just stop_ some of your body systems from working. I can offer medications and aside from that, you need regular exposure to scents of pack mates or bond mates or anyone who is close." She looked at Junmyeon with an eagle's eye. "Probably group members, for you, I'd imagine."

Junmyeon bit his lip to stop himself from mentioning Yifan. Emails had been a success. No one had found his pseudo-cousin's, Younghyuck, contact number the slightest bit suspicious. Junmyeon intended on keeping it that way.

Doctor Lee looked like she wanted to press the matter, but she did not. Instead, she began again. "In general, your hormone production is very low. It's to be expected when recovering from Breaking Point, however, it makes your immune system very vunerable, so you'll have to take some supplements until you've reached a normal balance again."

"Does it impact anything else? Except my immune system, I mean," Junmyeon asked.

Doctor Lee nodded. "Yes, but that can be dealt with another day. We should move on, though. I don’t have long, I’m afraid… So, anyway, heats. They’re one thing we do need to talk about. Your last heat, it was painful, right?"

Junmyeon hesitated for a moment. "More painful than it was during childhood? Definitely," Junmyeon confessed.

Fingers lightly danced across the touchpad and Doctor Lee scrolled down a little further on whatever document she was reading. "I'm afraid that's probably not going to change for a while. Think of your heat as a spring that's being wound. You can keep winding it and winding it, but eventually, it has to have the tension released.”

Junmyeon winced and bit his cheek sharply. He had brought this upon himself. _He had no right to complain_.

"You never adjusted to heats like most omegas would as they reached maturity, so they'll be pretty awful to deal with. To add fuel to the fire, your heats are erratic. They're long, they're debilitating and you can’t medicate them anymore." She sucked in a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Junmyeon, but you have no options here. You're just going to have to learn to accommodate them."

Junmyeon looked at her, desperately. "But, there must be something, right? If all of my heats are like that... What about work? They'll kick me out if I disrupt too many schedules!" He whimpered pathetically. He felt like a rag doll. Anyone could have picked him up and tossed him around with him fighting. Junmyeon was on the verge of giving up. 

"They can't kick you out for things like that," Doctor Lee said evenly. She sounded strained, and her words did not carry her usual confidence. "As for your heat timing… I checked records from your childhood and, as I said, unpredictable is the word that comes to mind." She paused for a moment and sighed. "To be honest, I can't believe I never noticed this before. I should have checked your records when I started. I knew that my predecessor was lax in things like that." 

Doctor Lee cast a hand over the hair and Junmyeon felt his stomach collapse in on itself. More people who he had made feel terrible. It just made Junmyeon feel even worse. He dug his nails into his fists until it began to sting and waited for Doctor Lee to continue, not trusting his voice enough to speak.

"Throughout the coming months, your heats will probably be leaning towards closer together rather than further apart." She made direct contact with Junmyeon. "You're just going to have to accommodate it, okay. I'm sorry, Junmyeon, but there is no way around this without putting yourself into serious danger again, and I can't afford to let that happen."

Doctor Lee paused for a moment and tucked her hair behind her ear. "As I said, think of the spring. The tighter it's wound, the more energy it'll have when it's released. It will rebound, though, and the rebounds will be quick. Junmyeon... You've been winding that spring for a long time."

Junmyeon swallowed and looked to the ground. A lump was growing in his throat and it hurt. It burnt to the point that Junmyeon wanted to stop listening so that he could escape hearing how badly he had damaged himself.

"The final point here that I want to make a case of is reproduction and bonding. Reproduction." Doctor Lee shut her laptop with a snap. Junmyeon's stomach sank. He had never thought as far ahead as to having children. _Of course he had not_ , he had been twelve when he presented.

The thought of kids now, though... Junmyeon's heart clenched. 

"I'm not going to sugar coat it. Your reproductive system has been pretty much shot to pieces. Low fertility, weakened immune system; I can go on... It's not impossible for you to reproduce, but it will not be easy." Doctor Lee gazed at Junmyeon, face solemn. "I'm sorry."

Junmyeon bit his lip. "I understand," he said in a small voice. His words wavered more than they should have.

"Moving on," Doctor Lee said after a few minutes of silence. "Medications. I'll give you a list that can be retrieved and a schedule to take them. Just stick to it and we'll have you up on your feet in no time!"

Junmyeon nodded, body as stiff as a board. "Okay, then. How many medications?" His tone was morose and posture slumped. It was like the weight of the world had been piled upon his shoulders. He was sinking underground from the sheer volume of it. 

"Six," Doctor Lee said. "Three hormonal triggers, two neutralisers to target some of the chemicals from the blockers and suppressants and a hormonal booster. It’s not perfect, but it’s a start. We’ll adjust as we go, depending upon how your body reacts to them.”

“Okay,” Junmyeon agreed. He looked around. “Should I collect them from a pharmacy or something?”

“No, no,” Doctor Lee said quickly, standing up from her seat and going to a cupboard to remove a few boxes and bottles of pills. “That’s a recipe for disaster. I reviewed your results when they came in and I ordered the medicine for you in advance. It’s quicker, easier and harder for people to link to you.”

The doctor handed the various items to Junmyeon, who in turn, placed them into his rucksack. “Thank you very much,” Junmyeon said sincerely, giving Doctor Lee a courteous smile.

“Not a problem,” Doctor Lee said, retaking her seat. “One last point, though… Imprinting. Well, you’ve said that you have not imprinted, but your results say slightly differently…” She trailed off, as if waiting for Junmyeon to pick up on the hint and explain himself.

Junmyeon’s insides melted in despair. He was at a dead end with nowhere to run. “Please don’t tell anyone,” he whispered, looked at Doctor Lee desperately. “They monitor imprintions and if they find out who I’ve imprinted on, they’ll - I don’t know what they’ll do.”

Doctor Lee appeared flustered. “I haven’t told anyone,” she promised, “And, I’ll keep it that way unless I am specifically asked.” She gave Junmyeon a gentle smile. “I suppose it must be someone that’s going to cause trouble to SM if you’re not telling.”

Junmyeon nodded, mutely. He could not bring himself to say Yifan’s name. To mention any of their former members on SM ground felt like an act of betrayal. Betrayal to the company or betrayal to his friends, Junmyeon could never quite distinguish between.

Doctor Lee cleared her throat. “You need to know, Junmyeon, imprinting has the potential to be very tricky if it isn’t handled properly. If you’re committing to it, make sure you keep in contact. If you’re not, be prepared for an awfully hard few months…”

Junmyeon swallowed heavily. “I'll be careful,” he murmured, voice suddenly hoarse as if he had been yelling for hours.

Doctor Lee gave him a tight-lipped smile. "If you're prepared and willing to stick it out, you don't need to worry... Anyway, what I was saying… Imprinting and bonding. That will be perfectly fine. In fact, bonding would most likely help you to stabilise faster. Imprinting will help, too, but you've already done that, I guess."

Junmyeon grimaced ruefully.

"Company rules apply, of course," Doctor Lee continued. "I don't agree with everything they say, but I can't oppose the rules." She frowned deeply. Junmyeon nodded and crossed his ankles, refusing to put his own opinion in.

Doctor Lee typed a few notes into her still-open laptop. “Even if you and the person you imprinted upon agree to acknowledge it, you need contact, okay? It's vital that you build a relationship. It’s a bond that demands interaction and complete trust. It can cause a lot of pain if it isn’t maintained, not to mention-.”

Doctor Lee was cut off when someone knocked at the door frantically. She cast a politely confused looked at Junmyeon and called for the person to enter.

Tiffany, one of the Girl’s Generation members tumbled through the doorway. She appeared calm, although she was obviously hurrying. “Twisted ankle,” she said evenly. “Could I please get some ice and strapping tape?”

Doctor Lee nodded, hurrying around and gathering the items. “Can we resume this discussion another time?” she asked Junmyeon.

Tiffany’s face screamed of discomfort. “Oh, no, please. I don’t mean to impose. I just need to get some ice and tape…”

Junmyeon shook his head. “No, no, that’s fine. Thank you very much for your time today.” Tiffany stood by the door nervous and Doctor Lee gestured for her to step just outside of hearing range.

Doctor Lee smiled at him. “It’s no problem, Junmyeon. Just remember: stick to the medication timetables, absolutely no blockers or suppressants - it’ll probably be about a year that you’re totally forbidden – and we can organise check-ups periodically.”

“I’ll try,” Junmyeon promised. He bowed deeply, picked up his rucksack that rattled with pills, and followed Doctor Lee out of the room.

Alone once again, Junmyeon made his way back to the familiar waiting room. An overly colourful bunch of fake flowers sat in a tall vase in the corner and the blinds were open, but the chairs were all empty. No one was there so Junmyeon took a corner chair and slumped back in it.

The pills rattled in his bag. Junmyeon rummaged around and pulled them out, scanning over the labels that were plastered onto the tubs. Thankfully, dosage requirements were highlighted in bold characters that Junmyeon could easily make out as long as he was wearing his glasses.

Junmyeon contemplated his next move. He wanted to return to the dorm and sleep for a week straight. He also wanted to avoid everyone for as long as possible.

After the events of the room raid, there had been chaos. After Junmyeon’s breakdown at the article, Yifan had phoned Luhan who, in turn, had called Minseok when Yifan could not make contact with Junmyeon.

Yifan had been bordering on hysterical, according to Luhan. Junmyeon felt awful when he learnt that Yifan had thought that there had been some kind of awful accident.

To add to everything else, Junmyeon had not managed to pull together enough confidence to properly apologise. He had acted immaturely, scared Jongin half to death and broken his word to Yifan. It made Junmyeon even more ashamed and embarrassed in himself.

More pitying looks than were strictly necessary had also been passed around. Junmyeon found himself being subjected to sympathy from everyone he came across. He hated it.

Junmyoen just wanted a break from people. He wanted things to go back to how they had been. He wanted to stop being ‘the new omega’ in SM and go back to the ambiguous beta he had been before. He wished nothing had ever happened. _He wished he had been smart enough to find more suppressants while he had the chance._

Junmyeon groaned and leant forwards, resting his head in his hands. He was done. Nothing could make him feel any better after everything.

A person wondered into the room, grinning admirably. Junmyeon jolted up to meet their eyes and immediately fell into a deep bow of respect. “Yunho-hyung,” he stuttered.

“Junmyeon,” Yunho greeted formally. He waved a relaxed hand, slightly awkwardly. 

“What are you doing here?” Junmyeon asked, twisting the handle of his bag in his tightly balled hands.

Yunho shrugged, dropping his arm. “I’m here to see you. I heard what’s going on. I also heard that you ran into some friends a few weeks ago when I was, ah, slightly incapacitated. I’ll apologise for that now. I’d imagine that you could’ve managed the rest of your life without seeing that.”

“It’s fine,” Junmyeon squeaked. Eleven years his senior in experience and five years in age, Junmyeon had never been fully comfortable expressing himself around Yunho. Junmyeon felt stiff and like he had to measure every move that he made. It showed more than ever when they were left alone with each other.

“Yes, well, anyway,” Yunho said, boldly pushing on. “I just thought that you might want some more people to talk to... I mean, if we're honest, omegas don't have a good track record. This company is tyrannical, half of the world seems to believe that all omegas are subordinates to other dynamics, and omegas have the highest rates of assault and incidents, particularly among fans." 

Junmyeon paled slightly, and gnawed at his lip.

“But, seriously.” Yunho sighed deeply and leant back in the seat. “While that’s all true, to align myself more fully to the point I wanted to make, there's a network of idol omegas, and we're always welcoming new members." 

"Okay..." Junmyeon said slowly, eyes darting around slightly. "What is it?"

Yunho raised an eyebrow. "Every second Wednesday in the YG basement at midnight." 

“What?” Junmyeon choked on thin air and gaped uselessly at Yunho. 

Yunho laughed dryly, but Junmyeon did not understand what was so funny. “Okay, I’m kidding. We don’t really meet up formally. Ryeowook started the group years back, but since then, we’ve expanded outwards to try to involve more people. It's a positive space, and it's always nice to be able to talk to fellow omegas who understand the struggles of the dynamic. ”

“What?” Junmyeon repeated. Confusion blustered around his head like a brewing storm.

“It's a group chat, primarily,” Yunho informed. He crossed his legs over each other into a tight knot. Obviously, the flexibility from his dancing career was still well intact. “Well, it used to be more like a messaging thing where we’d organise where meet up, but that’s irrelevant. Technology has moved on since then.” 

Junmyeon's eyes widened. The possibilities that came with a group chat were amazing. Adaptable and easy to keep well hidden provided there was secrecy. Furthermore, it would be a place of security. He was simply unsure whether he was willing to fully embrace it, though. 

“But,” Junmyeon sputtered desperately as he sunk back into his chair. “Aren't idols always told to keep their dynamics secret? How do you even know who's an omega to ask them to join the chat?"

Yunho shrugged. “You forget, Junmyeon, I've been in this industry for a long time. It used to be much more open with dynamics among the idols themselves, and a lot of companies still are, actually. SM is very private in comparison to a lot of other places. It's just a blanket, unspoken word that nothing is given to the fans where it can be avoided." 

Junmyeon rubbed at his temples. Since he began training in 2006, it had never occurred to him how other companies may have handled different dynamics. SM's policies were what he was used to, and the only thing he had ever known in the first place. 

Yunho continued, disrupting Junmyeon's train of thought. "We've got enough people in our group that if everyone knows a few people, we can continue to connect more people. Obviously, we can't get to every omega, and some - like yourself - choose to keep it a secret. However, we do what we can to connect people. Some people are awfully alone in their groups, you know? It's good to have people to talk to outside of bandmates."

 

“Jongdae and Baekhyun… Are they…? They’re blabbermouths, though. How on earth would they have kept it a secret?” Junmyeon asked, stumbling over his words in shock. He immediately clapped a hand to his hand in horror.

Yunho shook his head. “I’ll admit; EXO has always been rather an enigma. No one really knew your dynamics and it was hard because there was always one scent missing and no one, unless they knew you well or spent a lot of time with you, could work out who it was. So, I had no idea who your pack omegas were until thirty seconds ago.”

Junmyeon’s mouth fell open in disgust at himself. “But? I didn’t mean-. And, we're not a pack, and-.“

Yunho smiled understandingly. “It’s okay, Junmyeon. You don’t have to justify everything. Sometimes things just really don’t go the way we want them to, even when we try out hardest.”

“Don’t tell them that I told you,” Junmyeon begged. “They’ll probably murder me and I don’t need anyone else to hate me right now.” 

Yunho winced. “I saw the articles and comments-.” 

“Yeah, you and the rest of the world,” Junmyeon grumbled under his breath. 

“You shouldn’t worry about it too much,” Yunho said reassuringly. “I mean, yeah, it sucks, but it will blow over. Stuff like this always does.”

Junmyeon leant back in his chair and covered his eyes with his laced fingers. “I suppose,” he said broodily. 

“No, cheer up!” Yunho said bracingly. “It’s going to be fine.” 

Junmyeon swallowed his reply. Yunho was someone who Junmyeon knew better than many others in SM, but he was still a senior. Junmyeon had no right to be talking back to him. Already he had been toeing the limits. 

“Do you want to join the group, then?” Yunho asked a few minutes later. 

Junmyeon scoffed internally at the pathetic change of subjects. “Sure,” he snorted. “Go for it…” 

Yunho grinned. “I promise, no one will eat you alive. There are kids younger than you in it and everyone’s pretty chilled, anyway. It’s also confidential. You can’t tell anyone who’s in the chat or anything that’s discussed in it.” 

Junmyeon swallowed and debated taking back his words. He decided against it. Could it hurt to have a few more people who he could talk to? “I won’t,” he promised heavily.  

“Well, in that case, I’ll add you in,” Yunho said happily. “Moving on, though.” His expression went dark and serious in a way that Junmyeon had scarcely seen. “Someone told me that there might be a few things that we should talk about…”

“And what might those be?” Junmyeon asked. 

Yunho shrugged. “Well, you tell me.” It was obvious he knew, but only wanted Junmyeon to explain things himself. It was a cliché tactic, and one that Junmyeon refused to fall a slave to. 

Junmyeon shook his head and stood up. “Thank you very much, but I’ll be okay. I should get back to my dorm, anyway.” He laughed and it rung, oozing falsity. “You know what the kids are like when they’re left alone.”

Junmyeon made for the door, but before he could leave, Yunho laid a hand on him shoulder. It was not forceful enough to stop Junmyeon, but he halted, anyway.

Yunho sighed heavily and his fingers tightened in a reassuring sqeeze. “Junmyeon… You’re not alone in this, you know? You will have – _do have_ – the support of all idols. We all know how hard it is to belong to any dynamic and although some of us understand on a more personal level than others, we can all empathise.”

Junmyeon’s bottom lip trembled. “It’s okay, hyung. I bought this upon myself. I deserve what I get.”

“No, you don’t,” Yunho said simply. “No one deserves to be under scrutiny from people because of how they were born. It doesn’t matter that we’re public figures, it should be no different.” He still did not let go of Junmyeon’s shoulder.

Swallowing heavily, Junmyeon took another step forwards. Yunho's hand fell from his shoulder. “I do deserve it, hyung. That’s the difference,” he said. Junmyeon left the room without looking back.

 

Junmyeon walked back to the dorms morosely. When he arrived, Kyungsoo was the only person he could immediately find.

Kyungsoo stood in the kitchen, dutifully cooking a soup for later that day. His expression was serene and Junmyeon regretted that he was going to disrupt him.

“Hi,” Junmyeon said quietly. He reached into the cupboard and pulled out a mug for himself.

Kyungsoo whipped around. His thick glasses sat on the end of his nose, slightly foggy from the heat of the cooking. “Hi,” he echoed. “How was the meeting? It was with Doctor Lee, right?”

Junmyeon nodded. “Yeah, that’s right,” he agreed as he dropped a teabag into the cup. He flicked the kettle on and leant back against the counter.

“What’s the verdict?” Kyungsoo asked lightly.

Junmyeon was silent for a few minutes as he debated how much he was willing to say. “Nothing much,” he eventually concluded. “I’ve got some medications and things that she wants me to follow. Nothing too serious.”

Kyungsoo looked sceptical. “Hyung, you suck at lying,” he said flatly. “I thought we’d been over this.”

Junmyeon swallowed and ignored the comment. They lapsed into silence until Junmyeon sighed deeply. “Kyungsoo… It’s long overdue, but I need to apologise for earlier this week…”

Kyungsoo almost dropped the spoon he was holding, but he quickly pulled himself back together again. “Thank you, hyung,” he said simply. “Your apology is accepted. Although, I think it’s worth mentioning: I, at least, do not blame you for anything that happened. That was a pretty bad day for everyone, I think it’s fair to say.”

Junmyeon smiled softly. He appreciated Kyungsoo’s words. There were not disrupted by mumbling or awkward breaks. He always seemed to know what he was saying, and he said it in clear-cut sentences that did not bleed their meaning out in puddles.

“Thanks, Kyungsoo… But, either way, some of the stuff I said was pretty out of fine. And, _shit_ , I think I scared Jongin away. He’s pretty much refused to be in the same room as me since that afternoon.” Junmyeon bit his lip anxiously.

The kettle went off and Junmyeon bolted back to Earth with a resounding and grounding bang. He shook himself and poured the boiling water into his mug. Steam curled off the surface of the water and steamed up Junmyeon’s glasses, precisely mirroring Kyungsoo’s own.

“Jongin’s worried,” Kyungsoo admitted after a minute. “He thinks that it’s his fault for showing you the articles. I mean, no offense hyung, but _even_ _you_ would have found them eventually, and you're slow on picking up on celebrity news unless you're told or it turns up in your inbox. It was only a matter of time, really.”

Junmyeon blew on his tea and inhaled the armour that rose from it. “However true that may be, I shouldn’t have acted the way I did: It was childish… Jongin’s too willing to take the blame for my mistakes. I should explain it to him.”

“You should,” Kyungsoo said briskly, “but, later. He’s packing to go back to Jeolla for a few days at the moment. He’s probably being all angsty about anyone stepping inside his perfect setup at the moment.”

Junmyeon chuckled under his breath. “Probably, probably,” he conceded.

Kyungsoo nodded approvingly. “Anyway, what about Yifan-hyung?”

Junmyeon’s fingers tightened reflexively around his cup and he looked around quickly. Kyungsoo was determinedly staring in the other direction, stirring the pot like his life depended upon it.

“What about him?” Junmyeon asked hesitantly. He lowered the mug from his face.

Kyungsoo shrugged as he set the spoon down again. “Have you told anyone about the imprinting?”

“No,” Junmyeon said immediately. “I don’t want more people than completely necessary knowing about that.” He made brief eye contact with Kyungsoo, but looked away again when he saw Kyungsoo’s disappointed gaze.

“You should at least tell the rest of the members,” Kyungsoo said quietly. “None of them would mind. They could help, even. I know that you and Minseok-hyung tell each other practically everything.”

Junmyeon forced himself to shrug as if he was nonplussed by the comment. His heart was wrenching, though. He knew what he should have done, but as with everything else, it was much easier to tell himself to say something than to actually work up the courage to address everyone.

Feeling vunerable and suddenly weak, Junmyeon settled on a chair from where he could still easily talk to Kyungsoo.

“I’ll tell them at some point,” Junmyeon promised half-heartedly. He evaded Kyungsoo’s look of surprise and did not elaborate on his statement.

Kyungsoo was quiet for a minute, too. “You should do it soon, then,” he said simply.

“I will,” Junmyeon replied, voice soft.

Kyungsoo nodded approvingly. “You should do it tonight, hyung. It’s better to get it over with than to brood over it until you back out again.” He met Junmyeon’s affronted look with ease. “It’s true, hyung. You’ll second guess yourself and refuse to do it if you wait for too long.”

Junmyeon tried to argue, but he could not. He knew that there was truth in Kyungsoo’s words. He had always doubted himself and his judgements, and the longer he spent thinking about things, the more misgivings he developed.

“Tonight,” Kyungsoo said adamantly. “Jongin leaves tomorrow morning, and you’ll have to wait another week, and Yixing-hyung said he wanted to go back to Changsha for a bit, while we’ve still got time off.”

Junmyeon sighed, but gave in. “Tonight, then.” His insides squirmed at the thought and he lapsed into quietness. Kyungsoo did not speak either.

They passed a few minutes in peace before Junmyeon interrupted the stillness.

“Where are Minseok-hyung and Sehunnie?” Junmyeon asked. “Jongin’s packing to go home for a bit, obviously, and I know that Baekhyun and Chanyeol went out to the shops and that Jongdae and Yixing are visiting friends… But, I haven’t seen those two.”

Kyungsoo’s fists clenched. “You only just missed them. They were called in the company building.”

“Oh,” Junmyeon murmured. His stomach plummeted. “Do you know why?”

Kyungsoo scowled and with more force than necessary, stirred the soup at a fierce tempo. “Yeah. They’re taking up some regulation stuff with the managers.”

Junmyeon swallowed. He could sense the anger radiating off Kyungsoo and was almost scared to ask any further questions. “And… Do you know what that regulation stuff was?” Junmyeon asked slowly.

Kyungsoo nodded but did not elaborate any further for a few minutes. Eventually, Junmyeon fixed him with a stern look until Kyungsoo’s resolve crumbled.

“They’re discussing dorm arrangements,” Kyungsoo admitted with a weighty sigh.

Junmyeon jolted upright. “Crap – They should have told me. I’m meant to be there for that kind of thing,” he rubbed a weary hand across his forehead, “I’m going to be murdered whenever I next go back.”

“You’ll survive,” Kyungsoo said briskly.

Junmyeon grumbled under his breath. “Seriously, though. I’ve always been told to be there for that sort of talk in the past. I should probably head over there before I get us in any more trouble. I’m on thin ice as it is.”

Junmyeon made to stand up, but Kyungsoo pushed him down again before he could.

“Hyung, it’s fine,” said Kyungsoo reassuringly. “Hyung and Sehun have it under control. If the higher ups had demanded for you to be there, you’d be in the meeting right now. You’re not essential to everything.”

Junmyeon flinched back at the harsh words. He understood their meaning, but it still hurt. Junmyeon was not the best singer or the best dancer or anything remotely close to a rapper. He clung onto the position of leader because most of the time, Junmyeon felt that it was the only thing that gave him even the slightest bit of worth.

Kyungsoo winced. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he amended. He probably knew more of Junmyeon's insecurities that Junmyeon did himself. Kyungsoo had always been brilliant at reading people.

“No, it’s fine,” Junmyeon insisted half heartedly. He tapped his fingers on the edge of his mug, distracted and with a hole forming in his stomach.

Kyungsoo sighed heavily and shook his head. “We’re going in circles here,” he said pitifully.

Junmyeon hummed in agreement and slumped forwards, resting his chin on his hands. He sat there for a while, until he heard the front door open.

New voices flooded through the apartment and Junmyeon looked up in relief. The tension in the air between Kyungsoo and Junmyeon evaporated as they moved to accommodate the new arrivals.

Minseok strode into the room looking vaguely annoyed. Sehun followed him sheepishly.

“Junmyeon, I need to talk to you,” Minseok said. He beckoned for Junmyeon to follow him and led him down the corridor. With only a few of them in the dorms, and no one who was in close enough proximity to listen in, Minseok stopped just short of the entrance way.

It was out of sight and out of listening distance, but not totally secluded. Junmyeon leant back against the wall and watched as Minseok shuffled his feet awkwardly.

“If SM asks about dorm arrangements or bedroom setups, just say you agree with what Sehunnie and I said,” Minseok said abruptly.

Junmyeon stared blankly at Minseok. “Sorry, what?”

“Please just do it,” Minseok said, “Otherwise, they’ll know we were lying, and they’ll have our heads before the month is out.”

“Okay…” Junmyeon said slowly. “Why? What did you say? What did they say? What’s happening?”

Minseok cut Junymeon off by raising his hand with an air of authority that Junmyeon rarely saw Minseok use. “I got called in on behalf of you because you were in a different meeting, and I was told to bring Sehunnie along with me.”

Junmyeon nodded, still clueless as to where Minseok was going with his rambling.

“They want to change the dorm arrangements,” Minseok said. His lips tightened and his eyes were ever so slightly glossy. “More specifically, they want to change the bedroom arrangements.”

Junmyeon’s eyes suddenly widened. “ _Oh_ , I understand you. This is about Sehunnie and I still being in a room together, isn’t it?”

Minseok nodded grimly.

“Well, SM can go and stuff themselves,” Junmyeon said indignantly, sticking his nose into the air. “It’s been fine for years, there’s no reason why that should change now.”

Minseok appeared to be debating with objecting to that, but he stopped himself.

The thought of SM trying to change their bedroom setups because of dynamics left a bitter taste in Junmyeon’s mouth. He had always been a firm believer in that segregation of dynamics made the relations between them even worse for a lack of understanding.

While SM was able to decide on dorm arrangements, they technically could not enforce them without having people on duty to monitor them at all hours. It was also not included in any of the company rules and guidelines. Watching the dorms was not a viable option, but apparently, that would not stop SM from trying to influence them, anyway.

Even a week ago, Junmyeon would have been offended by such a notion. Offended and upset.

But, Junmyeon was rapidly reaching a point where he was beyond caring. It still offended him, but more than anything, it made him angry. It frustrated Junmyeon that everything could have a blind eye turned by the company until he was officially an omega and sharing a bedroom with an alpha.

It should not have been a problem. Junymeon and Sehun were as good as brothers. There would never be anything sexual between them. Yes, SM was still terrified of the possibilities, without having even considered Junmyeon and Sehun's relationship. 

The company was terrified of having to deal with any in-group relationships. When they went wrong, they went badly wrong. Junmyeon could almost sympathise with that, but something about it rubbed him the wrong way.

Junmyeon pushed himself off the wall and crossed his arms tightly. “I’m not changing rooms unless Sehun wants to, or if we decided as a cohesive unit that we want to change the setup of the dorms.”

“That’s basically what we said,” Minseok said, rubbing a hand behind his neck. “And now, we have a bunch of higher-ups who are somewhat mad at us because Sehun walked out and I followed him.”

Junmyeon winced. He dreaded having to sort out that situation, but he could deal with it later.

“SM is worried about heats and things,” Minseok said after a few minutes of silence.

That time, Junmyeon’s stomach did drop and he felt the guilt pile on his shoulders. How had he forgotten that his irregular cycle could impact Sehun more than anyone else, if they were to remain in the same room. Junmyeon bit his lip and looked to the ground.

“Sehun insisted that he’s got good control, and I have to agree. He’s a lot better than most,” Minseok put in.

Junmyeon nodded, subdued. “Yeah…”

Minseok’s face twisted into a bitter smile. “They can’t force us into anything, so we’ll just hold up our front unless we want to change tactics.”

“Okay,” Junmyeon mumbled.

They were interrupted by the front door battering open once again. Chanyeol and Baekhyun fumbled their way inside with a few bags clutched in their hands. Just behind them, Jongdae and Yixing stood, rosy cheeked from the wind, but nonetheless, smiling.

Everyone was back in the dorms. Junmyeon’s stomach flipped as he remembered his earlier promise to Kyungsoo.

Junmyeon pushed it to the back of his mind and made his way back to the kitchen. It always had been a fairly central spot for them, and there was no exception in that moment. Junmyeon’s mug still sat, abandoned on the table, with lukewarm tea inside it.

Picking up the cup, Junmyeon made his way to the sink. He silently washed the cup. Kyungsoo stood next to him, having just turned the stovetop off.

“Well, are you going to do it?” Kyungsoo pressed.

Junmyeon swore under his breath. “Right, then. _Fuck it_.” He bit his lip and looked at Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo gave him a bracing, reassuring smile.

Junmyeon took a deep breath. “Group meeting, living room, now,” he called.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who is curious:  
>  _Is there going to be much stuff on the group chat that Junmyeon was added into?_
> 
> No. Probably not. If people want to see it, then I might write something on the side, but it's not really relevant to the plot of RaR as it stands, so it's more of a titbit that you can play around with according to how you'd like it to be.  
> If enough people are interested, I might do a spin off with the group chat, but that's up to you! Give a yell if you'd like to see it haha


	11. XI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... It's been a few weeks... I'm really sorry? 
> 
> But, I'll be honest. If you don't think I spent three weeks putting off writing this chapter and then marathoned this chapter and the next chapter in two days, then you'd be totally wrong,,, Haha...
> 
> Anyway, I hope this chapter is okay? It ended up a little longer than I would have liked it to, and there are some areas that are a little wordy for my liking, but I thought it was better to get something up, rather than to wait another week. 
> 
> Also - a question for everyone! This plot line is technically wrapping up soon, but because it's a progressive type of thing, it also goes on for a bit longer. Would you rather that I kept posting on this fic, or do you think I should section the next bit into a sequel of sorts? Please tell me your thoughts! I'd rather hear some opinions than keep plundering on when no one wants me to. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading this! Again - This has gone so much further than I ever could have hoped for it to. 
> 
> \- MachineWired

Junmyeon’s nerves deserted him the second that the final person took a seat in the living room. He curled up on the end of one of the settees, letting the others slowly congregate and choose their own positions.

Despite being a group of nine, the room only held enough seats for seven of them, or eight if four of them squished onto one couch. It meant that group meetings that were held in their dorm were usually preceded by an entertaining battle for a spot.

Inevitably, there would always be at least one person who ended up sitting on someone else’s lap. Occasionally, the seat-less member would choose a spot on the floor, instead, but that was rare, at best.

Junmyeon observed silently, but with a small smirk, as Chanyeol ended up lying across the laps of everyone on the larger of the two couches. There were groans from Sehun, Baekhyun, Yixing and Jongin as Chanyeol’s weight dropped onto them, but no one complained.

“So, what’s the meeting for?” Minseok asked expectantly. He had taken the other end of Junmyeon’s couch and had pulled his knees to his chest, strongly reminding Junmyeon of a small child.

Kyungsoo had sat between Minseok and Junmyeon. He elbowed Junmyeon aggressively and gave him an unimpressed glare.

“That was unnecessary,” Junmyeon said indignantly, rubbing his side. The others in the misshapen circle sniggered, so Junmyeon brushed it off. At least he could perform slapstick to make everyone else laugh.

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. “Whatever, hyung. Are you planning on telling them, or not?”

“Telling us what?” Jongin asked. His head swung wildly, looking around the circle for someone who could give him the answers he wanted.

Sehun looked up, too. “Yeah, for what, hyung? Is it from your appointment? You got the results today, didn’t you? Hyung told me.”

Junmyeon decided against asking Sehun who exactly _hyung_ was. He had eight of them in the dorm – even if the number he addressed by the title was steadily decreasing -, and more besides. Junmyeon did not care enough to press the matter.

“If you’d be quiet, I could tell you,” Junmyeon bit out. He waited until everyone went silent and took a steadying breath. It reminded him too much of the situation in Guangzhou. That morning had been a nightmare that Junmyeon never wanted a repeat of.

Sehun nodded and settled back. He crossed his arms and settled them across Chanyeol’s legs.

“Thank you,” Junmyeon started. “First of all, Sehunnie, yes, I did. The results are… fine.”

Minseok sent a sharp look to Junmyeon and Kyungsoo sighed, exasperated. The others made no comment, but Junmyeon did not need to meet their eyes to see the disbelief that swum in their depths.

“Secondly,” Junmyeon said. Then, he paused. His stomach sunk. _He could not do it._ Everything suddenly seemed deafeningly loud and his ears rang with the force of the noise. He recoiled instinctively and wrapped his arms around his knees.

Kyungsoo’s fingers crept up Junmyeon’s back. They massaged small circles around his spinal column. It was not as reassuring as the experiences motions of Minseok, when he was pulling Junmyeon out of his room after days of locking himself away, or of Yifan, when he and Junmyeon had still lived in the same country, but it was nice.

Junmyeon pressed back into the touch. No one else in the room spoke. They all had their stare locked solely on Junmyeon. It pushed him further to the edge, his stomach rolling uneasily. He was exposed: stripped back secret by secret until he had nothing left to guard.

It terrified Junmyeon. He did not notice how still he had gone until Minseok reached behind Kyungsoo and prodded Junmyeon’s upper arm.

“Junymeon?” Minseok asked cautiously. He pressed his pointer finger back to Junmyeon’s arm. Junmyeon still did not respond.

The touches were easy to feel, but Junmyeon was frozen. He could not force himself to move, no matter how hard he tried. He had been compressed into a single image, while everyone else remained moving videos.

Kyungsoo knocked his shoulder into Junmyeon’s, and that was what finally brought him back down to earth. He twisted his head and with sacred eyes, looked at Kyungsoo.

“Go on, hyung,” Kyungsoo gently nudged. He held one of Junmyeon’s hands and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “It’s fine.” His voice was quiet so that only Junmyeon, and possibly Minseok, could hear it.

The others in the room just looked confused. Junmyeon felt awful. His throat burnt and his eyes smarted like he had been stuck with no esacpe in a room full of smoke. Junmyeon trembled so much that he could see his own hands trembling, even as Kyungsoo tried to hold them still.

There was no reason why Junmyeon should have been so nervous. He knew that the others would not mind. He felt the weight of failure settling heavily on his back. He was stronger than this, _surely_? Junmyeon had given speeches to thousands of people and sung in front of crowds of faceless people.

But, in front of eight of his closest friends, Junmyeon was on the verge of a breakdown. He could not understand him and it added to the befuddlement of his mind.

Then again, it had always been _Suho_ who had made the speeches. _Suho_ and _Junmyeon_ were the same person, but with completely different personalities. _Suho_ had more confidence than Junmyeon could ever muster. He was a stage persona, but it was comforting, because Junmyeon could become _Suho_ and keep _Junmyeon_  completely separate.

It helped, until the line between the world of cameras and fans and the world of Junmyeon blurred. After that, it just fell to pieces.

That had only happened once before: When Yifan had left, Junmyeon had not known whether to be more upset as the leader of EXO, or as the boy who had just lost a friend.

“Hyung?” Baekhyun’s soft voice broke the silence. “Are you okay?”

Junmyeon sniffled and nodded. _He had to be okay._ Junmyeon swallowed the lump in his throat and cleared his throat.

“Sorry,” Junmyeon muttered, looking at the ground.

Jongdae’s eyes were sympathetic as he replied. “Don’t worry about it.”

Junmyeon blinked the tears back from his eyes. “It’s nothing big,” he said softly. “It’s just courtesy, I guess, to tell you, if I’m living with you…”

“Okay…” Chanyeol said slowly. “So, what is it?”

Baekhyun punched Chanyeol’s shoulder in a gentle, although serious, manner. “Have a little sensitivity, you idiot.”

Chanyeol pouted and turned around, making the four on the couch groan again. He fixed his sight on Baekhyun. “I am being sensitive!” he protested.

Baekhyun nodded sarcastically. “Sure you are,” he said sardonically. Chanyeol frowned playfully at his and Baekhyun pinched his cheek until it went red from the pressure.

Junmyeon took the distraction as a chance to make his racing heart slow. He took deep breaths and in the corner of his mind, he could hear Kyungsoo softly counting them for him. He changed the pattern to match Kyungsoo’s counting.

The attention diverted back to Junmyeon. The handle on his emotions had returned again, even though Junmyeon was humiliated for reacting in such an exposed way.

“So, anyway, what were you saying?” Yixing said, tearing his watch from Baekhyun, who was folding Chanyeol’s ear in on itself.

Junmyeon nodded. “Right, yeah. Okay. _Fuck_ …”

“Language!” Baekhyun suddenly crowed, in the way that he always liked to do to irritate everyone in the dorm.

Sehun sighed. “Hyung, you’re twice as bad,” he complained. He propped his elbows on Chanyeol's thighs, so he could lay his head upon his hands.

“You’re, like, two. Don’t speak to me about swearing,” Baekhyun shot back, a smirk toying with the corners of his mouth and eyes. He had abandoned Chanyeol’s ear and was raring to go with retorts and teasing.

“For fuck’s sake,” Kyungsoo snapped. “Baekhyun,  _shut up_ , the rest of you sit down and just listen.”

They heeded his instructions immediately. There was something about an irritated Kyungsoo that made no one want to oppose his rulings.

Kyungsoo turned back to Junmyeon. “Right. Continue, please. Let’s just get this done sometime before tomorrow morning so Jongin doesn’t miss his train, _again._ ”

“That was one time!” Jongin protested. “And, it was only because _he_ -“ he gestured aggressively towards Sehun, “-was being a little-“

“What did you not understand about _shut the fuck up?_ ” Kyungsoo growled.

Jongin shrank back into his seat, silent. Even Baekhyun knew better than to make another jibe at the cussing.

Kyungsoo, satisfied, turned to Junmyeon. “Right. Please continue.”

Junmyeon bit his lip. “Right. Okay, then. It’s just that… Well. It should not be this hard to say, damn it. It’s not like it’s anything bad.” He looked desperately to Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo, in turn, glanced to Jongdae and Baekhyun. “It’s just _that_ thing,” he said, talking mostly through his eyes, rather than his words.

Jongdae’s mouth opened in understanding. “Oh, _that._ Yeah, hyung. That’s nothing bad. Just tell everyone else.” He relaxed and leant back in the armchair that he had occupied, his worries sated.

Yixing looked at Jongdae and Baekhyun curiously. “Is this about the awards show, or something? I thought we’d already talked about this?”

“We have,” Kyungsoo assured him. “There’s just a minor detail that was left out.”

Baekhyun raised an eyebrow. “Minor? I’d say it’s a little more than mi-”

A look of understanding dawned on Minseok’s face and he, too, slumped back. The lines of tension erased themselves from his face.

“Can we stop beating around the bush?” Chanyeol interupted, covering Baekhyun’s mouth with his hand. “Junmyeon?”

Junmyeon swallowed once again. The longer it was dragged out, the worse he felt. He debated giving himself another few minutes by saying something that he knew he could get a reaction from, but decided against it. If he waited much longer, he would never be able to do it.

“I imprinted,” Junmyeon said in a rush.

Jongin let out a sigh, although, he did not appear to be bothered. Even so, something about it made Junmyeon’s chest contract in panic. Jongin then spoke. “Okay? Who is it? Do we know them?”

“It’s Yifan,” Junmyeon mumbled. “We imprinted on that night.”

Sehun’s mouth had dropped open, but he closed it with an audible snap. “But… What? You’ve imprinted? You’re not even in the same country, though. You hadn’t spoken for years before three weeks ago.”

Junmyeon bristled at his words. “It wasn’t like I chose this,” he defended.

“My parents are imprinted…” Yixing mused. He cupped his hands under his chin. “They're always so happy with each other.”

No one spoke for a minute.

“Okay, then. So, do you want help with that, or something?” Yixing asked, shaking himself out of his pondering. He leant forwards so he could see Junmyeon more clearly. “Is something happening?”

Junmyeon’s eyes darted around. “Uh, no? I - Kyungsoo - just thought I should let you know?”

Minseok hummed in response. “Sure. Well, unless anyone has anything else to say?”

Junmyeon sputtered and Minseok turned back to him. “That’s it?” Junmyeon asked. “No one is angry at me? Surprised? Did everyone already know or something?”

“Apparently, only four us didn’t,” Minseok pointed out. He gestured to Jongin, Sehun, Yixing and Chanyeol. The others nodded their heads and left if there.

Sehun cocked his head to the side. He looked like a lost puppy. “Why would we be angry, though, hyung? It’s not like it’s something you can help or that we could blame you for, even if it is Yifan-hyung of all people,”

“Surprise probably doesn’t cut it,” Jongin added. “But, it’s not like I’d be angry at you. That would be completely pointless and unfair, too.” He pushed Chanyeol’s foot away from his crotch before he continued. “Don’t imprinted couples need to be close to each other, though?”

Junmyeon shook his head slowly and briefly went over what he knew, trying to keep from gong overboard with information.

Yixing waited until Junmyeon had finished and then, he spoke. “You should video call him, or something,” he said. “That’s what my parents always do when they’re away from each other. They say that it makes it easier for them to understand each other, which according to them, is the most important part of an being an imprinted couple.”

Junmyeon gave Yixing a soft smile and agreed. The room drifted into silence.

It was interrupted by Minseok. “If we’re going for a full confessional, I should tell all of you, except Junmyeon and Yixing: Luhan and I have dated for years, and we’re planning on bonding at some point soon, assuming that we one day manage to find a time where we can be close enough to actually support a mating bond.”

Jongin moaned and rubbed his temples. He gave Minseok a playfully angry look. “Are you and Junmyeon-hyung teaming up to try to kill us all through induced heart attacks or something? How could you not have told us that? You said years?”

Minseok shrugged. “There was never a good time,” he concluded.

Sehun clutched his head in his hands. “Okay, then. Anyone else who wants to make a confession.”

Baekhyun shrugged and looked and Chanyeol. “We’re dating.”

“Since when?” Junmyeon asked, outraged at his inability to have missed such a major detail. He was not phased by it. In fact, his heart soared for them. Junmyeon has been unobservant, though, and that made him feet uneasy.

Baekhyun looked bashful. “Only a few months. But, uh, yeah.”

Sehun groaned. “How am I this oblivious? Am I really this stupid?”

“You’re not the only one thinking that,” Yixing muttered, his eyes blown. He looked like the world had been pulled out from under his feet. “How did I miss that?”

Even Junmyeon looked around, confused. In the sudden escalation of events, everything had suddenly been blown completely into the air. It was spiralling out of his ability to understand and control.

Jongin shrugged and a small smile worked its way onto his face. “Hyung,” he said, addressing Junmyeon, “That stuff you said about a potential pack and no bonded couples? It might not be true for too much longer.” He cackled and Baekhyun reached over to hit his shoulder on behalf of everyone else.

“Wonderful observation,” Minseok said briskly. “Is there anything else that anyone wants to say?”

Some people shook their heads while others sat in stunned silence. Junmyeon shook himself back to consciousness.

“Brilliant,” Minseok concluded.

Kyungsoo shook his head and blinked emptily until Minseok tapped his shoulder. He looked up at Minseok with wide eyes.

“It’s almost one,” Minseok said evenly. “You cooked something for lunch, didn’t you? Maybe we should go and dish it out and let the others process everything.” Minseok appeared to forget that Kyungsoo had not known most things that were said, however, Kyungsoo nodded and stood up on weak knees.

They moved into the conjoined kitchen and a clattering of plates and bowls soon were echoing through to the living room.

Junmyeon swallowed thickly and also pushed himself to his feet. He smiled at the motionless and silent people who still sat in the living room and left to find his phone. It was in his bag, where he had left it.

_Low on battery_ ; Junmyeon walked to his bedroom to plug it on so it could charge. He waited for the charging symbol to flash on the screen and then, he turned his phone on and navigated through his messaging app until he found Yifan’s contact.

Junmyeon sent a quick text to him, letting him know that all of the EXO members knew about their bond and waited for a few minutes for a response. There was nothing, and so Junmyeon turned the phone off again. Yifan usually had his mobile close, so Junmyeon often received a fairly prompt reply after texting him.

Junmyeon also knew that Yifan was a busy person. Junmyeon could not make himself - or let himself - worry about the lack of response. It had been mere minutes. Junmyeon drilled the thought into his head as he walked back into the kitchen.

The bowls of soup that Kyungsoo had made before sat on the table - fully expanded so that nine people could sit around it, even if it was a little squished. They were more than used to being a little too close for comfort, though.

Lunch was a fairly silent affair. Most people still appeared too confused to be remotely phased by the scattered conversation that littered the following half an hour.

After lunch, Junmyeon helped with the dishes. He and Yixing made their way through rinsing and wiping and spraying at a leisurely pace.

“When are you going back to Changsha?” Junmyeon asked conversationally.

Yixing’s face turned to being tuned out and dreamy. “Next week sometime,” he said easily. “I’m making use of the time we have free. I haven’t been back in over two years.”

Guilt ate at Junmyeon’s stomach like acid. “That’ll be fun,” he said awkwardly.

In a follow up meeting with some higher-ups, EXO’s promotion schedule had been halted temporarily.

While Junmyeon had been going through his heat, SM had reported EXO to be performing extra schedules in China. Coming back to South Korea had been messy and had added to the confusion surrounding what had happened while they away.

Many people had come to the worst possible conclusions. Others had started to take stabs at Junmyeon, as some of the articles going around had done.

SM had decided to put EXO onto a promotional halt for a few weeks until everything calmed down. It also allowed everyone to readjust to the new group dynamics. As much as Junmyeon hated to admit it, he could see its benefits. Already, there seemed to be something that had been stripped away from their group bond, forcing the members closer still.

After their period of halt, the company was hesitant to agree to continuing with the last few things that they had reschedules. SM had not yet given them a date to continue with their schedules, but Junmyeon had not been able to bring himself to push it with the higher-ups.

Most of the members had pounced upon the opportunity to visit their family and old friends. They had not had such a long period where they were on complete hiatus for years.

It made Junmyeon feel awful and completely responsible. However, most people did not appear to bothered by it. Most of the members were simply happy for giving Junmyeon a chance to get better and spend some uninterrupted free time themselves.

Yixing nodded distantly. “Yeah… It’s been ages. I’m looking forward to seeing my parents again, and my friend is going to get married soon, too. I'm looking forward to seeing her again.”

“Oh, that’ll be nice, then,” Junmyeon said. He stiffly rinsed another dish. Yixing nodded and for a moment, the only sound was the running tap.

Yixing bit his lip. “You and Yifan imprinted, then?”

“Yeah,” Junmyeon said anxiously.

Yixing nodded slowly. “I’m pleased for you. Imprinting creates a very special relationship. I hope you’re happy together.”

Junmyeon shrugged. “It’s only been three weeks, and for one of those, I felt like I was half-dying,” he said, trying not to let bitterness seep into his tone, “It’s a little early to tell.”

“My parents bonded four months after they imprinted on each other and got married three months after that,” Yixing said, shrugging as he did so.

Junmyeon’s mouth twisted, but he did not say anything.

Yixing continued. “Junmyeon, be careful, won’t you? My parents are so happy together, but I know other people who imprinted when it went nasty and, yeah, it went really badly. You need to want it and believe in it for it to work.”

A lump was swelling in Junmyeon’s throat and his stomach felt like someone was hitting it repeatedly with a hammer. “I’ll try,” he said.

Perhaps it was inevitable that something should go wrong then. Junmyeon frowned and massaged his stomach. The uneasiness refused to leave.

It was not a feeling that Junmyeon usually associated with feeling nervous, though. It was more like the contracting of his stomach before the he was sick. Or, the bile that would remain after vomiting. Junmyeon winced and pressed a finger to his naval, trying to sate the feeling.

The sensation still did not go away. Junmyeon resorted to pushing it to the back of his mind and moving his focus. Yixing gave Junmyeon a sidelong look, but he ignored it in favour of a glass that still needed to be rinsed.

A minute later, Minseok wondered through the kitchen looking slightly dazed.

“Hyung?” Yixing asked, confused. “Are you looking for something?”

Minseok shook his head. “I just need to speak with Junmyeon in a few minutes.”

Junmyeon stepped away from the sink and found a dishcloth. He wiped his hands dry and then moved to stand next to Minseok. “We’ve just finished, anyway. What’s up?”

Minseok pulled Junmyeon down the corridor and into his room. Junmyeon sat down on Minseok’s bed and twisted his hands into a tight ball. Minseok took a seat next to him and leant back against the wall.

“What’s happened?” Junmyeon asked. He glanced around the room, searching for answers that were not there. He could feel himself beginning to shake. Something about his ability to deal with stress had been going into decline and Junmyeon was still trying to work out how to combat it.

Sighing, Minseok lay a hand on Junmyeon’s trembling shoulder. “Myeonnie, what’s the panic for? It’s nothing bad, okay?” He paused for a moment and waited for Junmyeon to stop shaking.

Junmyeon calmed himself and took a steadying breath. “What’s happened, then? You looked spooked back in the kitchen…”

Minseok chuckled throatily. “No, you misunderstand. I was surprised by the message I got sent. It was nothing bad.”

Junmyeon shuddered. His throat grew thick and painful. “But, I thought-“

“Calm down,” Minseok said soothingly. “You’re too stressed, Junmyeon. You’re jumping to the worst possible conclusions because you’re panicking about God only knows how many things.”

Junmyeon looked at Minseok sadly. “I don’t know how to stop doing that, though, hyung. I’ve done it for so long that it’s like second nature.”

“You don’t think we’ve noticed?” Minseok said dryly. “We’ve lived with you for years. I think the rest of us have worked that out by now. But, anyway, we can come back to this. Did you want to hear the news, or not?”

Junmyeon nodded and curled his legs up underneath himself in an act of self-comfort.

Minseok took a deep breath. “Well, I’ve just had an official notice from our _dear_ company. We’ve been asked to attend a recording tonight, where we’ll pre-record a song that will be broadcasted as our goodbye stage.”

Junmyeon’s head snapped up. “What? But, I thought we were going to continue with promotions? Once all the news articles had been addressed, and stuff. Hyung, how is that good news? ”

Minseok shook his head. “Well, apparently, SM thought it would look disjointed if we came back, and obviously, our image is very important to them. SM is going to post an official apology that there were some health issues that came up for some of us, and we’ll be free for about a month. After that, we’ll be introduced to some individual schedules and we’ll build up to a comeback from there."

“What?” Junmyeon repeated, completely at a loss for words. “How is that good?”

Minseok’s face creased into a painful smile. “Myeonnie, we’ve been having comebacks or individual schedules continuously for I-can’t-even-remember-how-long. Most of us, including you, are exhausted and just want some time where we’re not running forwards and backwards from silly hours in the morning until gone-midnight.”

Junmyeon bit his lip until he could feel his teeth digging in and threatening to tear the delicate skin. “Hyung, it’s my fault, isn’t it? I’m responsible for doing this.”

Minseok wrapped an arm around Junmyeon’s shoulders and let Junmyeon rest his head on his shoulder. “I’ve just said it, Junmyeon. It’s not fair that this came around because you’ve been sick, but honestly? We’re all tired. We need time to rest and recuperate.” Minseok’s words were even and calming.

A shuddering sigh escaped Junmyeon’s lips.

“You’ve noticed, haven’t you?” Minseok asked quietly. “As a group of nine, we’re getting along with each other better than we have in the past. Our dynamics feel more balanced. I thought that we a close group, but we’re more cohesive now. We actually seem to be working together, rather than working alongside each other.”

Junmyeon nestled his head into a more comfortable position on Minseok’s shoulder and hummed in agreement. He could not deny any of Minseok’s words.They were quiet for a few minutes, drifting into a comfortable pace between themselves. 

“Hyung, would it have been better if I had always told you I was an omega?” Junmyeon asked.

Minseok was silent for a minute. “It’s in the past, Junmyeon. We can’t change what has happened. We can only work on what we have now and focus on making it better.”

“So you think that I should have?” Junmyeon assessed.

Minseok was silent for another moment. “I think you should have cared more for yourself. You’re hurt and we’re hurting for you. I think you should have told us. But, if you had told the company you were an omega, I don’t think we’d be here, would we? You’ve said it yourself; they may not have passed you. You almost certainly wouldn’t be leader.”

Junmyeon swallowed. His throat ached and a lump swelled. “I don’t regret it,” he whispered. “I’m sorry, hyung, but I can’t regret it. If I didn’t tell you, I’d probably be somewhere doing something, but I never would have met any of you.”

Minseok ran a hand through Junmyeon’s hair. “I’m not asking you to regret anything. I simply wish that you weren’t sick,” he said softly.

“‘M’not sick,” Junmyeon murmured.

Minseok exhaled. “And exactly how many medications were you put on today? More than a few, I’d care to bet.”

“Hormone supplements and stuff,” Junmyeon murmured. “Nothing big.”

Minseok shook his head slowly. “I’m not going to push it,” he said finally. “But, you’re not well. Suppression messes people’s biology up. You should just know that I, and everyone else, will support you in this.”

Junmyeon clenched his eyes shut and willed himself not to choke as he swallowed the tears in his throat.

There was more silence. They could hear people shuffling around in the greater area of the flat, but, it did not concern Junmyeon.

“Why did management tell you and not me?” Junmyeon finally asked. His eyes were still shut, but he had relaxed his muscles.

“They didn’t,” Minseok said. He continued to stroke his fingers through Junmyeon’s hair. “They posted it on our group message board. The private one, you know? You were talking with Yixing at the time, though. I knew you hadn’t seen it.”

“Oh,” Junmyeon said dumbly. His blood ran cold. “Am I that bad at receiving news like that?”

Minseok bit his lip. “No,” he said carefully. “You’re just… Well, good at, well-“ He cut himself off and sighed. His breath ruffled Junmyeon’s hair.

“Catastrophising,” Junmyeon summaried for Minseok. Minseok’s hand clenched and he did not say anything. “It’s okay, hyung,” Junmyeon added, “I get it.” 

Minseok remained silent. Junmyeon had nothing to say, either. The silence escalated, but it was not uncomfortable. Junmyeon found himself relaxing, with his head still snuggled into the junction of Minseok’s shoulder and neck. 

Time slipped away as quickly as water did when he tried to catch in his bare hands. Before he knew it, Minseok was tapping rhythms into Junmyeon’s upper arm and speaking to him quietly, rousing him from his daydreaming.

“Junmyeon, we have to go to the recording soon. We’ve got to make sure that the others have actually read the message, too. Go to take a shower.” He dug his fingers into Junmyeon’s arm with more force. “Come on.”

Junmyeon yawned and stretched, but obeyed Minseok and trudged out of the room. He dragged his feet as he made his way to his room. The dorm was all but silent in his wake.

Sehun was lying on his bed, his phone propped up above his head. Junmyeon opened the door and watched as Sehun dropped his phone to his chest as the speed of light.

“It’s only me,” Junmyeon said with a small smile. 

Sehun looked up and rolled his eyes. “Thanks for telling me that, hyung,” he said somewhat sarcastically.

Junmyeon paid Sehun’s words no mind and pulled some clean clothes out of his dresser. Even though the stylists would give him an entirely different stage outfit, Junmyeon had always found that wearing his own, clean clothes gave him a sense of self-confidence, while was reassuring when he was usually so lacking in it.

Junmyeon turned back to the door. He spoke as an afterthought. “You know that we’ve got the recording this evening?”

Sehun nodded. “Of course, hyung. But, we’re not being collected until, like, seven and it’s only three. We’ve got hours yet.”

Junmyeon shrugged and headed to the shower.

A few minutes later and clad in clean clothes, Junmyeon exited the bathroom. Baekhyun quickly occupied the room after him.

At some point during his shower, a feeling of discomfort had blossomed inside Junmyeon’s chest, intensifying from before. It was a strange sensation that he could not fully describe. A swirling whirlpool of distress lingered at the back of mind, and Junmyeon could not drive his thoughts away from it.

It was not a feeling that Junmyeon could attribute to himself. He knew what his own distress felt like, and it usually ended up with an unconscious withdrawal from people. Junmyeon felt like someone else had injected their feelings into him and taken away the ability to stop thinking about it.

Cold dread flooded Junmyeon’s body. His insides started squirming like snakes and he closed his eyes and braced himself against the wall.

_Yifan_.

_The imprinting bond._ Junmyeon scolded himself for not picking up on it sooner. He froze and tried to make logic work as he went through possible scenarios in his head of what it meant. Everything ended in disaster. Even though Junmyeon knew it was his tendency to jump to the worst possible conclusions, he was terrified by it.

In a sudden flurry of uncontrolled movement, Junmyeon dumped his dirty clothes in a haphazard washing pile and dashed back to his bedroom. He wrenched his phone off charge and turned it on, checking desperately for a message to show that nothing bad had happened.

When he thought about it, Junmyeon realised that it was not the first time he had felt things through the bond. It was just the first time that Junmyeon had been unnerved by it and scared of what it could mean.

Sehun looked up from his phone. “What? Hyung?”

Junmyeon ignored him in favour of typing out quick messages to Yifan, asking after his wellbeing. There was no immediate reply. As he had done earlier in the day, Junmyeon made himself focus on possibility of Yifan simply being busy.

Something about it sat uneasily in Junmyeon’s stomach, though. The black hole in his chest refuses to be overlooked and although it was not affecting him physically, Junmyeon felt more drained by the minute. He sat on the edge of his bed, scratching at his skin in an attempt to distract himself.

Worry acted like a cavern. It drew Junmyeon in deeper and deeper. He was certain there must have been disasters wherever Yifan was for this to be brooding within him. It got worse with every passing minute.

As suddenly as the feeling had come, it was shut off again. It was like a wall had been dropped between Junmyeon and Yifan. The abruptness of it shocked and scared Junmyeon more than its presence had.

Junmyeon’s phone buzzed with Yifan’s contact pseudonym flashing on the screen.

Sehun watched Junmyeon curiously, so Junmyeon left the room with his phone – now fully charged – to avoid it. As he walked, Junmyeon accepted the call.

“What’s wrong?” Junmyeon asked as soon as he had the phone to his ear. In the absence of Yifan’s emotion in his chest, Junmyeon found unjustified anger filling it.

Yifan sighed. “Myeonnie, it’s okay. I’m not hurt.”

Junmyeon did not reply for a minute as he walked into the kitchen. He gestured at Jongdae and pointed at himself, then the phone and finally the door. Jongdae nodded and then waved Junmyeon off.

In a living situation where no one had much privacy, Junmyeon had made it a job to find hiding stops as quickly as possible. His favourite was a little nook around the corner from the door into their flat. It was still in the building, but well hidden and private.

Junmyeon had spent more than a few hours there, particularly after the departures. Jongdae knew of the place, having been there a few times to pull Junmyeon back when midnight had come and gone without Junmyeon noticing. If anyone else knew, they had never said anything.

“Explain yourself, then,” Junmyeon hissed into the speaker. “I could feel everything.” He ducked into the nook and crossed his legs tightly infront of himself.

Yifan tutted. “You’re just lucky I just got put on a break, so I can use my phone without being yelled at.”

The anger began to disperse and Junmyeon took deep breathes to calm himself. “Okay,” he amended, “I’m sorry. It just shocked me. What happened, though?” His mind flashed to Yixing’s words. “Wait, actually, can I video call you?”

Yifan hummed. “Yeah, sure. I’m alone. You are, too, I take it?”

“Yeah,” Junmyeon said softly. He hung up the phone and called back with a video chat.

Yifan’s face blurred into focus on the screen. Junmyeon gaped. “You changed your hair colour. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Awkwardly, Yifan tugged on his light brown hair. “I forgot, I guess? It was, like, two days ago for the modeling thing I had today. I’m planning on dying it back as soon as I can.”

“It suits you,” Junmyeon said. “Anyway, can you tell me yet?”

Yifan shrugged and nodded. “Like I said, it wasn’t anything big. I just wasn’t fully comfortable with one of the poses that I was meant to be doing with the other model. The photographer gave me an early break so they could change up the set, because they decided to use a different pair for that last set that I didn’t want to do.”

Junmyeon blinked in confusion. “But… It felt like something was seriously wrong…”

“I found that, too, when I've felt your distress,” Yifan admitted hesitantly. He settled back in his chair and bit down on his lip before he continued. “It’s like every drastic emotion is amplified.”

Junmyeon groaned and rested his head on his knees in exasperation. “Yifan, I was so worried.”

Yifan’s expression softened. It was weird; Junmyeon could feel sympathy that was not his in his stomach. It was almost sickening that Junmyeon understood Yifan’s emotions better than he understood his own.

“Don’t pity me,” Junmyeon muttered.

“I’m sorry,” Yifan said softly. He leant forwards again so that the camera on his phone did not fully display his face.

Junmyeon sighed deeply and looked up again. “Yifan, how can we go on like this? I heard about what happened to you, too. We can’t keep freaking out over each other like this. Neither of us can focus when it happens and, God, we’re such a mess.”

Yifan snorted. “I’ve heard you say that way to many times, Myeonnie. We’re a mess, sure, but we’re cleaning ourselves up a little more every day.”

Junmyeon raised his eyebrows. “That’s just cheesy.”

“I know,” Yifan said, grinning laxly.

Junmyeon shook his head in disapproval. They were quiet for a bit.

“I was going to wait to tell you,” Yifan started slowly. He scratched the back of his neck. “I’ve been approved to come to Seoul in a few weeks for a modeling gig. It’s technically only for three days, but I’ve been given consent to stay over for an extra week as long as it doesn’t get out, and I don’t let them know that I’m meeting up with you and any others from SM.”

Hope flowered in Junmyeon. His heart fluttered with excitement.

Yifan continued as he began twisting his fingers in his lap. “Maybe we can meet up again for a bit and spend some time together. Try to adjust to each other some more, and… Yeah…”

“Yeah,” Junmyeon said breathlessly. “I think I’d like that… When are you coming?”

Yifan paused for a second and the view of the camera skewed as he checked the dates on his phone. A few seconds passed and then, Yifan propped the phone up in its prior position.

“Three weeks,” Yifan said. “I can email you more details, if you want?”

Junmyeon nodded. “That’d be good…”

On Yifan’s end, a door clattered open and Yifan moved his gaze to somewhere off screen and out of Junmyeon’s range of view. Yifan and a man had a quick conversation in Mandarin; of which Junmyeon was pleased to note he could understand the majority of it. 

“Okay, I have to go. They’ve finished setting up for the next session,” Yifan said apologetically. 

Junmyeon shook his head. “Don’t apologise. I’m sorry for over reacting.”

“Don’t be,” Yifan said. “Besides, it’s understandable. We can figure it out in a bit, yeah?” He smiled reassuringly at Junmyeon. 

The man appeared on Junmyeon’s screen, although, he did not cast a glance in Junmyeon’s direction. “ _Hurry up,”_ he chided in Mandarin.

“ _Yes, yes,”_ Yifan muttered. “Okay, Myeonnie. I’m going. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Yeah,” Junmyeon agreed. Before he could say anything else, the end of call screen had appeared and Yifan’s voice had faded from the cold air. Junmyeon was left alone in the nook. He sat there in contemplation, and trying to channel his thoughts to feeling Yifan through their bond. Junmyeon craved the familiarity of it. He had not noticed its presence until it was too strong, but when it was gone again, Junmyeon suddenly felt bare.

Absorbed in his own thoughts, Junmyeon sat there. Jongdae appeared before Junmyeon had the chance to leave. He looked calm, although, slightly harried. “Hyung, we need to go. We’re being picked up in an hour, and Minseok-hyung is practically throwing a tantrum that he can’t find you. I promise I didn’t tell you were here, though.” He proffered his hand.

Junmyeon smiled at Jongdae. “Thanks,” he said. He took Jongdae’s hand and let Jongdae help him into a standing position. “Okay, let’s get out of here before Minseok wages war.”

Jongdae gave Junmyeon a small smile in return. “Yeah, let's.”


	12. XII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay!! So!! If you want to know why this update is a week and a day late, continue! If not, then that's fine too haha~~ My internet connection has been on and for the last two weeks and will continue to be so for a few weeks yet. I missed last week's update because I didn't have intent so I thought I would upload it yesterday, but then I didn't have internet then, either. So despite the fact that it kind of bothers me to be uploading it today, that's okay. I'm sure it's better than it's up now, rather than later. So, yeah. Story over. But, related, if I miss an update, it may be because of that. 
> 
> But, excuses aside, chapter 12 is here! I hope you enjoy it~~ 
> 
> Sooo EXO were in Sydney over the weekend. Did anyone get to see them? Or any of the other acts? I am maybe /slightly/ bitter. There were a lot of groups there that I really like haha but I'm in the wrong city lol  
> Maybe next year *sigh*
> 
> Another question for anyone who wants to answer: Would anyone be interested in sequels? Or more in this universe but with different groups? I'm considering my options at the moment haha. I've got an outline for a Baekyeol spinoff, but I'm not even close to writing it, so don't hold your breath. 
> 
> Anyway, yes. Thank you so much for your continued support! It's been amazing thus far, and I really hope that you'll continue to enjoy this :))
> 
> \- MachineWired
> 
> Another note: Things get a little more heated in this chapter? Idk - I wouldn't say it's massively so, but it's rated higher than PG. I'll tell you that without a hint of doubt.

Three weeks should have passed quicker than they seemed to.

By the first, Junmyeon had grown unjustifiably nervous. By the second, Junmyeon could feel himself becoming restless and uneasy. There was a stirring in his stomach, but not one of sickness or of his bond with Yifan. It was completely different to anything he could remember.

Junmyeon absently rubbed at his stomach. He was in the living room with a few others. While Jongin and Yixing had both returned from their hometowns, Chanyeol had gone to spend some time with his family.

It made Junmyeon feel slightly guilty. Despite living less than an hour from his home, Junmyeon had not gone to see his family in months. It had been over a year since he had spent a decent amount of time with them.

There was a tap to Junmyeon’s shoulder. “I made you some tea,” Jongin said. He held out a teacup and awkwardly bounced his toe until Junmyeon took it from him.

“Thanks,” Junmyeon said. One hand remained on his stomach, gently massaging at the distant, implacable ache.

Jongin sat down on a couch, next to Jongdae. “Are you okay? You’ve been holding your stomach for ages. Are you getting sick?”

Junmyeon took a sip of the tea. “I’m alright,” he said simply. He gave Jongin a grimace. “Nothing some sleep won’t fix, I’m sure.”

“You’ve not been sleeping?” Jongin quizzed. He straightened his back and leaned forwards in an interrogative fashion. “You said you wouldn’t keep lying to us, hyung.”

Junmyeon raised an eyebrow. “What is this? Twenty questions?” He gave Jongin a playful smile to show he was joking. “Jonginnie, you know as well as everyone else does that I’ve always had trouble sleeping. Sure, it’s been worse than usual over the past few weeks, but nothing I can’t manage.”

Jongin frowned. “Hyung…” he said softly.

The others in the room were determinedly focusing on their own choice of entertainment. Jongin looked around, as if appealing to them for support, but gave in when he saw their stoic faces.

“Don’t worry, Jongin,” Junmyeon said. He made to stand up, but a sudden cramp through his midsection kept him grounded to the couch for a minute longer.

Jongin, apparently oblivious, did not comment. Junmyeon waited for the spasms to stop and then pushed himself to his feet, this time slower. He teetered for a few, terrifying seconds, but managed to regain his balance.

As Junmyeon was about to leave the room, Minseok walked in. He stopped dead in the doorway. “What’s been going on?” he said carefully. He looked at Junmyeon critically, waiting for an answer.

“Nothing, hyung,” Junmyeon said lightly. Another twinge ran through his stomach and he quietly groaned, clutching one hand to his shirt in an effort to help himself through the pain.

Minseok’s expression tightened. Junmyeon noticed that Baekhyun and Jongdae had looked up, too. They had not missed it, even if Jongin had.

Junmyeon's logic only caught up with them when a sudden, feverish heat fell over him like a curtain, or as if he had stepped into a hot shower. His knees trembled and the cup shook in his hand as he struggled to keep it from spilling everywhere.

Minseok hurried forwards and caught the tea. A pained expression passed his face as he struggled to keep himself from reacting to Junmyeon’s scent.It was suddenly everywhere, obscuring whatever had been there before.

“Jongdae? Baekhyun?” Minseok asked, cautiously keeping a steadying hand on Junmyeon that braced him and stopped him from collapsing on himself.

Jongdae and Baekhyung hurried to action. They rushed forwards to Junmyeon’s aid and escorted him out of the room. Junmyeon caught a last glance of Minseok holding the tea and watching after them and Jongin, recoiling into the cushions of the couch.

“C’mon, hyung,” Baekhyun muttered. He was staring straight ahead, determinedly leading the way to the heat room. Jongdae supported Junmyeon’s other side. Both of them were slack in their grips, trying to keep themselves from holding Junmyeon too tightly or adding to his rapidly increasing temperature.

The heat room suddenly felt like it was a thousand miles away. Junmyeon’s vision had turned to stark black and white and it blurred in front of him, even with his glasses perched on his nose.

Junmyeon could feel slick beginning to drip from himself and suddenly, he just wanted everything to end. It was not fair that he always seemed to embarrass himself when he went into heat. It had been bad as a child and as an adult it did not appear to be becoming any better.

Baekhyun pushed the door of the heat room open and Jongdae helped Junmyeon stumble inside and collapse onto the single bed that sat in the corner. Sparse blankets bordered the end of the bed and the walls.

The room was all but baron. The theory was that it meant there was as little furniture as possible for people to injure themselves on. The walls were painted a light colour and the room was well-lit, but no one seemed to like spending any time in there.

In reality, omegas who had spent their heats and alphas who had passed ruts in heat rooms, often called them rooms from hell.

Without anything to stimulate themselves, people were left alone with hormone-fuelled minds, desperate cravings and intense boredom between waves, which was rarely a good combination. Junmyeon had heard through the grape vine that the oldest member of NCT – an omega – who already had a history with sense deprivation had completely withdrawn after spending his heat in a heat room for the first time.

It scared Junmyeon more than he cared to admit. He had spent enough time in or outside heat rooms, helping Jongdae and Baekhyun, as well as various other omegean friends, through their heats. In times gone past, Junmyeon had stood for ruts, too.

Junmyeon had never imagined that he would spend a heat in one, himself.

Jongdae shushed Junmyeon and pushed him back onto the bed. “Hyung, don’t squirm,” he muttered, as he removed Junmyeon’s glasses and then pulled his jumper off so he was left in a t-shirt and tracksuit trousers.

It was not a warm day and under other circumstances, Junmyeon might have been cold. All he could focus on, though, was the fire running through his veins. Molten lava was filling his stomach and throat and his vision turning fuzzy had nothing to do with his poor vision.

“Baekhyun’s gone to get your stuff,” Jongdae continued quietly. He knelt by Junmyeon’s side and spoke softly. It was nauseatingly familiar. Junmyeon wanted to scream that he wanted to be left alone.

Junmyeon could not make a sound. His voice was stuck in his throat. He felt cut off from himself as one by one his senses seemed to fail him. He could barely hear anything. His ears thundered with blood and obscured nearly everything else.

The door to the room opened – Junmyeon had never noticed it had closed in the first place – and Baekhyun entered with the plastic bag that Junmyeon hated so much. Baekhyun dropped it by Junmyeon’s bedside and tapped Jongdae on the shoulder questioningly.

Jongdae turned for a second and shook his head. Then, he returned to looking at Junmyeon.

“Hyung, just answer as well as you can, okay?” Jongdae bit his lip and glanced back at Baekhyun, who shrugged, before continuing. “You’re in full heat now, aren’t you? No pre-heat?”

Junmyeon squirmed on the bed and fought to nod. Jongdae squeezed Junmyeon’s hand encouragingly.

“Okay, hyung, that’s fine,” Jongdae said reassuringly. “Do you want someone to sit with you for a bit? It looks like you’re in pain more than you’re, well, aroused.” He gave Junmyeon a bashful stare and quickly looked away.

Junmyeon bit his lip until he could taste the tang of blood on his tongue. The heat was the only thing he could understand and _it hurt_. Junmyeon wanted to cry, but all moisture from his body felt like it had evaporated as his temperature steadily increased. He had no tears left.

“Please leave,” Junmyeon finally managed to choke out.

Jongdae nodded understandingly. He gave Junmyeon’s hand a last squeeze before he dropped it. “Okay, we’ll go,” he agreed. He stood up and took a few steps back. Baekhyun had already left the room.

Pausing for a second in the doorway, Jongdae added, “Hyung, I’m going to be heat-watch for now. Baekhyun is going to bring you some bottled water in a bit and you know just to call for us if you need us, yeah? One of us will be nearby.”

Junmyeon was not sure if that was meant to be reassuring. It felt vaguely threatening, not that Junmyeon cared to mention it. He was more preoccupied by a distinct feeling of slick pooling beneath his butt.

The amount of slick that his body produced was something Junmyeon had never understood. From a logical point of view, he understood its purpose. He had never been able to grasp why there was so much of it, though.

Junmyeon had never cared to find out if it was a part of his strange biology. There was only so much he was willing to ask his fellow omegas. The amount of slick they produced when in heat was never something he had been willing to push; it was one step to far on the scale of overly personal and slightly intrusive.

Baekhyun returned with a few bottles of water that he put next to the bed, behind the plastic bag that Junmyeon had not yet touched.

“Be careful, okay? I don’t want you to get badly hurt again,” Baekhyun said softly. He made as if to pat Junmyeon on the shoulder, but thought better of it. He left the room and Junmyeon was completely alone again.

Junmyeon could have cried as he felt his cock beginning to fill with blood and throb to be touched. He always felt dirty when he gave into the urges. When he thought about it, Junmyeon could understand why. It was scarring to be twelve and to be burning with pain and desire to be sexually stimulated.

Erection demanding to be touched, Junmyeon writhed on the bed, trying to distract himself. The sheets were soft, but provided enough friction for Junmyeon to rub himself against them and feel some relief _._

It was hard to understand how much time was passing. In his heat-dazed mind, the minute Junmyeon gave into using the toys, he lost all sense of his presence in time and space. He measured time in how many times he got himself off, how many times he went unsatisfied, how empty he felt.

Junmyeon’s body cried for an alpha. _For Yifan_. Junmyeon hated everything about it. He despised that the only reason his body wanted Yifan was for a knot that could give him relief for an hour before he became a thrashing mess again. It made him feel belittled and stereotyped.

As a person who hated to strip someone’s worth back to their gender or subgender, Junmyeon despised that his body wanted someone purely for sex. Junmyeon abhorred the fact that if he had been in public, he would have latched onto the first person he could identify as an alpha, regardless of their personality.

Junmyeon felt a sob wrench itself out of his raw throat. Before he knew it, tears were streaming down his face. They seeped into his skin and drew lines down his grimy cheeks. Junmyeon did not know what they were for, but he could not stop himself. 

A sharp rapping on the door echoed around the room, rebounding on the deceptively brightly painted walls. “You alright, hyung? I can hear you crying.” Kyungsoo’s empathetic words registered on Junmyeon’s mind, but he could not make sense of them. 

“Warning, I’m coming in,” Kyungsoo said. He opened the door and hid an initial gag reflex at the scent that was permeating everything. He cast a glance over Junmyeon from the doorway and clenched and unclenched his fists as he debated what to do.

Junmyeon twisted under a single sheet to look at Kyungsoo. Under the sheet, Junmyeon was naked and his arousal had already returned from the last time he got himself off, although, Junmyeon could not put a time on when it was.

Kyungsoo made his way to the bed and stooped to pick up a half-empty bottle of water. “You need to drink, hyung,” he said. He unscrewed the lid and helped Junmyeon sip a little.

After replacing the bottle, Kyungsoo stared at a few crackers that sat on a plate next to it. He seemed to contemplate trying to coerce Junmyeon into eating, but eventually decided against it.

Trying to get Junmyeon to eat anything was a feat in itself. Junmyeon’s stomach was an inferno that refused food. Trying to eat made him feel even worse than he did otherwise.

Kyungsoo sighed. “I’ll go again. Call if you need me.” With the customary words of departure over, Kyungsoo left the room and closed the door tightly behind himself.

Junmyeon wound back onto his back and a hand drew lower and lower until he could cup his cock. It was heavy and stung with over-stimulation when he touched it. Junmyeon was desperate for something to alleviate the pressure.

With his other hand, Junmyeon reached between his legs and circled his entrance, slippery with his natural lubricant. Junmyeon pushed a finger inside himself.

There was no burn that there would have been outside of heat. When in heat, like every other omega, Junmyeon’s body would stretch itself to a certain extent, trying to loosen itself to get ready for a knot. Junmyeon would not receive a knot this heat.

It would probably be many heats until Junmyeon received a knot. Junmyeon did not know whether that scared him or excited him. All his mind could focus on was the emptiness inside him.

Junmyeon hated it. He despised that he became desperate and needy. There was nothing anyone could do to coax him out it - either the cravings or the enmity.

Frenziedly, Junmyeon flipped onto his stomach. A wave of flames seared across his skin and a bonfire raged in his stomach. Distorted pulses that made him disorientated warped everything in Junmyeon’s vision.

Junmyeon ground into the bed, trying to alleviate the pressure that weighed on his belly. The friction was not what he needed, but it was good as good as anything else Junmyeon had at his disposal.

Lying on his stomach, Junmyeon passed some time squirming in his stomach. People came and went: Junmyeon hardly paid attention to any of it. When blurred figures tried to get Junmyeon to eat, he could barely manage to choke down a few mouthfuls.

Junmyeon could not stomach most of the food he was given. It sat in his tummy like rock. He was wheedled into eating, but it all made Junmyeon want to be sick. His body was completely preoccupied by the primitive urge to mate.

Junmyeon was not aware of anyone coming in until Jongdae came. He stepped into the room hesitantly with a few saltines on the plate he bore.

“Hey, hyung,” Jondae said quietly. He set the plate down and reached out to stroke Junmyeon’s fringe out of his eyes. It was still with sweat and grime that had accumulated over days of rolling around in a bed with no break.

Junmyoen opened his mouth in an attempt to reply, but his throat was completely dry. He could not make a sound. Jongdae had entered just after a wave. 

There were wave and wave intensities of heats. For most omegas, there would be several waves in a day. While in a wave, everything was dizzyingly intense. In between them were periods where omegas could eat and drink.

For Junmyeon, the waves were severe and did not end with an orgasm. The time that separated them were brief, far between and still left him in a dysfunctional state. Sometimes, Junmyeon had wondered whether he was meant to be in as much pain as he was before he slipped back into his heat-oppressed mind.

Jongdae, as if reading Junmyeon’s mind, picked up a water bottle and tilted it against Junmyeon’s lips. Junmyeon took a few, weak sips from the bottle and tried to smile in thanks. It ended up as more of a pained grimace, but Jongdae seemed to understand.

“You need to eat something,” Jongdae said as he screwed the cap of the bottle on again. “It’s been, like, half a day since you ate, and even then, you only had a few pieces of fruit.”

“ _No_ ,” Junmyeon moaned. He turned his head away and screwed his eyes tightly closed. 

Jongdae quieted him gently. With tender hands, he helped push Junmyeon into a sitting position. Junmyeon had little strength to resist and Jongdae had propped him on pillows so that he did not fall over himself again.

Junmyeon groaned and raised a hand to his forehead, massaging at a persistent ache in his temple. It pounded achingly. Junmyeon would gladly have taken pain medication for it if he had been given the choice. However, even pain medication counted as a form of suppressant because of their role in block in the transmittion of pain messages to the brain.

Jongdae gave Junmyeon a sympathetic look. Junmyeon could not help but wonder if he could really understand. As embarrassing as Jongdae found his heats, they had never put him in a position where he could not feed himself or raise a water bottle to his lips.

A snapping sound broke the rustle of the bedsheets as Jongdae broke a cracker into pieces. He pushed a bit into Junmyeon’s hand and watched as Junmyeon held it stiffly. Junmyeon’s fingers had contacted around the biscuit and he felt sluggish and dull, as though moving anything would be a job that he could not make himself perform/

“Hyung,” Jongdae said. His voice cracked. “You have to eat.” He took the cracker from Junmyeon’s reflexively tightened fingers and pushed it to his mouth. Junmyeon parted his mouth slightly and chewed monotonously.

The cracker was dry and flavourless. Junmyeon could not taste it at all. He chewed on the cracker like a cement mixer. It went around in his mouth and Junmyeon could not bring himself to the point of swallowing it. It was like trying to make himself eat sand.

Jongdae offered the bottle of water again to help Junmyeon wash down the remains of the food. Junmyeon made to take the bottle from him, but Jongdae help it to Junmyeon’s mouth for him.

It was humiliating, even though Junmyeon knew he would have spilled the water all down his front if he had attempted to do it himself.

Jongdae assisted Junmyeon in eating a few more crackers. It was slow going, though. The longer Jongdae spent in the room, the larger the puddle of slick that Junmyeon could feel growing underneath him as he became erect again and the emptiness intensified.

The lull was ending quickly.

Junmyeon flushed bright red. He wondered if Jongdae could smell it is as potently as Junmyeon could.

Junmyeon had thought his scent had nearly cleared, but in the middle of his heat, Junmyeon could smell the underlying rot strongly. It made Junmyeon feel slightly ill, like he wanted to bring up the food that Jongdae had painstakingly fed him.

Jongdae, too, flushed as he noticed Junmyeon’s discomfort. A thin sheet covered Junmyeon’s lap, but it did not hide anything.

“Please leave,” Junmyeon cried in embarrassment. He crossed his hands over his lap and looked away in shame.

Jongdae nodded in understanding. “Baekhyun is outside. Call for him if you need anything. You’re doing so well, hyung…” Jongdae’s voice trembled and Junmyeon suddenly wondered how long he had been in the room, completely oblivious to the rest of the world. He did not dare ask.

Jongdae slipped out of the room silently. The door closed behind him and Junmyeon sunk down until he was lying on his back and staring at the ceiling. The slick under him was warm and Junmyeon was disgusted, even as he began to reach under the covers.

The time kept ticking. The room was stifling. People continued to come and go. Junmyeon measured the time in waves, but that crept out of his control, too.

Slowly, slowly, slowly, the heat began to seep away. In the pain and humiliation that they bought, Junmyeon relished in their end and feeling the last of it leave his system.

Flushed, but at least finished, Junmyeon rolled onto his side. He still felt weak and shivery, like he had a bad case of the flu, but _it was over._ Junmyeon was content to pleasure in that for a little. Before the embarrassment set in, anyway.

Already, Junmyeon could feel sparks of disgrace brewing in his stomach. He made a grab for a sheet and dragged it across himself, hiding his naked form. Soon, Junmyeon drifted to sleep, thoroughly exhausted.

Junmyeon woke up to Baekhyun shaking his shoulder, trying to rouse him. “Hyung?” Baekhyun murmured. He shook Junmyeon’s shoulder with more force.

Junmyeon stirred and blearily looked around. There was an ache in his bones that had set in and a thudding in his head. He groaned and buried his head in the pillow, trying to block Baekhyun out.

“You need to shower, hyung,” Baekhyun said patiently. He perched on the side of Junmyeon’s bed and began poking his shoulder.

“Sleep,” Junmyeon moaned deliriously.

Baekhyun sighed. “After you shower, hyung. You’ve been in here for eight days and there’s only so much that we can do for your personal hygiene, okay? You need to help yourself out here if you don’t want to end up sick.”

Junmyeon screwed his eyes closed as tightly as he could and then forced them open. He turned his head to face Baekhyun and blinked at him, completely shattered.

With Baekhyun’s help, Junmyeon sat up, stiffly holding a sheet across his lap. He defensively started at Baekhyun until he got the hint. Baekhyun softly nodded. Red flared on Junmyeon’s cheeks like a warning beacon. He could not remember ever feeling as mortified as he did then.

Junmyeon was caked in dried sweat, slick and cum that had not been rubbed away on the bed sheets. He could feel it making the material stiff and wearing his skin raw.

Sparing him some dignity, Baekhyun looked away while Junmyeon hiked the sheet further up his body. With his chest and legs mostly covered, Junmyeon looked down at the bed with alarm bells sounding in his head.

The sheet was tightly wrapped around Junmyeon’s thin form. He had jerked it up so that it covered his more of dirty chest. He burnt with shame at what Baekhyun had seen. It made him feel worse when he considered everyone else who must have seen it at some point over the duration of his heat.

Junmyeon swung his legs out of bed. His limbs felt like jelly and Junmyeon seriously doubted his ability to support his own weight. Baekhyun let Junmyeon wobble as he tried to stand for a few, long seconds, before he stepped up and let Junmyeon lean on him.

Junmyeon gave Baekhyun an insulted look.

Baekhyun shrugged. “You’re not going to make it to the bathroom on your own, hyung,” he said dryly. He supported Junmyeon in hobbling out of the heat room. Junmyeon was beyond glad that no one else appeared along the corridor. He was not ready to deal with conversation or other people at all.

Junmyeon leant heavily on the wall of the shower as he began running it. Baekhyun reappeared with a change of clothes and Junmyeon’s glasses, which he left by the doorway. It was an almost identical process to what Junmyeon had gone through scarcely a month ago.

Within ten minutes, Junmyeon’s legs were trembling with the strain of keeping himself upright. He stumbled out of the shower and dressed himself before hanging up the bath mat, pushing the dirty sheet into the washing basket and flicking the lights off.

There was no one outside of the bathroom and Junmyeon was immensely thankful for it. He did not want to be watched any more. With his heat finished, Junmyeon wanted his privacy back.

Junmyeon knew that heat watch was a necessity. In heat, an omega had the potential to be a danger to themselves. Junmyeon seemed to solely hurt himself during his heats. He would come out with bruises peppering his arms and legs where he pinched himself, trying to distract himself.

It never changed the humiliation factor of it, though. It made Junmyeon beyond self-conscious to have someone – a friend – having to perform basic tasks for him because he was incapable of doing it himself. Junmyeon was at his worst, with raging hormones and a burning desire to have sex. He never wanted a friend to have to bring him through that.

Junmyeon stood in the corridor for a moment longer before making his way to his bedroom. His bed was neatly made, just as Junmyeon had left it, and his clothes and phone sat on the rumple-free bedspread.

Picking up his phone and turning to sit on the bed, Junmyeon felt the tiredness creeping up on him again. He yawned widely and pushed his glasses up to rub at his sore eyes.

Junmyeon felt like he had run a marathon, but he was certain that even that could not rival his fatigue. All he wanted to do was to drop off to sleep and be left to catch up on everything he had missed in the past few days.

When he thought about it, Junmyeon could not recall for how long he had been in the small room. He distantly recalled Baekhyun mentioning eight days; already it was drifting from his memory. Junmyeon was overtired and his memory was starting to show holes in it as a result.

Junmyeon looked up as someone pushed their way through the door.

“Jongin,” Junmyeon said softly. He put his phone on his bed and made to stand up.

Before Junmyeon could, Jongin stopped him. “Don’t, hyung. I’m bringing you food. You’ve been ordered to stay in bed for the rest of the day.”

Junmyeon raised an eyebrow. “By who?” he croaked. Junmyeon winced at his voice. After barely using it, it had gone dry and scratchy. His mouth felt like he had a scorpion nesting in it.

Nonetheless, Junmyeon shuffled backwards on the bed. He knew better than to protest, and he was too tired to, anyway. Junmyeon sat on top of the bed covers, but leant his back against the bedhead.

“The hyungs,” Jongin said lightly. He passed a tray with various items laden on it to Junmyeon and then went moving the clothes that Junmyeon had not finished putting away on the dresser.

Junmyeon nodded slowly. “Thank you for the food,” he said quietly as he surveyed the tray closer. Suddenly, he was ravenous. He picked up the chopsticks and began to eat the rice in a small bowl.

Jongin shrugged. “I just bought it in. I’ll tell Yixing-hyung, though.” He smiled at Junmyeon and made towards the door. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Junmyeon nodded and watched him go as he continued to eat the plain rice. It was clear to Junmyeon that this was Jongin's wordless apology for provoking him before his heat had started. Junmyeon did not blame Jongin and he resolved to tell him so whenever he remembered.

Junmyeon's appetite disappeared quickly. It did not take long for Junmyeon to feel completely full and with a resounding sigh, he put the mostly empty bowl of rice on the ray next to the other things he had not touched.

Jongin, true to his word, returned. He had a glass of water which he put down on Junmyeon’s bedside table. Critically, Jongin cast a look over the tray.

“Are you going to eat any more?” Jongin asked, sitting on Sehun’s bed and curling his legs beneath himself.

Junmyeon shrugged and took a sip from the glass of way. It soothed his throat and let him reply. “Maybe in a bit. I’m not very hungry anymore,” Junmyeon confessed. His words were still hoarse but Jongin did not slow down for it.

“Okay, hyung,” Jongin said. “But, you have to eat if you’re hungry, okay? Jongdae-hyung and Baekhyun-hyung are always starving after their heats.” He paushed for a moment and gave Junmyeon a slightly timid look. “I guess you’d know that, though.”

Junmyeon leant back on his pillows and gave Jongin an amused look.

“What’s been going on over the past few days?” Junmyeon asked after a few minutes more of mindless conversation.

Jongin paused for a moment. “Nothing much,” he concluded. “Chanyeol came back, but Sehun went home for a few days. He’s still there at the moment. The rest of us have been rotating between being here and seeing people or going out or whatever. It’s not like we have any schedules, do we’ve just done whatever.”

Junmyeon winced. The cut off of promotions still made him feel guilty even though he knew they were all benefiting from it.

“It’s been pretty quiet, though,” Jongin said happily. He rocked forwards a little and a blank look crossed his face.

Junmyeon’s stomach plummeted. “What?”

“Yifan-hyung arrived, too,” Jongin said. “I forgot to mention that.”

Junmyeon groaned and dragged a hand down his face. _How had he forgotten?_ It made Junmyeon feel terrible. He wondered how many other significant things had slipped his mind. It was not an excuse that Junmyeon could justify to himself and his stomach coiled. The rice did not sit there as contently as before.

“How long?” Junmyeon rambled. He looked to Jongin desperately.

Jongin looked startled. “Uh, you mean how long had ben been in Seoul? Like, a day and a half tops. He’s still doing the filming stuff, or whatever it is.”

“Modeling,” Junmyeon cut in. He stared into Jongin’s eyes.

“Okay, modeling then,” Jongin corrected himself. “Anyway, yeah. He texted Minseok-hyung yesterday at some point. He’s too busy to meet up at the moment, but he said that he wouldn’t push to see you unless your heat had finished and you were comfortable with it.”

Junmyeon huffed and then paused. “Wait, what time is it now?” He looked around wildly, but they only clue he got was the sunlight that streamed through the curtains.

“Mid afternoon,” Jongin suggested. He pulled out his phone and Junmyeon wondered for a second why he had not checked his own mobile. “Yeah, four in the afternoon.”

“Oh, okay,” Junmyeon said quietly. He tangled his fingers into knots and wriggled his feet, crossing and uncrossing them at the ankles. “I should text Yifan.”

Jongin gave a non-committal shake of his head. “Sure, but you should sleep, first. You’re barely had any over the past few days.” A look of reminiscence crossed Jongin’s face and he winced. “Trust me, we all know that.”

“But-“ Junmyeon started to protest. His words fell flat because, really, Jongin was right. Junmyeon was minutes away from folding in on himself. His eyes were weighted like barbells as he struggled to keep them open and his stomach was cramping with a desperate need for sleep.

Jongin nodded in satisfaction. “Sleep, hyung. Talk to Yifan-hyung later, when you actually have full function of your brain.” He gave Junmyeon a cheeky smile and stood up to close the curtains to the room.

Dizzily, Junmyeon agreed. Once Jongin had picked up the tray, Junmyeon wriggled under the bed covers and rolled himself into a tiny ball.

“Sleep well, hyung,” Jongin said. He closed the door behind himself and the room was plunged into darkness.

Junmyeon was beyond exhausted. He gave into the craving of sleep immediately and within minutes, was sound asleep.


	13. XIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! 
> 
> So lol I made it before Monday by approximately five minutes. Go me. And to do that, I sacrificed the last minute cram of the holiday homework that I actually need to do seeing as school starts tomorrow. I've done nothing yet and half the subjects I have are tomorrow. lol help 
> 
> I'm going to put down the same question as last chapter: Would anyone be interested in sequels? Or spinoffs? Or other stuff in this universe? I'm looking at my options for when RaR is finished. So, opinions would be helpful! 
> 
> Thank you everyone so much! We're at 499 kudos and honestly, I've said it before, but I'm blown away! I never expected for so many people to read this, but I've been humbled by the response. 
> 
> Another thing: I'm heading into a really intense exam period that will decide whether I'll be able to study my chosen subjects for years 11/12. To add to that, I've got various other school commitments and a music exam coming up, so that going to completely throw off any semblance of a schedule I had. (Let's just recall when I used to upload weekly - What happened to that?) I'll try my hardest, but at the moment, updates are going to be pushed to once every two weeks at maximum and possibly longer if things get really crazy. I love writing this story and I love seeing people's response, but I'm really sorry - My school life has to come first in this case. 
> 
> Anyway!! Moving on from that slightly sombre note, I hope you enjoy this chapter :) It kind of felt choppy to me? But, idk. Tell me what you think I should improve on! 
> 
> \- MachineWired

Junmyeon’s next, proper conversation was with Jongdae. He crept into Junmyeon’s room, where Junmyeon was skimming through a book. Years of reading schedules, paperwork, scripts and cue cards had left Junmyeon with impressive speed-reading skills. When he had the time, Junmyeon enjoyed to employ them with a good novel. 

“Hey, hyung,” Jongdae said happily. He waited for Junmyeon to mark his page and put the book down before he pushed a glass of water into Junmyeon’s hands.

Jongdae’s movements were rigid and measured. Junmyeon could tell that something was bothering him, even if he was unwilling to say it.

Junmyeon smiled graciously as he accepted the water. Despite his heat having ended almost a day and a half ago, no one had allowed him to leave the bed yet. Junmyeon’s awareness had almost caught up to him and his fatigue was fading. He did not appear to be sick and overall, Junmyeon was fairly pleased with that assessment.

Not a single other person seemed to agree with Junmyeon, though. Junmyeon could understand that his heats were more than confronting for someone who had not had a long time to get used to them.

Junmyeon’s heat sometimes scared Junmyeon himself when he took a minute to think about what they were doing to his body. For the most part, Junmyeon never allowed his thoughts to fly away that far. It was a rabbit hole that was hard to escape from when he did.

“How’re you feeling now, hyung?” Jongdae asked. He sat down on the end of Junmyeon’s bed and crossed his legs in front of himself.

Junmyeon took a sip of the water to soothe his throat that still wept when he spoke too much. “Much better,” he said with an amused look. “Jongdae, I’ve told you, I’m okay. I’d be fine to get up now. It’s been a day. You’re usually back on your feet after twelve hours.”

“Yeah, but even if I’m functional, I’m high on pheromones for a few days, and my heats are much less incapacitation than yours are,” Jongdae countered. He was not affronted by the argument. He had held it many times with Junmyeon over the past few hours alone.

Before that, Junmyeon had either been asleep, or according to Baekhyun’s description, acting like he was high. Junmyeon did not know what to make of that, but he decided against trying to remember it.

“When are you going to let me up, then?” Junmyeon asked, rolling his eyes. He set the glass of water down on the bedside table next to him. Although Junmyeon knew he could have authorised himself for walking a few hours back, he knew better than to go against the combined forces of everyone else.

Jongdae shrugged. “Probably after this. I just want to talk to you first.”

“You do?” Junmyeon said, surprised. He looked around quickly, searching for answers that he would not find in the wallpaper, no matter how hard he looked. “What about?”

“Stuff,” Jongdae shrugged. He leant forwards slightly. “Are you sure you’re alright? Your heat was really long…”

Junmyeon nodded. “I told you: my heats have always been like. The fact that I’ve skipped them for ten or so years is irrelevant. It’s the only type of heat that I’ve ever known.”

“Yeah, but,” Jongdae started and then halted himself swiftly. “Didn’t Doctor Lee say to you that it would have to get worse before it got better? And that these heats would be more intense than your childhood ones?”

Junmyeon looked sharply towards Jongdae. “How did you know that?” he asked.

“I called. About halfway through your heat, because according to my judgement, you’d been in a single wave for almost three hours. They’re not meant to last anymore than an hour,” Jongdae said simply.

“Of course,” Junmyeon muttered under his breath. “Well, worry no more, Jongdae. I promise I’m fine.”

Jongdae sighed. “It was so intense, though. I mean-” Jongdae cut himself off again. He gave Junmyeon an apologetic look and Junmyeon immediately understood. His heart dropped.

“It’s okay, Jongdae,” Junmyeon said softly. “I get it. Everyone knew that I was in heat. The heat room is only so effective at keeping out the scents and sounds and it probably was less so over the past week.”

Jongdae looked embarrassed as he nodded. He cleared his throat. “How was the heat room, anyway? Most don’t like it, but…” He glanced at Junmyeon hopefully.

“I wasn’t really in the right state of mind to judge it,” Junmyeon said dryly. He considered Jongdae’s crestfallen face and continued swiftly. “I didn’t like it in there, but the room didn’t make it significantly worse or better, I don’t think. It was just a place.” He shrugged uncaringly.

“Fair enough,” Jongdae said. His expression turned distant and detached. “I don’t like it in there. It’s so lonely…” He shook himself out of it and gave Junmyeon a smile that was a little too bright to be fool proof.

Junmyeon did not know how to reply to that, so he took the water and had another sip while Jongdae collected himself again.

Jongdae coughed, obviously eager to change the subject. Junmyeon was happy to oblige. “So, your heat came just under five weeks after your last one started?” Jongdae reaffirmed.

“You’d have to give me a calendar to check, but I think that’s right,” Junmyeon confirmed.

Jongdae pulled a face. “That sucks so much. I hate heats. I can’t imagine having to go through them any more than once every three months.”

Junmyeon’s face turned cynical. “Maybe so, but you forget that I’ve also got the possibility of going at least six months without a heat. It happened after my second heat.”

Jongdae hesitated. “I think I’ll stick with once every three months,” he concluded finally with a wince. “Sorry, hyung.”

“No offense taken,” Junmyeon said lightly. “I would’ve too, had I been given the option. However, I wasn’t, so I’ll suffer through what I’ve been given.”

Jongdae grimaced and cringed.

Junmyeon settled back into the backrest of cushions he had, satisfied.

“Baekhyun’s heat starts in a month or so,” Jongdae said after a bit. “Will that mean that you’ll be in heat at the same time?”

Junmyeon stiffened. “Maybe. It’s too early to tell, Jongdae.” He sighed and tapped his fingers on the side of the glass. “If we are, we’ll figure it out. It’s probably easier to talk about it when we’re closer to the actual time.”

“Yeah, probably,” Jongdae relented. He exhaled again.

Junmyeon clicked his nails on the glass once more before asking. “What’s wrong? You’ve been acting… _off_ for this whole talk. What’s on your mind?”

Jongdae defensively crossed his arms and leant further forwards. “It’s just…” He furtively looked at Junmyeon and shushed himself for a minute while Junmyeon waited patiently. “Have you considered counselling?”

Junmyeon blinked. “Sorry, what?”

“Counselling,” Jongdae said hesitantly. “It’s just that this whole situation is pretty major, and you seem hung up on it. And, we all know you have other things that you’ve always been insecure about, and isn’t this as good a time as any to get help for it?”

Junmyeon remained silent and levelled Jongdae with a steady, passively stare.

Jongdae flinched back. “You’ve been under so much stress for so long, keeping so many secrets along with everything else. You've been in full suppression for years, hyung. It's affected your body, and you can't tell me that it hasn't impacted you mentally, too. Counselling helps with these type of things.”

Junmyeon bit his lip and put the glass down heavily. He twisted his hands and jiggled his foot anxiously.

“Hyung, I love you,” Jongdae continued, “but, there’s only so much I understand. There’s no one in our group who can help with mental health and after being in full suppression, you _must_ need your mental health checked. I looked it up, you know? Most people who have come out of full suppression talk about therapy as a form of support.”

Junmyeon’s voice deserted him. Guilt flooded him and Junmyeon did not know what he wanted to say, even if he could have found his voice. Something in him had instinctively frozen.

“You don’t need to decide now, hyung,” Jongdae said delicately. “Just consider it, okay?”

Mutely, Junmyeon forced himself to nod. It felt like his neck was locked in drying concrete that was slowly becoming harder and harder to move.

“That’s all I wanted to say,” Jongdae finally finished. He had said something else, but it had bypassed Junmyeon’s attention. “I’m not going to stop you from getting up now, hyung.”

Jongdae left the room, obviously taking the silence as a sign that his presence was not wanted. Part of Junmyeon could not deny that.

The truth in Jongdae’s words stung, but Junmyeon resented that it was almost like he was being passed of as a responsibility that they wanted to get rid of. Junmyeon did not know how to feel as he let his head drop back and he let out a low groan.

Junmyeon did not immediately get up, despite the fact that he had been itching to do so for hours. Instead, he pulled out his phone and checked the messages.

There were a few that littered his phone, but the one from Yifan pulled his attention immediately. The simple words asking if Junmyeon was available to meet up made Junmyeon’s heart flutter in his chest like he was a part of a cliché romance drama.

Junmyeon considered his options and immediately fired a text back, trying to find a place for them to meet. There was no room for mess-ups if they were going to meet up.

As the member of a hugely popular idol group and the infamous ex-member of the same one, any word of their meeting would be disastrous for both of them. Junmyeon knew better than to risk it. SM would have been less than happy and already on their bad side, Junmyeon was not willing to push any more boundaries.

The next day, when they agreed to meet, Junmyeon found himself scuffing his sock clad feet in the hallway as he shuffled around by the door.

To everyone else’s amusement, Junmyeon’s distress had grown as he reverted to the mentality of a teenager about to go on their first date. Junmyeon pulled on the sleeves of a knitted jumper and fiddled with the material of his jeans.

Minseok rested against the wall behind him while the others flitted from room to room, trying to be discrete about watching Junmyeon. It all seemed very funny to them, but Junmyeon was squirming with anxiety.

Junmyeon knew Yifan was feeling the same thing. The distinct feeling of fretfulness was sitting in his stomach like a stone and there was no mistake that it was from Yifan. Junmyeon found some bizarre form of comfort in that.

A bag sat by the door with a beanie, mask and sunglasses sitting on top as the temporary disguise Junmyeon was about to don.

Finally, Junmyeon sat on the wooden floor and began to pull on a pair of shoes. Minseok sniggered behind him as his hands trembled while he toyed with the laces.

“What?” Minseok complained lightheartedly when Junmyeon fixed him with a glare. “You’re acting like you’re fifteen again.”

“You didn’t even know me when I was fifteen,” Junmyeon muttered under his breath. He pulled the laces tighter and retied the bows.

Minseok shrugged and raised an eyebrow. “I can imagine,” he said. “I’ve seen the pictures. You fitted the image of ‘awkward teenager’ to a T.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Junmyeon muttered. He twisted the laces around his fingers tightly and then released them. While he made to stand up, Junmyeon grabbed his bag.

Minseok grinned at Junmyeon as he pulled the hat and mask on. The sunglasses could wait, Junmyeon decided swiftly. He patted his pocket, ensuring that his phone was still there and then turned to Minseok.

Junmyeon shuffled his feet on the ground before he spoke. “I’ll be back in a few hours.”

Minseok’s expression softened. “Have fun. Don’t be seen.”

“I’ll be careful,” Junmyeon promised. His whole body was thrumming with nervous energy. Junmyeon wanted to get away so he could walk it out as he made his was to Yifan’s hotel.

In the end, they had come to the conclusion that the only places they were willing to risk meeting were private ones where, hypothetically, there could be no fans watching them. It was a small list of places.

Yifan’s hotel room had ended up being the most accessible place where they could also avoid any of their group members.

“See you soon, then,” Minseok said.

Junmyeon nodded. “Later,” he confirmed. He turned and walked out of the dorm, immediately pulling on the sunglasses.

It was not a long trip to where Yifan was staying. Half an hour, at most. Junmyeon felt like it took a million years as he trudged through the subway, though. He was paranoid about being seen, even though no one had given him a second glance.

Junmyeon supposed it was partially due to schools being in session. That alone seemed to rule out the majority of their fan base. Junmyeon was more than thankful for it. He did not know how he would have dealt with anyone approaching him. It would only add fuel to the fire with the necitizen buzz that was only just beginning to die away.

The process had been sped up by EXO disappearing from public appearances. It had raised questions about what they were hiding, but with no new material able to be sourced, people had given up very quickly.

Junmyeon moved swiftly off the last train and began the final walk to Yifan’s hotel. The streets were quiet, although, far from deserted as he made his way through them. Junmyeon looked around himself, furtively checking for any stray cameras or phones.

At first glance, he could not see any. Junmyeon gave up his search and continued his route to the hotel. It was not a particularly grand building. Down to earth, with beige walls, slightly dusty windows and a half-full car park. The entrance doors were wide open displaying a well-kept interior.

Junmyeon held his breath and just short of the doorway, he paused. He pulled his phone out and sent a quick text to Yifan and to pass the time, another one to Minseok. Until Yifan picked up the message, there was nowhere for Junmyeon to go. He certainly did not have a key for Yifan’s room; Junmyeon did not even know what floor it was on.

The wait was not long. Yifan appeared quickly with his hair still damp like he had recently taken a shower. His clothes were casual and a lazy smile lurked on his face behind guarded eyes as he, too, surveyed the surrounding area.

Upon seeing Yifan, Junmyeon went to join him.

“You look nice,” Yifan said. He combed a hand through his hair and shifted around awkwardly.

Junmyeon nodded appreciatively. “Thanks,” he replied. He surveyed Yifan up and down and stuttered out a return of the complement.

Yifan bobbed his head and then looked around again. “We should head up to my room. It’s probably not a great idea to stand around here for too long. I don’t know how many people know where I am, and to be honest, I don’t really want to find out.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” Junmyeon agreed. He pulled his hat down lower, almost reflexively.

Yifan nodded slowly. “Okay, this way,” he said. He hesitated for a moment and glanced at Junmyeon, before turning away. Silently, he led the way to his hotel room, movements impassive and measured.

Junmyeon followed, trying to ignore the familiar jolting in his stomach. He was certain that it was at least partially from Yifan. The jitters were almost too strong for them to be solely Junmyeon’s.

Yifan turned up the stairs and continued walking rigidly forwards until he reached a standard hotel room door. Reaching into his pocket and withdrawing a keycard, Yifan threw a look back to Junmyeon. He unlocked the door and pushed it open.

“After you,” Yifan said graciously.

Junmyeon raised an eyebrow but did not protest. He walked into the room and moved out of the doorway after toeing his shoes off.

The door shut with a click behind Yifan and suddenly, they were alone with each other. It was a daunting realisation. Junmyeon’s insides were squirming like live snakes. There was excitement, too, and Junmyeon could not ignore the sparks of hope in his heat.

“Well, so much for having samgyetang,” Yifan sighed. He approached Junmyeon and then stopped a few metres short of him.

Junmyeon laughed. His nerves began to dissipate as he settled into their old rhythm. “Another time, I suppose,” he chucked.

“Yeah,” Yifan agreed. “Did you want to sit down?” He gestured towards the neatly made bed – the only place to sit down in the room aside from a chair that Yifan had some bags balanced on top of.

Junmyeon took his hat, glasses and jacket off and put them in a corner before he sat on the bed. Yifan sat closer to the headboard and pulled his legs up so that they were splayed across the bed-sheets.

Yifan patted the area next to him. It was a double bed and there was plenty of room, so Junmyeon shuffled up to sit by Yifan. He cautiously leant back on the pillows and began picking at the skin around his fingernails.

It was a bad habit and Junmyeon could remember many a person telling him to stop before he caused permanent scarring. More often than not, Junmyeon would cease until they stopped looking, and then immediately return when his mind strayed.

“It’s good to see you again,” Yifan said shiftily. He pulled a pillow out from behind himself and put it on his lap. He went on to proffer another one to Junmyeon.

Junmyeon looked at Yifan for a second and then took it. “It is,” he said softly. “I’ve missed being around you. We went years without seeing each other, but in the past month that I haven’t seen you, I’ve struggled so much more.” He laughed lightly, trying to defuse the weight of his words.

“Me, too,” Yifan agreed. He pushed his hands into the pillow and tapped his fingers anxiously. Junmyeon could feel the nerves radiating off him and smell the pheromones.

The anxiety was acidic and unpleasant in smell, and Yifan’s stresses hung like clouds in Junmyeon’s belly. It clicked a few seconds later.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Junmyeon apologised rapidly. “I didn’t mean to imply anything. I genuinely did miss you, and-“

Yifan cut Junmyeon off gently. “Don’t worry about it. I understand,” he said. He turned slightly so that his body was facing Junmyeon’s. “You don’t need to apologise. I get that it’s pretty hard to ignore.”

“No,” Junmyeon said fiercely. He was determined that their relationship would not become the rekindled graveyard of the departures. It was too painful. Junmyeon wanted new ground to be made, not for them to brood on what was and what might have been.

Yifan’s face turned puzzled. “We’re not going to talk about this?”

Junmyeon bit his lip. “Do you have something you want to say about it? If you do, go ahead and do so.”

Yifan was silent, so Junmyeon took his cue to go on.

“I don’t want us to live in the past. You left, and so did Luhan-hyung and Tao. I honestly never thought that I’d cross paths with any of you again, and suddenly, everything has been flipped. Really? I’m so pleased that it has – I never realized how much I missed you. But, I don’t want everything that we do to be based on our past actions.”

Yifan nodded slowly. “Do you want to get it out now, then? Last words about our mess before we move on for good?”

Junmyeon swallowed and then shook his head. “I’m sorry for the mess that was made between us, but I don’t want to dwell on it. Do you want to go?”

“I don’t think so,” Yifan said carefully, but openly. “I don’t regret leaving, but I agree that we’re not to live in the past. We’ll start anew, then?”

“I think so,” Junmyeon said, a smile creeping at the corner of his lips. “But,” he hurried to add, “I don’t want to act like we don’t have a history together. We’ve spent good times and made amazing memories, and I don’t want to pretend that they don’t exist for the sake of forgetting the past.”

Yifan drummed his fingers on the pillow. “Agreed. After all, how could be forget the pillow fights?” He grinned at Junmyeon and the familiar glimmer in his eyes made Junmyeon feel like he was evaporating on the spot.

“Oh, my God, you bring that up of all things?” Junmyeon asked outraged. He picked up the pillow Yifan had given him and shifted onto his knees, before bringing it down on Yifan’s lap.

Yifan laughed and ignored Junmyeon’s action completely. Junmyeon tried to resist for a few minutes, but he dissolved into giggles, too. It was like they were eighteen and messing around after practice again.

The tension in Yifan’s scent had faded, leaving behind the familiar bookish scent that Junmyeon was so familiar with. It was warm and comforting and Junmyeon wanted to stay in that moment forever.

It felt like home more than ever before. Secure and warm, like the last hug that Junmyeon had clung onto for years. Junmyeon paused and relished in it.

Yifan broke off his laughter, too, as he looked at Junmyeon.

Junmyeon’s breathes sped up and he fell back to Earth with a shattering trail of unfinished thoughts behind him. “Ah, sorry,” he said quickly, climbing back so that he was not half-balanced over Yifan.

Yifan cleared his throat. “No need to say sorry,” he said stiffly.

Junmyeon flushed and licked his dry lips.

“You okay?” Yifan asked, craning his neck so that he could better see Junmyeon’s face.

Junmyeon groaned and wrapped his hands around the top of his head. “How do you even put up with me? I seem to manage to ruin every moment that we have. I’m so awkward.”

Yifan sniggered. “It’s endearing,” he suggested lightly.

Turning sharply, Junmyeon scowled. “I’m glad I’m a source of your amusement,” he said lowly.

“You know you are,” Yifan snorted.

Junmyeon cocked his head and rolled his eyes. “Of course,” he said sarcastically. He sat on the backs of his feet and withdrew the pillow that he had struck Yifan with, preferring to balance it over his knees.

They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. Junmyeon let his eyes drift over Yifan’s seated form. The clothes were draped loosely over his tall, lithe form and his hair had started to dry to a sandy brown. He had not dyed it back yet, not that it bothered Junmyeon.

Yifan coughed suddenly. “Hey, actually, I have a question for you.”

Junmyeon’s head perked up and his eyes met Yifan’s. “Hmm?”

“Don’t answer if it’s too personal,” Yifan said quickly, a light blush colouring his cheeks, “but, how did you deal with your heat? I could tell that it was going on, and it wasn’t exactly pleasant from my end. I barely noticed last time, but it might just have been the bond settling, but now…”

Junmyeon turned bright red. “Oh, that,” he said. His voice rose an octave as he struggled to keep a straight face. “You could feel that?”

Yifan shrugged. “Kind of hard not to. I mean, I felt like my stomach was going to cave in half the time, and, well…” Yifan’s blush intensified and Junmyeon did not need to be a genius to work out what he was implying.

“I’m sorry, then,” Junmyeon said, rubbing the back of his head. “I didn’t realise it would affect you.”

Yifan shook his head rapidly. “Again – you have nothing to be sorry for. It would have been worse for you I’m willing to bet. I just wanted to know if you’re okay. It felt bad on my end, so I can’t really imagine how it must have been on yours.”

Junmyeon laughed wryly. “Who am I kidding? Heats suck. I hated them as a kid, and having had two as an adult, I can safely say that they’re still rubbish. I guess it’s part of my biology, though, and I’m going to have to deal with it for now.”

Yifan winced. Junmyeon had already told him about the increased frequency that had been predicted, as well anything else he had seen as relevant.

Junmyeon looked away and defaulted to picking at his nails again.

Yifan caught the action and reached forwards. He gently took Junmyeon’s hands in his own and separated them. Sternly, he looked at Junmyeon. Junmyeon’s mouth twisted into a crude smile, but neither of them spoke.

“What’re you going to do when you have your next one?” Yifan asked as he released Junmyeon’s hands.

Junmyeon played with the sleeve of his jumper. “My next heat, you mean? The same, I guess. Lock myself in a room somewhere and spend the week somewhere between hating myself and hating my biology.”

“Please don’t say that,” Yifan said quietly. “I don’t like hearing you talk that way about yourself.”

Junmyeon bowed his head, but did not retract his statement. It was not a lie, and Junmyeon knew that Yifan would have seen right through anything but the truth.

“Maybe I can help you at some point,” Yifan said, even more softly. His voice was barely above a whisper and Junmyeon had to strain to hear him.

Junmyeon’s lip wobbled. “Yifan, how? We’ve been dating – if you can call it that – for a month. We live in different countries. We can only see each other in secret. To meet up is either mission impossible or weeks of preparation, and for us both to have time off in the first place is potluck.”

“It won’t always be that way,” Yifan said.

Junmyeon cursed himself and his stinging eyes. “How could you ever know that?”

“We imprinted. We would have done so if there weren’t ways for us be together.” Yifan picked up one of Junmyeon’s wrists that he had abandoned and turned it over so that the palm of his hand was exposed.

“You sound like you think fate plays into this,” Junmyeon said faintly.

Yifan drew circles into Junmyeon’s palms and Junmyeon resisted the urge to pull his hand away. “You don’t?”

Junmyeon did not answer for a few minutes. “I think that I would rather be in control of my own destiny. I want to live a life that I was responsible for. The good and the bad, the mistakes and the best moments, the friends and foes that I have. I want to be able to say that I made my choices, for the better or for the worse, because life was my learning experience.”

Yifan’s eyes creased into soft crescents as he grinned. “Sentimental little shit.”

Junmyeon growled. “Shut up.”

Yifan laughed, but fell silent quietly.

Junmyeon chewed on his tongue. He felt like he was on a rollercoaster designed for his emotions. Everything was amplified and intense. It scared Junmyeon; he felt out of control and he could not pin down the reason for it.

Suddenly bashful, Junmyeon gave Yifan a coy look. “If you asked about my heat, can I ask about your rut?” Junmyeon asked. “Did it change times from when it used to be?”

Yifan shook his head and his neck turned red. “It’s a bit more hit and miss than the typical heat, I guess, but I can generally guarantee that it’ll be within a week of when I predict. It’s not for almost a year from now, though, so we’ve got time.”

“That’s right,” Junmyeon murmured. “It’s a week or two before Sehunnie’s…” He looked Yifan squarely in the eye. “Do you remember how much that month _sucked_? You and Sehun had your ruts, then Baekhyun had his heat and two weeks after that, Jongdae had his.”

“I’d tried to forget,” Yifan said flippantly.

“Probably for the best,” Junmyeon conceded.

Yifan nodded slowly. He knotted his long fingers together and rested them on top of the pillow as he idly smiled at Junmyeon.

“You know, I forget how much I miss you when you’re not there, sometimes,” Yifan said. It was not shy or pushy. A simple sentence.

Junmyeon felt warm and gooey, like he could melt into a puddle right on top of the pristine linin without any regrets. Rosiness coloured his cheeks.

Yifan then frowned. “I’m going to miss you even more when I have to go back to China.”

That sentence was a knife plunged into Junmyeon’s abdomen. The truth in it was undeniable and painful to think about it. If Junmyeon could have had his way, he would have been perfectly happy to stay in the hotel room with Yifan forever.

Together, they were awkward and somewhat dysfunctional, but Junmyeon was _with Yifan._ Even though everything about the situation seemed wrong, being with Yifan felt irrefutably right.

“I’ll miss you too,” Junmyeon whispered. “But, we’ve got a few days until then, right?”

Yifan hummed in agreement. “They’ll go fast, though,” he warned. “By the time we know it, we’ll be split apart again. If there was one thing you were right about earlier, it was that our schedules are unforgiving. Seeing each other at all is lucky.”

Junmyeon swallowed. The weight of Yifan’s words settled over him like a fire blanket, smothering everything else that he wanted to focus on. “Lots of phone calls, I suppose," he said with a fake laugh. His voice cracked and his smile wavered.

“We can’t live lies,” Yifan said.

Junmyeon shrugged. “We’re not living lies if we’re trying our hardest. Long distance relationships have worked before and honestly? I don’t see any other option.” The words felt forced even as he said them, but Junmyeon knew he was right.

It was the reality of their situation. They were global stars with a global audience. Their relationship would forever remain covered up from everyone except their closest friends and family. They would see each other when they could, because there _were_ no alternatives.

“We’ll get through this,” Yifan said strongly. “Even if it means large phone bills.”

Junmyeon nodded in small motions. “We will,” he agreed. “I like you too much to lose you a second time around.” It was a rough attempt at humour to hide the gashes in their façades, but neither were fooled. Junmyeon could read Yifan, just as he knew Yifan could read him.

Yifan reached over and took Junmyeon’s hand and squeezed it. In smoothly flowing English, he said, “ _The storm will pass._ ”

“ _If we learn to dance in the rain_ ,” Junmyeon finished. His English was much more garbled than Yifan’s, but at least understandable. “That’s the quote, right?”

“Something like that,” Yifan laughed. He squeezed Junmyeon’s hand tighter, and Junmyeon squeezed Yifan's hand in return.


	14. XIV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Crawls back three weeks later* I have actually been suffocated by study for exams and a clarinet exam through into the middle of everything else. (Seriously - why schedule a music exam just before the actual exams? What kind of an idea is that?!) 
> 
> This chapter felt messy in some bits. Words kept being repeated and I edited it, but not to my usual standard. So, I'll go back through as soon as possible, but be prepared for more mistakes than usual. I'm really sorry about that... I'm just tired, but I wanted to get something up for everyone who's reading this. 
> 
> And speaking of which, wow - Thank you again for your kudos and comments. We're at 548 kudos and honestly, that's amazing. I say it a lot, but I never expected this response. I've been humbled by it and I can't even begin to convey how thankful I am for it. You're all amazing. 
> 
> I also want to say something on the topic of Luhan and Guan Xiao Tong. I am extremely pleased for them and I wish them all the best. This fic, however, is completely fiction. For that reason, while I fully support Luhan and Guan Xiao Tong, I will not be mentioning their relationship throughout this fic. I do not wish to disrespect them or what they have.  
> I hope that everyone can understand that!
> 
> Anyway, I do hope you enjoy this chapter! I'm really sorry for another long wait. I can't promise that the next update will be any quicker, though. Thank you for waiting for me. 
> 
> \- MachineWired

The days passed too quickly for Junmyeon’s liking. An ache bloomed in his chest as he realised how quickly his time with Yifan was slipping away. It was like trying to scoop water: pointless and inevitably redundant.

Days continued to pass, no matter how much Junmyeon wished that they would slow down for him.

They had so little time together. Junmyeon knew that it was all they could afford, but it hurt nonetheless. The thought of other couples spending days together, unworried by threats of running out of time or pestering thoughts of not seeing each other for months made pangs of envy run rampant in Junmyeon’s body.

He tried to push it aside. A part of him knew it was selfish. For all their separation and difficulties, Junmyeon was lucky to have met up with Yifan again.

Within just under a week spent with Yifan, Junmyeon felt like he had partially fused to him. The bond between them felt stronger than ever and Junmyeon did not know whether it was good or more painful for when Yifan had to leave for China again.

Junmyeon could read Yifan like a book through the bond. Emotions seemed to sing to him though it. In a way, it was like having a piece of Yifan always with him. It was by no means telepathic, but to Junmyeon, it felt like he could always hear Yifan’s voice in his head.

It was precious and borrowed time that had allowed their relationship to strengthen and reform. But, like everything else, it had to draw to a close eventually. Before Junmyeon knew it, Yifan had reached his final day in Seoul.

Time had finally reached an end and Yifan was returning to China, splitting them apart for who knew how many months. Junmyeon’s gut contracted painfully at the thought of it.

The hours they had spent in each other’s company had been divided between Yifan’s hotel room and the EXO dorm. Junmyeon was not willing to risk anywhere else and Yifan had been hesitant, too. EXO was low on the radar following their hiatus, but there were too many people who would still recognise them on the street.

Yifan’s last day would be spent in the EXO dorm, though. It was more convenient when Yifan’s checkout time for his hotel was at ten in the morning and his flight was not until almost seven in the evening.

Junymeon sat in the living room as he waited for Yifan to arrive. His emotions rolled like stormy oceans as he considered their inevitable separation. Junmyeon desperately tried to stop the emotions from bleeding through the bond, but he had never been good at judging his success at that.

To distract himself, Junmyeon turned to bouncing his leg and tapping rhythms onto his black-jean clad knee. The movement helped to pull his mind, but he could see Chanyeol snigger as he walked into the room.

“What’s up, hyung?” Chanyeol teased Junmyeon. He lounged back in a sofa and smirked.

Junmyeon shot Chanyeol a dirty look and refrained from replying.

Chanyeol chuckled. “Really, though, hyung, what’s worrying you? You look like you’re going to give yourself an aneurysm.”

Rolling his eyes, Junmyeon stilled his limbs with careful force. “So funny,” he said sardonically. “Why don’t you go and play with your guitar, or something?”

Chanyeol held his arms up in surrender, but he was grinning cheekily. “Feisty, _feisty_. I just want to see Yifan. It’s been a while, you know? And, I’ve barely seen him this week! You’ve nearly always been holed up in your bedroom!”

“That’s Yifan- _hyung_ , to you,” Junymeon corrected. “And for good reason, too! I could really have done without you and Baekhyun recounting every embarrassing story you could possibly think of from the past few years. Over dinner, no less. I didn’t even realise there had been that many things in, what, three years?”

Chanyeol’s face widened into a full smile. “Someone had to do it, hyung. None of us spend enough time around our parents for them to embarrass us, except with baby stories. Therefore, Baekhyun and I took the honour of doing it for you.”

“I’m flattered,” Junmyeon said lifelessly. He gave up on trying to argue back. There was no way he would win against Chanyeol once he had made up his mind on something.

Chanyeol nodded in satisfaction. “You should be. All we need now is to find Luhan, or someone. I’m sure they’ve got dirt on Yifan. Even better, Yifan’s probably got dirt on them!”

Junmyeon raised an eyebrow. “Really? And, again, Chanyeol, stop dropping the _hyung._ It’s not polite.”

“More like you’re just a stickler for formal language,” Chanyeol griped. He threw his arms out to the side and moaned. “You’re still formal with half of the seniors who have literally told us a million times to address them informally. Like, you’ll talk informally with us, some of the SHINee members, Kyuhyun-hyung, and that’s about it.”

Junmyeon bristled, but did not argue the point. It was true that he was overly polite. He reasoned with himself that it was better to be overly polite and told to tone it down than to be informal and be told that he needed to raise his level of formality.

“Wait, I could just ask Minseok-hyung for dirt on Yifan-hyung before he comes!” Chanyeol gasped. “He probably knows heaps. He’s been in contact with Luhan-hyung all this time and surely he’s said something!” He sent an appraising look to Junmyeon, waiting for praise for his honourific, and then jumped up and rushed out of the room.

Left alone again, Junmyeon returned to bouncing his leg nervously. The conversation had taken his mind off everything, but it was quickly coming back as he was left alone with his thoughts.

Yixing popped his head around the corner of the doorway. He held up Junmyeon’s phone, grabbing his attention.

“Someone’s popular,” Yixing remarked, tossing the mobile in Junmyeon’s direction. Junmyeon caught it and fumbled for a few seconds. Yixing continued, “It’s been buzzing non-stop and Jongin threatened to smash it if it interrupted his video game again, so I bought it in here for you.”

Junmyeon tapped his fingers on the screen. “Thanks, Yixing,” he said gratefully. He beamed and tried not to let everything else on his mind show though the twitching of his eyes or lips.

Yixing returned the smile and left again.

Junmyeon turned the phone screen on and quickly flicked through the bombardment of texts from the omegean group chat that Yunho had added him too. Despite his original apprehension, Junmyeon had enjoyed being a part of it.

There were several people who he had come to know better and others who he had finally been introduced to after months or years of never really overlapping though schedules or events.

It had been a relief to see how many other omegas there were in the industry, outside of Baekhyun and Jongdae. Junmyeon loved both of them dearly, but sometimes, it was easier to talk to people with different experiences, from outside of their group and with an agreement to complete confidentiality.

Besides, the teasing and overall positive mood of the chat was something that Junmyeon valued enormously.

Junmyeon skipped over all of the messages, though, and made his way straight to Yifan’s contact where a single text had been sent.

Junmyeon’s stomach jolted as he realised from the context of the message that Yifan was only five minutes away from the dorm. He rose to his feet in a zombie like way and then realised he had nothing he could think of doing.

He sunk back down into the chair and raised his knees to his chest, resting his head on the top of them anxiously.

Junmyeon was not nervous for meeting Yifan, anymore. That felt almost natural. The more time he spent with Yifan, the more he realised just how comfortable he felt once he had relaxed. Junmyeon could not calm down then, though.

The last hours with Yifan were approaching and Junmyeon was dreading everything about it. The idea of saying goodbye hurt more than Junmyeon wanted to admit.

The doorbell rang and Junmyeon’s head perked up like a meerkat peering out of its burrow. He crept down to the front door and pulled it open.

Looking as wonderful as ever, Yifan stood in his full glory. His face cracked into a small grin as he greeted Junmyeon stepped into the dorm, removing his shoes quickly.

Minseok walked through the entranceway with a dirty plate in his hand.

“Oh, hey, Yifan,” Minseok said brightly. He waved and stopped in his motion. “How’re you?”

Yifan shrugged. “Dreading the flight home, I guess. But, at least I have a few hours here, first. It’d be sad to leave without saying goodbye to everyone else who’s still around.” The fact that it could be months until they saw each other again was left unsaid.

It did not need to be mentioned, though. It was the elephant in the room and everybody knew it was there, even if no one wanted to admit it.

Minseok nodded understandingly. “Check out went okay, then?”

“Yeah, all good,” Yifan confirmed. He shuffled his feet, clearly feeling slightly uncomfortable. Junmyeon suppressed a smile. The dorkiness of the whole situation was endearing. However, the clumsy conversation had become a lot more flowing over the progression of the five days.

Junmyeon was certain he would never forget the embarrassed silence the first time everyone else had seen Yifan in Seoul again. It had been the epitome of discomfort and tongue-tied meetings. Slightly sad, perhaps, seeing as they had met just less than two months ago. He wondered if it had been worse when they had seen each other in China.

Minseok nodded in satisfaction and left for the kitchen, knuckles going white where he tightly clutched the plate.

Junmyeon laughed under his breath and motioned for Yifan to follow him down the hallway. Yifan knew the route by heart, so Junmyeon hung back a step so they could more-or-less walk side by side.

Yifan groaned and tugged at his hair in despair. “Why are we still so awkward?” he lamented, “God, I swear, it’s like pulling teeth.”

“It’s getting better,” Junmyeon suggested, a giggle slipping in after his words. “It’s much better that the first day. Besides, they don’t know how they’re meant to act around you anymore, I guess.”

Yifan rolled his eyes.

“No, seriously!” Junmyeon protested. “Chanyeol was trying to compare himself to my parents earlier on. He insisted that _someone_ had to tell the embarrassing stories that my parents don’t know. It’s like he’s stuck between this weird phase of younger brother, embarrassing parent and old friend of yours.”

“Fair assessment, I guess,” Yifan said. He turned into Junmyeon and Sehun’s bedroom.

Sehun looked up from where he lay on his bed. Raising his arm in a lazy gesture, he yawned and then rubbed at his eyes. “Hey, hyungs,” he said while he pushed himself into a seated position.

Junmyeon paused as Yifan greeted Sehun. “Sorry, Sehun, we’ll go into the living room,” he apologised, beginning to backtrack.

Sehun shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. Jongin just texted me about replaying a match that he _very clearly lost_ -“ Sehun raised his voice so that Jongin could hear him “-a few days ago. So, I’m going to shut him up.” He huffed like an insulted child.

“You’re two rooms away,” Junmyeon pointed out, “Why are you texting?”

Sehun shrugged. “I mean, you’d be angrier if we were yelling.” Before Junmyeon could reply, he jumped up and dashed away. Junmyeon stared after him, scandalised.

“I’m not that bad, am I?” Junmyeon asked, turning to Yifan.

Yifan tried to push back a grin, but Junmyeon could feel the laughter bubbling within him and see the twitching of his face. “You used to get pretty frustrated when people yelled around the dorm. Said it gave you another headache on top of everything else,” Yifan relented.

“Well, you’re no help,” Junmyeon snorted. He flopped onto his bed mindlessly and Yifan followed, sitting next to Junmyeon’s feet. “Seriously, though, I’m not that bad.”

“I mean, you kind of were,” Yifan sniggered.

Junmyeon whined and flopped onto his stomach. “Don’t you start, too.”

“I’ll refrain myself,” Yifan replied. He crossed his legs and shuffled around so that his back was propped against the wall. “Besides, I’m sure we have better things to do than to discuss whether or not you police the noise level, which you do, by the way.”

Junmyeon lifted his head up to look at Yifan and glare. “You shut up now, or you’ll suffer through the consequences.”

Yifan held his arms up in submission, his eyes glinting with tacit mirth. “I’ll be quiet, I’ll be quiet,” he promised quickly. “Anyway, though, did you want to do something?”

Junmyeon shrugged. “I didn’t have anything in mind. Did you? You look like you’ve got something that’s running around your head. You’re all squirmy today; usually you’re unperturbed by literally everything.” He looked Yifan up and down, and saw the ligaments in his forearms tighten slightly. There was nothing that spoke to him through their bond, though.

“Honestly, I don’t have anything in mind,” Yifan said. “I just don’t want today to end, really. We’ll be apart again, and for who knows how long…”

Junmyeon swallowed and felt the dread fill him. It was like a flood, overwhelming everything else that he could and wanted to think about.

Yifan sighed. “I’ve always had family and friends who weren’t in the same country as me. I’m used to that. But, this is kind of different, you know? It’s a whole different world of possibilities and things to think about, and I’m not really sure how we’re meant to approach that.”

“I suppose this is where we go to the hyungs, isn’t it?” Junmyeon said with a bitter grin. “They must have tips for surviving long distance relationships.”

Yifan looked up, eyes soft. “Relationship, then? I’m glad that we’re mutual on that, at least.”

Junmyeon spluttered. “Well, if you’re in agree-“

“I’m happy to call it a relationship,” Yifan said softly. There was something oddly sweet in his voice and it made Junmyeon’s insides wriggle in pleasure. “It’s pretty hard to keep dodging around telling you that I like you.”

The words were simple and easily stated. Junmyeon sucked in a breath desperately and did not hide the widening of his eyes. If anything along the same lines had been on Junmyeon’s mind, he could not recall it.

“I like you, too,” Junmyeon said dumbly. It was nothing ground shattering or world changing. They had been skipping the topic for days. Really, they had been avoiding it since the beginning. It had always felt a little too soon, though, and now that it was in the open, it was suddenly scary again.

Yifan beamed. “I’m glad that’s settled. It’d be slightly uncomfortable if we weren’t on the same page.”

“Yes…” Junmyeon mumbled. His eyes were wide and he felt as if he was a malfunctioning robot with his movements jerky and erratic.

Yifan’s forehead creased. “Are you okay? You’re the one who’s gone all twitchy, now.”

Junmyeon forced himself to nod and continued until he had knocked sense back into himself. “Yes, I’m fine,” he said breathlessly. “It just… A relief, I guess, to say that. It’s been on my mind, I suppose. It’s nice to have it in the open. I hadn’t realised how…”

He trailed off and winced as he realised how messy the phasing of his words was, but Yifan merely signalled his agreement.

“It’s been a few weeks in the lead up,” Yifan mused. “A few years before that, too, with a slightly longer than necessary break in between.”

“You think so?” Junmyeon asked. He cocked his head to the side. “Since _that night_ , sure. But years before that?”

Yifan raised his shoulders hopelessly. “You didn’t have Luhan whispering in your ear whenever he got the chance about how I should ‘join the club’ and ‘date a beta’ for years.” Yifan quickly tacked on another sentence. “I don’t really care about gender or sub-gender in who I date, but Luhan likes to tease.”

Junmyeon made a small noise in his throat. “Please tell me that you’re joking. I really don’t need to be thinking about the fact that people we actually know shipped us at some point. I already have a hard enough time trying to navigate social media without seeing various couples shoved in my face.”

“If that isn’t relatable,” Yifan groaned. “But, no. I don’t really know, but I’ve only ever heard Luhan talking behind our backs. To be honest, that probably means that by extension, at least Minseok was aware of it.

Junmyeon clapped a hand to his forehead. “Whatever. I’ll leave Luhan to do his thing as long as this is never bought up again. Besides, if we’re moving on from the past, I have no reason to be concerned with Luhan-hyung apparently having shipped us. Don’t think I’m going to be asking Minseok-hyung about that, either.”

“I wasn’t planning on doing so, either,” Yifan admitted. “But speaking of Minseok and Luhan, did you actually want to ask them about long distance relationships?”

Junmyeon turned bright red. “Later, later,” he harried, wringing his fingers together.

Yifan snorted. “You’ve look it up yourself, haven’t you? I can read you like a book, Junmyeon.”

Junmyeon hid his face in hid hands. “There was actually some pretty interesting stuff,” he admitted quietly. “Like, things I’d never have thought of, anyway.”

Yifan gestured for him to continue and nestled back further into the bed, making himself more comfortable. Junmyeon altered his potition so he was next to Yifan with only a little space between them.

“Doing things like playing online video games and board games together, or reading the same book or watching the same television programme. Just things to make sure that we’re still connecting, you know?” Junmyeon stared at his hands. His cheeks were still burning.

Yifan nodded slowly. “Is now a good time to admit that I’ve done the same thing?” He poked Junymeon until he looked up and they met each other’s eyes.

“Yeah?” Junmyeon said. The flush of his face was beginning to die away and knowing that he was not the only one made Junmyeon feel slightly less embarrassed.

Yifan hummed. “Yeah. Same sort of stuff. Make sure that life doesn’t stop while waiting for each other. Alleviating sexual tension.” He wiggled his eyebrows teasingly and Junmyeon responded with a punch to his shoulder.

“Do you have no shame? Half an hour ago, we hadn’t even confirmed we were in a romantic relationship with each other!” Junmyeon tried to sound angry, but he couldn’t hide the outraged smile that forced its way through him.

Yifan chuckled. “I’m only joking. But, seriously, there was some interesting stuff on there. Having an end goal.”

The smile faded from Junmyeon’s face. “I found that, too. What is our end goal, though?”

“You tell me,” Yifan said gently.

Junmyeon was silent for a few minutes while he pondered the question. What did he really want? A happy, domestic life with Yifan seemed too much to ask for when they could barely find time to meet up as it was.

Equally, though, Junmyeon did not want to face the reality of being celebrities in different nations.

“One day, to live and be together, just like any other couple,” Junmyeon finally settled on. “It doesn’t need to be big or fancy, but I don’t think I could bare it if we’re going to separated like this forever.”

Yifan tapped his fingers on his leg restlessly. “That’s our goal, then. We’ll find a way. We just need to hold out for now and it’ll come our way eventually. It’s a waiting game, I guess, but I’m sure we can do it.”

Junmyeon nodded resolutely. “Of course we can. We’ve worked for our goals for years. Hell, we trained for five-ish together. We can wait a bit longer to reach this one.”

“Absolutely,” Yifan decided. His fingers came to rest. “How about we get started on a television show, then? I’m sure we can find something to keep us occupied for a while.”

Junmyeon pushed himself off the bed. “I’ll grab my laptop,” he said quickly as he walked over to the dresser and grabbed it from the top. “It’s probably easiest to find something on there.”

On his return, Junmyeon moved closer still to Yifan and pulled a pillow to balance equally between their knees. He placed the laptop on top of it and turned it on.

While waiting for the screen to load, they were silent. To Junmyeon, it seemed like there was nothing more that he wanted to say in that instant. He could think of nothing that would add more to their discussion or could change the subject with any sort of conviction.

In addition, Junmyeon had found that, sometimes, silence was the best way to communicate. Words were not always necessary. With the people he was most comfortable with, Junmyeon needed to say nothing to be understood.

The screen loaded and Junmyeon typed his password in and waited for the desktop to begin to show.

“What d’you want to watch?” Yifan asked. He cast a sidewards glance that Junmyeon could feel.

Junmyeon shrugged. “It doesn’t really bother me, to be honest. What language, by the way? I’m slow, but my English and Mandarin have both improved significantly from when you left. I’m better with comprehension than speaking, though.”

“I can tell. You even knew that quote that I said on the first day that we met up on,” Yifan said. His tone sounded encouraging and it made Junmyeon’s stomach fill with butterflies. “But, maybe let’s begin in Korean. We’ll branch out later, but I need to start practicing again.”

“You’ve got a slight accent, but you’re very fluent already,” Junmyeon said. He pulled a web browser open. “But, Korean it is. Have you seen anything recently?”

Yifan shook his head. “Enlighten me. You said there’s some good stuff that came out recently…”

“You know Descendants of the Sun?” Junmyeon asked. He began typing it into the search bar without waiting for an answer.

Yifan shook his head again. “I think I heard about it somewhere… But, I’ve not watched it.”

“Right then,” Junmyeon said confidently. “We’re beginning with that because I love it to death and Jinki-hyung’s in it, too. Also, I think Song Joon-Ki kind of looks similar Baekhyun.” He paused to look at Yifan while the streaming website loaded. “Quick summary: A doctor and a soldier fall in love and it’s adorable as anything.”

Yifan chuckled. “I’ll take your work for it. And you said Jinki-hyung’s in it? How did that go for him. I didn’t think he did much acting… I thought that he stuck mostly to music, and singing, in particular.”

“He does,” Junmyeon confirmed as the first episode opened. “But, it was an new opportunity, and he took it. Even won an award for it. But, shut up, now, because it’s about to start.”

The episode played and Junmyeon quickly settled into the familiar rhythm of the programme. Initially, he had watched it to see Jinki, but he fallen headlong into the plot soon after.

Midway through, Junmyeon found his head dropping onto Yifan’s shoulder. No protest met the movement, so Junmyeon, perfectly comfortable, maintained the position. Yifan’s shoulder seemed to meld perfectly to the side of Junmyeon’s head.

They moved through the series at a reasonable pace and by the time Jongdae charged into the room, they were midway through the third episode. At the sound of Jongdae’s entry, Junmyeon paused the episode and peered up. His head remained nestled on Yifan’s shoulder and Jongdae scoffed at the sight.

“You’re disgustingly domestic,” Jongdae informed them from where he stood in the doorway.

Junmyeon pulled a face at him and straightened up so he could look directly at Jongdae, rather than from the skewed angle he had occupied before. “Thank you very much. Do you have something you want to say, or did you just want to inform us of that? If it’s the latter, I invite you to leave.”

Jongdae gave Junmyeon an unimpressed look. “Actually, Yixing says that lunch is ready. So, we’d be honoured if you’d join us.”

“Would you now?” Junmyeon replied sarcastically. He cut himself off and gave Jongdae a thankful look. “Thanks, though. We’ll be out in a few minutes.”

Jongdae gave him a nonplussed look and left the room, shutting the door behind himself again.

Meanwhile, Junmyeon turned to look at Yifan. “We should probably go before someone beheads us,” Junmyeon said sadly. He sighed, shut the lid of the laptop and moved it away from their laps so that they could stand up.

Yifan stretched his long limbs as he stood up. “You weren’t kidding, though. That’s a seriously addictive show. It’s strange to see Jinki-hyung like that, though… I’ll never be able to look at him the same way after seeing him act like that.” Yifan laughed dryly and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands.

“I know, right?” Junmyeon agreed. He plugged the laptop in and opened the door. “But, seriously, we should get a move on. I think we could both do without the catcalling that we received yesterday.” He shuddered at the thought of it.

“True,” Yifan agreed. He left the room and together, they shuffled into the kitchen.

The table was fully extended and laid for ten, with only two spots left open. Junmyeon could not help but notice that they were at almost opposite ends of the table and wonder if it was slightly more than feasible that it was purposeful.

Lunch was an amiable affair. Past the awkward beginnings, it was noticeable that once they were in a group with several people to defer the tension, everything seemed to opporate much more smoothly.

Junmyeon watched over it all warmly and ate his soup in relative quiet. He was perfectly happy to watch everyone else talking with Yifan, making up for the time they had spend apart. After all, it had been Junmyeon who had spent the majority of the past few days with him. Junmyeon had no qualms with letting everyone else catch up on what they had missed, even if he did try to stop Chanyeol and Baekhyun from launching into any more humiliating montages of stories.

As they finished off lunch, Junmyeon and Yifan offered to stay back and finish the dishes. Left alone to the kitchen, they finished the task as quickly as possible. It felt overwhelmingly familial – almost overwhelmingly so. Junmyeon tried to ignore the way Jongdae had sniggered and reaffirmed his earlier statement.

With everything washed up, Junmyeon and Yifan returned to the bedroom. Sehun was still playing video games in Jongin’s room, apparently trying to prove that he was truly the better player. Junmyeon knew relatively little about the games they were playing, so most of the terminology flew over his head.

“When do you have to leave?” Junmyeon asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

Yifan sat next to him. “An hour, probably I was asked to get to the airport for about three and it’s probably an hour from here to there.” He looked to Junmyeon and he suddenly seemed very small. “Can we finish the episode before we have to think about this any further? I don’t really want to leave and thinking about it isn’t helping.”

Junmyeon nodded and pulled the laptop from the dresser again. They repositioned themselves against the wall and Junmyeon went through the familiar routine of opening the laptop and waiting for everything to load.

The episode continued from where they had paused and Junmyeon felt his head drifting to Yifan’s shoulder again. Something about the physical contact seemed reassuring when he knew they were hours away from potential months of separation.

It finished too quickly, though.

Junmyeon’s stomach dropped when the credits played and he could feel Yifan’s dread, too. They had reached the end of the week and suddenly, it was much harder to let Yifan leave than it had been in Junmyeon’s mind. His heart was cracking into pieces and his stomach was jelly.

Yifan stood up and Junmyeon’s head fell away. “I suppose we have to start saying goodbye, then,” he said. His voice was thick, but his eyes were not teary. “I’ll have to leave within probably fifteen minutes or so.”

Junmyeon’s body felt like lead as he forced himself to stand up joining Yifan as he froze in the middle of the room.

“Did you want to say goodbye to everyone else?” Junmyeon asked sullenly.

Yifan paused and then nodded. “Yeah, I should. It’d be a shame for me not to, I suppose. I’ll miss them all, too. And, besides, I still have to take a picture of Minseok, or else Luhan will have my head when I get back.”

Junmyeon cracked a smile. “Yeah, okay. If you get your stuff, I’ll find the others. Let’s be honest, they’re probably all still watching the showdown between Jongin and Sehun.” He left the room and wandered around with a hole being drilled into his chest, larger and larger with each passing moment.

They all gathered in the front doorway, and with Yifan having taken a few few unwilling pictures of Minseok, they began their farewells.

It was subdued at best. Junmyeon had no fight left in himself to be at all energetic or enthusiastic as he might have been in another situation. The world was drifting into a sea of monochrome.

Part of Junmyeon felt like he was being overdramatic. They had been properly in contact with each other for almost three months. Any official relationship they had began that day. The list went on, but no matter how many Junmyeon listed, his shattering heart did not pay attention.

It was agony as he stood there and watched Yifan readying himself to leave.

Minseok gave Junmyeon a pitying look. With all things said and done, they had no business there anymore. “We’ll give you some time,” he said gently as he shepherded everyone else away from them.

Once again alone, Junmyeon turned to Yifan. He knew his eyes were glistening with tears, but he could not stop it. Having met up again, it was so much harder to separate. It felt like half of him was being ripped away.

Yifan’s expression was glazed, too. He gave Junmyeon a watery grin. “D’you think, you know, maybe…?” He trailed off and looked at the floor. “Ah, never mind, actually. I suppose I’ll see you around.”

The familiar words made Junmyeon crumble. “I suppose I will,” Junmyeon whispered. His voice cracked horribly.

Yifan turned.

Impulsively, Junmyeon made a grab for his forearm. Yifan spun around to face him again and Junmyeon took a few steps closer so that they were chest to chest. Junmyeon could have counted Yifan’s eyelashes if he had been tall enough.

“Everything al-“ Yifan’s question was cut off as Junmyeon pulled him down and into a kiss.

It was chaste and innocent and insultingly quick. Yifan’s lips were soft on Junmyeon’s. It was warm and homely, like something that Junmyeon never knew he had been missing. The familiar smell of Yifan was everywhere, but a million times more intense. It tore Junmyeon to pieces as it simultaneously built him up to more than he had ever been before.

Junmyeon pulled away, breathing heavily. It had not been intense, but Junmyeon felt robbed of everything that he needed to live. It was as if he could substitute it all for Yifan though, as he was pulled back into the kiss.

Yifan was fiercer this time. It felt easier; less awkward and more intentional.

Junmyeon melted and wondered if it was possible to freeze time and live in that moment forever. It was all he wanted. Warmth and security, wrapped up in someone who was everything Junmyeon had ever wanted. _Needed._

Junmyeon’s eyes were closed when Yifan finally pulled away. Slowly, like he was waking up from a dream, Junmyeon opened them. Yifan’s expression was gentle and nurturing.

“That was okay?” Yifan murmured.

“More than okay,” Junmyeon confirmed. He shuddered through a breath. “I’m going to miss you so fucking much.” He fell forwards and wrapped his arms around Yifan tightly.

Yifan was shaking. “Me, too,” he whispered.

They passed a few minutes before they pulled away from each other. For Junmyeon, the world suddenly felt empty without Yifan hugging him and holding him together. It was like tearing him away from a life source that Junmyeon had come to depend on over the past few days and weeks before that.

“Remember the end goal?” Yifan asked.

Junmyeon swallowed and braced himself with everything he had left to give. “Remember the end goal,” Junmyeon echoed.

Yifan grabbed Junmyeon’s hand for the briefest second. “I suppose I’ll see you around, then.” The repeated words hurt all the more and a part of Junmyeon hated Yifan for it. Another part loved him.

“I suppose I will,” Junmyeon choked. His body trembled with tears that he fought to hold back.

Yifan let go of his hand and turned.

Then, he was gone and Junmyeon’s word shattered.


	15. XV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I return... Almost two months later...  
> I don't really have a lot to say, except for the fact that I'm really sorry that it's taken this long to get here. 
> 
> On another note, school is out! Exams are finished, hike is done with. Holiday homework can be dealt with later :p  
> I begin the IBDP next year, so we'll see how that goes later, I guess. Hahaha.... 
> 
> In relation to this chapter:  
> I've never been in a relationship. Everything I'm writing about is things that I've come to understand from observation and what I've looked up. (I know - It's definitely a reliable source of information). But, my point is: take everything in this chapter with a grain of salt. 
> 
> Also, thank you for 600 kudos!! That's actually an incredible achievement and I'm so thankful to absolutely everyone who has been with me up until this point. <33
> 
> \- MachineWired

Following Yifan’s departure, Junmyeon crawled into bed, utterly defeated and at odds with the world. The weight of everything had had happened was falling down upon him.

The full rainbow of colours that Junmyeon had seen while Yifan was still physically with him was fading into a monochrome scheme. It left Junmyeon with the bare shell of the world that felt hollow and lonely.

After a few hours of contemplative solitude, Minseok joined Junmyeon.

“Hey, Myeonnie,” Minseok said softly. He seemed unusually flat as he leant against the doorway and waited for a reply before he preceded any further into the room.

Junmyeon, slumped at the head of the bed and clutching a pillow across his chest, look up soberly. “Hi,” he said, voice husky and raw. He sniffed and willed back the tears that had settled in the corners of his eyes, unshed for hours.

Minseok continued cautiously into the room. His movements were slow and measured, as though he was approaching a skittish animal. It made Junmyeon feel somewhat dehumanised, but he did not care enough to actively respond to it.

Junmyeon moved his legs to the side and let Minseok sit down next to him.

Silently, Minseok leant his head back on the wall and clasped his hand over his lap, slowly twiddling his thumbs. For a minute, they sat in silence together.

“How’re you holding up?” Minseok finally asked. He looked determinedly ahead, which Junmyeon was grateful for. Sympathy had always been something that made Junmyeon’s stomach twist uncomfortably. He preferred to be approached directly and not dodged around like he was going to break.

Junmyeon was quiet for a minute longer, “Please don’t treat me like a fragile, lovesick teenager. I’m not quite that unable, hyung.”

Minseok snorted. “Well, you never had a chance to be a fragile, lovesick teenager, so maybe it’s overdue.” His smirk faded and he sighed. “Really, though, Junmyeon...”

Junmyeon forced a smile onto his face. “I’ll be okay.”

Minseok clucked his tongue like Junmyeon’s mother did when she was exasperated.

“You don’t always have to pretend that everything is okay. Of course it hurts. If it didn’t, then – firstly – you wouldn’t have shut yourself in here alone for hours and – secondly – I’d actually be worried about your levels of empathy and emotional reception.”

Junmyeon sighed. “Hyung-.”

Minseok cut him off. “Junmyeon, just listen, okay? You’re allowed to be sad and in pain. Heck, you _should_ be feeling like that. You just have to be able to pick yourself up again and get on with everything. Unfortunately, life never does wait for... Well...”

Shaking his head, Junmyeon pushed himself up a little further. “Please, don’t do this now, then. The more I think about it, the worse I feel.”

Minseok nodded and they drifted back into a comfortable silence.

With someone else by his side, Junmyeon did not feel so lonely. The aching of his heart was still a wrenching pain, but it was not as domineering. It was the idea of having someone to help fight of the sickness of solitude. Maybe it was also the knowledge that Minseok understood the pain of separation possibly better than anyone else in their group.

Junmyeon took a deep breath, thinking back to Yifan’s suggestion from earlier that day.

“Hyung?” Junmyeon started hesitantly. He fiddled with the hem of his shirt as he thought about how he wanted to phrase his question.

Minseok hummed through his nose in acknowledgement and waited for Junmyeon to finish.

Junmyeon swallowed and considered the wording carefully. “How do you deal with separation when you and Luhan-hyung are apart?” He chanced a look at Minseok’s face and immediately noticed the faraway look he was wearing. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to...” Junmyeon added quietly.

Minseok smiled gently. “That’s okay. I don’t mind telling you; I suppose it’s something we’ve got in common, now. We’ll just have to be mutually envious of Baekhyun and Chanyeol being constantly in each other’s company, eh?” He nudged Junmyeon’s shoulder teasingly.

“But, in all seriousness,” Minseok started off, swiftly dropping his smile, “Long distance relationships make or break you. You start to realise exactly how much you depend on them and also how much they depend on you.”

Junmyeon nodded slowly and waited for Minseok to continue.

Minseok spoke softly. His tone became gradually softer as he continued. “I think the most special thing about long distance relationships is getting to meet up again. But, to get there, you have to learn to compromise and keep promises.”

“Oh,” Junmyeon said faintly. Nothing that Minseok had said was overwhelmingly radical, but the tenderness in his voice was something that Junmyeon scarcely heard.

Minseok eyes were relaxed and unfocused as he continued. “Dealing with being apart... Well, I suppose that’s up to each individual, isn’t it?” He laughed lightly.

“For me, it’s important to make sure that we’re in contact throughout the day. We’re lucky, I suppose: The time difference is negligible. But, knowing that, I try to text him or something throughout the day, so that it’s not like he’s a last minute thought or always a last minute thought.”

Junmyeon huffed. “You’re literally so sappy. How in hell did you ever keep your relationship a secret with any proficiency?”

Minseok chuckled. “Luck, I guess. Honestly, I expected someone to work it out ages ago. It just never happened, though. I almost told you so many times – you have no idea – but I never ended up being able to actually do it.”

“You should have. We could have helped, or at least tried.” Junmyeon said.

“That’s kind of you,” Minseok said softly. He leant forwards to rest his head on his hands and sighed. “It’s hard to have a long distance relationship, you know?”

Junmyeon swallowed and refrained from commenting.

Minseok turned to Junmyeon, suddenly looking firm. “If there’s one thing that I’m telling you, Junmyeon, it’s that you have to communicate. Misunderstandings are escalated a thousand times over when you can’t be face to face. It’s so easy for things to snowball.

“I’ll make sure I that,” Junmyeon promised quietly.

Minseok nodded, satisfied. “I’d be lying if I said that long-distance relationships get easier with time, but you learn to cope and cooperate so much better. Eventually, you figure out what you’re doing and when you’ve got a goal, there’s something to work for, too.”

A lump grew in Junmyeon’s throat and even though he willed it back, it continued to rise painfully. “Talk, then, is what you’re saying,” Junmyeon finally concluded. “At all costs, make sure you’re communicating with each other.”

“Yeah,” Minseok said simply. “Don’t overbear each other and don’t live your life based around what’s going on where they are, but don’t let yourselves drift apart and disassociate, either.”

Junmyeon nodded and they lapsed back into silence for a few minutes. Questions flocked around Junmyeon’s head and he frantically tried to categorise them.

“How did you and Luhan-hyung even end up in a relationship?” As soon as Junmyeon had blurted the words out, he raised a hand to his mouth, horrified. “Shit, sorry, I mean-.”

Minseok snorted amusedly. “It’s okay.”

“You never did end up telling me, and I’d be glad to hear something that isn’t completely sorrowful with a sad ending right now,” Junmyeon tacked on quickly, trying to justify his question.

Minseok chortled and pushed himself into a more comfortable position. “It’s not all happy, though,” he said vaguely. “Nothing’s ever a completely happy-go-lucky story with rainbows and daisies branching off both sides. Real life is never that kind.”

“Anything’s better than this,” Junmyeon said with a shrug. He waved his arms uselessly around himself to try to gesticulate the situation. It was a redundant action.

Minseok grinned. “Suit yourself, then. You’re sure you want to know, though?”

“Yes, hyung,” Junmyeon whined, rolling his eyes. A streak of relief flashed through Junmyeon’s body as he recognised his own change in mood. The black hole of his heard was not pulling in every other emotion with undefeatable gravity anymore.

“Well, then, I guess I guess I’d start when we – the original lineup of EXO, I mean - were told we were going to debut together,” Minseok began.

Minseok cleared his throat theatrically as if he was preparing for an important presentation or long performance. “You remember it, right? Stressful as all hell and all of us had a mental breakdown at one point or another.”

“Of course,” Junmyeon said. He remembered the period with astounding clarity. Despite the exciting prospect of debut after so many years, it had been a period of torture for Junmyeon. The memories were bittersweet. “How could I forget?”

Minseok nodded meaningfully. “Yeah, well, continuing from that setting, I guess you’d say Luhan and I fell to each other for... Stress relief. It helped us cope.”

Junmyeon turned with wide eyes and Minseok avoided his gaze with a light blush creeping up on his face. “You were fuck-buddies?” he said flatly.

“Well, that’s a little harsh and I’d rather not have my sex life referred to like that” Minseok huffed, slightly afronted. “But, I suppose for all intents and purposes, you’d probably say that was correct. But, moving on. We kind of just didn’t stop after we debuted and we continued for probably about a year, maybe a bit more, after that.”

“Oh, my God,” Junmyeon groaned. “Doesn’t that type of thing usually end up in disaster, though? How on Earth did you maintain a function relationship and front, and keep everything a secret on top of that? How did none of us notice?”

Minseok’s blush intensified. “Technically, Yifan knew from relatively early on. He walked in on us, but he’s good a keeping secrets when he wants to.” He cleared his throat stiffly. “It wasn’t a healthy relationship. That’s the point, but we’re entertainers who are taught how to put up a front.”

“Please let’s not go too heavily over this,” Junmyeon groaned. “I really don’t need to hear more about façades and putting up fronts at this point. Heck, I’ve probably had enough for a lifetime.”

Minseok nodded quickly. A look of regret flashed across his face for a second. “We’re in agreement there, then. But, to skip a lot of the unrequited, senseless stuff where not much happened-.“

“Except for you two having sex,” Junmyeon interjected.

“Yeah, okay, shut up,” Minseok said airily but with an wonderfully awkward tone. “Anyway, yeah, I made Luhan sit down when everyone else was out and talk everything out, and we ended up deciding to try our hand at making it romantic, rather than purely physical, I guess.”

Junmyeon raised an eyebrow. “That’s it? It was _that_ simple, seriously? And you’ve just been a happy couple ever since?”

“That simple, yeah,” Minseok affirmed. He paused before continuing, “Happy couple ever since, not so much. We’re humans; of course we fight and have times when we don’t see eye to eye. That doesn’t make us any better or worse as people, it just makes us stronger because we can get through it with each other.”

“You’re annoyingly sentimental,” Junmyeon said. “Seriously, that sounds like the plot of a badly written drama or something and a quote right out of a romance novel.”

“Okay, but not as much as your story,” Minseok was quick to point out. He prodded Junmyeon’s shoulder.

Junmyeon moaned. “Don’t remind me,” he lamented, crossing his legs in front of himself and leaning forwards to burry his face in his hands. “Why does everything have to be so bloody complicated?”

“Beats me,” Minseok said simply. He rubbed a hand up and down Junmyeon’s back in calming strokes that were vaguely grounding.

Junmyeon sighed sadly. “Is it selfish that I wanted him to stay? His whole life is back there, and I know that. I can’t drop everything here, and he can’t drop everything over there, either.”

Minseok paused. “It’s extremely selfish, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have the same thoughts, or that everyone else going through the same thing doesn’t, either.”

“How have you done this for so long? I feel like I’m collapsing inwards after a few hours.” Junmyeon stared at his hands and let a wave of melancholy emotions wash over him.

Minseok bit at his lip. “Honestly? Every time I have to leave it’s like my heard is being ripped out. When he has to leave, it’s worse. You just learn to cope and compromise because the only other option is permanent separation.”

Junmyeon rubbed at his eyes, viciously trying to erase everything that was flitting through his mind. With all the willpower he had left, Junmyeon searched for a change of topics. Anything to grapple onto so he could pull himself away from the sinkhole he was falling back into.

Suddenly, Junmyeon looked up at Minseok. “Did you say that Yifan walked in on you and Luhan before?”

Minseok turned fluorescent pink. “That was one time, okay? Shut up!”

“That’s actually kind of hilarious,’ Junmyeon snorted, but made no further comment. He rubbed at his eyes and then stretched his arms upwards.

Minseok smiled softly and settled back onto the bed. He and Junmyeon sat in silence for a while until Junmyeon broke it at last.

“Hey, hyung,” Junmyeon said softly. He hesitated for a moment before continuing. “What’s on your mind? You’re always taking care of me, but I never really get to do the same for you…”

Minseok pushed Junmyeon’s shoulder. “Don’t sell yourself short, Myeonnie. You do a lot. But, in answer to your question, I’m okay.”

Junmyeon pulled a face. “No, I mean, like, you just seem…” He cut himself off and waved his hand ambiguously as he searched for the right word. “Run down…?”

Minseok raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really?”

“Yeah, really,” Junmyeon nodded slowly. His mind flashed to Minseok’s darting eyes and soft words all throughout the afternoon and the occasional smile that was a little too big.

Minseok pouted thoughtfully. “Don’t worry too much about me. I’m trooping along; I’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, but that’s not now, is it?” Junmyeon protested weakly.

Minseok smiled bitterly. “No one’s alright all the time. We went over this just before. Really, though, it’s fine. _I’m_ fine. You don’t need to worry so much, yeah?”

“At least tell me then,” Junmyeon continued to wheedle. “You listened to me this afternoon. You have to tell me what you’re thinking now, too. It’s only fair if we do it that way.”

Minseok finally held his arms up in surrender to Junmyeon’s case. “Fine, fine. But, just promise that you won’t feel bad, okay?”

Junmyeon nodded and gestured for Minseok to continue.

“I just feel bad, I guess,” Minseok started off. “We’ve been a group together for five years, now. We’ve known each other for almost ten. And for all that time, I never had a clue what you were going through. It’s hard to not feel guilty about that.”

Junmyeon’s stomach dropped. “You didn’t know because I didn’t want you to. That was the whole point. You shouldn’t feel bad about that…”

Minseok gave Junmyeon a hard look. “How could I not? All of us do. You were in so much pain and none of had the slightest idea. Imagine how you’d feel if it was one of us in that situation.”

“Hyung…” Junmyeon murmured.

“It’s not that I blame you, so don’t you dare apologise” Minseok tacked on sadly. “You’ve explained why you did it. We’ve talked about this before. I understand – even if I don’t agree – your actions. If anything, I blame myself for never realising anything. I’m meant to be able to find this sort of stuff out before it gets out of hand. You could’ve died, Junmyeon.”

Junmyeon looked at his lap sullenly. He did not have an answer for Minseok and he had no words to add, either.

Minseok’s point weighed on Junmyeon’s conscience. He knew it was a valid point and that made it hurt even more.

When it had first been a secret, other people’s emotions regarding it had been the least of his concern. No one had known, so there was no one who he was hurting with it except for himself.

With suppressants and blockers being removed from Junmyeon’s access and everything suddenly being bared for the world to see, the impact on other people was much more obvious.

Not even Junmyeon, who excelled in ignoring things that he did not want to acknowledge, had been unable to completely block out the overbearing concern of everyone else.

“Hyung, you can’t blame yourself,” Junmyeon said. “I did everything with the intention of keeping secrets. You can’t feel guilty about not knowing something that I never told anyone.”

Minseok shook his head, as though trying to backtrack out of the topic. “It’s fine. Stop overthinking it.” He grimaced and Junmyeon winced at the amount of pain he looked like he was disguising.

Junmyeon could not think of anything more to say without sounding hypocritical. Minseok soon dropped his gaze.

“Can I ask you another question?” Junmyeon asked a few minutes later.

Minseok nodded and gestured for him to continue.

“You have the best handle over the group dynamics. How would you say things are running at the moment?” Junmyeon faltered for a minute. “Usually I’m not so bad, but recently, everything has just been going over my head…”

Minseok donned a thoughtful expression. “Overall? I’d honestly say better than they have been in a while.”

Junmyeon waited silently for Minseok to elaborate.

“We’re now made up of three alphas, three omegas and three betas. Statistically speaking, with equal numbers of each dynamic, we’re as well balanced as it’s possible to be.”

Nodding slowly, Junmyeon spoke. “Statistics have never fully encompassed reality.”

Minseok laughed. “An apt observation. But, yeah, honestly, I think it’s better than it has been in a while. Why? What do you think?”

Junmyeon shrugged half-heartedly. “I don’t really know. It’s been almost two months since the awards show. There’s been time to adjust, I guess. I’m just terrified of messing everything up. We were at something of an equilibrium and I just don’t want to own up to being the reason that it has to crash and burn.”

“You’re speaking jibberish,” Minseok said lightly. “As I said, I’d say we’re probably more in sync with each other than we have been before. I mean, look at Baekhyun and Jongdae’s last heat cycle; we were so confused because it wasn’t exactly on schedule, but I bet it was in reaction to you. You must have noticed that…”

Junmyeon twisted his fingers uncomfortably.  

“All I’ve noticed is that everyone seems more, ah, _comfortable_ , maybe, around me.” Junmyeon muttered under his breath. “I’ve been completely oblivious about half of the other stuff going on.”

Minseok smiled softly. “And does that upset you?”

“Feeling out of control? Yes. That it’s easier to talk to people? No, that just makes me feel somewhat injustified.” Junmyeon crossed his arms across his chest and stared at the wall ahead of him.

“Why?” Minseok continued to probe.

“It’s like I wasn’t good enough before,” Junmyeon said, battling to find the words to express himself adequately. “I mean, I know that technically it wasn’t fully me, but it’s like people think I’m this whole new person. And, I’m not. I’m still me, I’m just on a different set of medications.”

Minseok frowned slightly. “I’m sorry that we made you feel that way.”

“It’s not specifically you or anyone else,” Junmyeon elaborated. “It’s everyone, even friends who I haven’t specifically told. It’s not that I don’t like it. It’s just like I’m being treated as though I’ve completely changed.”

Minseok paused. “Have you ever considered that you have, though?”

Junmyeon raised an eyebrow, unimpressed and slightly confused.

“In a good way, I mean.” Minseok cleared his throat. “Because, you have. You’re going through tough things, but despite that, you’re more open and you start conversations with other people more often. It wasn’t that you didn’t before, but you just do it more now.”

“I am?” Junmyeon froze. Such ideas had never even crossed his mind. Now that they were in the open, it did not seem completely absurd, either, even though he could not recognise it in himself.

Minseok shrugged and then nodded. “Maybe we have changed around you, and I’m so sorry if it feels like we’re treating you like you weren’t good enough before. But, honestly, I think you’ve changed in a positive way and it’s making your interactions with everyone else more positive, too.”

Junmyeon slumped backwards.

Maybe Minseok was right. After all, these months had been the first time ever that Junmyeon had not had to actively hide himself from the people he worked and lived with.

It was true that not everything was easy. Adapting back into his old scent and trying to adjust to the hellish nature of heats was no simple task.

Even so, he had help this time: team of people who were really more like his family. No matter what, they had supported him and would continue to do so. The mere knowledge of that made Junmyeon feel infinitely more powerful.

With nothing left to hide from them, Junmyeon did not have to wear masks or play games of illusion.

Those facts alone had allowed Junmyeon to talk more freely and willingly approach more things.

As Junmyeon went over Minseok’s words for longer, more things seemed to fall into place and gears started to turn. He wondered what possibilities lay further into the future.

“Can I ask you a question in return?” Minseok asked, breaking Junmyeon out of his spiral of thought.

Junmyeon hummed. “Yeah, of course.”

“You mentioned that people have treated you differently. You don’t feel like you’re being treated differently because you present as a different dynamic, do you?” Minseok’s words were hesitant, like he was afraid of what the answer might be.

Junmyeon paused and considered the question.

“No, I don’t feel like that,” Junmyeon said finally. “I suppose you’re asking if I feel like I’m suddenly being treated as fragile or pampered to? In relation to being an omega, not really. Maybe slightly by people who realised that it could have ended in my death, but I wouldn’t say that was specifically related to my dynamic.”

Minseok sighed quietly in relief. “Well, there are worse things that you could’ve said.”

“Why do you ask?” Junmyeon asked.

Minseok shrugged. “I was talking with some other idols at a concert about dynamics and how they were treated - most other companies aren't as conservative as SM in keeping their dynamics secret between idols. Lots of the omegas that I talked to complained that they sometimes felt like they were being treated as if they were subordinates to others. I figured that as someone who’s publicly presented as different dynamics, you might have more of an understanding.”

“Oh, right,” Junmyeon said blankly. Honestly, the issue had barely crossed his mind. To be fair, he had spent very little time in the presence of others for long enough to truly detect too many differences. He hoped that in the future he would not encounter too many similar situations, either.

The inequalities between sub-genders were still an issue. While the world was moving on from the traditional ideas of a dominant alpha, bridging beta and submissive omega, there was still a long way to go.

There were still too many who believed that returning to the old ways of life was the right thing to do. Most were progressive, but underlying attitudes that had never been fully dissolved still resurfaced every now and then.

No dynamic was completely free of unfair treatment.

Alphas were under speculation for being overly aggressive and power assertive. Many saw betas as an unnecessary dynamic that had no business in the present day. Omegas, meanwhile, were the homemakers, useless except for breeding, raising the children and looking after the household.

However, in a world that had once-upon-a-time been dominated by alpha males, there was a bias that was easy to see in society.

Junmyeon had been too young when he presented to fully appreciate how he might have been treated differently for being an omega. Even so, Junmyeon could look back and see where the inequalities lay.

People’s reaction to him was most likely also impacted by the peculiarity of seeing a young child who had his sub-gender and the strength of his scent when he was not on blockers.

Although many had guessed, very few had been given the right to know Junmyeon’s dynamic for definite once he had presented. Nonetheless, people made assumptions based on his scent.

Despite the impossibility of actually detecting dynamics from scents – unless one had an innate talent, like Minseok – people liked to try.

Junmyeon’s scent was one that people quickly and correctly tied to being omegean. Some would call it luck or fate and others would say it was misfortunate. While Junmyeon had never been proud of his scent, he equally saw no point in lamenting over it.

Equally, there were people who had scents that were strongly suggestive of a dynamic that they did not belong to.

Despite the strict policy of privacy for idol’s privacy regarding their sub-gender, conspiracies had always followed SHINee around, suggesting that Jinki was an omega.

Jinki’s strong scent of fresh cookies had always led fans who managed to get close to him during events like fan meetings to believe that he was an omega. In fact, Jinki was a beta who had never worried about trying to cover up his smell.

Physically, it was even more stupid to attempt to tell which person belonged to which dynamic.

While sub-genders still had major issues surrounding them, primary-genders were another kettle of fish all together that Junmyeon did not care to delve into right then.

Minseok sighed again. “You’ll tell us if you ever feel like you are being mistreated according to your dynamic, won’t you? I know we all promised that we would tell each other about this sort of thing years back, regardless of our dynamics, but I’m just making sure…”

“Yes, hyung,” Junmyeon said dutifully.

“Good,” Minseok said, finally satisfied.

Junmyeon yawned widely and Minseok checked the time on his phone. Junmyeon’s eyes darted over so he could see the digital clock flashing.

“That time already?” Junmyeon yelped like a wounded dog. “I didn’t even notice. Shouldn’t we be in bed? Wait, _shit_ , where’s Sehun?”

Minseok finally laughed. “It turns out that the pallet bed in my room actually is useful for something! He was just trying to make sure he didn’t disturb you, or something. He was muttering under his breath about conflicting pheromones, but I think he was just being paranoid.”

Junmyeon’s face slackened in despair. “I can’t keep depriving him of his bed! He’s been out of the room more than he’s been in it over the past few weeks! At this rate, it’s probably just easier to change rooms around for good. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was avoiding me...” Dread ran through his heart and he glanced to Minseok desperately. “He’s not avoiding me, right?”

Minseok patted Junmyeon’s shoulder. “Sehun’s not avoiding you. He’s just overly cautious and worried about you. Anyway, did you want some food? You’ve barely eaten anything today except for a bit of lunch…”

Junmyeon pulled a face at the thought of food.

The perpetual ache of separation had all but disappeared from the front of Junmyeon’s mind though his conversation with Minseok. Nonetheless, with his mind suddenly unoccupied again, there was nothing that could disguise the sting that was passing both ways through his bond with Yifan.

“No thanks, hyung. I’m really not very hungry. I think I’d be sick if I ate anything. I do feel a lot better, though, than before, I mean.” Junmyeon smiled weakly as his sentences started to become more disjointed.

Minseok pushed himself off Junmyeon’s bed. “Okay, then. Just make sure you eat something tomorrow, yeah? But, in any case, get some sleep. You could probably use it.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Junmyeon said. He got out of bed, too and shut the door behind Minseok. With his privacy reinstated, Junmyeon quickly changed and then resettled under the warm blankets.

Despite the gnawing fatigue that clawed at Junmyeon’s eyes, it took several hours to fall asleep. Nonetheless, eventually he managed.

The next day, Junmyeon could not honestly say he woke up feeling well rested or refreshed, but he had slept – if nothing else – better than he had the previous night.

The day progressed uneventfully. People rushed around, Jongdae somehow managed to cover the floor of the bathroom in water and Junmyeon quietly finished reading a book out in the living room.

Late in the afternoon, Junmyeon received a series of texts from Yifan who was complaining that their series was too short and that they would need a new one the next day if his current progress was anything to go by.

At dinner, they were all finally called together again. With so many of them remaining in the dorm but so few activities that they had on their schedules, it had become something of a ritual for them to have one meal together each day wherever possible.

Junmyeon looked around the table scutinisingly.

“Where’s Baekhyun?” Junmyeon finally asked once he had settled on the fact that he could not see him anywhere. I’ve barely seen him all day…”

For a few moments, no one replied and Junmyeon’s mind worked furiously to try to put together the puzzle pieces.

“Pre-heat,” Junmyeon concluded a second later. “God, I’m an idiot.”

Someone sniggered quietly but Junmyeon paid no attention to it.

“Has it already been three months?” Junmyeon muttered under his breath.

Jongin nodded sympathetically. “Tell me about it… Why does time always seem to go so quickly?” He looked into his rice deeply and then pouted like a small child before he dropped the attitude and took another large bite.

Junmyeon’s gaze jumped around the people assembled at the table. “He’s okay, though?”

Kyungsoo nodded. “He’s fine. Just sleeping at the moment, last time I checked. I though it was better to leave him be.”

Baekhyun’s preheat was long in all considerations, but manageable. He was more easily tired and a little subdued, but it made it easy to tell when his heats were approaching. When they were promoting, Baekhyun was so good at covering up his preheat to maintain a stage-ready front that Junmyeon found it slightly terrifying.

“Probably a good idea,” Yixing said.

The level of comfort with which they could discuss heat and rut cycles between them was a sign of the degree to which they relied upon each other.

It was by no means unusual throughout groups as far as Junmyeon knew. In order to live with people of omega or alpha dynamics, there had to discussions about biological cycles in order for everyone to remain safe.

It did not mean that it was not embarrassing for everyone. Jongdae was extremely private about his heats by way of example. Nevertheless, he was able to discuss it if for no other reason than to ensure that they all knew what was going on.

Junmyeon turned to Jongdae and raised an eyebrow, trying not to draw too much attention to him.

Jongdae blushed extremely lightly and nodded. “Baekhyun’s heat should come in a week if his preheat is anything to judge by and mine in two and a half weeks.”

“Ruts? Yixing, it’s yours, isn’t it?” Minseok probed.

Yixing squirmed slightly. “Four weeks, so there’s time…”

“And, finally, Junmyeon,” Minseok said, turning the attention to Junmyeon.

Junmyeon blanched. He had forgotten that he was a part of these conversations now, too. The past two months had been unplanned and had not crossed paths with other run or heat cycles amongst their group.

“I don’t know,” Junmyeon said weakly. “This is my problem. I don’t know when my heat will come and I won’t know until it actually strikes, either, because I don’t go through preheat.”

Junmyeon could see some of the others trying to hold back a groan.

“Any guesses, even the slightest idea?” Yixing asked curiously.

Junmyeon shrugged hopelessly. “I honestly don’t have a clue. Technically, it shouldn’t be for another two-ish weeks, because that marks a month and I’ve never had heats more often than once every for weeks. It probably won’t be more than six weeks away if what Doctor Lee said is true. It might be triggered by other cycles… Aside from that, I’m shooting in the dark.”

“Okay, it’ll be fine. We’ll figure it out,” Minseok said, cutting across anything that anyone else might have said.

Sehun snorted quietly.

“What?” Chanyeol asked.

Sehun pulled a face. “This’ll be the first cycle of chaos that we’ve had in a while. Up to four in four weeks.” 

Even Junmyeon cracked a small smile at that. The last time they had dealt with that, Yifan had still been a part of the group. It had been the dreaded, yearly grind that was utter bedlam, but somehow created so much anarchy that it was funny.

“It’ll be an experience…” Yixing said, sounding unsure.

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. “We’ve done things like this before, hyung. We’ll get through it this time just like we did back then. It’s going to be fine.”

Somehow, Junmyeon could almost believe that Kyungsoo was telling the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Update: December 19 th:**  
> I think everyone is well aware of what has occurred, and there’s no need for me to reiterate the situation.
> 
> SHINee is a group that I deeply love and admire. They were the first group that I really got into, and since I first starting listening to k-pop, they’ve always been the group that I would default back to as well.  
> I think it goes without saying that I, like so many others, am devastated about the news. We, as his fans, are upset and rightfully so. He was an incredible man who did incredible things. We can’t - won’t - forget him.  
> But, I can’t even imagine what those who knew him well are going through right now. His family, his fellow members, his other friends and colleagues... Please keep all of them in your thoughts, because I’m sure they’re hurting so much right now. 
> 
> I just ask that everyone keeps each other close right now, and into the future as well.  
> Jonghyun was always open about his struggles. He talked about it and let people know about these things.  
> But, not everyone who suffers from mental illness is. Many people - fans, idols and people who don’t care for k-pop - will keep it to themselves rather than seek help.  
> Please, talk to people if you’re struggling. My tumblr and instagram are linked below and I’m literally always around to talk to you. And if you don’t want to talk to me, talk to someone else.  
> Please don’t suffer in silence. I don’t want to lose anyone else.
> 
> And, to Jonghyun.  
> Thank you for being an inspiration. Thank you for the memories, smiles and laughs that you gave me. Thank you for showing me the value of family and friends. Thank you so much. I’ll miss you.  
> You did so, _so_ well.  
>  Rest easy. 
> 
> \- MachineWired
> 
> My tumblr is [here](https://oonymay.tumblr.com)  
> My instagram is [here](https://www.instagram.com/oonymay/)


	16. XVI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again :))
> 
>  
> 
> So, back with chapter 16! I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> You'll probably notice that it covers a few different things. I'm trying to get things moving a bit, to be perfectly honest.
> 
> To explain: I have a few documents that I use to keep track of this fic. (It's literally the only way I can make sure that I'm staying on track :p) But! Amongst those is a calendar. (So, yes, I know where everything in this fic happens literally down to the day and how that compares and aligns with everything else). And in this chapter, I needed to get a larger chunk of that covered.
> 
> In the coming chapters, I think there will be much larger skips than what I've done in the past. That is to say, a chapter might encompass a much larger period of time than what it has done so in the past, where it might have covered anything from a few hours to a few days. 
> 
>  
> 
> In relation to these documents, I also have my plan. I do know where this story is progressing and where it will end --- I'm just really bad at actually sitting down to take it from vague dot points to a story.
> 
> In this plan, though, I have some minor stuff with SHINee in it.
> 
> We all know what happened - I expect - and I'm not going to go into it. I left a note in the end notes of the previous chapter. I currently don't feel comfortable writing about Jonghyun or any of SHINee. So, that's not going to massively effect the plot or anything, but it does mean that some bits are being replanned.
> 
> That being said, I've mentioned SHINee a few times throughout this fic already. I'm going to leave that in here, but I won't be mentioning them in the foreseeable future of this fic.
> 
> Another thing I'll mention is that I have got plans for SHINee spinoff things. All of those plans have been put on indefinite hiatus because I simply don't know how to approach it or where I stand on if I will ever continue it.
> 
> So, to summarise: All plans for SHINee in this fic and spinoff pics have been put onto indefinite hiatus although prior mentions will be left as is.
> 
> I hope you can all respect that. If you need more information, though, or want to clarify anything, my tumblr and instagram are linked at the bottom. 
> 
>  
> 
> \- MachineWired

Baekhyun’s heat came exactly on schedule, which was more of a relief that Junmyeon cared to admit. Following the previous cycle that had been slightly off, it was reassuring to see that things were beginning to settle again.

Although it was somewhat gratifying to think that both Baekhyun and Jongdae’s heats may have run off course due to Junmyeon himself, he was much more comfortable in knowing that they were where they should be. He would never wish an unstable heat cycle on someone else knowing the damage that it had done both directly and indirectly to him.

It was nice to see Baekhyun’s heat end on time as well. Albeit exhausted and looking like death warmed up, Junmyeon was pleased to see Baekhyun out of the tiny heat room with its badly sealed door and somewhat faulty lock.

In private, Junmyeon could not help but sigh in relief for himself once it was over. One cycle down and Junmyeon had managed to get through it without falling into a sympathetic heat.

Doctor Lee’s caution surrounding sympathetic heats was ringing in Junmyeon's ears and he was overly aware that it had been just under a month since his last heat. His stomach contracted violently whenever he thought about the possibility of going through another heat so soon. It had only been a couple of weeks since the last one.

By the time that Jongdae’s heat followed exactly ten days later, Junmyeon was still standing although quickly growing weary.

Between Baekhyun’s postheat and Jongdae’s preheat, there had been no break long enough for Junmyeon completely recuperate himself. The constant bombardment of pheromones was enough to make Junmyeon feel woozy and his head fuzzy.

It made Junmyeon realise how much he had underestimated the blocker and suppressant combination: he had been completely desensitised to scents over the years he was on them. Suddenly, two months after finishing the combination, he felt oversensitive to everything and was hyperaware of scents.

Junmyeon tried not to brood on it too much. He was two months after coming off the combination and there was still so much that he had yet to learn about what he had done to his body. The damage list seemed to be almost as long as the list of things that were wrong with his system before he began.

When Jongdae went into heat, he was already in the heat room with Jongin outside, sitting by the wall and playing on his phone.

The pheromones hit Junmyeon like a brick wall and he was abruptly reminded of how much they needed to reseal the door when they next had a chance. 

Junmyeon recoiled down the hall to the opposite end of the dorm. A few people had congregated there. Out of the corner of his eye, Junmyeon could see Kyungsoo trying to read while Baekhyun poked him and Sehun picking at the distressed knee of his jeans.

Huffing slightly, Junmyeon flopped down into a chair. Chanyeol glanced up at him and then returned to flipping through his phone. Yixing looked skittish.

Minseok walked into the room a few minutes later. He crossed his arms, looking distinctly unimpressed when he saw the group of them trying to distract themselves.

“Right, out you go,” Minseok said boldly. He flapped his arms around, pulling them to their feet and pushing them towards the front door with no time to organise themselves. “Go and find something to do; you’re not going to sit and brood in here for the rest of the day.”

“ _Hyung_ ,” Sehun moaned as he pulled on his shoes.

Minseok raised an eyebrow. “What?”

Sehun sniffed haughtily, apparently unable to find an argument, and gathered his things in silence. Having finished tying his laces, he stood up again and shoved his hands in his pockets. He looked like an offended teenager and Junmyeon could not help but snigger quietly.

Then, Minseok turned on him. “You’re going, too,” he said expectantly.

Junmyeon’s face dropped. “ _Hung!_ ” he repeated.

“Yeah, come with us,” Chanyeol chided. He grabbed Junmyeon’s wrist and pulled him closer to the door while kicking a pair of shoes towards him at the same time. “We’ve been cooped up in here for days and I’m really bored now!”

Junmyeon gave him an apathetic look, but relented and silently went to find his phone and wallet before he pulled his shoes, a mask and a hat on.

The group of them, minus Minseok who had stayed at the dorm with Jongin and Jongdae, made their way outside. Junmyeon lagged at the back of the group with Kyungsoo, while Baekhyun and Chanyeol pushed ahead.

Perfectly happy to follow along without any destination in mind, Junmyeon let the others lead. Soon, they ended up at the SM building have thankfully escaped with relatively little notice on the streets. Once again, Junmyeon thanked the heavens that schools were still in session.

Kyungsoo cast a glance up and down the pink sign that was hung across the entrance and sighed.

“It’s been a few weeks since I was here,” he muttered under his breath.

Junmyeon gave a dry laugh. “Tell me about it. Almost a month and a half for me, and aside from overseas touring, that’s probably the longest I’ve ever been away since I started at this company.”

Kyungsoo hummed quiet in acknowledgement and followed the others inside the building.

“Well, at least we’ve had some proper time away from everything. It’s been good.” Kyungsoo walked the familiar path down to their practice room. It was painfully familiar.

“Oh, Junmyeon,” a familiar voice called as Junmyeon was about to walk into the room.

Junmyeon turned around and Kyungsoo paused just inside of the room. “Doctor Lee,” he greeted with a bow, slightly surprised.

Doctor Lee smiled at him. “How long are you here for? Do you have time for a quick check-up? I’ve been meaning to send a message to you, but it escaped my mind.” She laughed slightly.

Junmyeon looked to Kyungsoo who shrugged and then twitched his hands as if shooing him away.

“Yeah, sure. If now works for you, that is…” Junmyeon moved out of the entry and shut the door behind himself.

Doctor Lee nodded and escorted him back to the medical room. It was empty with the neatly made bed sitting in the corner as it always was. Nothing looked any different to normal, not that Junmyeon had expected it to.

Silently, Junmyeon sat on the examination table and let the session run its course.

As Doctor Lee had said, it was quick and Junmyeon barely paid attention throughout most of it. It was easier just to let it happen and cooperate without fighting.

Within twenty minutes, Doctor Lee stepped back and concluded the session.

“That’s all, Junmyeon,” she said with a smile. She finished typing up some notes on her laptop and then saved the document and exited it. “I’m glad you were around today. It’s much easier to do small check ups regularly than large ones irregularly. We can get a measure of your progress with much more clarity this way.”

Junmyeon nodded and shifted slightly on the bed. “Anything I need to know or do, then?” he asked woodenly.

Doctor Lee pushed her chair back from her desk so she could get a better look at Junmyeon. “Nothing right now. When you finish your prescriptions, I’m going to readjust them slightly, but nothing significant. So, when you need them refilled, I’ll explain what’s happening. Aside from that, I think you’re good.”

Junmyeon hesitated for a moment. “Uh, I want to ask…” He trailed off uncertainly.

“Yes?” Doctor Lee asked patiently.

Biting his lip roughly, Junmyeon convinced himself to finish his sentence. “Uh, well, _someone_ said that therapy would be a good idea…. I guess I’m asking, what do you think…?”

Junmyeon was not sure what type of answer he was looking for, or if the one he would receive would even be helpful. He had never really discussed mental health with anyone who he held in authority before, but he could not deny that Jongdae’s words had been playing on his mind since the topic had first been brought up.

Doctor Lee looked thoughtful for a minute. “I’m a doctor who deals with physical health,” she eventually said. “I think that it’s an area that I don’t have enough expertise in to be of any help in saying yes or no, but if you were interested, I have contacts that I could refer you to.”

Junmyeon’s heart jumped into his chest with a strange combination of adrenaline, anxiety and expectation spurring an erratic rhythm to go quicker and quicker.

“Yes, please,” Junmyeon said, his breath running slightly short, “If it wouldn’t be any trouble, I’d like that.”

Even if he never ended up acting on the reference numbers that he night gather, at least they would be at his disposal. The idea of acting upon it was daunting but one that Junmyeon was starting to realise could be good for him and those around him.

“It’s no hassle,” Doctor Lee said. “Any other questions?”

Junmyeon shook his head and pushed himself off the table. “That’s all, thank you.”

Doctor Lee stood up and opened the door for Junmyeon to exit. One of the NCT members stood outside, but he backed away to get out of the way of the doorway and bowed respectfully as if running on a machine wired system.

Junmyeon smiled at the boy, greeted him and bowed in return before making his way back to the practice room.

Sehun looked up when Junmyeon walked in and waved him over to the small circle that had gathered in the centre of the room. Junmyeon recognised all of them, even though they weren’t all members of EXO.

“All okay?” Yixing asked when Junmyeon sat next to him, perching on the back of his own legs.

Junmyeon nodded and grinned. “Absolutely fine. Just running through some stuff to save time in the long run. Anyway, what’s going on here? There are several more people than I remember leaving behind half an hour ago…"

Yixing shrugged sheepishly. “They just came in. So, games and catch up, I guess. Apparently they don’t have anything to do either.”

“Sure,” Junmyeon agreed and looked around the room. Yunho, Changmin, Donghae, Hyukjae… It was a similar group to when they had last run into Super Junior almost three months ago.

Junmyeon tried very hard not to notice the lingering scent of post-heat. Jongdae was in heat at the same time as Yunho three months ago, so Junmyeon assumed that Yunho must have finished his cycle very recently for the smell to be so strong. He was impressed that Yunho was in public at all, because at the same stage, Junmyeon would still have been hiding inside.

In any case, Yunho did not seem uncomfortable and if the way that Changmin was sitting closer than necessary too him said anything, Junmyeon was certain that everything was completely under control.

It was not Junmyeon’s place to worry about it. They were older and more mature from him. They knew what they were doing and Junmyeon did not want or feel the need to question their authority about where they were at ease.

They passed a few hours with people drifting in and out of the room and on one occasion, a new trainee accidentally stumbling into the room, before withdrawing as quickly as possible. Junmyeon tried not to laugh, knowing that he had been even more uncomfortable around his seniors when he first began.

Junmyeon had to admit, it was not so bad sitting in the practice room with nothing much to do. There was plenty of conversation to be caught up on and enough extroverts to comfortably diffuse any tension.

By the time they headed back to the dorm, it was dark outside and the temperature was rapidly dropping. Junmyeon wrapped his jacket tighter around himself and ducked into a takeaway shop with Kyungsoo and Sehun to help him pick up a meal for them to take back to the dorm for the evening.

It was only simple food, but it was one less thing that had to be done once they arrived home. It was late enough that staying up to reheat or cook more food was definitely not a preferable option.

Upon arriving home, the scent of heat hit Junmyeon like a tonne of bricks. After spending so much of the day away from the sweet smell, Junmyeon had lost any sort of resilience he had built up over the prior day.

It was just on four weeks since his last heat had begun and Junmyeon felt dread surge through him as he recognised the risk he was in for putting himself through a sympathetic heat, particularly when he was potentially so close to his own heat.

Junmyeon gritted his teeth and ignored it. He slipped into his room to find the eucalyptus cream and applied it before returning to the living room where Yixing and Jongin were setting the table.

Grabbing a few glasses, Junmyeon began to move around the table to place them at each of the seven spots that had been put down, before leaving one on the tray that Minseok would eat once he had swapped with someone on heat watch.

Dinner was a quiet affair. Everyone was conscious of being courteous to Jongdae and seemed to be absorbed in their own world or a quiet conversation amongst only a few people. Junmyeon was content to entertain himself with his own company.

In his pocket, Junmyeon’s phone suddenly buzzed.

Junmyeon hesitantly took it out from his pocket and glanced at the screen. An notification from Doctor Lee sat on the screen.

The same jolt that Junmyeon had felt earlier ran through him again. No one was interesting in engaging him in a conversation, so Junmyeon unlocked his phone to read through the email.

There was a short list of names and specialisations on the page as well as contact details listed underneath that. A huge surge of gratitude made Junmyeon feel like he was floating and he immediately sent a reply to Doctor Lee to thank her.

“What’s on your screen, hyung?” Chanyeol asked. He leaned over Junmyeon’s shoulder to look at the screen.

Junmyeon twisted away and turned his phone off quickly.

“Emails,” Junmyeon said dismissively, lackadaisically trying to lead Chanyeol’s attention elsewhere. It was not that he was trying to keep it a secret. On the contrary, Junmyeon would much rather have been completely open about it. However, he wanted to properly look through the email before he made too many early statements.  

As soon as Junmyeon had taken the time to properly look through everything, he would have no problem with explaining.

Chanyeol huffed. “Yeah, but who from?”

Junmyeon ate a piece of chicken and chewed it slowly. “Doctor Lee,” he said finally. “It’s nothing bad, though. Don’t worry about it.”

“I wasn’t going to,” Chanyeol said, giving Junmyeon a strange look. “But, you are okay, aren’t you, hyung? You had an appointment with her earlier, didn’t you?”

“You did?” Jongin interrupted.

Junmyeon nodded. “Yeah. It was just a check-up, though. Nothing bad, just routine. Monitoring progress and all the rest. You don’t need to worry about it so much! The only think that came out of it is that I might be changing my prescription whenever it next runs out if everything keeps progressing in the way it is.”

“Is that a good or bad thing?” Chanyeol asked curiously. Jongin was also listening in, apparently entranced.

“I don’t know yet,” Junmyeon confessed. “I don’t know how she’s planning on changing them yet. Hopefully it’ll be good.”

Jongin smiled wanly. “I’m sure it’ll be good,” he said, looking more confident than he sounded which was overwhelming convincing.

Junmyeon returned the beam and then went back to his meal, picking at it slowly.

Though he tried to ignore it, the pheromones of heat were beginning to make his stomach turn. Although Junmyeon could not smell the scent itself, the effects of it were not stopped by any amount of eucalyptus cream that he used.

A few minutes later, Kyungsoo swapped to heat watch so that Minseok could go to eat the food that had been set aside from him. The majority of the table had emptied as people drifted back to their rooms or retreated to the living room to watch a movie before they went to bed for the night.

Junmyeon was perfectly happy to remain at the table after he had found his laptop and began to read through the email more carefully. Although there was a comprehensive list, his attention was drawn towards the people who offered services that would be more accessible to his living and job circumstances.

There were fireworks that were exploding into a million glittering sparkles inside Junmyeon’s stomach as with equal parts anticipation and apprehension he began drafting an email.

Minseok set his chopsticks down on the table and took a sip of water.

“What’re you typing up?” he asked. He did not try to look of Junmyeon’s shoulder or push for details, which Junmyeon was thankful for, even though he had not particularly intentions of trying to divert attention away from it anymore.

“Email,” Junmyeon said quietly, hammering out another sentence while he still had some motivation to do so.

Minseok ate some more of his food before he said anything else. “Who to? I thought you mostly texted Yifan, and that the company has gone almost completely silent.”

Junmyeon saved the draft so he would not lose it and then paused for a few minutes. “I do mostly text Yifan, but I email too because it’s easier to write more and, yes, it’s like the company has just forgotten we exist or something.” Then, he cut himself off and looked at his knees

“So, who are you writing to?” Minseok prompted again.

Junmyeon avoided his eyes. There was nothing to be embarrassed about and yet he felt jittery, like he was fighting an instinct to run away. “Potential therapy options,” he finally said. “Jongdae mentioned it few weeks ago and I just thought that it might be worth looking at. I guess Jongdae just made me think about some things, and…”

Minseok considered Junmyeon. “I think it’s a good idea,” he said eventually. “I mean, mental health is just as important as physical health and honestly, it’s probably something that should have been brought up earlier. So many years in full suppression can’t be good for anyone’s mental state…”

Junmyeon’s eyes narrowed. “I’m not saying you’re wrong, but I never mentioned anything about it being to do with full suppression.”

Smiling aloofly, Minseok shrugged. “Jongdae mentioned it to me, as well. He’s worried about you and wasn’t sure that he’d be able to convince you. If there are other things, of course, do take care of those as well, but Jongdae mentioned the suppression.”

“Oh…” Junmyeon said softly. “But, uh, nothings confirmed. I’m only emailing someone to see about the possibility.”

“I understand,” Minseok said, “But you should know. Jongdae did bring it up with the best intentions. Don’t be angry with him for telling me.”

Junmyeon blinked, confused. “I’m not angry though. Sure, I don’t like being talked about behind my back, but it’s not something that I’m going to work myself up into a fit about. I’m just expressing interest at the moment, though.”

Minseok ate another piece of chicken and Junmyeon finished the last line of his email before sending it off.

Junmyeon closed his laptop with defiance and then sighed, crossing his arms on the table and resting his head on them.

“Sent?” Minseok asked.

“Yeah,” Junmyeon murmured. “Now, I guess I just wait for a response.”

Minseok shrugged.

“You going to watch the movie?” Minseok asked when Junmyeon showed no signs of moving.

Junmyeon looked up and then shook his head. “No, I don’t think so. I thought it was just Baekhyun watching with a few others to make sure he stays awake so he can swap with Kyungsoo at whatever time it was… And then a few others just went to watch with him.”

Minseok pulled a face. “I don’t know. What time is it, by the way?”

Junmyeon flashed a glance towards the clock that hung on the wall. The hands seemed to tick like they were stuck to the backboard with taffy. “Late.”

Snorting, Minseok stood up to take his dishes to the sink and wash up. “Can’t fault you there, I guess. You going to bed soon?”

“Don’t know what difference it’ll make,” Junmyeon admitted. “I sleep so badly that I could go to bed at five in the afternoon or three in the morning and I’d probably get about the same amount of rest. I might just video call Yifan or something. It’s been a few days since I did that, and if I stay out here then Sehun can actually sleep in the bedroom for a bit in peace.”

Minseok shrugged. “You give Sehunnie too much credit. He sleeps like a log no matter where you put him. Anyway, that sounds nice. I’ll let you get on with it. I’m going to join the movie.”

Minseok made towards the door before he suddenly paused. “How are you holding up? With the overload of pheromones and everything?”

“I’m fine, hyung,” Junmyeon said, waving Minseok away. “Go and watch the film.”

With Minseok gone, Junmyeon phoned Yifan’s number and waited for him to pick up. It was early enough in China that Junmyeon doubted he would have gone to bed yet.

When Yifan picked up, Junmyeon felt himself slip into the obliviousness that comfortable conversation brought. The more often he spoke to Yifan, the easier it became to live in what felt like a different world when they had the chance to properly talk.

Free video chatting apps had become Junmyeon’s saviour throughout the past few months. Without them, at the least, Junmyeon’s phone bills would be steadily climbing through the ceiling.

Just over half an hour into the call, Yifan gently cut Junmyeon off.

“You should go to sleep if you’re tired, you know,” he said. “We have time to talk tomorrow or text or something. You don’t need to stay up late like this.”

Junmyeon looked at Yifan through the tiny screen with a completely baffled expression.

“I’m not tired,” Junmyeon honestly insisted. He blinked a few times to clear the sleep that had not formed. “Really, I’m not.”

Yifan raised his eyebrows. “Myeonnie, you’re slurring all your words together. I can barely understand you right now, and admittedly, Korean isn’t my first language, but I’ve still got a pretty good handle over it.”

Junmyeon looked down at himself, as though there would be a sign explaining why he was apparently dragging words together. Instead, his eyes caught sight of a slightly dampness that was worrying apparently on his lightly coloured jeans.

“Oh, shit,” Junmyeon muttered under his breath. He reached down to touch the fabric and it was slick enough that Junmyeon immediately knew what was happening.

Yifan struggled to be heard while Junmyeon was blatantly ignoring everything except trying to pull himself together.

“I have to go,” Junmyeon told Yifan dazedly. “Heat. Someone’ll explain if you need more. Love you. Bye.” With that, he hung up and dropped the phone onto the table. He did not process what he had said, or see the texts that lit up his screen.

Without a second glance back at it, Junmyeon flew into the living room and pulled Minseok just out of earshot. It was completely unnecessary because everyone would be able to smell the heat on him – except for Junmyeon himself, because of the cream that he had used.

Minseok’s expression hardened. “Flipping hell,” he muttered underneath his breath.

“ _Hyung!_ ” Junmyeon squeaked, desperately trying to hold on to the last flakes of his sanity before everything inevitably dissolved into a week of pain and misery.

Jongin and Baekhyun both moved to peer out of the doorway and Minseok eventually beckoned them to join him.

“Oh, that’s not good,” Jongin uttered. His eyes darted between the people that stood in their small group of four.

Minseok looked like he was in deep thought for all of two minutes before he began directing people around sternly and giving Chanyeol, who was peeking out of the living room door, a shrug as if to suggest that whatever he chose to do was fine.

“Jongin, go and tell Kyungsoo what’s happening so he’s not out of the loop. Baekhyun, bring Junmyeon through to my room and I’ll go and clean up what I can.”

Already, the haze of a cycle was descending upon Junmyeon and he felt himself drifting in and out of awareness of his surroundings. His eyes wanted to stay closed, so he fought to keep them open.

Baekhyun calmly helped Junmyeon down the corridor. “We’ve got to stop making a habit of this,” he laughed lightly as they reached Minseok’s bedroom. “It’s probably not the best way to go into every heat, particularly if this becomes a routine!”

Junmyeon groaned because he could not summon the will to reply. His trousers were steadily growing damper and beginning to rub uncomfortably against his skin, growing worse and worse as they became tighter.

Minseok stepped out of his room a minute later, a bundle of clothes held in one hand and a few other things in his other.

“This is fine for now,” Minseok said. “I’ll swap with Junmyeon and when Jongdae finishes his heat, we can blitz the room and Junmyeon can move in there. For now, I think this is the best we can do, though.”

Baekhyun nodded and Junmyeon tried to force a thankful smile.

Every time his heat had come, Junmyeon was always surprised by how quickly he could fall from being moderately aware to completely inebriated. It was somewhat humiliating to see how little control he had over his body.

At time always seemed to do, Junmyeon lost track of it during the course of the days that he was in Minseok’s room and then when Jongin half carried him into the heat room later.

But, as seven days approached and Junmyeon’s heat weaned away, there was nothing that was substantially different from the last heat or even the one before that. Three heats in during his adult life and they had all been the same: tiresome, painful and lengthy.

Junmyeon took a long shower as soon as he was able to and then curled up in his bed, exhausted but unable to make himself go to sleep.

Baekhyun came into the room with a glass of water, which he put down on the bedside table next to his phone and laptop which someone had kindly returned. Then, he sat down on the other end of the bed so that he was facing Junmyeon.

“How’re you feeling?” Baekhyun asked, leaning forwards in anticipation for the answer.

Junmyeon pulled a face. “Crappy. You know the feeling.” There was no use in trying to sugar coat his fatigue or aching muscles. Baekhyun had gone through the exact same thing for years.

Baekhyun made a sympathetic noise in the back of his throat. “But, you’ll be okay?”

“Of course,” Junmyeon said, trying to hold back from rolling his eyes. “It’s a heat. It won’t kill me. It’s just as annoying as hell and I can’t wait to be able to regulate them again.”

“Regulate?” Baekhyun said blankly. “How? I thought you said your heats were pretty much completely unpredictable? Except for right now, when they’ll probably be once a month, give-or-take, while your body is adjusting and all the rest.”

Junmyeon raised an eyebrow. “Suppressants… I’m only off them while I’m regulating. Once I’m cleared, there’s no way I’m not going back on those things.”

Baekhyun’s face fell. Junmyeon’s stomach contracted with a surge of guilt and he tried to look away to reduce the awful stabbing sensation it gave him.

In an attempt to sate him, Junmyeon forced his face into a smile. “It’s not a big deal, Baekhyun. Suppressants are completely safe unless you abuse them, which I admit I’m guilty of. I’ll stop the blockers for good, and maybe I’ll change suppressant brand or something, I don’t know…”

Baekhyun was completely silent, like he had turned into a marble statue. Junmyeon was half inclined to reach forwards to shake him until he responded.

“Hyung,” Baekhyun said, uncharacteristically serious. “If that’s your choice, then there’s nothing I can do to stop you. But, please don’t do this to yourself again. I didn’t even know what was happening and it was absolutely terrifying to realise that you’d practically been playing with death without anyone knowing.”

For all his jokes and playful mannerisms, Baekhyun’s sensitive sometimes bypassed Junmyeon’s mind.

Baekhyun had always been prone to succumbing to his emotions, though. He was strong and good at putting up a front, but he was never completely immune and sometimes, it was impossible for him to keep his trickster façade as flawless and smooth as it usually was.

“Baekhyun, it’ll be okay,” Junmyeon said softly. “I also need you to understand this: the way my biology works has messed up my life from the day it started. I’m not ashamed of being who I am and I can’t do anything to change myself that I haven’t already tried and realised that it didn’t work."

“I know that, but-“ Baekhyun tried to protest.

Junmyeon reached for Baekhyun’s hand and began to trace patterns into the back of it. “This isn’t going to be a miracle recovery. This is an intervention to stabilise myself. After that, things will probably return to the way they were when I first had heats. I don’t want to go back to that. It made life a living nightmare.”

“Hyung-“ Baekhyun tried again.

Junmyeon continued without a pause. “Suppressants were created with the intention of helping out those who have trouble with their heats, be it whatever reason that is. Inconvenience; dysphoria; biological problems like my own. As long as they’re used safely, then they can help turn lives around for the better.”

Baekhyun was silent this time. He made no motion to interrupt, and instead sat calmly while Junmyeon drew circles with his fingertip.

“This time, I know better than to abuse suppressers and blockers. But, I don’t have a reason to do so, anyway. I’m content as I am, but while my biology rules my life, it’s difficult for everyone: not just me. By using suppressants, I’ll be able to safely control my heats so that things like this week don’t keep happening.”

When Junmyeon looked up, he met Baekhyun’s eyes, which appeared much brighter than usual. He finally grinned and squeezed Baekhyun’s hand in an act of comfort.

“But, we don’t need to worry about that yet, do we? It’ll be at least ten months until I even have a possibility of being cleared. And, if it worries you so much, when I go back on suppressants, you can count the pills out every morning for me.”

Baekhyun finally snapped out of his trance and pouted. “Hyung, that’s just making me do the work for you!”

“Well, I’m sure you’ll survive, or you’ll just have to trust me when we get to that stage! But, we’re a while away yet.” Junmyeon let go of Baekhyun’s hand and yawned.

Baekhyun nodded. “But, hyung, you have to promise that you won’t even touch suppressants or blockers until you’re cleared again.”

Junmyeon held up his hands in surrender. “Promise. You promise to trust me?”

Wrinkling his nose and scrutinising Junmyeon carefully, Baekhyun eventually crossed his arms. “Yes, hyung. For now, I promise you."


	17. XVII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 17 is here~~
> 
> Enjoy it! Things are beginning to wind up at long last! 
> 
> Please comment if you see things that need changing, or just give me general opinions. I love to hear what people are thinking about this fic <3
> 
> \- MachineWired

"Are you going to answer that?”

Junmyeon’s fingers brushed over the smooth rubber of his phone case and he did not immediately respond. The vibrations were hammering noisily into the table even though the sound had long since been turned off.

“Hello?” Yixing waved his hand in front of Junmyeon’s face and then snapped his fingers.

With a jolt, Junmyeon looked up. He blinked rapidly as he processed Yixing’s words.

Yixing sighed and leant back in his chair. An unfinished cup of tea sat on the table and steam was curling off it in loopy, wispy patterns. “Junmyeon,” he said softly, “You can’t go around ignoring him forever.”

Junmyeon rubbed at his eyes with the balls of his fists. “Yixing, I told him that _I loved him,_ ” he hissed, proceeding to drop his forehead to the table and groan loudly.

“I’m well aware,” Yixing said briskly. It was like he was supressing a smile: the upward lilt of his voice always gave him away. “You’ve been lamenting it for the past day and a half straight. Yifan-hyung’s texted me about it too, you know? He says-. Well, I’ll let you talk to him first. But, you’re doing no one any good by pretending not to see his messages.”

Junmyeon turned so that his cheek was pressed flat to the varnished wood. “Since when have you been talking to Yifan?”

Yixing shrugged. “Since we got back from China, I guess. We ran into Yifan-hyung, Luhan-hyung and Tao all at once. Of course I had to make sure I got their contact numbers again. You’re definitely not the only person who’s been missing them.”

“I never thought-“ Junmyeon cut himself off and closed his eyes. “It’s just-. I mean…”

Yixing laughed. He was in remarkably good spirits considering that his rut was due the next day or possible the day after. “I know,” he said softly, “just teasing, hyung.”

Junmyeon did not justify that with a reply.

His phone buzzed again.

Yixing stared at it and Junmyeon ignored it altogether.

“You really should answer it,” Yixing said once it had gone silent again.

Junmyeon picked the device up and turned it between his hands. It felt a lot heavier than it was. “I know.”

Kyungsoo meandered into the room and made for the kettle. He pulled a cup out of the cupboard and filled it with much more instant coffee than Junmyeon thought was necessary.

The phone buzzed in Junmyeon’s hands and Kyungsoo’s eye twitched violently.

When it buzzed again, Kyungsoo whipped around with a wild look in his eyes.

“You’d better either turn your phone off or answer it or _I swear to God_ , I will snap it in half. It was going off all night. Do you know how annoying your ringtone is, by the way?” Kyungsoo spat the words like poison and Junmyeon could not bring himself to be hurt by them.

Yixing sniggered quietly and picked up his cup to have some of his tea.

Kyungsoo continued to glare and Junmyeon turned his phone off altogether without another word.

It took another day of being sentenced out of the dorm by Minseok’s order for Junmyeon to finally bite the bullet and answer a call. Yixing’s rut had started, so Minseok had left behind Chanyeol and Kyungsoo to swap in rut-watch while the rest of them got out of the dorm.

After so many cycles in so little time, the whole place felt stuffy. Junmyeon was looking forward to properly airing it out. The heat room had not improved in its ability to enclose pheromones and having had part of his heat in Minseok’s room, Junmyeon had apparently completely smelt out the whole dorm.

Junmyeon had been too far into heat to notice. He was barely able to use any of his senses effectively, let alone put together sets of information. Any sorts of deduction skills that he possessed were knocked back to zero.

Either way, Junmyeon made a note to take it up with management. At the least, they needed to fix their heat room by the time they reached the next cycle following.

They ended up back in the SM Building. It was easy to find empty rooms where they could waste time and there were no risks associated like the ones they faced going into the public. Particularly on a weekend.

Sehun dropped into a chair next to Junmyeon as he fiddled with his phone.

“Are you phoning him back, hyung? Please say you are: I really don’t need any more texts asking me if you’re still alive,” Sehun said in a gravelly voice. There were bags under his eyes and his messy hair had been shoved away from sight under a worn beanie.

Junmyeon dropped his phone onto the table. “In a minute, maybe. I probably need to do it soon.” The stirring discomfort of the bond had developed into a raging storm of anxiety in his chest. There was not even a hint of anger or resentment that Junmyeon could feel, so he did not understand why he could not bring himself to respond.

“That’s good,” Sehun said.

Junmyeon nodded distantly. “First, though, how are you? You look exhausted…” On a spur of the moment topic change, Junmyeon pushed the attention to Sehun. It was an honest question: he had not noticed how absolutely shattered Sehun was looking.

Shrugging half-heartedly, Sehun forced a smile to his face. “I’m okay. Tired, maybe. But, it’s fine.”

Junmyeon felt his heart drop. It was the return of the same problem over and over. Try though he did, Junmyeon could never stop himself from feeling completely terrible about it.

“Wanna take a walk and talk about it?” Junmyeon suggested. If they had hours to waste, then at least he might be able to try to do something worthwhile with his time. “We’ve got ages here yet and technically nothing that we have to finish.”

Sehun shifted slightly in his seat. “Aren’t you going to phone Yifan-hyung back?”

Junmyeon pulled a face. “It can wait. I’ve been reading his messages. Even if I didn’t really respond. I know that he’s got a radio schedule all morning, so he’s busy at the moment anyway.”

Sehun gave him a doubtful look and Junmyeon held his hands up in an honest surrender. “I wouldn’t lie about this,” he promised.

The expression did not fade. Junmyeon tried not to read too much into it.

“So, want to come? You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Junmyeon stood up and made his way towards the door. Jongin glanced up and Junmyeon waved off his concern with a large grin.

Sehun hesitated for a minute longer and then joined Junmyeon.

The let themselves out of the unused reception room and stared to make their way around the corridors. They were almost empty. The only group actively promoting was TVXQ, who had flown back out to Japan a few days ago. Everyone else was in the midst of preparations for an SM Town Tour, but it was routine and far enough off than no one was frantically rehearsing.

Sehun seemed to have somewhere in mind, so Junmyeon let him lead them to a tiny vocal booth. It was an older part of the building and Junmyeon had certainly never recorded or trained in there before.

Flicking on the lights and shutting the door behind them, Sehun seemed perfectly comfortable. He sat down on a straight-backed chair.

“No one really comes down here,” Sehun said, “I’d know. I used to come here a lot to practice my vocals and rap when we were really new. Not that I really had a lot to practice… But, it was the thought that counted, right?” He laughed hollowly.

Junmyeon floundered to respond, but nothing came to his mind.

“Hyung, you said you wanted to talk...?” Sehun prompted.

“Yeah…” Junmyeon said. “Uh, yes. I just wanted to talk about… Well, you, I guess. You seem to tired and you struggle to sleep and I feel like we’ve been really distant with each other. And, I guess I just wanted to talk about what’s going on.”

Sehun pursed his lips and nodded.

Junmyeon almost retracted his statement with an awkward laugh and apologetic smile. However, that would be silly. As a leader, he’d learnt to ignore to writhing snakes of discomfort in his stomach to push for things that needed to be worked through.

“It’s not you, hyung,” Sehun said finally. His voice was as soft as the snow falling outside and he sounded like he was waiting for the world to come crashing down around his feet. “It’s me. It’s my problem.”

Junmyeon waited patiently for Sehun to elaborate. If spending months and months on end in close confines with his group members had taught him anything, it was their quirks. When it came to Sehun, it was better to give him time than to push for details.

Sehun twisted his fingers together violently. “It’s just… _Omegas_ … I don’t really know how to act around them, I guess…” He paused and then jolted, horrified. “It’s not that I don’t like omegas or anything! Don’t misunderstand! It’s just…”

Junmyeon nodded and smiled reassuringly.

“I’ve just never really been close to many omegas before. Well, friends, I guess – Baekhyun-hyung, Jongdae-hyung, Taemin-hyung and Tao for years… But I’ve never lived as close to one as I do to you, and _fuck_ , I just sound like a complete arsehole.”

He sent a desperate look to Junmyeon, pleading to let him finish.

“One of my parents is beta. The other is an alpha. My hyung is also an alpha.” His voice almost disappeared as he continued. “I’ve only ever dated other alphas before. And, it’s not like I _like_ like you or anything, but I’m good friends with, like, a total of four omegas aside from you and now that you’re an omega too, it’s just...” He trailed off, looking completely lost.

Junmyeon sat there for a moment, slightly stunned. “Thank you for telling me,” he said finally. His head buzzed trying to comprehend everything.

“Hyung, it’s not that I don’t like omegas, or anything. It’s just that-. I don’t even know and I hate it.” Sehun amended, looking thoroughly embarrassed for letting himself blurt out so much information at once in such a messy way. His vunerability was highlighted by the way he recoiled into himself.

“You don’t need to be scared of saying that stuff. No one’s going to judge you,” Junmyeon added quietly.

Sehun gave him a hard look and Junmyeon winced and corrected himself. “Okay, maybe a few people will judge you. But, you know that I would never. And neither will any of our friends.”

Sighing, Sehun rested his head on his propped-up arms. “Are you talking about dating alphas or being completely useless with omegas?” He frowned.

“Having dated only alphas is something that I will never let anyone insult you for. I mean, hell, I’ll be your honorary defence squad if anyone gives you crap for it,” Junmyeon said immediately. “But, in all seriousness, when did you even have the time to date? You’ve been a trainee since you were a teenager and a public figure since you were seventeen.”

Sehun shrugged and dropped his arms. He moved so that his back was pressed closely to the wooden chair. “It was years ago and we only dated for, like, a year. We broke up on mutual terms, but he was an old trainee. He left to go to university just before we broke up.”

“Oh…” Junmyeon said, understanding slowly dawning on him. While a heterosexual couple who were both alphas often incurred scrutiny as it was, it was nothing compared to the amount that homosexual, same-dynamic couples got.

Sehun closed his eyes and exhaled. He sounded tired, like he was simply glad to not be keeping secrets from everyone. If he wanted Junmyeon to comment on it, he made no indication of it. So, Junmyeon moved on knowing that they would return to the topic if Sehun wanted to talk about it further.

“And about the omega thing…” Junmyeon went silent as he considered what to say. Truth be told, he had never really come across anything like it.

Sehun tried to explain further. “It’s just that… You’re _you_ and _omegas_. Jongdae-hyung, Baekhyun-hyung, Taemin-hyung… Tao when he was here… I’ve only ever known them as unpresented or omegas, so it was all I knew. They never changed to me, and…” Sehun was talking himself into circles and eventually petered out.

Junmyeon gave him a weak smile. He did not know whether it should bother him that Sehun was apparently so uncomfortable around him due to his sub-gender. “You know, I’ve not changed, either,” he eventually said. “I’m the same person I always was before, just slightly more open and actively going through heat cycles.”

Sehun made a tiny movement akin to a nod of acknowledgement. “It’s not that,” he said carefully, “It’s just the hyungs, they’re the only other omegas that I’ve ever consciously been close to. There are none in my family or in any friends that I have from outside the company. So, it’s like….” He sighed again and cut himself off.

“You don’t need to keep stopping yourself. I’m not going to judge you on what you say,” Junmyeon said.

“I don’t know how to explain it though, hyung,” Sehun whined. He huffed and quickly began shutting down.

Junmyeon stopped himself from twitching. “That’s okay. I think I understand, anyway,” he pushed cautiously.

Sehun eyed him doubtfully, so Junmyeon considered his words carefully before continuing.

“It’s like I’ve disrupted your norm, right?” Junmyeon finally said. His words were carefully measured: terrified that he would tread in the wrong footstep as he tried to follow Sehun’s tracks. “You’ve been in this industry since you were so long that it’s been most of your life and your entire adult life. And, it’s constricting; you barely have time to see anyone who isn’t tied into this job in one way or another.”

Junmyeon eyed Sehun, looking for a sign that he should stop talking. Although Sehun was apprehensive, he was not actively disengaging.

“When working in music, the dynamic with the least representation is omega. You’ve spent your entire life only having closely known four omegas, is what you’re saying. And, now, I’m a fifth and you’ve not always known that…” Junmyeon went quiet as Sehun seemed to zone out.

“It’s not so much that,” Sehun said a few minutes later. “I mean, yes. But, my parents raised me with traditional values. Omegas, to them, were precious and fragile and should be treated as such. But, none of the hyungs liked it when I first did that. So, I stopped. And, then-.” He gestured uselessly, but Junmyeon nodded in understanding.

Traditional values meant alphas in leadership. Traditional values meant nearly everything that Junmyeon stood against.

“Well, I’d honestly tell you that I don’t want to be treated any differently to how you treated me before. Tell me rude jokes, play nasty tricks, tackle me and randomly punch my shoulder. I don’t care.” Junmyeon smiled at him.

For the first time, Sehun managed a weak grin in response even as he remained quiet.

“I’m not going to go preaching on behalf of the masses, but honestly, I don’t think that many people who trust you enough to tell you their sub-gender probably want to be treated any differently if they are an omega. Treat them the way you’d treat anyone else. Or the way that you treat Baekhyun, Jongdae, Taemin and Tao.” Junmyeon nodded, satisfied.

Sehun’s smile dimmed slightly. “It’s not that I necessarily agree with everything my parents said… But, it’s hard to stop something that’s been ingrained in you since you were a child.”

Junmyeon’s mind flashed back to his own parents. They had always been supportive since he first presented. Sometimes tired of what Junmyeon’s unnamed conditions seemed to incur, but they tried their hardest.

Even after he’d phoned them after his appointments with Doctor Lee to confess what had been going on, they had only briefly scolded him for being so stupid and doing such a thing under their nose. Then, they promised do to everything they could help him in his recovery. Even his hyung had been phoning him every so often to check on his progress.

He was lucky. In his home, they tried to be liberal in their views. Everyone was equal and they did their best to live accordingly.

“Don’t worry about it,” Junmyeon said kindly, “It’s sometimes just having the awareness and trying to act on it that makes all the difference. Of course it’s hard to stop thinking how you’ve been taught and it doesn’t happen overnight. But I know that you have your own ideas and values. Sometimes, you might just need to trust your instincts there.”

Sehun nodded. “Yeah, okay… Thanks, hyung.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” Junmyeon said with a small laugh. “But, now I want to know why you aren’t sleeping well.” 

“Worry, I guess. Same things I said before. It’ll be okay,” Sehun said bravely. He mustered a grimace that was on its way to being the familiar beam that Junmyeon had missed so much in the past weeks.

Junmyeon raised a curious eyebrow. “Well, I’d better see you sleeping better after this conversation, then,” he said.

Sehun saluted somewhat mockingly.

They did not go back to re-join everyone immediately. Junmyeon was perfectly content to made conversation with Sehun and talk about what they had missed in the weeks before.

However, eventually Baekhyun came to find them. It was hard to miss his domineering voice echoing through the corridors.

“I think that’s probably our cue,” Junmyeon said.

Sehun held back a snort. “Yeah, probably. It’s nearly lunchtime, anyway. He’s probably hungry.”

Junmyeon rolled his eyes fondly. “He’s like a baby bird who constantly needs feeding. Anyway, let’s head out.”

They made their way to the main room, colliding with Baekhyun near the bathrooms.

“Finally,” Baekhyun complained loudly, “You were gone for ages. I’m bored and hungry. Let’s go and find food. There’s that food court nearby and we don’t have to follow diet rules so there’s nothing to stop us from going there and bringing the food back here!”

Junmyeon stared at him, bemused by the energy he had to spare.

Suddenly, his phone pinged in his pocket with the tone of a missed call. Junmyeon’s hand moved to it reflexively, immediately recognising the different tone that he had set.

“Uh, you go ahead… I’ll catch up to you later,” Junmyeon said. He pulled the mobile out and fiddled with the case, popping it off and on, off and on the corner of the phone.

Baekhyun’s face creased into a sly smirk. “Yes, hyung. Go and conquer Yifan-hyung’s heart! It’s about time.”

“Oh, go away,” Junmyeon muttered, turning away from them. He headed back down the passageway to make his way to another empty room where he could get some privacy from the others.

Baekhyun whistled after him and Junmyeon turned his torso to flick him a rude gesture, before he promptly walked into a person. Blushing a brilliant red, Junmyeon apologised swiftly and hurried away to the ringing sounds of Baekhyun and Sehun’s laughter.

In the small room he found, Junmyeon sat right in the corner where he could easily see the door. Then he called Yifan.

His heart was in his throat as he listened to the line connecting and then the ringing. It was picked up almost immediately, though, and Junmyeon could not tell if the complete panic that jolted his entire body was his own or Yifan’s.

“Junmyeon,” Yifan said. He sounded breathless, perhaps with worry, perhaps with anger. Junmyeon really did not care as he felt the relief of familiarity flood his body, almost strong enough to dissolve the tensions that had built up as he envisioned this conversation.

“Are you alright?” Yifan pressed immediately. His accent slipped more than usual as rushed to get the words out.

Junmyeon mutely nodded, only stopping once he had processed that Yifan was not able to see him. “Yeah, I’m alright,” he replied softly, “are you? I’ve been a pretty terrible person ignoring all of your messages like that…”

Yifan hummed awkwardly. “I’m okay, too. Just concerned, I guess… You disappeared for a week and the last time I saw you, you weren’t exactly looking great.”

“Well, I was in heat,” Junmyeon said, confused. “No one looks good in heat, or so I hear.”

“I’m just glad to hear from you again,” Yifan admitted finally. “I was worried… I obviously knew that you were in heat. I can feel it; I’ve said before, I’m sure. But, you didn’t reply once it finished.” His tone was not angry or even slightly accusing. He genuinely sounded worried and that made Junmyeon’s stomach crumble out of guilt.

He fought to come up with anything that he could say that did not sound completely superficial. “Honestly? I was stupid for not replying, I realise that now,” Junmyeon said. It was true, at least. He had put it off for much longer than he needed to.

Yifan grunted.

“I thought you were going to ask a thousand and one questions and I just didn’t want to deal with that,” Junmyeon said honestly.

Junmyeon could almost imagine Yifan shaking his head in exasperation.

“I don’t need to ask questions. You’ll tell me what you want me to know and I trust your judgement on that,” Yifan confidently stated.

Yet again, Junmyeon felt his stomach twist in discomfort. Anything that he had been planning on not revealing was dropped immediately. Without hesitation, Junmyeon launched himself into explaining what had happened during and after his heat.

Something about it felt innately right. Junmyeon was dating Yifan, but it was something more intimate than that which made him so comfortable. Junmyeon felt like he could have told Yifan every secret he had ever held. Even the story about the time he had faked being sick for half a week to miss the primary school sports day.

Junmyeon let the words fall out of his mouth in a disordered flood. Yifan listened patiently after assuring Junmyeon that he had nothing left to do for the rest of the day and was already back in his own apartment.

After they had drifted into silence again, Yifan broke it.

Junmyeon could hear the laugh in his voice and feel the warmth in his chest as he spoke again. “You didn’t answer the one question that I wanted to ask.”

Waiting with baited breath, Junmyeon waited. His body was tense and without realising it, he was holding his breath.

“You said you loved me. Did you mean it?” Yifan’s voice had changed to betray none of his emotion but nothing could hide itself through the emotion-conscious bond.

There was hope and a hint of nerves. Junmyeon’s brain was working in overdrive trying devise an answer. However, it was by shutting everything else out and just focusing on the sentiment in the question that Junmyeon found his answer.

“Yes. I did mean it. I love you,” Junmyeon said. There was a horrible moment of silence.

Then, Yifan laughed. “I love you, too.”

Junmyeon could not stop himself from grinning. He did not want to stop himself. A huge flood of happiness rushed through his body like a shot of caffeine and suddenly he wanted to go and shout it from he rooftops.

He knew that Yifan could feel everything and he welcomed it.

Love was such a peculiar word. Its uses and implications and all the ways it spelled hopes and dreams while also screaming nightmares and unhappiness. Somehow, though, it just felt right.

Junmyeon could think of a million other words that he could use to describe how his relationship with Yifan had grown in the space of a few months. Nothing seemed to explain it quite as well as simple love. He grinned even more.

By the time Junmyeon had re-joined everyone else, they already had containers of food spread around the room.

“You look happy,” Minseok said lightly as Junmyeon walked into the room.

Baekhyun sniggered. “Well, duh. He’s just talked with Yifan-hyung again. Of course he does.”

Minseok showed nothing to indicate whether he already knew that. He patted the empty space next to him. “How’d it go?”

“Amazingly,” Junmyeon replied dreamily.

 

Time started to pass more easily after that, or so Junmyeon found. The days elongated further once Yixing’s rut finished and Junmyeon was able to instigate conversations with the company about fixing the heat room as soon as possible.

The weeks continued to be disrupted by heats, but finally, Junmyeon’s cycles began to last for longer than a month. Six weeks; two months; four weeks; two months; three months. They were only small jumps but he was willing to take anything that was longer than the four-week cycles Junmyeon had been following.

They never did get the heat room fixed. Instead, they moved to Super Junior’s old dorm in late spring. It was much bigger than their old flat. Everyone had his own rooms and the spare one that the manager had sometimes used was forgotten all together.

Junmyeon did not know whether to laugh or cry when he found out. Their facilities were far improved in the new dorm now that it had been done up. It always made Junmyeon snigger quietly when he realised that SM had finally got their wish: no alphas and omegas dorming in the same room.

Following Junmyeon’s conversation with Sehun, not everything had immediately gone back to normal. But, the months passed and it was hard to ignore the positive change that had come about when Junmyeon looked back on it.

Before he knew it, over a year had passed since the disaster at the Chinese awards show. It was autumn again. Junmyeon was twenty-seven and sitting in Doctor Lee’s room with a list of medications in his hands. He scanned through it. Through the twelve months, the length of it had decreased significantly.

“I think you should give it another month, maybe two,” Doctor Lee said, consulting Junmyeon’s testing results carefully. “Just make sure that everything really is well clear of your system and then we can see about properly prescribing some suppressants if that’s still your plan.”

Junmyeon nodded. “Okay, sure… I am still planning on going back on suppressants, yeah. Not blockers, though.”

Doctor Lee raised her eyebrow. “I wouldn’t let you go back on blockers. If you do choose to return to suppressants, though, I will be monitoring your usage extremely closely. Dependent, I might even have you write out a diary to keep everything in check.”

Pulling a face, Junmyeon hummed a noise of agreement. He was in no position to argue.

“I don’t have a problem with you using one of suppressants or blockers again – you seem to have chosen blockers – but it needs to be closely followed Any signs of abuse or that its damaging your body again, and you’ll be straight off them, understood?” Doctor Lee stared straight at Junmyeon, waiting patiently for a response.

“Understood,” Junmyeon confirmed.

Doctor Lee grinned. “Great. With that out of the way, you’re all done. Where are you off to now?”

“Boardroom,” Junmyeon said. Nerves bled into his tone. “Management wants to speak with me.”

“Good luck, then,” Doctor Lee said, waving him off on his way.

In the boardroom, a familiar chairing of people sat. Junmyeon felt his pulse soar. It was the group that generally managed EXO’s album releases and comebacks.

Since their activities had abruptly ended last year, they had done very little. An un-promoted Christmas album, an un-promoted Japanese single and a few solo projects for a few of the members. Junmyeon was excited to be approaching the possibility of work again. It had been a break that was much to long for his liking.

“Suho, welcome. We want to talk to you about our plans for an upcoming album release,” a woman said, shuffling through a few sheets of paper. She peered at Junmyeon over the frames of her glasses. “Well? Please come and sit down.”

Junmyeon felt a shiver run up and down the back of his neck at hearing his stage name after so long. He grinned and with a bounce in his step, made his way to the only empty chair left in the room.

Within a month, they were in pre-release sessions and a month after that, they were finalising the choreography. Junmyeon eagerly relayed everything to Yifan, completely overjoyed with their progress.

Yifan had been busy with his own schedules. Aside from when Junmyeon went to visit him in China in the summer, when he went into heat in the middle of it – the consequences of which still made him blush when he thought about it – they had not seen each other in person.

They were making do, though. Apparently time did a lot more than it was given credit for. Their written and spoken communication had not only improved but also their emotional bond. It felt tighter and Junmyeon knew how to act upon it.

In that same month, Junmyeon also went through his last heat before he returned to suppressants. It was a brand that Junmyeon had never used before, but it was with equal parts elation, terror and relief that he finally held the bottle of pills again.

Minseok sat with Junmyeon as he turned the bottle in his hand. The adhesive prescription sticker had everything written on it in clearly stated hangul. This time, Junmyeon had no plans of going against it. If he had been taught anything, it was how stupid it was to be messing around with specifically dosed medicine. 

"You're doing it, then?" Minseok asked. He eyed Junmyeon's hands dubiously. 

Junmyeon firmly nodded.

Minseok chewed on his lip and tried not to look too uneasy. "Are you sure? You don't have to, you know... We'd all support you if you didn't. Those things... I don't like it," he admitted. 

"Hyung, this is my decision to take. I admit that I used suppressants inappropriately in the past. But, Baekhyun has already sworn that he's going to count the pills to make sure I'm not overdosing and that's with a diary that I have to write up to document when and how much I'm taking. I'd hope that you'd support me in whatever I chose to do." 

Minseok looked at him, aghast. "It's not that I won't support you. It's just that those things did so much damage to you in the past. Why are you going back?"

"Because this is how I opt to control my cycles. This is the way that I feel most confident about myself but also the way that I can competently perform my role as a leader and an entertainer. I don't think I can quite describe what it feels like to walk around knowing that you could drop into heat at any moment." Junmyeon tapped his fingers on the white plastic and glanced at the notebook and glass of water on the table next to him. 

Silently, Minseok continued to give him nervous looks. 

"If it goes badly, then I come off the straight away. I understand the risks associated with this. But, this brand is advertised to have no adverse effects. I'll have a heat every six months or more often if that's what's needed. Technically, this shouldn't mess me up any more than I already am." Junmyeon grinned brightly, giggling slightly. 

"Don't joke about that," Minseok complained, swiping at Junmyeon. 

Junmyeon's laugh faded quickly and he stared directly into Minseok's eyes. "Are you going to help me with this, hyung?" 

Minseok's face tightened. "Of course I am. Do I agree with this? No, I don't. But, you're my dongsaeng and this is your choice. I have to trust you and help you where ever I can." 

"Thank you," Junmyeon said. He twisted the lid off the bottle and tapped a single pill into his hands. It felt strange to see it again. A year ago, these pills had almost ended his life. Now, he was willingly taking them again. It was ironic in a way that made Junmyeon almost uncomfortable. 

Minseok handed him the glass of water and without allowing himself to think twice about it, Junmyeon downed the pill. 

Although he regained control over his heat cycle again, his scent remained as strong as it had been since the blockers finished. It had finally cleared, too. The smell of roses was fresh and untarnished, despite the years of abuse that it had suffered through.

The official PR announcement was given to Junmyeon just before the promotions for their new album officially began. He would not have to cover his scent when in areas where fans could potentially reach him. Junmyeon could have cried in relief when he read the letter.

A few hours later, when he told Yifan, Junmyeon did cry out of sheer happiness that he was being left as he was. There was nothing left to hide. All he had to do was keep his mouth closed when dynamics were mentioned, just like everyone was trained to do. And that was easy.

Things were falling into place in a way that they had not done so for years and Junmyeon could not have been happier.


	18. XVIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 18 is here! 
> 
> Heads up people --- the next chapter is the last one ^.^ Spinoffs and whatnot are in the works! Any questions you have: fire them at me. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are, as always, really appreciated. 
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking with me this far and I'll see you in the next - and final - chapter! 
> 
> \- MachineWired

The thing about having a positive streak is that it becomes easier to ignore the negatives. Time seems to speed up to dizzying speeds, quick enough make it hard to register anything. By the time one has a chance to look back again, its hard to recognise anything except a blur of events.

Not everything was easy for Junmyeon. The return to the social limelight hit him like a truck, but it affected nearly everyone else the exact same way.

The questions in the press conferences were overly intrusive for a few, dreadful weeks. And then they began to ease off. And sooner or later, they almost returned to what they had been before. It was easy to pretend that things could go back to usual. _Preferred_ , even.

Life continued because there was no alternative.

Promotions came and went. So did another album and some solo endeavours for each of them. Junmyeon’s aunt died and within two months of that, his older cousin gave birth to a baby. Yifan managed to get to Seoul once and Junmyeon made the trip to Beijing once in return.

Everything passed so quickly that trying to slow down felt like an impossible task for Junmyeon. He watched as everything spiralled more and more out of his control. It was not necessarily a bad thing, but it was an abrupt change from over a year where he felt like he had been on a never-ending break. _For health concerns_ , as SM had so nicely worded it in the official reports that Junmyeon eventually had to read through to keep the story constant.

Junmyeon turned twenty-eight that year while being bedecked with cards and chat notifications whenever he checked his phone.

Nothing made his heart warm like the message he received from Yifan, though.

It was a simple text. Junmyeon already knew that Yifan had an overnight shooting and hence, little time free during either the day or the night. A few days prior, though, he had promised to make time for a video call as soon as he had been dismissed from the set.

However, just after midnight on his birthday, Yifan sent a digital collage of photos. They weren’t grandiose or even particularly good quality. Most of them appeared to be screenshots, compiled in a collection, jam-packed with these photos. 

They were from their video chats, Junmyeon immediately noticed. Screenshot upon screenshot of his face centred next to Yifan’s with expressions encompassing everything from happiness to longing to helplessly in love.

A short text accompanied the collage.

_Happy birthday! Have a good day - Speak soon, love you xxx_

It wasn’t a lot but it was all Junmyeon needed. His face lit up and he grinned as he moved the image around to look closer at each image Yifan had compiled.

Each one seemed to encapsulate them perfectly. It was like a miniature, digital record book of their relationship. Junmyeon was certain he could have put each picture into a more or less chronological order. It was easy to see the transformation from slightly awkward but trying their hardest to completely relaxed, like the video conversations were a second home that they had found together.

Junmyeon’s insides squirmed pleasurably and resisted the urge to phone Yifan then and there. But, Yifan was busy and Junmyeon was tired. So, envisioning the compilation in his mind, and holding out for a phone call at a later hour, Junmyeon went to sleep with a smile on his face.

 

Junmyeon woke up to someone screaming into his ear. He winced and pushed himself upright, eyes still glued together by sleep. Years of playing leader had ingrained a constant alertness and ability to pull himself out of bed without hesitation, even when it was the last thing he wanted to do.

“What’s happening?” he slurred. His voice was low and gravely from disuse.

The blurry figure squirmed. Junmyeon groped blindly for his glasses on the bedside table and managed to pull them on just before the figure flung himself at Junmyeon.

“Happy birthday!” Baekhyun squealed. He clung to Junmyeon like a koala. His preheat smell hung around him like a smothering, cinnamon-scented cloud. “You’re old, now, hyung! Twenty-eight, and all.”

Junmyeon sighed and extracted himself from Baekhyun’s grip. “Yah, you can’t say that. I’m less than a year older than you. Next thing you know, you’ll be _old_ , too.” He swung his legs around and sat on the edge of the bed for a minute.

Baekhyun shrugged. “Whatever. The hyungs are old,” he said playfully, “but, we love you anyway. So, Kyungsoo’s cooking you something special. He said it’s almost ready, so I said I’d come and get you. We figured that we’d let you sleep in because you were probably talking to Yifan-hyung last night.”

“That’s kind of you,” Junmyeon said distantly, not worrying himself with telling the truth. “What time is it?” It was too soon after waking up for Junmyeon to bother himself with trying to focus on a clock.

Baekhyun checked his phone. “Uh, like nine. So actually not that late. But we still have an afternoon photo shoot and the evening recording session for the sub-tracks on the album, so, like…”

Junmyeon waved him off. “Yeah, I get it, don’t worry.” He pulled himself out of bed and idly made his way into the kitchen with Baekhyun chattering away next to him.

There were a few people sitting around the kitchen table and Kyungsoo and Jongin were both standing at the benches. Jongin appeared to be pulling plates out of the cupboard while Kyungsoo finished the last bits of the food.

“Hey,” Junmyeon said broadly. He sat next to Sehun and slouched back in the chair.

Yixing grinned and wished him a happy birthday and a few people repeated his words.

Sehun’s face was twisted between a smirk and a frown.

“You have something to say?” Junmyeon teased him. He prodded Sehun’s shoulder gently.

Sehun remained resolute. “I think the fuck not,” he finally said, “you can wait eleven minutes. I left you alone last night, but I’m sure you can survive this morning.”

Junmyeon laughed warmly. “Sehunnie, you can’t do that to your hyung,” he said, dramatically falling sideward and swinging his arms around Sehun’s neck to bring him close. “I’m not _that_ bad.”

Raising a curt eyebrow, Sehun pulled a face. “More like, you’re on the same level as everyone else and I will never let you forget that even if you are the leader and my former roommate.”

“It’s been years,” Junmyeon said fondly.

“Then you’d better get ready for a few years yet of waiting eleven minutes. I gave you your space last night, so I’m sure you can survive for now.” Sehun’s eyes danced with mirth and he checked his phone. “Nine minutes.”

“I live with such unforgiving people,” Junmyeon sighed dramatically. He left himself draped over Sehun until Kyungsoo and Jongin began to bring the plates over to the table.

Within a few minutes, the people missing from the scene had all drifted into the room. 

It was a minor miracle that no one had moved out of the dorm yet. It admittedly made promotions a lot easier because the company vehicles only had to come to one place, but even so… It had been over eleven years since Junmyeon had started living with these people in their first, official dorm and coming up to ten since he had debuted alongside them.

Amidst birthday wishes and discussions of their schedules, they ate their breakfast. It really was very nice and Junmyeon made sure to tell Kyungsoo that.

The day went without gifts from the other members. After so many years, it had become hard to buy for each other. Gifts often became superficial and even more so when there were ranging between eight and eleven of them trying to buy for the same person. So, a few years ago, gifts had all but disappeared from birthday celebrations except for a few gag items that cropped up every now and again.

Junmyeon took his plate over to the sink, rinsed it and put it in the dishwasher. He followed that by going to the group’s so-called medicine drawer. Really, it only had tubs of vitamins, supplements, protein powder and Junmyeon’s suppressants in it. Most of their communal medicine, like general painkillers and ace bandages, were kept in the bathroom. The name was simply functional.

He pulled out a pill from the suppressant container and noted it in the dosage book he had been given months ago. The people around the table seemed to hold their breaths as Junmyeon swallowed the tablet along with a gulp of water.

Junmyeon tried not to roll his eyes. He had long since become used to the baited silence. There was no alternative, though: if he took the pills in the open, people acted like something horrific had just occurred. If he took them in privacy, someone always came chasing after him to make sure that he had not taken the wrong dose.

In part, it was extremely annoying. However, it was also nice to know that his fellow members were all genuinely worried about his wellbeing.

He had finished a suppressant cycle only a few weeks ago – his first one since starting the pills again. It had been even longer than usual, but that was to be expected, as Doctor Lee had explained. A week after his heat, he had returned to the suppressants and was now just over a week into his second cycle.

Book filled out and medicine drawer closed again, Junmyeon flashed the others a smile. And the day went on.

 

Military discussions came up a few months later, in mid-July.

It had initially been a shock for Junmyeon to end up in a meeting with people talking about the draft. But, as someone had pointed out, the military does not wait forever.

Junmyeon was only twenty-eight, but he was the company member born in 1991 who did not yet have a plan for the military. Kibum and Minho were already scheduled to enlist in September to get it out of the way and maximise their group’s promotion time with all members.

Minseok was in a similar position. Nearing thirty and the only person in his age bracket with nothing planned.

Alpha, beta or omega. The military did not discriminate. All males were required for their mandatory two years and there was no avoiding that. Logistically, it just made sense for Minseok and Junmyeon to go at the same time.

Planning began, units were decided upon and the Monday after Kyungsoo and Jongin’s birthday the next year, they began their training period. Five weeks after that, Junmyeon officially enlisted four days after Minseok.

The military dictated that omegas and alphas were allowed four days of leave bordering their cycle. How one chose to buffer it was up to each individual. For Junmyeon, who never knew exactly when his cycle would begin past confidence that it would be a few days after he finished his suppressant cycle, the days usually fell at the end of his heat. 

He had spent his first cycle in the military base. It was easier and by the time he had realised he was in heat, it had been too late to go anywhere else, anyway. Additionally, because his heats could be up to three times as long as normal, it felt less like he was taking advantage of the system.

There was nothing like the SM-enforced heat watch structure, but someone was bringing him food and water to make sure he survived the days. He could not make himself look anyone in the eyes for weeks afterwards, though.

His second heat, however, coincided with a schedule Yifan had in Seoul and Yifan’s birthday a few days later. So, with a few extra leave days that he had, Junmyeon made his way back to the dorms on the day he finished his suppressants.

Junmyeon first stopped at the dorm. He and Minseok were still the only members enlisted, and everyone else was in the midst of recording for their Christmas album. After seeing his friends and later that day, his family, Junmyeon headed to the train station to meet Yifan and then go back to his parent’s apartment.

To avoid any public scrutiny, Junmyeon and Yifan waited to exchange proper greetings in the flat. Once back, though, they met with a tight hug and quick kiss.

“The haircut definitely looks better in person,” Yifan stated after he had finally stepped back.

Junmyeon frowned and ran his hand over his neatly shaven head. “I’ll have you know that its compulsory and grainy pictures taken in secret are never flattering.”

Yifan snorted. “But of course. I never doubted you.”

Junmyeon’s face cracked into a smile. “Missed you,” he said finally. He wrapped Yifan in another hug and breathed in his scent like it was the elixir of life. It may as well have been because it made him feel like he was invincible.

It was convenient to stay at his parent’s house. His family could meet Yifan again, which had been a long time coming. Junmyeon’s father had a lecture in Gyeonggi-do later in the week and his mother was accompanying him. They had decided to make a short holiday out of it. With any luck, they would be away for the duration of Junmyeon’s heat.

Heats were messy; there was no disputing that. It was always easier to spend them at a familiar place. Hotels were difficult because general room etiquette had to be taken care of, heat hotels only ever caused controversy and it was simply uncomfortable for Junmyeon to stay with Yifan in the dorm, knowing that the seven other people living there would know exactly what was going on.

Even if Baekhyun and Chanyeol had little problem with spending heats and ruts together, Junmyeon could not share that confidence.

Over the next few days, Junmyeon met up with his friends and family again and made up lost time. Seeing everyone again was a breath of fresh air and it felt good to be using his time as well as he could before his heat came.

Like the one Junmyeon had gone through in China, heats seemed to be much more bearable when he was with Yifan. It still burnt and he was still completely incapable of taking care of himself, but with Yifan there, he could distract himself with a scent that worked miracles, a person who was always ready to look after him and actual sex.

At the end of the nine days, he did not feel as empty and unsatisfied. Humiliation barely even crossed his mind. This was Yifan; someone who Junmyeon had grown to trust with his life over the past three years. Junmyeon would trust no one with this vunerable side of himself if not Yifan.

After his heat had broken and Yifan had convinced him to shower, Junmyeon crawled back into his bed, the sheets of which Yifan had thankfully changed. He dragged over the rumpled bedclothes to squish himself closer to Yifan. The familiar scent enveloped him like a warm hug and he pushed himself closer still.

Something about post-coital cuddling was extremely satisfying and somehow invigorating. Usually, after his heats, Junmyeon felt dead on his feet. Admittedly, he was still tired, but he felt like could properly sustain a conversation and keep himself going for long enough to listen to anything Yifan had to say.

Yifan absentmindedly took Junmyeon’s hand and held it tightly. He threaded their fingers together so that they were interlocked and then, as if only just noticing what he was doing, paused to look down.

Junmyeon watched, too. Yifan’s hands were much larger than his but they were also much softer. Junmyeon’s hands were pockmarked and rough from a yearly battle with winter, fighting against the loss of moisture in his skin. He generally lost and ended up with rashes that had to be covered with makeup, thin gloves or careful skincare routines.

“My contract ends next year. We started discussions about what my options a few weeks ago.” Yifan said abruptly. He bounced their hands restlessly on his knee.

Junmyeon blinked. “Are you going to resign?” Junmyeon himself had another four years until his contract ended. It had been years since he had last seen a company contract.

“No. I’m planning on terminating.” Yifan squeezed Junmyeon’s hand tightly until it felt like his bones were beginning to bend underneath his skin.

Freezing, Junmyeon pulled away for a second to look carefully at Yifan. “Seriously? But you’ve been at that company for years now. Are you sure?”

Yifan smirked, looking exceptionally proud of himself. “Perhaps more accurately, I’d say I’m planning on transferring. They’ve already secured me a place."

Junmyeon’s heart skipped a beat. “You mean, you’re…?”

Nodding, Yifan’s face broke into a grin. “Oh, yeah. I’m transferring to the South-Korean centre of operations. It’s a different company but my current place has close relations. So, they’ll just fling me across the Yellow Sea and then I’m over here pretty much permanently.”

“Oh, my God,” Junmyeon said. He let go of Yifan’s hand and flung himself at his neck. With a strangling grip, he hugged Yifan for all he was worth. He felt like he had lost all the muscle weight he had put on throughout his draft and would be able to fly if he so wished.

Yifan laughed and hugged him back.

“You’re serious, yeah?” Junmyeon pushed back so he could consult Yifan’s face carefully. “No more long distances or plane flights?”

Yifan shrugged. “I mean, we’ve got a bit over a year before that. But, my contract terminates at the end of September. So, I can technically be over here before you’ve even been discharged.” His hands curled up Junmyeon’s back and ran over his shaven head.

“Oh, my God, you _are_ serious,” Junmyeon exclaimed. He crashed his lips against Yifan’s.

Yifan smirked when he pulled away. “Did you think I was lying?”

Junmyeon shook his head. “Not really, but it just seems to be good to be true. I mean, holy shit, we could be living in the same country again. Imagine all the crap that we’ll never have to deal with again: long distance phone calls, international affairs, postage costs, travel bans.”

Yifan snorted. “Postage costs. Really?”

Junmyeon shoved Yifan’s shoulder. “Fuck you, yeah I’m serious. It’s expensive to send things through the mail! And it’s not like ordering online is much cheaper!”

Yifan laughed again. He sounded as happy as Junmyeon had heard him in years. Junmyeon, too, felt like he was floating in a world of dreams. It was all such an amazing possibility – something that Junmyeon had realistically wondered if they would ever achieve.

And yet, here it was. Lying in front of him and it all seemed just too good to be true.

“Please pinch me,” Junmyeon said. He grabbed Yifan’s shoulders. “Don’t let this all be a dream.”

“It’s not a dream,” Yifan laughed. Nonetheless, he reached over to pinch Junmyeon’s cheek and then his upper arm. “See?”

Junmyeon’s laughed turned maniacal. “I’m not dreaming. _I’m not dreaming_. We can _live together_ and do all of that coupley stuff.”

“Well, give it a year,” Yifan warned. “I can’t switch before then, you’re still in the military and technically, you live in the dorms that SM supply.”

Junmyeon shrugged. “We’ve got a year. A lot can happen in a year.”

“It can, huh?” Yifan teased.

Junmyeon raised an eyebrow and grabbed the neckline of Yifan’s shirt. “Hmm, it can,” he repeated quietly. He pressed his lips back to Yifan’s.

 

Junmyeon returned to the military two days later. Yifan went back to Beijing two days after that.

Things continued as they were meant to. Junmyeon has been moved into a special soldier unit after his training. It sounded much fancier than it was. In reality, it was in the band division of the unit. It felt amazing to be able to peruse something he loved while he completed his service and at a fairly high level, as well.

The next year, Yifan’s contract was terminated exactly according to schedule. He spent one last month packing up his things in China and finalising the paperwork and immigration tests to gain a work visa before he arrived in Seoul.

(Part of the application process had been proving that Yifan had somewhere to go once he arrived. His company did not provide accommodation under his contract and hence, Junmyeon had begged – with success – for the four members who weren’t in military service to help Yifan find somewhere to rent that they could move into.

With Yifan stuck in Beijing and Junmyeon in the middle of an army base, trying to find a small, affordable flat that was in a district nearby to the existing dorm was harder than it appeared. Sehun, Jongin, Yixing and Kyungsoo had been useful transit communicators, though).

A little over a year after Junmyeon had last seen Yifan, Junmyeon found himself waiting at the airport with butterflies in his stomach. He had less a week until discharge, but he had opted to spend the last few days on a break, so his hair was still cropped short. He wore dark clothing and a brimmed hat to hide from any curious eyes that might be straying.

As far as the company was concerned, the public had been kept in the dark. However, it was not uncommon for supposedly secret plots to be unveiled to the public much sooner than they had been intended to.

Junmyeon tapped his fingers impatiently on his knee and scratched a bit at the distressed holes. No one was there to tell him off for his bad habits; they were either in the military or had decided to give Junmyeon and Yifan a few hours of privacy for a reunion after a year of dodgy phone lines and heavily monitored letters.

Finally, Junmyeon caught sight of him. An abnormally tall figure, dragging a suitcase behind him, with sunglasses, a mask, glasses and a hat hiding most of his face.

Junmyeon met him at the end of the gate.

For a few seconds, he just stood there, frozen in motion. Then he fell forwards to give Yifan a quick, tight hug. They didn’t have long if they wanted to stay away from public scrutiny.

“It’s good to see you again,” Yifan murmured. His words were muffled by his mask and Junmyeon had to strain to hear them.

Junmyeon blinked back a bizarre urge to cry. This was their big chance: they had the opportunity to find something that could work forever. And, wow. That was a big word.

 _Forever._ It was only a few characters and yet, the meaning behind it was infinitely bigger. It excited Junmyeon. A new challenge that they could face together. But, they were finally together and they were together for good. That was all that seemed to matter.

Yifan’s company had finalised his visa and his transfer had been smooth. There was nothing more that stood in their paths. And that was a reality that Junmyeon had been waiting for years to live. Since all those years ago back in the bedroom where they had made promises to each other.

“It’s good to see you, too,” Junmyeon said breathily. He ignored the way the last word choked itself in his throat. “Let’s get out of here.”

Yifan nodded and stepped away from Junmyeon. They walked in silence to where Junmyeon had parked his car. Formally, it was his parents. There was no place to keep a car in the military, nor in the dorms. 

Hence, his parents formally owned it. But Junmyeon used in increasing amounts to get himself around when he was on breaks.

Yifan shoved his case into the boot and then climbed into the passenger seat.

“Where’d you want to go?” Junmyeon asked. He pushed the keys into the ignition but hesitated before turning it on.

Yifan shrugged. “Where are the options?”

“The dorms – which is where the others probably are if they haven’t gone out, or our place. But, we don’t have any furniture at the minute except for a few basic items that I found when I was last on break. The water and electricity work, but there’s definitely no food. I was only released last night and I stayed in the dorms.” Junmyeon tapped his fingers on the steering wheel and shrugged. “Either work.”

Yifan hummed in contemplation. “Let's go back to our place-“ a rush of warmth flooded Junmyeon at the words “- It’s about time I see it in real life. Remind me that we have to thank Sehun and Jongin for that for helping up out with that… Well, and Kyungsoo before he was drafted and Yixing while he was in South Korea.”

Junmyeon hummed in agreement. “Don’t forget Kibum. And the rest of his pack for that matter. They kept the others under control.”

Yifan snorted. “They were trying to, at least. Never forget that one place they found. With the green walls?”

“It wasn’t so bad…” Junmyeon said optimistically. The memory of a vomit-green carpet with splotches and walls to match that seemed to emphasise the description all too well crawled into his mind like the return of an unpleasant smell and he winced. “Okay, never mind. But anyway, what does it matter? We’ve got our own place now." He grinned at the thought.

"True," Yifan confirmed. He drifted into though for a few seconds. "But, we definitely have to get back to the dorms at some point today. I was threatened with castration if I failed to return there."

Snorting, Junmyeon finally turned the car on and began driving. “I wonder who that was,” he said sarcastically.

“It’ll forever remain a mystery,” Yifan returned. He smiled gently.

After the quiet of the airport, the car-trip was boisterous by comparison. Once they had crossed Incheon Bridge, everything dissolved into the sudden realisation that _this was happening_. Junmyeon’s stomach was on a rollercoaster and he could not keep himself from smiling until his face ached.

Yifan, too, was grinning. It felt like a dream come true. Junmyeon knew as well as the next person that not everything would always run smoothly. But, for a blissful car trip, it did. And it was perfect. And that was more than Junmyeon had ever dared to hope for in the past.

They arrived at their flat within two hours, which was remarkable considering they were travelling alongside the peak hour morning traffic. Seoul's congestion was legendary, and definitely not in a good way.

When Junmyeon finally stepped into their apartment with Yifan by his side, it was like an epiphany. He flicked the lights on and took in the disaster site in front of him. A few piles of boxes and bags were strewn around and Junmyeon knew as well as Yifan did that it was going to get worse before it got better.

All of Yifan's stuff was yet to arrive and most of Junmyeon's things were also sitting in boxes, waiting to be moved. They had scheduled a moving day in two weeks. By that point, Yifan's belongings were scheduled to have cleared customs.

In the meantime, they balanced their time between the dorm and their apartment. After completing a quick food stop, they had enough to sustain themselves. There was a bed, kitchen appliances and they both had clothes that they could wash with the washing machine they bought later that week.

Junmyeon occasionally bought one of his boxes across as he required it. He had cleared out most of his stuff from the dorm from the dorm before his enlistment so the bulk of his things were with his parents and would probably stay there unless he was struck by a sudden need for them.

Yifan's crate was cleared exactly according to the calendar and the official moving day went ahead as planned. Junmyeon enlisted Jongin and Sehun's help before they could say otherwise. Yixing was working in China, but Minseok had been discharged a week beforehand and offered to join in the efforts. Luhan was visiting and had tagged along, too.

Within half a day, most of the stuff had been brought into the flat if only to be stacked in piles of priority for unpacking.

Junmyeon knelt in the main space and shuffled around on his knees, ticking boxes off on a notepad so that they knew they had everything,

Sehun bumbled into the room with an almighty racket and dropped a box onto the floor.

“I think this’s the last one. The moving truck left just then,” Sehun said with a sigh. He prodded the cardboard with his shoe and wrinkled his nose. “What the hell do you even have in there? It weighs, like, a million tonnes.”

Junmyeon dropped the memo pad on the floor and pushed himself back to his feet. He went to stand by Sehun.

“It literally says books on it, Sehunnie.” Junmyeon rolled his eyes. “Anyway, thanks for helping out with this stuff.”

Sehun shrugged. “Whatever, it’s fine. Anything as long as I never have to hear you and Yifan-hyung fucking next to my room again.”

It took Junmyeon a second to register what Sehun had said and then he squealed like he had been prodded with a red-hot poker. “Shut up! You have no right to mention that! It was, like, one time!”

Sehun took a few, swift steps backwards to avoid a swipe aimed in his direction. His smirk never faded.

Jongin sidestepped into the room, a stack of dishtowels balanced in his hands. “Where do these go, hyung? And what was one time?” he asked. He stooped out of view as he began to put the towels into a drawer that Junmyeon had pointed at.

“Hearing the hyungs fucking,” Sehun said lightly.

Jongin reappeared and cocked his head, ignoring Junmyeon's flustered squawking.

“Which ones?” Jongin asked. His eyes glinted. “I mean, I suppose you’re talking about them,” he said, gesturing in Junmyeon’s general direction, but it’s not exactly like Minseok-hyung and Luhan-hyung know how to be quiet either

“We’re better than Yifan and Junmyeon,” Minseok yelled from the next room, obviously having been listening in. 

Jongin laughed. “No, you’re not, hyung,” he shouted back.

Junmyeon covered his face with his hands. “Both of you shut up. No one's sex lives are up for discussion.”

Even without looking, there was no mistaking Sehun’s huff of mirth before he fell silent. Junmyeon aimed one last swat at Sehun when he snorted and then turned to the box of books he had bought in and began relocating them to a bookshelf.

They worked in an amiable atmosphere for a bit longer before Luhan and Minseok went out to buy some takeaway they could share.

Dinner was rowdy but it was so nice. Junmyeon sat as close to Yifan as he could and then tried to get closer still. Sehun pretended to vomit and then did so again when he noticed Minseok and Luhan doing the same thing.

It was late by the time everyone had left.

After closing the door after the last people, Yifan encircled Junmyeon with his arms and rested his chin on Junmyeon's head. Their height difference always seemed to be emphasised when Yifan did any such thing.

Junmyeon smiled softly. "Love you," he said. He tilted his head upwards and twisted in Yifan's grip so that he was facing his chest. Resting his hands on Yifan's shoulder, he went onto his tiptoes to kiss Yifan's cheek.

Yifan pecked Junmyeon back on the mouth. He pulled him closer and they gently rocked. It was innately intimate. Junmyeon wanted to stop time and live in that moment forever. It was perfect and warm and happy. The place that Junmyeon had dreamt about ending up in for years.

And there he was, in a perfect moment and content to never move again.

Junmyeon pulled them past piles of boxes and pictures precariously titled back against the wall until they reached their bedroom. The bed was neatly made even though the floor around was scattered with things that were yet to be given a designated place.

They fell onto the bed together, Junmyeon lying on top of Yifan. Junmyeon leaned forwards and kissed Yifan with everything he had. It was strong and passionate, but loving and warm at the same time. Junmyeon relaxed further into it and let himself drift into a state of blissful obliviousness.

Yifan kissed him back. He tasted like home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: I'm unfamiliar with the process of immigration to South Korea past the stuff I managed to research. I mostly based it on my own experiences, though, to fill in things that I couldn't find answers to. So, take it lightly - it's almost certainly not how things work in real life!


	19. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! So, we're done...
> 
> A precursor to this chapter: if you're not comfortable with mpreg, just skip it. It's not that prominent, but it's easier to just end it at chapter 18 than to list where it's mentioned in this one.  
> This chapter also jumps around a bit. Basically, this chapter feels - to me - like a bit of a summary and a diving board. 
> 
> I'm leaving notes to the end of this chapter so if you're interested, you can read everything I have to say down there ^.^

Junmyeon pushed through the front door just after his phone showed that the time had slipped over to eleven at night. He was careful to be as quiet as possible. In the outside hallway, all the lights had been dimmed but once in their apartment, Junmyeon realised that everything was much brighter.

He blinked a few times to adjust his eyes and then smiled softly. Kicking his shoes off and dropping his bag by the door, he made his way into the main area of their flat.

The winter from when he and Yifan had finally moved in together had long since passed into a bright spring. Spring had bloomed into summer, and the summer trees were just beginning to brown and drop from their leaves.

Domestic life had not been what Junmyeon had imagined but it had been a pleasant surprise nonetheless. Having Yifan around every day was like a dream come true.

There were problems, but that was to be expected. They worked through them dutifully and Junmyeon allowed himself to be carried away in the bizarre, happy fantasy that living with Yifan let him live in. But, it was not a fantasy. It was real life and every day where he woke up, lying next to Yifan, he was reminded of that with warmth blossoming in his chest.

As Junmyeon stepped into the kitchen, intending to pour himself a glass of water, he found Yifan busily stirring a pot on the stove.

Junmyeon crept up behind him and hugged him around the waist. He pressed his forehead into the curve of Yifan’s neck and inhaled the familiar, comforting scent.

“What’re you still doing up?” Junmyeon murmured. He squeezed Yifan and then dropped his arms so he could look at what was in the pot. “Don’t you have a photo shoot tomorrow?” He glanced at the planner that they had stuck to the fridge.

Sometimes they missed things and there were often last-minute changes had to be accommodated, but it was a starting point. And, sure enough, just as Junmyeon had said, Yifan's photo shoot was listed underneath Junmyeon's radio appearance and musical rehearsals.

Yifan laughed under his breath and pressed a kiss to Junmyeon's temple, barely looking away from the broth he was cooking. It looked to be fairly plain and there were noodles, too. It smelled amazing, though; Junmyeon had not eaten since breakfast that morning. He had spent the entire day in various parts of preproduction and then a press conference for the musical to conclude his night.

"I do," Yifan agreed, "But the PD moved it back a few hours because they had another group who needed to reschedule."

Junmyeon hummed.

"Anyway, I wanted to wait up for you. We barely saw each other this morning." Yifan finally turned the burner off and tapped the spoon to let the broth drain from it. Junmyeon dug around in a cupboard to find two bowls and cutlery for them both.

"That's sweet," Junmyeon said, smiling.

Yifan grunted. "I saw your press conference, though. Who styled your hair? Seriously sexy." He raised a coy eyebrow in Junmyeon's direction and received laughter in response.

"Says you," Junmyeon replied. He handed the bowls to Yifan who poured some of the soup into each and then took them to their little table. Junmyeon followed him with a glass of water held in each hand, cutlery balanced awkwardly between his fingers.

Yifan took a glass from him and then Junmyeon flipped the cutlery in his hand until his grip was less awkward. They sat down and began to eat.

"I was thinking…" Yifan started after a few minutes of silence. He cut himself off quickly and paused before starting again. "I mean, uh, well…"

Junmyeon waited patiently for Yifan to finish his train of thoughts.

"You next heat is in October, right?" Yifan asked, finally managing to articulate his sentence.

Junmyeon gave him a questioning look. "Yeah, right at the end. Like a month away. I can bring it forwards a few weeks, I guess. It doesn't matter too much as long as I don't put it off. My last one was early in May."

Yifan nodded and prodded at his noodles ruefully. "I was just thinking… Did you want to bond?" He said the last bit in a rush and his words merged together messily. Staring at him blankly, Junmyeon did not respond immediately. Yifan eyed him apprehensively but did not retract his question and that was what made Junmyeon jolt and answer.

"Duh," Junmyeon blurted. He balanced his chopsticks on the top of his bowl and dropped his spoon. "You're serious, right? Of course I want to bond! It's only been five years." He laughed and took a sip of his water to calm his face, which he was abruptly aware of turning red.

Yifan grinned. "You want to, then? I just don't want to pressure-."

Junmyeon cut Yifan off decisively. "Trust me, you're not pressuring me. I am completely ready to bond with you. Besides, we're both thirty now! I did tell you that Hakyeon-hyung had a baby recently, right? He's barely older than both of us!"

Yifan looked suddenly nervous and Junmyeon could feel it as well as he could see it. "You want to have a baby?"

Junmyeon laughed again. "I mean, definitely not now. But, I guess I have always liked the thought of having a family, even if I didn't think it would be possible for ages."

Slightly abated, Yifan let his expression drop. "Another day, then."

Junmyeon hesitated before speaking. "You know the chances of me having a baby, right…? They're low and we're only getting older so I don't know… So, even if…" He looked at his noodles, the remainder of his appetite rapidly disappearing, as it always seemed to when he thought about this subject.

Yifan nudged him. "It'll be okay. Whatever ends up happening, we'll figure something out."

Junmyeon managed a weak smile in return.

 

Bonding was a big deal. Often, it would be completed during a heat or rut, although it could be completed during an off cycle or without a cycle at all, in the case of betas. After that, it was common for close friends and family to make a big deal over congratulations and well wishes. The thought of it all made Junmyeon shudder. On the other hand, it was a much better alternative to tradition from hundreds of years ago where family observed bonding.

Junmyeon could only thank the heavens that it was a tradition that had been long since looked over. Even though the thought of people congratulating him and Yifan for, at the essence of it, having sex, he was determined to count his lucky stars that he was in the twenty-first century, where it was at least private. In any case, his excitement at the thought of finally being mated to Yifan overshadowed the discomfort.

On a literal level, bonding paired a couple together. It created a direct link and they began to adopt each other's scents and pack traditions where it was relevant. More figuratively, bonding supposedly made a couple more sensitive to each other.

Junmyeon had some doubts. For one, he was not sure how much more prone to Yifan's emotions he could be without somehow reading his thoughts. When he had once asked Yunho about it, he had been told that it was not so much about emotions, like imprinted pairs had, but rather reacting to each other.

What exactly that meant, Junmyeon had not troubled himself with finding out. Then again, he had heard a few days later through one of the chats that Yunho had been in pre-heat at the time. Even if that did not immediately invalidate what Yunho had said, Junmyeon's experiences with pre-heat suggested that words often sounded better in one's head than once they had been said.

After confirming with SM, Junmyeon had found himself quietly relaying everything to Minseok the next day.

"-They weren't even concerned, though," Junmyeon said, half in shock and half crumbling in relief.

Minseok sighed and the sound was distorted through the phone line. "Well, they don't have much choice. They can't stop anyone from bonding, they just enforce rules that mean we have to tell them when we do."

"I suppose," Junmyeon conceded. He forced himself to stop pacing around the living room and sit down on a couch. A book that he had been reading before and later abandoned sat on the coffee table next to a mug of steaming tea.

"Forget about the company, though! You're bonding!" Minseok said, voice steadily rising into a shrill squeal.

Junmyeon winced and held the phone away from his ear. "Thank you for pointing that out. I hadn't realised," he said dryly.

"Oh, ha ha," Minseok replied sarcastically, "Aren't you excited? You've only been dating for five years. To be honest, I don't understand how you've managed to not bond yet, even accidentally. You have sex enough, and it's not like accidental bonding is uncommon."

Junmyeon scowled in offense and refused to address the last part of Minseok's statement. "Excuse me. You must have dated for closer to ten before you bonded!" He smirked in satisfaction when Minseok took a few seconds of stunned silence to reply.

"Living arrangements make it significantly harder," Minseok finally said. He sounded only mildly amused.

When Jongin and Sehun had enlisted, they had been the last two to vacate the dorms.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol had moved in together once they got back. Jongdae and Minseok both had their own places. Yixing spent most of his time in China but usually stayed with Jongdae when he was in Seoul. Kyungsoo, Jongin and Sehun were all still in the military.

By some miracle, Luhan had managed to find a similar contract to Yifan and had transferred to Seoul earlier that year. Just as Minseok had said they would so many years ago, they had bonded soon after.

"A pain that Baekhyun and Chanyeol will never know," Junmyeon empathised.

Minseok snorted. "Lucky idiots. They still haven't done it yet, though."

Junmyeon did not reply to that. He could hear the front door opening and waved cheerily at Yifan when he walked through the door. Yifan gave him a questioning look but nodded in understanding once Junmyeon shook his phone a little. He slunk off into their bedroom without making a sound.

"Yifan's home?" Minseok asked, not even needing to be told. Maybe he had heard the door shut.

"Hmm," Junmyeon agreed, "from an album recording, I think."

Minseok made a noise of excitement. "That's cool! Release date?"

"Not yet."

"Probably closer than ours," Minseok said, laughing. Junmyeon joined him.

SM had made the executive decision to postpone their album, with the exception of a Christmas release, for another eight months at minimum, until Kyungsoo returned from the military. Until then, they had whatever solo projects SM gave them or they could gain themselves.

Where Minseok had branched out into more variety shows, Baekhyun and Jongdae seemed completely content to put out endless numbers of OSTs and even solo albums, or so it seemed. Junmyeon himself had returned to musicals.

They were fun and a good way of keeping himself busy. He could take on a whole new personality, just for an evening and explore and interpret within creative liberty. Even more importantly, they climaxed into a performance that he was proud to be a part of.

"Hey, you heard that Jongin and Sehun are taking a break soon, right?" Minseok suddenly asked, changing the topic completely.

Junmyeon took a second longer to respond than he should have. "Yeah, I heard. Why?"

Minseok made a small noise. "We should meet up. I know that Yixing is filming in China and Kyungsoo's still in the military, but the rest of us could… Besides, we can call them. And, you know that Tao's shooting some CFs here, right? Sehun's been texting him, and he'll still be here once Jongin and Sehun go onto their break."

Junmyeon could feel the smile growing on his face. "It would be nice to see Tao again! It's been years and texting is only so good…"

Minseok laughed and the phone line crackled menacingly as it struggled to reproduce the pitch. "I know, right? And, ten out of twelve isn't bad for a first effort. I mean, come on, coordinating twelve people from two different countries with military schedules..."

"I'm on your side, here," Junmyeon reminded Minseok. "We should plan that, though, before we forget. Job for next week."

"Job for next week," Minseok agreed. He sighed longingly. "I really just want everyone to meet up again, though."

Junmyeon scoffed. "Tell me about it. It's been so long."

Minseok's voice became woebegone. Even though Junmyeon agreed with his sentiment, he had to fight the urge to roll his eyes at Minseok's dramatics. "The last time we were all together was at that lunch five years ago."

Groaning, Junmyeon flopped back onto the couch cushions. "We at least have a group chat and stuff! And, don't remind me of that. It actually sucked so much. I don't know why you decided to hold a lunch literally hours after I'd finished the first heat I'd had in ten years."

"It was our last opportunity!" Minseok protested loudly. He loudly objected over Junmyeon's objections until they had to go their separate ways. Junmyeon could feel Yifan glancing out of the bedroom every few minutes, checking to see when the call was over. Minseok eventually had to leave for a filming session and so the call ended.

Yifan wandered out of their bedroom. "Minseok?" he asked, casually.

Junmyeon nodded as he started to boil the kettle. "Yeah. Catching up, you know."

Yifan raised an eyebrow and snorted, amused. "You had coffee together three days ago."

"Yes, well, last week, I hadn't heard back from the company," Junmyeon responded. He walked over to the kitchen counter and plugged his phone into the charger that lived there. "Besides, he was talking about meeting up again."

This time, Yifan did turn to stare at him. He looked like he was holding back laughter. "You'll end up on a permanent caffeine high if you start meeting up for coffee any more often."

Junmyeon rolled his eyes. "Very funny. No, like all of us. Well, ten of us. Yixing and Kyungsoo probably won't be able to get there."

Yifan paused. "Tao?"

"Coming to Seoul to film some CFs. He'll be here when Sehun and Jongin are on their break. They choose to take it at the same time, of course. Coffee?"

"Tea?" Yifan responded hopefully. Junmyeon rolled his eyes, but obliged, pulling two tea bags out of a pot on the counter. It was easier to make two cups the same. "But, actually? How come I didn't know?"

"Because you never read the group chat," Junmyeon said fondly.

Yifan crossed his arms. "I do read the group chat!" he said like a pouting toddler.

"Of course you do, love," Junmyeon said, unconcerned. He finished brewing the tea and gave one cup to Yifan along with a kiss to the cheek.

 

When his heat came two weeks later, the kisses he and Yifan shared were decidedly less gentle.

Junmyeon's fingers clawed at Yifan's shoulder and he panted as he and Yifan moved over each other. With each thrust, Junmyeon exhaled sharply and through a heat-inspired haze, begged for more. Yifan's hair tickled his neck as he kissed and bit at Junmyeon's neck. Hot breath made Junmyeon feel even more feral and at ends with the world.

Being in heat with Yifan was different. It was exhausting and uncomfortable and made him feel wild, but there was also a tenderness and a simple relationship that gave him a degree of control and sanity in the confines of what his body forced upon him.

"Do it," Junmyeon urged breathily. His voice was hoarse and lower than usual. It had been a day, but heat always seemed to do horrors to his throat.

Yifan faltered for just a second. "You're sure?" he said. His voice vibrated in his chest and Junmyeon could feel each syllable.

"Yes," Junmyeon whispered. He moaned as Yifan finally bit his collarbone. Warmth rushed through his body and he felt himself tightening like a coil and then relaxing. It was like being taken apart and put together again in the most pleasurable way possible. Junmyeon groaned and a second later, Yifan had pulled away, avoiding touching the bit mark.

He shifted slightly and Junmyeon returned it. He bit Yifan nearly the same place and held it there for a second. It felt like his imprint with Yifan was swelling until it exploded in a moment of blissful relief from the hours of all-consuming dizziness and fire that cut him off.

 

"You still smell of sex," Minseok murmured into Junmyeon's ear, "And you've pretty much smelt like each other since you moved in together, but I can see the bite, so congratulations!" He grinned wickedly as he pulled away from the hug.

Junmyeon's hand moved reflexively to the bonding mark. "I covered it up, though!" he protested quietly. Within a week, it had taken on the silvery sheen of a bond and within two weeks, it looked completely normal. Even his doctor had confirmed that.

Minseok's expression changed into a smirk. "I know. I just wanted to know where the mark was. I was curious, and you've always been so responsive! But, neck, wow, that's adventurous. No possessiveness kinks going on?"

Junmyeon dropped his hand and glared at Minseok. "You're such an arsehole, hyung."

Minseok barely even blinked. "I'm glad you still think so highly of me." He turned around to glance at the large table that he and Luhan must have set up. Yifan had already started a conversation with Zitao. "Anyway, come and sit down."

Junmyeon could hardly describe what it felt like. It was surreal to be able to talk to everyone again. Even if for Kyungsoo and Yixing, it was over a telephone call or a videoconference respectively, it was like they were finally all together again. It only happened once in a blue moon and it made Junmyeon feel like he was disassociating.

Baekhyun wrinkled his nose when Junmyeon sat down next to him. "You stink."

Junmyeon raised an eyebrow at Baekhyun. "Thanks, but I've already been told."

"Congratulations on the bond, though. If I was my father, maybe I would have brought a card or flowers." Baekhyun let out a short laugh.

Junmyeon rubbed his eyes with the balls of his hands and shook his head. "Please promise me that you'll never do that."

Baekhyun shrugged. "No promises."

Junmyeon gave him a thoroughly unimpressed look and Baekhyun looked absolutely on top of the world. "Seriously, don't," Junmyeon repeated more forcefully.

"Don't worry, you know I'm not a traditionalist." Baekhyun said. Junmyeon was hesitant to trust the large smirk he was wearing but he had better things to discuss than old traditions.

As dinner began to wind up, Tao finally approached him. It was the first time they had met in person since the lunch all those years ago. Texting and phone calls were wonderful things but seeing him in person was always preferable, if most of the time inconceivable.

"Hyung!" Tao crowed. He attacked Junmyeon with an extremely tight hug. It felt like the air was being slowly squeezed out of his lungs. "It's been so long!"

Junmyeon pulled away from the hug before he ran out of breath altogether. He looked Tao up and down, carefully inspecting his appearance. "You're looking well. Life's been good?"

"Life's been life," Zitao said with a shrug. "You look healthy, though! Much better than last time!" He beamed.

"Last time you saw me in person, it was five years ago," Junmyeon said reprovingly. "And I was half way to my deathbed. I'm healthy now, you don't need to worry about your old hyung."

Zitao faltered. He was still unused to Junmyeon being so blasé about what had happened. So were most people.

Junmyeon tried to accept it and move on. He could not make himself regret what he had done - it had allowed him to stand where he was that day - but sometimes, he wondered what it might have been like if there had been an alternative way to get there. Dwelling on the past never did anyone any good, though.

Junmyeon gave Tao a weak smile. "I'm sorry, that wasn't nice."

Tao returned the smile. "I'm glad that you're okay now. I'm glad that you and Yifan-ge are happy together, too." His eyes lingered on the mark on Junmyeon's collarbone.

Junmyeon nodded, accepted the words without pushing any further.

"What were the CFs for?" Junmyeon asked after a few moments of silence.

Zitao began to explain and from there, it was easy to keep the conversation moving.

Yes, Tao was going to resign to his company. No, he was not dating but there was a pretty beta girl who he spent increasing amounts of time with. He was planning a tour and a new album. There was a movie which he was auditioning for.

It eventually faded out into a content silence as they drifted into the living room. Junmyeon sat down between Yifan and Tao.

When all was said and done, just having the company was enough for Junmyeon. Even if their number was down two and over years of separation, Junmyeon had gradually come to accept that he did not know Tao and Luhan as intimately as knew the others, it was like Junmyeon could turn back the clock.

He could remember when they sat together as twelve, hours before their debut, excited and nervous. Their faces scared and bodies tense. He could remember they had all been in a group together and willing to give it everything they had.

That was over ten years ago. Even though not all of them were still in EXO or held the love for the group that they had at debut, it was what had brought them together. Somehow, Junmyeon thought that so many years later, it was a miracle that they could sit together again and have hope for a future where they were still in contact and happy.

Junmyeon leant his head on Yifan's shoulder and relaxed. Yifan shifted minutely so that Junmyeon's perch was more comfortable and then took a cup of coffee from Luhan who was handing them around.

Baekhyun spoke first to disrupt the quiet that had settled over them. "I think we should _totally_ form a pack. With Yixing and Kyungsoo, of course."

There were nervous titters in the circle they had formed.

"I think that Kyungsoo and Yixing should be here before anything like that is discussed," Minseok said calmly.

Baekhyun shrugged. "I mean, there are two bonded pairs" - he gestured vaguely in Minseok's direction and then in Yifan and Junmyeon's - "and we spend enough time around each other to more than cater for it."

"I would like to graduate from my parent's pack at some point," Jongin admittedly quiet. He curled his legs up to his chest and exhaled heavily.

Junmyeon remained quiet. Deep inside himself, it was like something was coming alive with hope. In the past when they had mentioned packs, it had almost felt like a longing joke. Suddenly, though, this did not feel so much like something that would be brushed under a rug and forgotten until someone else brought it up months later.

Tao was stiff next to Junmyeon. "I'm in the wrong country," he said after a period of silence. No one could think of anything to say to that that Tao looked abashed.

"If…" Luhan's soft voice trailed off as he tried to pull his words together. "If it did happen, then I'm sure that there are ways to get around it, if you wanted to…" He finished awkwardly and there were quiet mutters of agreement from around the circle.

"One day…" Tao replied, not sounding like he fully believed it.

The conversations died out. Junmyeon tried not to feel too down heartened by it. As much as he had wished for a pack in the past, he felt like he had been blessed by some higher power to allow him what he had now. Asking for more almost felt selfish.

But, Junmyeon had been right that it was not the end of the discussion.

It continued to crop up - mostly at Baekhyun and Jongin's insistence - and eventually things began to escalate. One by one, they were convinced to join. By the time that Kyungsoo had been dismissed, all of them, except for Tao, had agreed. They just had not done anything.

Junmyeon found that even though the idea of a pack played on his mind, he was often distracted by the other things that were going on in his life. Rehearsals picked up for a new musical and with Kyungsoo finally back, a new album was in pre-production, too. The annual medical checks that Junmyeon attended were finally catching up with him, too.

The dentist sent him on his way with no concerns, the optometrist gave him a new prescription so strong that Junmyeon felt like he must surely be half blind when he compared his vision with and without them. The doctor called him in a follow-up exam and that was when Junmyeon's stomach dropped through the floor.

"Hello, Junmyeon," the doctor said pleasantly as he walked into the office.

Junmyeon nodded stiffly and wriggled on the examination table.

"It's just a check-up, you can relax," he said as he logged onto his computer and pulled up the relevant documents. They were all medical charts that Junmyeon could not understand or read in the first place without the stronger prescription that he needed.

Junmyeon opted not to reply and sat there, frozen. He did not know why he was so nervous. It was a follow-up exam and nothing out of the unusual for him.

The doctor finished scanning his documents. "Alright, ready to start?"

"Yes," Junmyeon said hesitantly.

"Great. First off, I got the results from your lab analysis. The suppressants are working as they should be, no side effects that we can find." He was the one who had decided which brand of suppressants Junmyeon would return to. Although Doctor Lee had acted as his primary supervisor for simplicity's sake, his private doctor was generally the one who ended up prescribing his medications.

"So…" Junmyeon trailed off awkwardly. "I can just keep using them?"

The doctor nodded. "Yes. Nothing to worry about on that front."

Junmyeon could barely bring himself to be relieved. It was no surprise. After a few years being back on suppressants, he was certain that he would have noticed if they were affecting him negatively. This time around, he valued his health more than the control over his life that suppressants gave him.

"Following on from that," the doctor said, "your reproductive system has not been adversely affected, either."

Junmyeon's stomach made a funny, flopping movement.

"It's still stinted from the suppressants and blockers, but it has not deteriorated since that. That being said, there's really no chance of recovery, either. I'm afraid that your system will more or less remain as it is." The doctor took a seat and Junmyeon quickly realised that this was more of a debrief than an actual examination.

"What about… What about fertility itself?" Junmyeon found himself asking. The words spilt from his mouth before he could stop them.

Junmyeon would be lying if he had not considered having children one day. As the years had gone by, he had become more inclined to the idea if anything. In the fantasy he liked to play out in his mind, Junmyeon could imagine very happily raising kids with Yifan.

It was a longing, domestic idea but it had been the subject of more than one joke from his friends.

The doctor tutted softly. "Nothing much has changed, I'm afraid. Physically, a pregnancy would be very wearing on your body, particularly as you get older. In terms of general conception? Well, the chances are low but not impossible."

Junmyeon tried not to let his head hang too low.

The doctor crossed one leg over the other and continued to explain the ins and outs of the rest of the test results he had received. Junmyeon paid as much attention as he could afford but a small part of him kept drifting off from the present. It was hard to maintain his focus when a small part of him kept running away.

 

The plans for forming a pack ended up falling a few months after Jongin and Sehun were dismissed and half a year after Baekhyun and Chanyeol had bonded.

Tao decided that he would not join, at least not right then. He had started dating the beta girl and from what Junmyeon heard, he seemed very happy where he was. If he chose to join later, then he would always be welcome. Alternatively, if he chose never to join, then they would understand.

The funny thing about having a pack, though, was that nothing really changed.

They had no pack alpha, beta or omega. The idea had quickly died out when Junmyeon had flat out refused when it was suggested and no one else had shown any interest, either. Everyone still lived in their own apartments.

In fact, the only difference that Junmyeon noticed at all was that there was a pull towards the other members of their pack. A weird need to be close to them and know where they were. It made everything feel slightly better when he could be with the rest of them.

The only downside was the embarrassment of simply knowing when heats and ruts where occurring. Junmyeon could not explain it: it was like there was a small clock inside him that set off alarms. It was mortifying when Baekhyun had gone into heat for the first time and Junmyeon had immediately gone to find him with Chanyeol.

Junmyeon shuddered to think what it would be like if someone walked in on them.

The first addition to their pack was a sad one, which came in the form of Minseok crying over the phone to Junmyeon and Junmyeon immediately driving to his flat.

"She's only six," Minseok sniffled, his head heavy on Junmyeon's lap.

Junmyeon swallowed and combed his hands through Minseok's hair. "You're going to pick her up, then?"

"Luhan is," Minseok said. He went on to explain. "He already went to the airport. He's going alone because she doesn't know me. We don't want to overwhelm her. But I think it'll be a few weeks until he's able to get back with all the paperwork."

Junmyeon nodded and was silent for a second. "You're going to bring her here, though?"

"We have to!" Minseok said hysterically. "Her parents have just died in a car crash and she has no other living family except for Luhan and her grandparents on her mother's side who work on a farm out in the countryside. They've already said that they can't give her the education or the childhood she should have."

Junmyeon shushed him gently. "It'll be alright. I'm sure that it'll work out. Luhan's got a permanent residency in South Korea, now. Both he and Mei-lin will be fine."

"She doesn't even speak Korean!" Minseok cried.

Junmyeon wiped away a tear on Minseok's cheek. "She'll learn, then. There are options. Don't fight fires before you have to. We speak enough Mandarin to get around. None of us will just leave you to louder. You know that."

Minseok hiccoughed. "I know."

Mei-lin adjusted to life in Korea as well as she could be expected to. She attended a Chinese international school and saw a therapist - coincidentally one from the same company that Junmyeon used to attend. Minseok and Luhan were every bit the doting parents that Junmyeon had known they would be.

A few months later, Junmyeon found himself going back to his doctor, waiting to confirm if there would be another addition. Sure enough, he left smiling.

When he arrived home, Junmyeon pulled Yifan's hand to his stomach and held it there. Grinning shyly, he met Yifan's eyes. Yifan's face was etched with shock but it quickly began to melt away. His eyes glistened.

"You're…?" Yifan asked, lost for words.

Junmyeon did not need to gear the rest of the question to know what Yifan meant. He nodded.

Yifan let out a sound somewhere between a sob and a gasp. He stepped closer and pulled Junmyeon into a tight hug. Junmyeon hugged him back and beamed into Yifan's shoulder. He could feel Yifan's tears wetting the shoulder of his t-shirt as he whispered choked promises into his ears.

Whatever happened, they were going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's officially finished!! Just over ten months of publishing and about a year from start to end. It's definitely been a wild ride... 
> 
> To everyone who's made it this far --- thank you. You're all amazing. I never expected that I would get anything even remotely close to the response I've been so privileged to receive. The amazing commenters, the people who I've had the chance to establish a really amazing friendship with... I've been so lucky.  
> So, thank you to everyone. 
> 
> There is definitely more to this universe, though!  
> I mentioned it before: there are definitely loose ends that have not been tied up and names that have been dropped throughout this fic. I'm working on it...  
> If you're interested in reading more, then subscribe to the series that I've put this fic in ^.^ There will be more krisho, other EXO pairings, and definitely other groups in the future. 
> 
> So, yeah. Once again. Thank you to everyone who has made it to this point. I really, really hope that you've enjoyed - at least some of - this fic. If you've got questions, put them in the comments or send them over tumblr or instagram, which are linked below! 
> 
> Thhhaaaannnnkkkk yoooouuuu <33333
> 
> -MachineWired

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to talk, you can find me on tumblr or instagram! Trust me, I'm antisocial and - most of the time - pick up messages pretty quickly. I'm definitely up for a chat and it definitely doesn't have to be about EXO or this fic at all!  
>   
> Tumblr: [Oonymay](https://oonymay.tumblr.com)
> 
> Instagram: [Oonymay](https://www.instagram.com/oonymay/)


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